I love how the same life themes for me keep playing out, over and over again. Here I am in NYC having chosen to jump into the Void, following the sage wisdom advice - Only when I give it all, will I get it all. This tidbit of priceless insight was passed onto me years ago from a teacher of mine, summing up the essential strategy of commitment and attainment.
Speaking from my personal perspective regarding this awakening process, the level of return in my life has directly reflected the degree I was willing to put it all on the line. Only when I give it all ...
How this played out years ago when I was brought through the Awakening the Priest Process, was after our initial men's circle emerged in 1998, Nicole, my mentor, asked if I would co-facilitate with her in a follow up Sacred Union Circle, working with women and men combined, taking them through the same nine month gestation process we and many woman had already passed through.
I immediately said yes, thinking how fortunate I was to be asked. As I look back, I would have done well to reconsider my answer ... this experience was my first present-life lesson that whenever you stand before others sharing essential life truths, you better have already passed trough the gates you're inviting others to evolve through.
It's one thing to sell insurance or food or cars, however, when I stood before a group of Spiritually conscious, well-seasoned women and one man, I knew the stakes had been risen considerably on my own playing field. Speaking from the Heart, sharing gut deep realizations leaves no room for bullshit ... in the plain sight of this quality of revelation, there's no place to run and nowhere to hide.
Especially during the beginning of this Sacred Union Circle in 1999, I found when it was my time to speak in front of the group, I was self-conscious, tongue-tied and totally lost in my head. I just froze up, knowing whatever information I was attempting to share was coming from my newly awakened sense of this material. Nine months does not embodiment make. At least not with this depth of awareness I had been calling in over the past year with my six Sacred Masculine Priest brothers.
I was totally out of my league, swimming naked in the rushing current, stripped of my newly emerged awakened Sacred Masculine pretensions. I was a rookie on Bambi legs trying to appear like I was mature, conscious and actually in touch with what I was professing I knew all about. And I wasn't and I didn't and I quickly realized I'd stepped into a river of consciousness I just couldn't paddle or bluff my way through. And it showed.
Again, whenever you front an expression of priceless beauty, power and light you better be transparent enough for that radiance to shine through ... if not, all that shows is the sham of being a 'wanna be' but hey, you gotta start somewhere.
And this is where I first realized I had entered into a Soul agreement I have never been able to get out of and believe me, there have been many times over these many past years I wished I could take back my vows and return to the land of the ignorant.
... to be continued ...
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