Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Can You Pivot On Command?

With your back up against the wall or pushed all the way to the edge, where do you go? Wherever you have to, that's where. In order to come out the other side of an uncomfortable situation, what strategies do you depend on to help bring resolution, peace and ease to yourself once again? You only have two choices here - to change your location or change your attitude - often having to do both to keep sane. However you choose to play this, you'll have to do either a physical and or an internal shift to make things better. You Just Gotta Pivot.

If for no other reason than to make my life more enjoyable to live in, I've had to find ways to minimize the stress and struggle so I can do just this. In short:  I choose to be in Joy. Why else keep meditating, praying, looking at my shit, resolving/forgiving/transforming/healing said shit, consciously connecting to my Higher Self throughout the day and all the other practices that align me with my Soul's awareness, endlessly over and over again. I mean, what's the point anyway? Simple. To be more happy, content, fulfilled and yes, to enjoy it all no matter what - however whenever wherever for as long as ever I possibly can. In this respect, I Am a joy junkie.

As with all who walk this path of Awakening, I've come to employ basic self maintenance and Self awareness tools to help keep me flowing smoothly in the center of the stream and not get stuck or snagged up on the shore line. I Love practical approaches to do this that I call the Logistics of Consciousness. Unless I actually choose to consciously shift or pivot on command, life sure can become way too challenging. And not much fun either. Not that I have to say - but it's so easy getting pulled into situations, emotions and other people's vibes that just don't serve us being at peace.

By no means has this decreased since moving to NYC 6 Mos ago. Ha, you think!? Actually, the stakes have risen exponentially, don't you know ... in coming here, I chose to jump onto a fast moving train, grabbing a golden opportunity to bring myself and my work to The Big Town. I had no guaranties, assurances or money in the bag. I just took a leap. Like all of us consciously awakening in the midst of The Turning Of The Ages, it takes courage, a bit of insanity and a whole lot of tenacity to keep pulling this journey off. It also takes nearly constant pivoting as well.

Back 2007 while living on Ibiza, I was told in a reading that for the following 7 yrs I would be without a home of my own. Not exactly homeless rather on a perpetual couch tour. I've come to think of it as the Sadhu Shuffle ... not without it's benefits to be sure, although one of the constants during this time is I have no home base or personal sanctuary to rest up in and call my own. In order to flow, I have to do a whole lot of shiftin' to keep my head and life afloat. As with my current living situations(s) here in NYC.

Now please let me add, I am Blessed beyond words can say. As always, the right person has shown up in my life at just the right time to further my quest to Awaken. However mind you, not always on my own terms. What a concept, 'my own terms.' Over the years this has come to mean - whatever allows me to surf through all given situations with a semblance of grace, peace and ease. Of course style counts too, although this is more the finesse side of the dance. No, it's not about looking good, however it is always about feeling as good as possible, no matter what.

I've been couch surfing at my dear friend Lydia's place since mid-October. In her small - did I say small studio apartment she's lived in cozy like for the past 30 yrs. However the cosmic mix has synchronicly brought us together, It has - for my benefit and her's as well. This I sincerely believe. And this doesn't take into account my newly blooming relationship with my SweetHeart, Ms Mel and the nights I spend with her in her space. To be sure, I've found it takes a great amount of egoic transparency to walk this path. It ain't for the faint of Heart or weak of will.

In the long overview here, who can say what any of this stuff means? I've come to know 'why' is not really relevant as much as how can the situation I find myself in serve my intention to Awaken? Thus, The Pivot comes into play.

Simply put: If a situation doesn't look or feel good, I pivot my perception so that it does. Simple. Though not always so easy to do. In truth, it takes a bit of mental manipulation to do this and yet, unless I take command of my consciousness, my mind commands me. And this hasn't worked out too well, let me tell you. For years, I felt like I was super glued to the whipping end of the dragon's tail, always flying from one end of the room to the other, often hitting the wall hard before another return trip to the other side. Ouch.

Even though I'd had what's called a Soul Merge or Spiritual awakening at 13, it's taken years upon years to get back to where I'm actually consciously in touch with what was revealed to me then. It's taken decades of snorkeling through my shit to acquire the smarts to live outside of my mind. Until I learned to reference my self from other than what I thought, felt and believed about Keith, I was blindly lost in a windstorm, clueless without a map or compass. Until I took charge of what and how I thought of my self and my world, I just bumbled and bounced along like a ping pong ball endlessly ricocheting in a phone booth.

Until I learned to consciously shift my attention from what didn't feel good to what does, I was at the effect of outer circumstances. And who likes to be on the optionless side of the equation? Not moi. The Awakened Sacred Masculine pivots to always end up with the wind at our backs and the Sun shining over our shoulders. He shifts so that any given situation ends up to his advantage. Hey, you're gonna think and feel whatever you do anyway, so why not have a final say in what this is? After all, isn't your own dance about personal self mastery and profound Self empowerment - again if not, what's the point?

... to be continued ..

PS please hit the 'comment' or 'no comment' tag to respond to this blog. Thank You.





Monday, January 28, 2013

Getting Full Mooned & Hitting The Wall

Any astrological water babies out here? These being people who have a prominent water sign in one or more their 3 major astro placements (Sun, Moon and ascendant). I've been Blessed with a Pisces moon or rather, sometimes Blessed and for years burdened by the qualities of this planetary alignment. Without going into too much detail, this particular moon sign has many wonderful aspects and as with all planets, signs and houses, there are flip sides as well.

Pisces moon people are very to extremely intuitive, able to empathicly feel into any given situation instinctively. It's more of an innate knowing instead of a cognitive or analytic recognition. We can tap into other people' emotions immediately upon meeting which often times, until developed if not mastered and consciously directed, can be totally confusing and crazy-making. It's a feeling thing and we/I do it really well.

As commonly known, Full Moons are times when among other things, there are more incidents reported at police stations and accidents admitted in hospitals. People just get wacky. There's an intensity in the night time air which often leads and pushes people to do highly interesting, naughty and creative things. As in this last Full Moon a couple of days ago ...

I was duly warned by my dear friend Lydia B, my Tunisian, French and Italian astrologer (that's quite a line up right there) who emphatically said to be watchful of this one. She commented to be very mindful of the tendency to get into conflict and arguments, to lay low and just chill out, waiting for it's pull to pass. Really good advice coming from such a good friend and capable reader of the stars. Who me? So much for foresight.

I immediately filed this insight away remembering how over the years, as a rule, I always get a bit quite, reserved and removed during this time. I tend to go into cave mode, getting very internal and reflective (as with the moon itself). As with all of us, hopefully, we eventually get a sense of how we react and respond to the recurring situations in our lives - like with the cyclical phases of the moon and the dynamic qualities there of.

No, I no longer howl, bay or bark at the moon, although in the old daze, got thrown and bounced from more than a few bars on Full Moon nights. It just happened this way and I always thought I delivered my best material then. Like in the Hangover movies, shit just happens. It's not that it never was my fault, I just had a lot of help going nuts. Anyway, back to this episode ... so off I go to spend a few nights with my SweetHeart, Ms Mel. After dinner, we end up watching a funny, romantic comedy (Crazy,Stupid,Love) and are just getting ready for bed when, WHAM! it hits like a rouge wave blasting ashore on the beach.

Particulars aside, it seemingly came out of nowhere, although after the fact when we discussed it, she mentioned she'd felt it quietly building throughout the day. In any case, she said something I said something she said something and then I just popped. Perhaps you know this relationship routine. Looking back, it always feels like an old Abbot and Costello bit with a lot more emphasis on feeling hurt, getting mad and then yelling stupid shit. Now, just to say, I'm not much of a yeller, I don't throw things and haven't slammed a door in ages. I just don't go off and can't remember when last I did.

And yet, put the Full Moon in Leo alongside a very alchemically transformative relationship with a potent powerhouse like Mel and who knows what erupts. And erupt it did. Now, for all the guys in the audience, I've found over the years that people rarely like to be spoken to in harsh, aggressive and confrontive tones of voice. It just doesn't make a good impression. And these New Millennium Women, forget about it! They don't take shit from anyone anymore.

Also as a relationship tid-bit, going off on your partner in inappropriate ways tends to detour the cuddling part of the evening if not delay it permanently. Just an observation. So when Mel said what she did, blindside triggering me - funny how after the fact, neither of us could remember exactly what was said and I reacted with a resounding !FUCK YOU! and then left the room in a huff (take note guys) and then (much to my credit) immediately turned around entering the battlefield sincerely apologizing, saying how I was way out of line and regretted what I'd said, didn't really mean it and was very sorry for doing so.

And you'd think this was enough. In the dimly lit living room, I couldn't quite see her face, although for the life of me, she looked like she was smiling and bemused by my mini rant. As back story: we've known each other just over 2 mos now with nary a raised voice or biting comment spoken. We just don't do that. It's been Lovey dovey land all the way. So as I was surprised by what I'd just said, she apparently was too. And pissed. Like a lot. (I tell you, these empowered Goddess types ...) I know when to make  an exit and presently did so, thinking the smooth had been put on and all was clear. Not!

She followed me into the bathroom, which is nearly too small for the toilet, bath and sink let alone a freshly aggravated man and highly charged woman. Really small, actually. I turn around and there she is, meeting me face to face and then hitting me in the stomach telling me in all certain terms - don't ever do that again! and really really meaning it, let me tell you. Again mind you, this is a lady who don't take shit off no one and Full Moon business aside, wasn't about to start with me, let alone in her own home.

Needless to say and much to our mutual credit, plates weren't thrown, doors slammed or voices much raised. (Fact: never get as mad as your partner at the same time and either expect to live or have a relationship afterwards.) Neither, however, was there much (any) warm and fuzzy going on for the rest of the night which passed with us sleeping in the same bed though miles apart. At least I was. This chick sleeps the sleep of the just and can drop into slumberland for 10 hrs straight. What is with that especially after our first fight? Doesn't seem fair somehow.

Anyway, as I'm stewing away late at night, wondering how I can slip over her without waking her up, climb down the bedroom loft ladder and go sleep on the couch, I ask God what do I do now? And wouldn't you know - FORGIVE ALL is what I hear. I thought of asking for a second opinion but know all too well when I hear the bottom line, loud and clear. Besides, who's to ask after God answers ...

Damn! It sure takes the wind out of feeling hurt and misunderstood when you have to turn around, show up with common sense if not Spiritual awareness and do the forgiveness thing. It's just so anti-climatic. It's also not always so easy to do or nearly as much fun as feeling righteous and justified ... however, it sure beats being all alone.

Let's face it, who wants to feel validated in their stuckness if not inappropriate emotional reactivity all the while sitting alone in life? Not me no more. Been there, done that with even the thought of this making me gag. The Awakened Sacred Masculine always checks inside for guidance, clarity and understanding - especially when caught up in an emotional exchange. To not do so and continue to proceed is asking for yet another trip to drama/traumaville and as an ancient traveler to these funky parts, this really sucks.

As I weighed my options having gotten up early to shower, stretch and meditate and in truth, prepare to 'exchange' with her, I knew that blowing my shit is one thing, staying in it is quite another. It's not just how we mess up, it's how you make up that counts. With a woman like Mel, there's little slip and slide in the gearbox, which is to say, unconsciousness doesn't get much stage time for very long. As I sat in a very old place, watching and witnessing the parts of my self that, up until now, have tried to run my relationship show, I recognized I had another chance to do this one differently.

I truly believe you can only change a deep set behavioral pattern while already in it - and then making a new decision to go in a different direction. You have to not only see it when it's happening but be willing to make the shift in the heat of the moment. Not so easy to do but who said consciously evolving was a walk in the park? After we both sat meditating in silence for a while, we opened up the discussion on how we felt, what we thought and our insights surrounding our first big fight. Now truth be told, especially after hearing of the likelihood of an ensuing argument the days before, I was intrigued to find out how we would actually handle it, should it arise.

I wasn't exactly looking forward to it mind you, though was wondering how we would show up in the crunch of the moment believing the couple that argues well together, has a better chance of staying together. Hey, shit happens - it's how you get through it that matters. Baring deal breaker behavior, if the Love is strong enough and the consciousness clear, most things can be moved through if both people are invested in growing individually and as a couple as a result of the mishap. Yes, it takes working at it or rather, doing whatever it takes to reach a Win-Win resolution.

And so it went with Mel - 'with' being the operative word here. It's been said, we get to Heaven through each other's open Hearts and this I do believe. The wounds of relationship need relationship to heal and finding a good one, for me, is one of the reasons I'm alive in the first place. It's also been said, conscious relationship is the ultimate guru. In this respect, you can run but you just can't hide. In the preamble of our talking about the prior evening, I knew the shifts I needed to make and also knew, my moving successfully through this required a presence and consciousness just like Mel's.

In fact, I needed Mel to be Mel. I needed her to help me reboot, reconstruct and resolve by realigning with my higher awareness. I needed a seasoned Soul to support our space together when I hadn't been able to this the evening before. With all due respect, I needed an old dog in the fight, one who had been in enough scrapes and come safely out the other side. As many a guy who afterwards will attest, life sure would be easier with another woman, maybe younger and not as feisty but you sure don't make it through the shit as well with one less attuned and well versed in her own Shadow passages. Consciousness and experience has it's benefits, after all.

As it turns out and this always plays this way, one's healing will undoubtedly offer the other their own. As a result of our tift, she was given the opportunity to speak her truth (under all certain terms) and declare what would and would not be acceptable in her life. Good for her  She was in turn, able to continue locking in a new energetic template and reconstruct her emotional landscape, relationship-wise. Ironically enough, by my being such a hot headed jerk, she is more empowered and free. Go figure.

I in turn, was able to see my own pain body reactivity playing out before me with one whom I sincerely Love, getting the chance to communicate, own my shit and transition through to the other side. Together. (Again, the operative word.) What a delight to fight ... I mean, interact from this awakened place! What once would have been a night of disappointment and breakdown became a golden door to walk through individually and collectively. What could have resulted in breaking us up, only brought us closer together.

PS To all of us everywhere, don't fuck up a precious thing just to hang onto your shit.

... to be continued ...

FYI: If you wish to comment on these blogs, please do so directly at keithgregory1@yahoo.com









Saturday, January 26, 2013

What Does it Take When All Else Fails

Interesting times, these. Personally speaking, as this new year opens up and begins to roll on with the first Full Moon of the year later today, I entertain very old thoughts about the wonders of manifestation here in the material world. Having just written a blog about co-creating from the Sweet Spot within and knowing all too well the lag time between calling something into form and it actually showing up as such, I am again watching where I go in this interim, down time waiting period.

Do I bite or rather get bitten by the salivating jaws of fear? Do I succumb to doubts, both of self and the Universe's ability to provide? Or do I just let go and let God, turning it over and Trusting and knowing all is well even though I really really do want to jump on a plane and go to Hawaii to thaw out for a week with my dear SweetHeart, Ms Mel. In moments like these, I know (as always) there are larger points of interest than just my personal feelings involved.

I can't say for anyone else, however (up until now), fear has been such a long consistent companion of mine, keeping me playing small, insecure and way out of my power stroke. Perhaps like most of us - as with an injury that just won't go away - I'd learned to live with it by compensating for my handicap, hardly questioning whether it was serving me or not. I just came to accept it's presence in my life ...

I recognize that the very motivation to evolve, develop and grow has sprung from the well springs of my discontent. No doubt, the most focus getting force we humans can rely on is that of pain and suffering. Nothing gets our attention better than getting our ass kicked, however it takes place in our lives. What I recognize these days is how significant and important it is to watch and witness where I go when situations don't play out as I would most prefer - as in not having the cash to plane hop to the islands.

I know I know, this is a far cry from any semblance of a serious life concern and really doesn't have any pull on me whatsoever. I've come to the place in my life that day in, day out, my primary life attitude is filled with the overlying qualities of Gratitude, prayer and praise. My Spiritual practice has provided me with the awareness to withstand the shakes and shimmies of this world. Speaking of which: I clearly remember proclaiming at the tender age of 13 while sitting at the feet of my then guru, how I only wanted to realize God in this life - I didn't ask to make loads of $$$ or be famous and get laid a lot. I just wanted to come Home, once and for all.

Maybe I should have thrown in some of these other juicy tid-bits just to round out the equation but at 13, who knew? Looking back, I've never lacked in what I needed to get on with my quest. In fact, I have to believe everything all the time feeds the fruition of my Soul's intention to evolve at all costs. And as always, the price of admission into the promised land of Awakening are all my fears, doubts, insecurity and self worth issues accrued. You gotta pay to play with the Angels.

So what does it take when faced with the same ol' same ol'? What is the eternal haven of relief that offers safe sanctuary from the biting cold of our deepest doubts that all really is well? For me, this hypothermic exposure to doubt has looked like neither me nor my Soul life's passion - my work - were either wanted or valued by this world. Believe me and within me, I've had significant resistance in bringing out the Awakening The Sacred Masculine work. It used to feel like a old karmic weight around my neck, placed there by my own choice and willingness to anchor this material in and by whatever forces that know now is the time to have this happen upon the planet.

Over the years, I've been trained by very powerful and capable mentors, all primarily highly conscious women. They have all seen the value and worth in me, they too knowing now indeed is the time to equal the balance scales in humanity. As is clearly evident, the Goddess Lifeforce has certainly been the awakening Presence forcing proactive change and evolution here on Earth. Being thankfully groomed by the Sacred Feminine has been a necessary catalyst in my own awakening process.

I've tried to do the do and step out to teach, reaching larger and more influential audiences, however have always run into a sense of resistance, first within my self and then out in the world. It's as if this new next wave of consciousness is being muted, held back from really hitting the beach strong and loud. For instance, since coming to NYC 6 mos ago, I've submitted Awakening The Sacred Masculine proposals to a couple of healing centers here (The Omega and The Open Center) with both turning it down.

Yes, I know this is a drop in the bucket, time-wise and yet, I'm simply amazed neither called to even check me or my offering out in person. They said they didn't feel the material was relevant. Really? As the famous song goes - if you can make it here you can make it anywhere - and with good reason too. You have to be really exceptional to make it big quick, perhaps only a consistent home run hitter, a brilliant charismatic talent or fabulous live performer catches the public's eye.

I'm really OK with however it unfolds now - again knowing there are much larger if not more important themes moving through all of our lives. What highlights for me is the Soul theme to Trust at all costs, especially when obvious evidence maybe says different. Where I go in moments of doubt speaks volumes of my Spiritual and Self awareness and it's most often in times of not-so-great that I get to really see how I'm doing in this regard.

It's been said it's when challenged we grow the most. Only with our backs against the wall do we ever see what we're really made of, the mettle of our strength, of our commitment and the level of acceptance or perseverance or compassion or forgiveness or whatever else we came into this life to learn, anchor in or realize. Perhaps it is harder to evolve and grow when the cushy is on, we have all we ever want and the surf is always sweet upon the shore fronting our vacation villa.

In this respect and as a primary intention, The Awakened Sacred Masculine uses everything in his life to open his Heartno matter what - especially when the outer circumstances of his life tell him otherwise. This doesn't mean he leaves his Heart casually exposed to offense or attack, in response he surrounds himself within his Soul's vertical power current, calling in his Divine Self to protect and lead him through.

Admittedly, it's a tough path to follow if only because the external sign posts and wayside markers of this world offer little to no real insight or encouragement. I believe as do we all, in times of doubt I have to dig deep to find the inspiration to keep on keeping on. I have to attend to my Heartspace and Higher Self alignment vigilantly with all due intent to keep tapping into the deeper qualities of the Sacred within me. Each and ever day, I have to walk the hidden pathways of my Heart to keep the Divine fresh and alive in my awareness.

Yes, there's a part of me that wants to make it big here, to be a 'success' in all ways and yet, I recognize the more significant opportunity now while sitting in the wheelhouse of The Turning Of The Ages. It's to keep connecting to the God I Am within my open and empowered Heartspace, no matter what's taking place 'out there' and live my life from the knowingness all really is well just as it is. It is to Trust in all certain terms that just by being present and alive, I am fulfilling my Spiritual destiny.

For those built like me, there is an action clause in my Soul contract, to keep being available to serve, support, celebrate and inspire life around me. How this looks from the outside is not up to me, how I show up to meet it totally is.

... to be continued ...

PS. If you wish to comment on this blog, please write me direct at keithgregory1@yahoo.com
Thank You.










Thursday, January 24, 2013

Resting In The Sweet Spot

Isn't this the place we all want to rest in? - The Sweet Spot. Of course, this means many things to each of us or rather, just the juiciest thing of all for any one of us.This Spot really isn't an outer place which to reside, instead a place within that our outer circumstance have forced or encouraged or evolved us into. It is a choice and the product of our consistent yearning, focusing and intentions enacted.

When I first tapped into the Abraham material (through dear Ester Hicks) back in the early 1990's, I felt the secret elixir was to embody the feeling of the thing, situation or relationship I was calling in, already alive and living in my life. Seems simple, doesn't it? Over the ensuring years, this whole approach has been explored, expanded and enterprised with million $$$ sales from the interest generated from this notion. Most all of us want to work this magic to create more fruitful, happy and abundant lives for ourselves and Loved ones.

As so it can be. From my guidance in this life time go-round, all us conscious Ones came here to be Gods and Goddesses at play. Isn't this your picture of your perfect world - to live from your Sacred Divinity in all you are and do? And yet, personally speaking, so much of the evidence I've witnessed and egoistically generated in my life has been contrary to this even being imaginable, let alone possible. However, with enough time and assistive elements necessary, even a meandering river as the Rio Grand can wear down solid rock formations to create the majestic and immense Grand Canyon.

Being a really (up until now) tough nut to crack, the Universe has unfailingly worked on It's behalf to bring about this intended outcome in my life - at least I choose to believe so. I look around and see more and more of us following the lead of our Souls to create this in our lives and upon the Earth we share. Yea for us! Surly, the shift in these long prophesied Turning Of The Ages time is about the potentiality of this happening for all who are willing to play along having done their personal healing work.

And yet, there's a lot in my life I'd like to shift if not upgrade significantly. Well, maybe not A LOT A LOT, just a few things in a big way. Whether it's creating more creature comforts to enjoy, ie. money to make these things happen or warm places to go to when the temps drop down into the teens, like now in NYC, the root current to tap into is way beyond the outer world's influence to make or not happen.

I believe, it has to come from the Sacred already consciously present, pulsing and alive in me that ignites the flame of my Soul's intentions to manifest in the Here & Now in my life. To already feel the intended outcome present, touched by the breath of the Divine living through me, keeps the Sweet Spot swelling more and more as me. The Awakened Sacred Masculine grooms this awareness, feeling the desired outcome already alive in him. For all this to become really real for you -
it has to become real in you - it has to come alive through your body.

For ever so long in our culture we've been told and taught of the evils of our bodies - the nasty ways of sin and all that. Indeed, it's been said that true Tantra is the fastest way to God realization and ironically, the most dangerous. Why so? Because it's so easy to get seduced by the power that comes through our coupling with another. A lesser consciousness will believe it is the God force Itself allowing this Force to shine through and thereby exist in the world instead of knowing the Beloved's Love is the Prime Creator using Itself as us to dance our lives in form.

Even though there are aspects in my life I'd like to have different, there is absolutly nothing I need to feel complete, whole or aligned with the God I Am. As I continue to imagine and feel the Sweet Spot surrounding and filling me and my life - it really is so.

And you - how does this look in your lives now?

... to be continued ...

PS Your comments, insights and observations are very welcome.
Please hit the 'no comment' or 'comment' link to submit to this blog. Thank you.









Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Letting The Light In

Whenever I hit a snag within myself regarding a relationship I'm in, in this case with my new Beloved lady friend Ms Mel, I look to see what part of me just doesn't want to let go and let God into the mix. When I feel pushed up against my self (ie. ego personality) and find myself holding tight to a feeling that I have to somehow protect myself, I immediately know I'm running an old pattern built from a core belief that I'm just not safe. 

As Robert Frost once wrote: I look back over my life and wonder what the fences kept in and what they kept out. Coming from an old mind field that had lots of sizable pit falls upon my emotional landscape, I've learned the old voices speaking in me were created to do one thing - to keep me safe by keeping me alone. As a classic display of creating ongoing life experiences that intimately reflect and uphold my core belief systems, I realize most to all of us do this each and every day we're alive. Sad to say, however, these unconscious knee jerk reactions largely go unquestioned and continue running our lives, often to our detriment.

Our belief systems really do form the choices we make and thereby the life we live and unless identified, questioned and renegotiated, they continue keeping us in a familiar closed box of personal perception. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, however for me, it's kept me playing small, isolated and largely alone all of my life. I totally believe, especially with us that made the consistent commitment to Awaken and evolve, the Universe constantly gives us the signs, clues and push to do just this. Often at all costs - especially these days.

We all have our life story and individual history and yet, individuality aside, there are consistent across- the-board themes that apply to all of us humans. One is that pain hurts and is to avoided at all costs. The other is that as children, the info imprints we get from our primary care givers isn't so well formed or user friendly or conscious at all. Our parents are just using the tools (which are products of their belief systems) they in turn inherited from their folks. The world we live in is largely an expression of these, dare I say, fear based belief systems and the effects they've created for all of us on the planet.

In my journey as a man, I've learned the Awakened Sacred Masculine always looks deeply inside to identify our core belief systems especially when we feel restriction, struggle and pain within. If it's uncomfortable and tight, it's likely to be coming from fear. In my case relationship-speaking, the impulse to pull back and label what's happening outside of me as a threat is an indication that a part of me still believes I am not safe emotionally. This is a huge doorway for me to move through, seeking my freedom from what no longer serves me, ie. the shit I tell myself.

This saying is a response to many of the nonsense BS bylines our minds tell us when confronted with a potential life-shift opening. It really is the shit we tell ourselves, often accepted and unquestioned all the while that continues keeping us stuck, afraid and alone in our lives. Is this good enough? Only each of us can answer this for ourselves. For me, with all I'm calling into my life now, specifically The Awakened Sacred Masculine consciousness, I find less and less attractive from my old bag of tricks, being the beliefs I still unconsciously run or rather (up until now), that kept running me.

The Divine Ms Mel is my precious living doorway to discover a whole new way of being in the world. She and us really are a brand new opportunity for me being with myself, safe, conscious and aware in my primary relationships. At some point, I was willing to crack open the container of my consciousness to let in the light of exponential potential, knowing my ego didn't have the perspective to give me new information to do my life differently. Meeting her was the invitation from my Universe to have another go at co-creating happiness with another.

And for this I Am eternally grateful, happy and glad.

... to be continued ...

PS Your comments, insights and observations are very welcome.
Please hit the 'no comment' to submit to this blog. Thank you.



Monday, January 21, 2013

Letting It Go To Get It Back Again

Odd how this often works. Whether while in relationship or simply having to release something of personal importance, I find that when it appears like that something of importance may be going its own way, it's always best to just let it go. I've learned over the years, for instance when I misplace an object of value, as soon as I've looked in it's normal resting places and still can't find it - knowing it has to be somewhere - I immediately give up looking asking for Grace to bring it back.

And more often than not, sooner than later, the lost thing eventually does show up. It's a lot less direct perhaps although the same principle applies when it comes to relationship. As previously mentioned, I recently began seeing a Lovely woman, the Divine Ms Mel. Quite interestingly enough, our newly blooming relationship has gone through a number of very distinct phases since we hooked up, like episodes or chapters, all having very different qualities and characteristics to each.

In that we met each other just over 8 weeks ago, it's been a very unique situation to have traveled through a number of very different neighborhoods thus far. In this respect, it gives me the notion this may be an ongoing quality to our time together. Just last week after me being passed out, limp dog like on her coach the first week or so of this new year, she herself took a turn for the coach with the same fluish symptoms, laying her low as well.

How unusual that she too should go into her recluse cave ... and like me, she pulled in her communication systems and just holed up quietly unto herself. Except with her in her down time, unlike when we were hanging out together during my recuperation, we were separate and apart with me staying at a friend's place uptown. Not only did she feel the need to withdraw and attend to her own healing process (as with me, one who very rarely goes flat), she needed some space apart from us as well. With all new couples, the huge downloads, exchanges and interactions in the first intense bit of time together, often need ample time to in turn, absorb and integrate.

Maybe it's like the eternal in breath - out breath, one always follows the other and each are necessary to breathe correctly. Neither of us have been in relationship for a while and the suddenness and speed by which things have developed between us has caught us both by surprise. To be sure, it's been a thrill (ah, young Love) and a bit unnerving too. I mean, neither of us are newbe's to the ways of Love and as such, rather set in our preferred ways. I of course would never call her this but I indeed am an old dog in this regard.

As well we all know, it takes practice (a lot!) to do this dance of relationship successfully - meaning Love, fun and joy are the qualities exchanged and experienced more often than not. If not, what's the point? To this point, I came to a juncture in the road a number of years back - that if being with a woman meant working out our respective trauma/drama shit on each other, always washed in the container of the relationship, them I was done for life. Really. I refuse to play in the way of the world whereas I kept using the context of relationship to heals the wounds of my inner child and address the woundology of my own pain body.

If it meant never being with another woman again, then so be it. Having a long and rich history in codependent dysfunction, I knew I had to make a symbolic and actual break in the chain if I was ever going to have a chance to meet and develop a positive and healthy relationship with a woman. Hey, you gotta take a stand somewhere. And so it's been these past 5 or so years, not so often lonely by myself, rather alone with my self.

Over this time I've had a number of Lovely exchanges with women I've met, although never fault to them, it just didn't seem to click just so ... until I met Mel. Again, no reflection whatsoever of these friends I met and yet for me, Mel is the total package. This is the full Chakra experience I've been calling in, where the many and different levels, elements and aspects of my self/Self all come into play with her. It really is quite a marvel and in all the ways I recognize, it feels like a once in a life or rather, Soul time Love.

From her point of view, almost immediately, she recognized it as a 'Twin Flame' Love. I myself, perhaps more world weary if not jaded, withheld calling it such. However as time moves on, I find myself aligning more and more in this. Much against popular sentiment, this whole Twin Flame business is not so cushy-cushy, feel good after all. It may be only if both people - said to share the same original Soul body, split in equal half's upon entry into 3D form, are conscious let alone clear enough to stand the intensity of reuniting once again.

Twin Flames are therefore perfect mirrors of each other - although different in the life experience particulars, they reflect the other in frequency polarity. 100%. The honeymoon phase can be extremely magnetic and intense, with the coming back together of Divine Soul Love igniting in your lives. Sounds great, doesn't it? And yet, with the combustive intensity of this, unless both people are fairly balanced, aligned and aware - if not Awakened, the magnetic attraction can easily turn into a repelling dynamic force with equal intensity.

In this regard, the unhealed aspects of each come dramatically to the surface, blasting face to face with that mirrored in the other. This my friends is no fun at all. In fact, it feels like a virus exploding inside with a separate entity needing to get out from inside your skin. Ouch! Like driving a beast of a race car, the slightest mistaken turn of the wheel sends you shooting way off the track ... there is absolutely no room for casual or unconscious behavior or action. As with the bigger they come, the harder they fall - the greater the juice, the larger the consequences.

This all showed up in me the week Mel was in hibernation. The voices within of old abandonment issues spoke loud and clear. The aspects of my inner child that missed the Loving connection we'd anchored in together felt surprised to have been cut off so suddenly - all reminiscent of times past when similar situations had happened. And yet, this felt very different. I intuitively knew this playing field demanded I pay really close attention to the voices inside and be especially diligent as to whom I listened to and what I did with what I heard. In short: do I stay or do I go?

There had been no break between us, no incident that would have forced either of us to draw the line in the sand. We just came upon a situation for the first time and in truth, hadn't developed the communication patterns or agreements to inform the other as to what we needed for ourselves at the time. I didn't know what she was up to and she didn't think to let me in on her process having been alone with and by herself for a number of years as well. We just didn't know.

In retrospect, it was the perfect opportunity for each of us to see ourselves clearly and the patterns we now chose to engage and empower within ourselves in our lives. And with each other. I have found a definite quality of 2013 is even more to the point: It All Matters! There are no wasted moments of indiscriminate or unconscious behaviors that go by unnoticed or uncounted. Especially in the Twin Flame context, it all counts exponentially. I knew how I played in the moment of feeling my feelings of confusion and subtle disappointment would in turn, determine how she responded or reacted as well.

Goodness knows, she as all women have experienced men going off on them for 'letting then down' and with this jewel of a lady, I knew I didn't have the room to react in this way. I also realized within myself that the stakes were such that this situation would define me and my present level of awareness, relationship-wise. It was a precious doorway vignette that would create either positive or not so enjoyable outcomes with her but else wise for me in it's wake.

Personally speaking, it was a crossroad moment that had huge implications written all over it. For this reason alone, I knew to simply let it go and not be seduced into falling into the comfort of convenience by trying to box it up and figure it out. As with letting the bird go to see if it returns on it's own, then knowing it wants if not actually belongs with me, I chose to fall into my deep sense of Trust to carry me through. The Sacred Masculine always looks first and foremost at their own thoughts, intentions and behaviors to determine the quality of his experience. What others do is their business. What we do is our own and this alone is own primary responsibility in life. As we are clear and clean here, we can rest in knowing we did our very best and let it go a that.

... to be continued ...






  

Friday, January 18, 2013

When Shit's Just Fucked Up

Ever had a 'bad day,' those special days that for unknown reason, the stars misaligned or bad winds blow, shit's just fucked up!? Like entering a zone of strange energies that play out in various ways throughout your day, the tenor of the experiences are such that for whatever reasons it happens, you just have to keep your head down and make the best of things.

Whenever this infrequently happens, along with the outer circumstances playing out in their unusual ways, my own self inquiry is such that I always ask - what is this reflecting in me, what is here to learn and simply put - what does this all mean anyway? I don't ask why is this happening to me, rather why is this happening for me. Huge difference, this.

As last mentioned in yesterdays blog, I was heading to the Rec Center Pool in Midtown NYC to catch a very long awaited and anticipated swim, an activity that for me is indeed, temple time. I'd been laid up in flu bed for over a week and was nearly desperate to get back into the water and begin my recuperation.

For whatever reasons lately, I'd been feeling cut off from my inspiration and needed to return to my go-to practice of swimming to get some clues if not a direct feed of Spiritual juice. And so I went on my merry way to do my do. As an aside, I've noticed over the years the Universe often gives me what I call 'homeo-doses' - little vignettes of insight that in effect, sum up the qualities of a given situation at hand before it actually unfolds. It's like a homeopathic insider view of what a situation potentially holds. I think of it as the Universe speaking to Itself - as me, giving me a heads up of what is likely to unfold. It's uncanny how accurate these peak a' boo moments are ...

By no means are these pops of perception always portending difficult or stressful situations but more often than not, they are incredibly accurate in foretelling what eventually ends up showing up. Just so:
when in the locker room at the pool yesterday, while getting undressed to get into the shower to then head into the water, a NYC Parks & Rec Ranger, also in the changing room, mentions I should cover up with a towel because other members sometimes become uncomfortable with excessive nudity. He kept going on and on about this and hearing the hidden sounds within his insistence, perhaps of his own frustrations, answered him telling him I'd heard him 100%.

Now, I hadn't been hanging around with all hanging out for very long and immediately, never ever having heard this in any locker room in 50 yrs of gym use, was surprised and told him so. My next response was, then don't look. Like George Carlin's famous bit about the 7 deadly words you can never say over the radio, to the preacher down South who ratted him out and turned him in, like you have two nobs on your radio you can turn if it offends you ... instead of busting George's nuts and putting him in jail for offensive language broadcast over a college station he had to say so in it's programing in the first place.

Anyway, off I went to take my shower having said I heard the guards wishes and actually left it on congenial terms with the fellow. No worries. Then, getting into the pool - sheer delight! It's always an epiphany when I enter the water and immediately began doing my laps. As a rule, I always swim with a snorkel and mask to keep the water out, allowing me to be totally unencumbered from having to deal with side to side breathing. It truly becomes a holotropic, open continuous breath experience which can become quite expansive and transcendent. Thus the Spiritual downloads that often come through.

Now, I'd just joined this pool a few weeks prior, having asked before paying the 6 mo. in advance fees if snorkels and masks were allowed. I was assured they were and proceeded to swim my session - having heard not a peep from the pool attendant on deck during my initial swim. So, much to my surprise after getting in the water yesterday, I was then told by the lifeguard on duty that swim gear wasn't allowed. Admittedly, I was anxious to do my workout and already feeling a bit leery from the earlier interaction in the locker room, told the lifeguard I'd paid my dues and already used the pool before, so what gives?

This he didn't appreciate hearing, saying he was going to get his manager to which I readily agreed and continued to swim. I immediately knew the tenor had just shifted and was faced with an opportunity to either get present in my Heartspace real quick or face the build up energies of my own disappointment and of those in charge. While the guard was getting backup, I asked God what this was all about and sure enough, the immediate answer was forgive and give it all back to me. Don't even process the whys and why nots - just forgive and give it up.

It then hit me mid-stroke, the theme of my past few blogs have concerned my relationship with my brother and how forgiveness was the only way out for me feeling the same old painful reactions this brought up. Ah ha, up front and center, the choice to forgive is relentless and constant. Not an isolated event is this thing, rather a quality of life. It truly is a state of awareness ... and so it was in a moment I really needed to be left alone to get my head clear.

Sure enough, my locker room friend shows up demanding I leave the pool and escort him to the locker room, get changed and leave. Now, in the old daze I'd gotten tossed from a club or two though never from a pool and realized I'd just entered The Tweak Zone. The way these things work, especially in NYC where you're given a lot of room to be whoever you want to be, if you cross the line however and get in anyone's face, particularly one in any semblance of authority, quickly do the jaws of the law close. The guard might not have a gun but he has a phone contacting friends who do.

He was real insistent like I'd pissed on the lawn of his fiefdom and it was his duty to right the wrong of my insolence. To make a long story shorter, I changed and asked to speak with his supervisor to straighten out this misunderstanding and in turn, asked for a full refund of dues paid in advance. It turns out this ranger man, 'AJ' and I began sharing stories, observations and life insights while waiting for his boss. He asked for my card hearing I was a healing facilitator and getting the vibe that the charge I felt when being asked to exit the pool quickly dissipated, allowing us to connect on deeper Heartspace levels.

He came off as a nice guy just doing his job. I told him I respected this and felt in another situation we could become friends. It was touching that he knew I wasn't making it all about him, venting my angst on him and chose to just go to resolution as quickly as possible. He invited me back and we wished each other well as I left the building. Upon leaving, I was mindful of 1) how the situation could have easily unfolded in not so favorable ways and 2) how in the heat of the moment I didn't shrink back and not voice my disappointment either. As with my brother and our recent exchanges, I used to either unload on him or internalize my feelings much to my emotional detriment.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine always looks inside to see the situation more clearly and never makes it about someone or something else instead. It's not always easy or more convenient or more justifiable but the read is more accurate and true. I know to evolve I have to do this constantly and it always provides a direct doorway into and through any challenging situation.

... to be continued ...












Thursday, January 17, 2013

Waiting For The Wave

Like the eternal web and flow of the currents of the oceans, the waves of inspiration seem to come in sets as well. With whatever happened, cosmic timeline wise, with the Mayan calendar running out (supposedly) on December 21st of last year, the new downloads coming in are early in motion, yet to fully actualize their new qualities or characteristics.

I call it feeling 'between the worlds' as if resting quietly in the still space between notes in a musical score. For me, it's resting in the Void, neither here nor there, simply Being present. I can't speak for anyone else but it sure can sometimes get way too still sitting in this stillpoint space. Like with many of us, there's a part of me that's very action orientated. Maybe it's the masculine Lifeforce kicking in, needing to do to feel alive and well. I've long let go of what it all means or why it's so. It is what it is and like with most qualities, say with a car you drive, it's simply a matter of working with what you've got and not fussing because you don't have a Maserati underneath you.

Maybe it's simply accepting the natural flow of life and doing all that's possible to just go with it. Looking back, it seems like I've spent years trying to force my will upon life and all those in it. Of course, I never saw it this way and only recognized it having heard from others how 'disruptive' my personality was. (There certainly were other descriptive words used, however let's just leave it at that.) I thought the way to get my needs met in life always meant forcing my will in any given moment, in short, 'making my way.' It's how men do it, don't they? We do what we do if only because we want to ... and without too much insightfulness, the world is the way it is largely because of this kind of thinking.

Over the years, this part of me has (thankfully) been worn down. I've found life has a way of doing this. Perhaps it's simply the evolutionary by-product of the Awakening process. What no longer serves the Presence of my Soul living through me, more and more fully, has got to release and let go. And it has. What stands in the way, personality-wise, will in time transform and allow the Sacred to inhabit Keith.

For me, the saying 'if the cure doesn't kill you' readily applies here. I've had so much material to clear over this life time and have been so stubborn in doing so, the wear and tare has at times, been excruciating. Professionally speaking as well as just having observed those in my life, especially men, we have so much shit stored up that in every sense of this, it's a wonder we ever get as far as we do.

Without a doubt, the fuel that necessitates this process is inspiration. Without it, how can anyone possibly get up for the quest to Awaken? The high octane juice that drives me has to be alive in my life in order for me to meet each day with the conscious awareness that keeps me coming back for more. Since being back from Holiday in Mexico, I've felt pretty listless, dull and out of sorts. Of course, getting all flued out when I returned, pasted flat on my back for over a week didn't help much either.

However lately, I've been wondering what's the point, especially living in this burg called New York City. Just going about my day here requires a commitment to face the waves of humanity that in my natural order of things, takes some effort. On good days, I feel the rush and excitement of living here. On days less pumped, it's often a pain in the ass to deal with it all. And yet, here I be.

In the waiting for the next wave to come and sweep me up, I sure better come up with my own momentum to help carry me along. Ain't no one else supposed to do this for me. The Awakened Sacred Masculine has his own supply stream he consciously taps into that feeds his own inspirational needs. This is where my constitutionals come in - the handful of consciousness raising, attuning and maintaining activities that help keep me healthy and sane.

Speaking of feeling physically run down, without doing my daily cardiovascular stuff like walking, running, biking or swimming, I know I'm gonna, sooner than later, feel off track and flat. And I have, big time. Like that Maserati which has to be run and run hard to not only perform to it's intended capacity, unless it's driven this way, it quickly bogs down and runs sluggish. The purpose of this kind of car isn't to just go to the shopping center down the block. It's to excel and be exceptional.

I know there's a Divine design always playing out in my life and as often the case, it takes the wear down to get my attention that forces me to get back up on the horse and begin to ride again. Or in my case today, get back into the pool, which for me is pure temple time. It's here I get my Spiritual downloads from my Higher Self that lend perspective and depth to my experience alive in my body. Yea, back into the dip I go!

... to be continued ...








Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Forgiveness Is The Only Way Out

Recently I've met up with a couple of exchanges that left me bothered if not disappointed and disheartened. Nothing heavy duty mind you, just moments that didn't work out the way I would have preferred. Hey, what's new? Life is full of less than enjoyable experiences that for me, always gives me the opportunity to choose anew - to either indulge in my feeling disappointed or take the higher ground and simply forgive.

I've come to learn that when all is said and done in these moments of emotional discomfort, understanding really is the grand booby prize. In the realms of feelings and the landscape of the emotional body, feeling resolved and content with how an encounter plays out is all that allows you to move on smoothly in life. Understanding means shit if you're still enmeshed in the emotional trauma/drama residue. My head might 'get it' but it's not in my head that felt bounced a couple of times this past week.

Don't you know, family has a special access card to the inner courtyard of our emotional domain. Speaking of which, my dear middle brother and I have come to have a fairly tempestuous relationship, taking years to develop the same recurring patterns. He and I were extremely close when we were much younger. We'd pal around all the time and my depending and looking up to him gave him the feeling of being my protector. Perhaps he being the middle son of three boys left him feeling a bit lost in the shuffle and our closeness provided a place of added worth for him.

In any case during this time in our youth, I filled a place in his Heart and life that really fed his sense of importance and value. It was a sweet time with us and holds precious memories for me. However, as time went on my attention began to move towards our eldest brother. He was more athletic, outgoing, confidant and self assured and better with the girls. In time, he became my personal ideal and even though in my 7 year old mind these qualities didn't register as such, I started wanting to hang out with him more and more.

Understandably, Laurence was hurt by my shift of alliances. It wasn't a sudden thing my wanting to emulate our eldest brother Eric. It was gradual and as these things go, without forethought or pretense.
However, the way Laurence dealt with his disappointment and as has played out over the years in our and other significant relationships in his life was to beat me up. His way of dealing with his pain was to pass it on to me, making me the object and brunt of his own emotional disappointment.

It takes not such a wise Soul to see how terribly ineffective this strategy is in getting one's needs met. In the land of the Heart, the one who resorts to this kind of behavior, sooner than later, ends up standing alone. And he is, quite so. It saddens me that the women who birthed his 6 children divorced him and along with his two other failed marriages, has left him facing patterns that are all too consistent for him to ignore.

Over the years we've engaged in many verbal battle royals. Really vivid epic yell-downs where I would feel my feelings of being attacked, unheard and unsupported and as with the younger brother syndrome, put upon and taken advantage of. Believe me, I'm no angel in terms of playing the quiet stand-by and carry quite a tongue in expressing reactive anger ... and yet, the need to abuse others to relieve my suffering isn't a piece in my personal emotional game board. I have other patterns to contend with, though thankfully not that one.

Up until now, I'd tended to take it out on myself feeling it was ultimately my fault for the fuck up or break down. Again, up until now. So when he recently lit into me for something that happened back in the 1970's, wanting resolution and satisfaction, I knew to not only step off and disengage as quickly as possible but to get to forgiveness so I could let it go inside of myself without lingering charge or rancor.

Again, family holds those special keys to our emotional memory chest and in order to effectively evolve if not become free of the inbred triggers of my past, I've learned to just keep it simple by consistently letting go in forgiveness and Love. The Awakened Sacred Masculine quickly goes to this place when faced with similar circumstances. Personally speaking, processing this old shit is not only crazy making, it keeps me stuck in the muck and mire all too long. Another way to say this is what I hold onto, holds on to me. Life is just too short to keep feeding on the old regurgitations, over and over again.

In another unrelated instance with a women I've just recently begun seeing, our recent exchange brought up feelings that triggered a sense of the same ol' same ol' ... in short: after a number of days apart we had time to spend in close intimacy and she honoring her priorities, chose to do something else. Along with work related concerns, she later admitted she was leery of being the proactive force in our relationship, effectively being the one who takes care of her man, carrying the weight he doesn't carry for himself.

Apparently, this has been a recurring pattern for her in her life and being the strong women she undoubtedly is, I can see how this would happen. Personal and professionally, I've heard this from women a lot over the years and rightfully so. Whether it's the 'mother nipple' clause in our collective dysfunctional behavior manual, I know how this turns the feminine off. They want and need a man to stand up for himself, take care of his business and take the pressure off of them to do what he has to do for himself.

Believe me, I get this 100% ... and yet in the relative newness of our relationship, to have her pull back in self protection not only caught me by slight surprise, it brought up the place in me that felt judged and in some respects, cast in an unfavorable light, grouped into the lump sum of the co-dependent masculine liability.

Instead of making her wrong for her feeling the need for personal space and not being aware or willing enough to speak to it at the time we were most recently together - or even needing to clear my feelings with her, I just got my self on my way and let her get on with her day. In retrospect, I noticed how little disappointment there was in me in how this played out between us. In this regard, the choice and ability to forgive her was immediate, largely because she was in no way, shape or form at fault for me. She was just taking care of her business, however she saw this as so. Good for her.

In keeping with a primary relationship motto of mine - You Be You - my primary relationship is not only with God but with my own feelings. In this instance, how I meet her is my business, what she does or doesn't do, is hers. The Awakened Sacred Masculine always references himself first and foremost from his connection to his God I Am and thereby his own internal sense of Self/self. All the rest follows. It is so much cleaner this way, if not easier and more enjoyable being inside my own skin. I no longer am at odds with my world and those in it - nor do I need to fight others upon the battlefield of my Heartspace ... being no battlefield at all here.

The days of blaming and making wrong just to satisfy my own pain body's well spring of dissatisfaction are long over. I just wish my brother makes it to the other side of his own suffering and learns to live more joyfully with those left standing in his life.

... to be continued ...










Sunday, January 13, 2013

Step with A Sense of Purpose

Climbing out of the deep Void ... almost to the day I arrived back in NYC after a powerfully transformational 18 day Holiday get-away in Mexico, I came down with Flu-like symptoms, a week long fever complete with all the accompanying aches and pains associated. I really can't remember having been this knocked out on all levels before in my life. No doubt there were physiological and biological elements involved, however as always the case, there were significant emotional and energetic factors playing out in my feeling so unwell.

The emotional body always influences the physical form and the Spiritual and deeper energetic forces always precedes the mental and emotional bodies. This being said, yes there were physical forces that helped push my body down onto the mat, laying me really low for a full weeks time, yet attentive to the inner realms as I am, I knew all the while there were currents moving into, through and out of me that were the more significant reasons this event took place.

Whenever there is a shifting, clearing, attuning or transformative experience underway, more often than not there will be a physical symptomatic expression that accompanies this passage. This is to say, the body has to adjust to this new influx of energy as well whether through becoming 'ill' or going into some sort of cathartic reaction in kind. It's not always fun and often unpleasant although by no means needs to be difficult. You just gotta go with the flow, let go of how it's going and take the ride all the way through. It's kinda like a roller coaster ride or dropping acid, once in or on you just have to hang on and hope for the best ...

Having had near countless experiences of his nature over the years (having a very Shamanic floor plan to the structure of my life), out of necessity I've learned the tooth that has to be pulled is best let go of. Fighting the pliers that take hold let alone the hand that pulls is always difficult business. Involved is a near constant not knowing of what the fuck is going on in the midst of his kind of passage. 'Why' being one of the most fruitless questions possible to ask, the only inquiry that really applies is how can I best pass through this experience that will deepen my awareness of my opening Heart and further connect me to the God I Am.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine always goes to the quick of the matter and sees everything in his life as an expression of this essential connection - everything plays off of this one fundamental point.

So this is where I sat (or lay like a limp dog), while in my new girlfriend Mel's apartment, holed up in a small place she herself had just moved into the days prior to my coming back. She was impeccable in her care of me, held immaculate space for my process and showed me the women she is throughout our week together ... as no doubt, I showed her in my prolonged pooky state the man I am when way off my game, as it were.

It's easy being on best behavior when the conditions are favorable, kind and sweet. However, when the grunge shows itself is when you really get to see what's under the packaging. And I suppose whatever this year's end (riding out 2012's last Moon cycle) clearing was all about, to be sure it had to do with purging out the remaining remnants of any unreleased energy that no longer serves me and what I'm now here to do.

Throughout last weeks sojourn, the question of what this was kept nibbling away in me. In this regard, not one to follow by rote, blindly moving along step by step, instead having to actually know or rather have a sense of  purpose as to why I'm going where I am, I also knew the answers wouldn't show themselves immediately upon my insistent demand. The Void doesn't work that way. It doesn't cough up the goods until the time is ripe and the need to know has fully abated. In emptiness the wisdom is revealed.

All since the big to do of December 21st, I felt the gears of my Universe (or is it Youniverse?), slip and go into free float, like the plug got pulled and the traction of something new and different many of us thought would get underway, just didn't. The Grace of being at Puerto Vallarta (thank you dear Lydia!) added to the wonderment of just drifting along with no where to go and nothing to do ... and yet, being back in NYC (please give me a good reason to be here!) I knew I had to get a new lease of my location agreement to give me the personal perspective and drive to live in this place now.

And yes for me, it is all about doing my Spiritual work. This is where living with a sense of purpose comes in and is a necessary, 100% vital element in my personal game board of life. All else follows this lead and rides in the wake of the current this intention carries in me and my life. To be sure my relationship with dear Ms Mel (however it unfolds) is a reflection of this Soul agreement and in this and all things, my commitment to fulfill my/our higher purpose takes precedence always.

The joy of having been emptied out over this last week in bed has revealed new and larger spaces within that are to be filled in with my personal commitment to excel in what I've come here to do. Just having passed through the first New Moon window of this year (this Friday past), as usual I set my intentions that seed not just this first lunar cycle but the whole year itself, it is all about stepping more fully in my own Sacred Masculine awareness and living from this in more proactive ways.

I will begin offering trainings in Awakening The Sacred Masculine, a profoundly life changing 9 month gestation journey into the deeper mysteries of this powerful process as well as prepare my book Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages for publication. I will continue giving Heart Tantra Soul Attunement sessions and keep the door open to play with others who want to play with me in this regard.

It is all good, it is all now and it is all real.

... to be continued ...













Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Up To The Bar

As this heavily anticipated year finally draws to a close, perhaps relief is one word that comes to mind. Not because the world didn't disappear on the 22nd of December but because it remained much the same as the day before. The changes proposed to effect our planet and all our lives are occurring on more subtle, esoteric levels and much more powerful as a result. They are happening on the unseen levels of our Souls and unfolding throughout the vast Spiritual kingdoms in our entire Omniverse. Which is really really big.

It is said we are only one among many other life-baring planets experiencing this once-in-creation, cosmic reawakening. In this respect, there's a whole lot riding (for many more than we previously thought) on what's taking place now. For instance, whatever the accumulated effects of the intense solar activity pulsing from our Sun, these are only superficial emanations from our Solar System. Combining with undetected sources of massive energy currents coming from deep space, the long term effects are anyone's guess. With another year's astrological forecast of challenging planetary lineups, alignments and transits in store, it feels like (out of necessity), we'll continue tossing unnecessary ballast over board to lighten our loads.

Over my life I've observed that in keeping with the Life School Earth Campus Soul Growth Program all our coming here presents certain educational opportunities for our Souls to evolve and progress, whatever that's occurred thus far is only preparatory to what's yet to come - it keeps building to the next level of study and intended mastery. That whatever affinity or abilities I've accrued along the way have served me really well in getting this far, however only to the point I've reached - I have to start all over at this next turn of the spiral, like grade to really high High School.

In this way, no one slips through the needle's eye resting on their laurels of past achievements alone. You still gotta work the ol' mojo magic to keep on evolvin' along. The Sacred Masculine knows that his mission is to keep it simple, rest in his Soul's alignment and just attend to this very present moment at hand and let all the 'big picture' hoo ha fall away. Sometimes we can't see around the turn of the road and the bend is hiding what awaits us, however we know our only point of power allowing us to proactively and positively affect change in our lives is always and ever in how we show up right Here, right Now.

The Sacred Masculine has come to embrace this very moment like it's the only point of total interest he ever has. This remains his Primary Bar of Measurement - how present he is in his Heartspace with and through this breath right now. As men continue stepping into OUR power, coming into Sacred agreement to uphold the interests of the common good and what serves all of our collective Awakening, the Soul awareness we have so long been searching for will keep showing up in our lives and our world. This is the Sacred Masculine's destiny. We are here to help hold the collective container for the Sacred Feminine and all Humanity to safely rest and prosper in.


Along with greater power comes greater responsibility, to the whole, each other and the One. The use and abuse of power program is no longer going to work. This is now one of the big 'error deletes' in our software systems that the whole Turning Of The Ages speaks to. Whatever clicked into place as a result of the Winter Solstice on December 21st, it represents a significant change in how we relate to ourselves, each other and our precious Earth. 

In this respect, what are your New Year resolutions going to be? It is still about loosing those nagging extra pounds or are there larger concerns you have - not just for yourself but for ALL OF US? What are the cosmic wish lists looking like I wonder? As I'm about the leave the relative peace and quiet of Puerta Vallarta and jump back into NYC, I can only imagine how my life will unfold now ...

However, I am armed and filled with my intention to embody the Awakened Sacred Masculine in all I Am, in all I do and all I can co-create with others. I am now calling in conscious playmates to play in our individual and collective expressions of the Divine alive in us AS US.

I Am all about repaying the Blessings through my work Heart Tantra so that other men can catch the waves inviting them to step on up and jump on in - this of course, applies to working with women as well. I Am calling in to fully manifest Sacred Union with my partner, the Divine Ms Mel and look to see how this plays first in our lives and then out in our community.

I Am 100% invested in how the Sacred will live in and through us NOW!
We are all here to Awaken to the Sacred within ourselves and each other.

The wait is over.

Now Is The Time
Here Is The Place &
We Are The ONE!

... to be continued ...