Riding The Dragon’s Tail

It’s been said, the only thing worse than not getting anything you want is getting everything you do. Think about it. The lotto hits, your ship comes in, all piled high with everyanything you’ve ever wanted including all the ready babes (or guys for you otherwise inclined) and lots & lots of cash and !POOFSHAZAM! You’re 25 again. All of a sudden, you’re granted your Wish Come True List come true. Like Jeopardy meets The Secret. You’re sitting high and pretty having too much of everything having too much of everything, too much of whatever you can possibly want. Sounds great doesn’t it? It does until either your Johnson falls off or you get the most deadly malady of all. You get bored.

It’s one thing to have jack shit and be bored shitless but when you have it all and it’s still not enough, it’s a living hell. It’s like getting Soul Gout, where all you have to look forward to is eventually rotting away. A steady diet of rich sauces soon becomes nauseating. Perhaps you’ve known people who from the outside looking in, it was all you ever wanted, yet after getting to know them even a little bit, even that is too much - you can’t wait to get away … and if you did get your total Good Karma payout all in one lump sum, what would you ask for anyway? Now mind you, this is your only rub on the Genie’s lamp. This is your one chance, your last shot at the title. With everyone I work with, I ask this question.

Because more and more in my life, this is what I ask, what do I now most want? And more important, what does having it feel like - right Now, right Here. Now that 2012 is so far behind us and the Mayan thing came and went with nary an apparent dimensional shift, I look around and wonder, what’s changed?  No great revelations from beyond the beyond or windfalls from a late Aunt did occur at the end of last year - spent languidly on the Pacific coast of Mexico only to return to NYC in early dreary January to land at my new girlfriend, Mel’s apartment, camped out laid flat, totally and utterly flued to the max, ensconced on her couch for 8 straight daze.

I quickly found out a new Lover relationship sure looks different when just making it to the toilet is a highlight moment and having to communicate coherently all the while locked up together for a solid week, takes on very a different tone. Somewhere written in Cosmo it says to really find out about your man, see how he acts when he's knocked out sick. Anyway, as my down time led right into Mel’s week long time out in suddenly requested solitary, recovering from her bout of the same, I began noticing a pattern emerging in this young coming together of my dear girlfriend Mel and me.

I observed we'd gone through a quick series of phases or sets or chapters, distinctly unlike, having a markedly different quality than the previous. Nothing too wild a swing, however if not completely unrelated, certainly unique. Now, one who asks the obvious – what’s it all about? (why ask small) I heard: You are being prepared. Really? I replied, only to hear, Yes. As time goes on, I keep getting the sense we’re here to potentially play to a deeper degree on a much larger level. How this will be, I can’t say … and as with all of us here in 2013, the exponential potential is increasing more and more and I imagine, much more than we know.

Between us both, still no great epiphanies or Spiritual pyrotechnics, though a whole lot heatin' up just about everywhere else. Happily, I’d settle and no; the vibe and chills I got when I got this initial download had a more serious tenor to it. Not heavy, just direct. Having called in a Sacred Union Lover partner for years, having done this to the detriment of all my previous relationships, finding out each time the cohesion of the connection couldn’t handle the Juice, if only because I couldn’t handle It myself. Simply put: I hadn’t anchored or actualized my Sacred Masculine presence in for myself, so how could I possibly co-create the container with another?

Calling in the Sacred anything is a tall order, one that requires us to meet It from the very best of ourselves. Attitude won’t help – as the saying goes: you can’t pimp strut into Heaven, you enter walking on your knees. Humility is the key. This quality is a most coveted jewel. The shine of it comes from many life challenges met and matched and much discomfort to the parts that still walk with too cocky a stride. Like the Knights of The Round Table - honor, respect and integrity always win the day.

So does endurance, experience, being totally present and having a semblance of smarts, both in the head and of the Heart, all learned well in Life School and yet - the Sacred will always demand more. Ever notice how Spirit only wants what you really don’t want to let go of. Why is this? You’d think It already has enough but no, It still wants my addictions, my doubts, my fears and ask I turn it all over as a Blessing to God. Huh, say what? I learned the hard way, to deeply heal whatever has caused me pain within myself, I had to Love it to release it. Pushing hard against it always made it push back harder.

So here I am in NYC, having been away for 25 yrs, never ever thinking or wanting to live here again, thankfully having done so (long story), now playing back here in very big lake or ocean more accurately. Getting what I asked for. I asked to go to the next level in my work, Advanced Energy Healing, my writing and teaching on Awakening The Sacred Masculine and all other areas of my life, including the Lovey dovey. I totally know I Am ready, willing and able. Good thing too. Because, why is it that almost the only way to Spiritually grow and evolve you have to get pushed to stretch, usually more than you want? That to progress requires a most sincere and committed outlay of energy, effort and everything else, if only to feel like I'm just keeping up … and who designed it this way anyway!? 

As contrast creates distinction, white is white only because black makes it so. It’s the blistering heat of summer and the tundra cold of winter that cracks the hardest concrete. If enough sudden, shocking and dramatic shifts happen in a person’s life, they will crack. Guaranteed. The homeless shelters are full of us that just couldn’t take any more of whatever made them stop trying to keep it together in the first place. Spirit uses the same strategy, the strategy of extremes.

One way to grow really quickly is to get the upgraded version of Relationship Training 101. Actually, it’s more like RT 303. You take two fairly Spiritually conscious adults (both uniquely interpretive of this term), throw in some Soul contracts, mix in a little hot and heavy + add 2013 and stand back to see what unfolds. Either the life and emotional shifts of such a potent combination will loosen your screws or tear you apart. Thankfully, having earned my stars through all previous relationship ranks, I’m so less difficult than any earlier versions of Keith. My Mel would never have put up with him, let me tell you.

For most all of my life, I’ve felt like I was super clued to the end of the dragon’s tail, whipping from one extreme to the other. Although still breathing (so how bad could it be?), I often stopped going in one direction in a hurry when I hit the wall going in the other. With many less brain cells to grey matter with, I’ve thankfully achieved a relative degree of Awakedness in my life. I’ve made it this far. And yet, this brief time with Mel has reminded me to keep moving forward, I have to keep holding onto the relationship tow rope. No matter how much I’ve been used to letting go when my hands burned, this time I have to do everything possible to keep embracing our Love. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. Especially.

Neither of us has dropped a bomb on the other; no strange bedfellows caught hiding in the closet or terrible ties told and found out. No, I’m not a transvestite named Monique. We both have Loved and lost enough to realize the value and worth of this gift of us. I know I have. I have to believe we know what’s at stake and available here and we're both pretty experienced and savvy dragon riders as well.                  And this is a very good thing.

As the current poured through telling me to be most careful with her, I recognized the implicit agreement implied and saw the potential possibilities arching in the distance, urging me on … to keep coming into my Heartspace especially when pushed past my preferences. If doing nothing else, this would be all I needed to honor the opportunity in hand. This one commitment of my focus and attention would allow me to keep riding the Lifeforce coursing into and through this relationship - not just to Mel, rather my connection to the Divine within me, my Sacred Self.

For the Awakened Sacred Masculine, his personal commitment to Love, honor, respect and live in integrity becomes the force that ignites embodiment of all these Sacred qualities within himself especially when joined with another such as her. This is the meaning of Heart Tantra - that through your open and empowered Hearts you can feel, know and touch the Divine within you, as you, once and for all.

This is also the meaning of Sacred Union. I have quested for this a great many life time, up until now, always falling short. To now be in such a relationship is my Dream Coming True, however, one that continues calling the very best of me to keep showing up, living consciously front and center in my life. It seems, nothing less will do.

... to be continued … 

The Soul’s intention to enter into Sacred Union, first within yourself than another, requires a most specific approach. It will call to the surface all that has ever stood in the way of you Loving your self. It will require you to go to your very depths and connect your Soul’s presence to these places, once and for all. You will have to Love your suffering into Light to become free of it. I can help you do this.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

PS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so! .

Also, our recent Full Moon Awakening Sacred Union Circle was a Lovely success.
Our next Sacred Union Circle will be for this upcoming New Moon, March 11th.
Watch for Facebook notices and please plan on joining us!
Thank You.



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Twin Flamin'

 Be careful what you ask for … blah blah blah, we all know how this one goes, don’t we? When the delivery men have brought your ordered goods, it’s a bit of a mixed bag, after all. What did I buy on the Spiritual Home Shoppers Network, anyway? It’s like ‘if the cure doesn’t kill you’ - great. That’s some kind of warming advice that will surely quicken your pulse to jump into the bubbling cauldron, head first. Not! You gotta be nuts to keep wanting to go into the healing vortex to get dipped, rinsed and steam rolled into wellbeing. Let’s be honest folks, to consciously evolve, grow and transform – to willingly choose to keep walking into the fire – all to become more clear, healed and whole, a fair dose of masochism is called for.

As with this whole Twin Flame business. Is there anything out on the higher consciousness horizon that we, most of us anyway, want more than to suddenly find our ‘Twin Flame’ breathing down our shorts? Metaphorically speaking, that is. Hey, I too fall into this category. I was activated and ignited by this notion ever since I began training with my dear mentor Nicole Christine, a High Priestess extraordinaire who designed the Awakening The Priestess process which in turn, became The Awakening Priest Process I was invited into back in 1997 while living in Sedona, AZ. 

Quick backstory: I was in the first men’s circle training with Nicole, calling in the archetype of the Sacred Masculine into our lives. All seven of us men were the neophytes led to growth through this amazing nine month gestation process Nicole created while working with women in the Tucson area. We essentially followed the same structure she had developed, looking deeply into our personal, familial and patriarchal lineage pasts to arrive at a place where we fully chose to align with our Sacred selves. Sounds fun … and no it wasn’t. It touched into many core themes and wounds all men carry, often hitting up against our Shadow sides, regrettably and appropriately the aspects of ourselves that have caused so much painful shit to happen upon this planet.

For all you feminine righteous women out there – oops, you got it too! Our Shadow lives is in us all, humanity and huwomanity alike. Individually and collectively, we all have this designed into our data bases. Don’t worry, we’ve all got to face our own music, especially the dissonant chorus line that has sung out crying in pain. No one is exempt from owning their suffering and no, it’s the not ‘other persons’ fault either. It’s not even men’s fault. We’ve all filled the various roles, like circus wardrobes exchanged, playing most every part in Earth School’s Repertory Co. 

Until we end up on the Home stretch when we meet (drum roll, please …) our prize at the end of the marathon – our Twin Flame, glittering all a’ splendored in the midst, waiting to welcome us after all our hard travails. Sounds like a Hollywood Love story, doesn’t it? Guess again. It’s like inheriting a zillion $$$. The more you got, the closer you have to look to see where it’s going and the more there is to loose or be taken from you if you don't. Know many free and easy breezy millionaires? Some of the most uptight, neurotic and conflicted people you’ll ever meet live on the Fortune 500 block.

So up shows Ms Thang, this hottie at a Spiritual group event this past November, catching my eye, getting my contact info from a mutual friend there and dropping me a text a day or so later ... ah, to be wanted and pursued. We did the (please excuse the lurid imagery) customary sniff around for a couple of weeks (men are such dogs!) than alas, fell into the clinch and had our way with each other. A lot and as often as possible, thank you so much.

It was soon evident the fit was mutually enjoyable and fun was had by all. Now this is how Spirit puts on the sneak and slowly ties the knot, connecting us deeper and deeper together until our Heart strings were tied firmly tight. Still sounds good, right? It was until the smoke cleared, revealing the, dare I say, places inside that have for so long not been heard, embraced and attended to, not nurtured cared or Love not nearly enough, if at all. The monsters awoke from the dungeons within, demanding attention and first billing on our new relationship status. Some collectors you just can’t put off ...

This is where our Shadows live and have come from in the first place. (How would you like being trapped in a closed, dark room for eons with more and more painful shit dumped on you? – Pissed the fuck off is what!) The hidden small print at the end of the Awakening Contract says: Beware! The more Light you call in, the more of It’s opposite will you see … the more Love you pray to feel, the more of what has kept you from Loving will show up, loud and clear and nasty. This is where it gets really interesting in your relationship or rather, got real interesting for Mel and me. And it didn't take too long either.

It’s like that prison escape movie set in the deep South where the white cracker man goes over the wall with the rag tag black guy and off they go stomping through the swamps together. Shackled at the wrists, 18 inches apart, hating each other’s guts they go … well, maybe not exactly like this were Mel and I, but you get the picture. Joined like Siamese twins unable to pull away from each other, which in some of the juicier moments is truly a wondrous thing, however, when sliding down the Awakening shoot, Heart first hand in hand, heading right for the illusion grinder, it’s not so fun let me tell you. 

The up side to having a spitfire for a girlfriend is the sparks that keep the Heart and bed aglow are thermal and the down side is they sure can roast the nonsense in me to cinders. And from me, in her as well. She her self gets the bounce back immediately. Neither of us can easily escape the process once the pill has been swallowed and trip commenced. It can be done but the repercussions go Soul deep. Who wants to wait to get another chance at this Gift?

The joint agreement is the pace will be brisk, the distance covered appreciable, the wear and tear considerable and the payoff, stupendous beyond our wildest dreams. You gotta pay to play, boys and girls. To get the best you have to give your best. On the ball field this is how it usually plays out. Not always does the best team win, however, the always crummy one rarely does – unless it gets lucky, that is.

This last bit it must be said, just don’t apply to those of us committed and stupid enough to say yes to AWAKENING AT ALL COSTS. Dumb luck won’t save you now. A caesarian section isn’t an option here, sorry. No quick delivery offering an easy exit is on the menu. The birth canal awaits and the way is tight, dark and the pressure applied is more than you believe you can possibly withstand. How else do you get shined like a diamond if not by excruciating force pushing hard against you? Mind you, the Twin Flame mystique has great marketing appeal. It just reads great on paper and whether Mel and I actually are, we’ve both signed up for the total package deal, regardless.

The Universe always forces us to our Destiny. Always. Relentlessly and non stop and ever more until we reach Home safely. This is The Contract. I know from experience, if you’re ever in a bar fight, you better have the bigger, baldest back-up partner possible. No wimps allowed. I don’t want to stumble out of the restroom with just my dick in my hand – I want a rocket launcher on my hip. In this instance, having a tried an true Spiritual warrior by your side is a very good thing. And this, Mel surely is.

This is the flip side to Awakening – you have to be able to hold onto the Lifeforce you’ve called in if you want to keep up or keep from being eaten alive. Of course, knowing when to let go when called for is essential too ... and yet, to embrace the grand Cuisinart Of Transformation, where the quickening, spinning and slicing action removes all the dreck and dross from the pure gold of your Self, takes a very special breed of Soul. Not so romantic after all is it? It’s totally necessary mind you, it just doesn’t always feel good at the time. Hey, if it were easy, we'd all be Ascended by now.

And you thought this was supposed to be a casual walk in the park. Ha! Clear directions, smooth paths and can’t miss instructions. Actually, it’s all this and more. In fact, it’s all of what you want and lots of what you really don’t. Which is why you called in everything that serves your coming Home in the first place, to get you out of the darkness, once and for all. However, the brighter the Light, the darker the Shadow is how it works. And this is a good thing too. What else would possibly motivate you to evolve and how else could you find your way Home unless your pain led you on?

It’s in no way a bad thing to ask for what you dearly want, just be willing and able to do the do when it shows up right in your face. The alchemical force of Love is such that in one moment you can go from Heaven’s bliss to Hell's regret. It all depends how much stuff you still got in the hamper cuz you can bet your last prayer it’s gonna get popped, zapped and brought screaming to the surface. Like those hidden in the depths of the ocean sea creatures who, once brought up to the light of day, explode, implode and deplode on deck. It’s messy folks. And worth it all when the current rushes through sticking, holding and grabbing on less and less.

It’s like multiple orgasms, over and over again … the pressure builds and releases through your open and empowered Heartspaces, showering you both with confetti from your welcome Home party. Except you don’t have to actually go anywhere. You need only be relentlessly present, with each breath ...  and be as committed to facing and embracing every last morsel of your self that has ever been held out of your own Hearts. 

As with me so with her. Of course, the same Loving especially applies between with us as a couple. Indeed we do get to heaven through each other's open Hearts. This is the Joy Boost in the power train of our Twin Flame connection - our Loving is our salvation. (It's also the total destruction of all that's ever kept us separate from our Source Self but we can go into this more some other time ...)  

... to be continued ...

Through my own arduous healing journey I've had to learn how to show up to respect, honor and Love first my self, then Mel. It always works this way. You can't give what you ain't got. To acquire the wisdom to know how to do this is my dharma to share. If you're in a crunch - and want a way out, please give me a call. I can help.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

PS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You.

Learning How To Love

Recent events have brought to my attention how I show up in intimate relationships. Or rather, an intimate relationship with a Lovely woman I recently met here in NYC, the Divine Ms Mel. This realization came suddenly when a little blip showed up on our emotional body radar screens. Nothing heavy duty mind you; no tears spilled or doors slammed in anger or disgust … been there done that, thank you very much. It hurt too much then and I refuse to go back down to that funky place ever again.

It was a simple communication misunderstanding when my Ms Mel wanted private space alone, away from me. She needed to process an experience that required her to pull back into herself and go inside, all to create a sanctuary of sorts so she could better understand what now to do. The experience she was sitting with had nothing specifically to do with me or us as a new couple. She just needed space. Hey, me too – I can sincerely relate having the same tendency myself.

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Whether it’s ‘cave retreat time’ or what, it doesn’t much matter. We all need to get away by ourselves when the time is ripe to do so. Unless you schedule this in as need arises, the spin off, fall out can be very nasty to be around. Just ask some of my old friends … well, you could if they still were my friends, that is. Emotional upheavals and reactive outbursts really aren’t so user friendly, after all. Oh, what I’ve learned in the aftermaths of relationships gone by by.

One of the jewels I’ve come to value in this respect is – you have to inform others of what’s what – hopefully before you take a powder and go missing for a while. Friends tend to like being notified before the storm hits. It gives them time to prepare, stock up on essentials like compassion, empathy and even simple understanding. All of these items are found in your nearby relationship section of your shared Heartspace store.

You’d think we’d all know these things but alas, I was absent when it was forgotten to be taught either at home or anywhere else I had to attend as a kid. And isn’t this just so fucked up! Of all the information I was fed as a lad, sequestered in public schools and a pricey preparatory high school, somehow the really essential How To Excel In Life topics were omitted from my/our education. Go figure.

Most if not all of what I learned while trying to grow up, I got from watching others do their thing. Which I’ve come to know, wasn’t the best way to get my smarts on. It did, however, teach me what I didn’t want to do and although an inverse/reverse approach to effective learning, I sure got the lessons good, first hand. My father used to always tell me – you may not learn this from me but life will sure teach you plenty well. And he was right. Especially in the realm of conscious relationship.

Although he was an accomplished Harvard Ph.D. psychologist, very top of his class, I would bet my nuts he never ever used that term, Conscious Relationship. I don’t think they’d even invented it way back in the day, at least not his. No worries. I sure know it now having been dragged to numerous counseling sessions, Non Violent Communication classes and encounter groups, all by awakening women I was with at the time. Having lived in Sedona for over 10yrs gave me plenty of opportunities to tap into all sorts of higher consciousness experiences, let me say. At the time I moved there in 1996 to attend The School of Energy Mastery, almost everyone knew more than I did.

There, nearly everyone is a channel or Spirit guide or teacher of esoteric knowledge, so I never lacked other people telling what I should do to improve myself. I tell you, it got exhausting. And yet, you’d be surprised how remedial most all of us are,(regardless if you can talk to Pluto) in the ways of intimate relationship. This is a most special course of study that no space 'person' can instill in you. You gotta get this one in the trenches. And you know you’ve gotten it when you no longer keep ending up there.

From the old reactive habit tapes, long embedded into our cellular hard drives, we emerge into the Light of not making such a mess of things. Hey, it’s a trial and error thing. Like making pancakes, the first few often get burned to toast. In this regard, I’ve learned to do what works from having done what never did. Now I get to do it all over again with Mel. Believe me, I’ve waited all my life for the opportunity to do this right.

I’ve come to know I always get to see what I learned (or didn’t) in previous relationships by how I am in the present one. This can sometimes be a bit scary when, like having been absent in Life School the day the super secret formula was handed out, I find myself standing in front of the class looking all too stupid, feeling clueless and lost. I have to admit, I spent a lot of time with chalk in hand, praying for the information to suddenly drop into my head. And it never did. I later found out the secret was in studying beforehand.

Like now. After many crash and burns, I know to ALWAYS listen to my Heart, to ALWAYS check in with my Higher Self and Soul stream awareness to get the essential clues to resolution in any given situation. When in doubt, don’t think! Your mind can never figure out the solution to a problem it created. No can do. It’s just not equipped to give information it can’t personally access. It’s great on getting lost in the past or projecting into the future, however, being a foreign agent in the land of The Present Moment, it has to confer with its Source to get the answers.

As written in recent blogs, a whole wave of realizations have come flooding in as a result of Mel’s and my little wrinkle. Life is often this way. It seems, to get our attention, we have to get tweaked just a bit. In previous times, the wake up call often seemed to come in the form of a 2X4 upside my head ... and so it’s been for me. As with any All Star athlete or musician or dancer, you have to consistently train in the fundamentals, over and over and over again. You have to get back to your basics to keep your swing, your chops or your leg extension. To become and remain excellent, you need to keep coming back to what got you there. The basics.

Fred Astaire caledl the rehearsal hall 'the bloody floor’ because to make it all look effortless, you have to train till you bleed. Ironic, that. We’ve all been through painful Heartbreaks, some over and over again. However eventually, if you don’t kill yourself first, you will learn the requisite lessons and heal from the suffering you yourself create in your life. Goodness knows, I’ve had enough of these to earn the right not to keep putting me and my partners through this ever again.

This doesn’t mean I won’t be disappointed or hurt or filled with despair at the passing of a Loved one or Love affair. It just means I don’t get stuck and remain there for very long. My joy stabilized room at The Heartbreak Hotel now belongs to someone else. I’ve had to learn how to forgive, others and myself. I’ve had to learn to be grateful for everything that happens to me, no matter what. I've had to remember to keep returning to my Spiritual basics by tuning into my Higher Self by going into my Soul stream to get, not so much the answers, rather the relief from my deep longing and suffering. As has been so since time immemorial, the way to feel whole is to go to where you are whole. Only your Spirit knows this place, after all.

This time apart has reminded me of this essential fact. It has given me pause from my thoughts. And this is a very good thing. I've reestablished my commitment to my constitutionals - the handful of core activities that keep me healthy and sane - like a steady mediation practice, morning, daily and at night. I'm back swimming in the pool which is pure temple time for me. I'm refocusing on getting my work out here that got sidetracked cuz I've been so loopy in Love. Simply put, I've returned to being me with myself instead of focusing on being me with Mel.

... to be continued ...

Learning how to heal the old wounds hidden deep inside, the ones that get activated and aggravated when Love goes wrong is a basic Spiritual lesson - one you will have to get before you arrive on your journey Home. There is no Heartbreak in Heaven. I can help you do this.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

PS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

 

Thank You.

 

Bamboozled or A Wake Up Call?

Sometimes things first appear too good, too fresh and clean, too promising … and yet, us optimistic types always want to believe the shine on top is really the true value deep inside. It’s Human nature to want to believe this, don’t you think? I know I do, especially when it comes to meeting and getting to know new people. I choose to believe in the potential upsides until proven otherwise. Is it Fool’s Gold glittering in appearance, only once scratched, it’s proved fake. If something looks too good, it probably isn’t.

When all the signposts between you and the person you’re in relationship with point to desired destinations, especially if there’s good sex involved, it’s easy to hop on board hoping to be taken on a wonderful ride to arrive … where exactly? In terms of intimate relationship, the urge to jump head first is a strong one. For many of us, this attraction to merge our energies with another, seen as a potential life partner is an ancient, inbred emotional DNA drive. It’s not just about procreating, it’s about connecting in the deepest of ways on the deepest of levels. For me this represents, metaphorically speaking, coming in from the cold to warm my hands, body and Heart in the flames of shared Love. 

What happens when the one you’re with suddenly decides, without discussion, to draw the line, in effect creating personal space apart which has you on the outside looking in? What then? How do you manage your emotions when just a bit before they were safe knowing the person you’ve been intimate with willingly shared them in kind? You felt you had an understanding together, where you both kept your Hearts out in plain view with no strings attached or hidden doors privately kept open to go hide back into when the fear hits or things become too difficult. And is this I wonder, an expression of an old paradigm relationship?

Do you go into the dark trench, reacting in pain and disappointment, lost in a downward spiral? Or do you use the situation as a positive opportunity to do this old experience differently? To this end, do you let the outer circumstances dictate how you feel about yourself, putting you back in the place of disempowerment and despair? Do you blame yourself unrealistically, making yourself wrong wrong wrong, only to reinforce and prove your shitty self-worth issues correct?

Goodness knows, it often feels like a crap shoot with eyes closed getting this one right. There are zillions of self-help, get well books on the market all giving good advice in these situations and yet, when it happens to you, it’s easy to feel illiterate in the ways of figuring out the answers for yourself. To do it as you’ve done before isn’t always the most conscious way possible to find resolution, in fact, it’s usually very much the opposite. In significant stress, we all tend to revert back to what has worked in the past. Lock down, locked in and to the other, locked out. Sound familiar?

This pull back from a woman I’ve recently been seeing, Mel, all for her perfectly understandable reasons (my mind gets all this) has caught me off guard, largely because I didn’t have my guard up in the first place. And this is very new for me. As a man, I’d built up so much protection, so many defense systems all to keep me safe and secure in the realm of emotional intimacy. I, like most if not all of us, have had many difficult experiences in the ways of Love and my Heart has paid heavy prices for learning what to and not to do in this regard.

From a Soul awareness perspective, these lessons are often the hardest to learn and the most difficult to integrate. They're also the most empowering once grocked.The tendency, while in the emotional crunch, is to put the walls back up and reenlist the guards at the gates to go into red alert, protection mode. The price of this is that it keeps the old belief systems alive that 1) your emotions aren’t safe and 2) that another has ultimate control over what you feel. As for me, I’ve long been the product of this kind of thinking and the walls that kept me safe have also kept me alone.

Early on Mel spouted many wonderful things about us being Twin Flames, perfect compliments for and of each other. This term, Twin Flame, is a popular catch phrase meaning: one original, whole Soul Self, being split into two apparently separate Soul entities upon entry into 3D reality, meeting and reuniting up once again in Sacred Union, wholly perfect as before. (Don’t you just Love the notion of this?) This can only happen, however, if both people recognize the priceless potential and are up to the task to evolve in an even more accelerated rate. This, however, isn’t for the faint of Heart or weak of conviction. Easy to say, not so easy to do.

It is believed that one of the primary goals of each of our Souls is to consciously reunite with our other, complimentary half in our journey Home. It’s been said, this alone is one of the ways we know we have successfully completed this phase of our Spiritual journey here on Earth. At this point, I really gotta wonder… it all looked so different and promising with Mel - with both of us fairly seasoned pros in the ways of our Spiritual evolution and growth. But then again, appearances like many things, look different further into the ride.

We match up really well physically and sexually, have lots to talk and share about and laugh much of the time together. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like a sure thing, a perfect fit. And yet my life has taught me, our deeper natures usually take the back seat while the courting/honeymoon phase is ripe only to emerge to take control when there’s a perceived threat lurking too close. It sure is interesting what gets picked up on the emotional radar screen and identified as threatening, isn’t it?

Speaking of which and ironically enough, whether this is actually so for her, last week as I was climbing up into her bedroom loft, asking if there was anything she needed, she remarked, I only need you.

This caught me slightly by surprise if only because this is so uncharacteristic of her – to say she needs anything from anyone else, that is. I wondered if she really meant it and if so, what would the hardened sentinels at the gates protecting her self-reliance have to say about it – the internal parts or defense systems she created to keep her safe from disappointment and pain. We all have them somewhere inside. Time will tell and perhaps already has. Did the possibility of having a man get too close emotionally set off the warning alarms? As a rule in this respect, there’s always a new relationship probation period in effect, anywhere from 3 to 6 months tops. Appropriately enough, she and I have known each other just over 3 months …

Sooner or later you wake up next to your friend wondering if this person is really who you thought they were. Probably not. The first assumptions made that no longer hold up and the new face to face facts you will now have to come to terms, if not make peace with, will be exactly what has to happen for you to stay together. This can only happen however, if your partner wants to do the same as well. There are so many variables in play, not the least of which are conscious communication skills and habits that support you in moving through misunderstands as smoothly as possible. Of course, having the same idea of what you individually and collectively want in the relationship sure helps too. Duh!

Yes, it takes two to tango and two to be in a conscious relationship and yet, even more important, the relationship you have with your own emotions is yours and yours alone. In some respects, this really is the only game in town.

 

All of perceived reality we are affected by, all takes place within ourselves. Yes, there may be an ‘outer world’ out there, however, it is all created, experienced, and interpreted from inside you. You really are the center of your own Youniverse. From the core understanding that all experiences are meant to forward your Soul’s evolution, growth and progress, everything we experience is an invitation to be as conscious as possible. Especially when it hurts. This is always the biggest doorway to anchoring in self-Love, holding ourselves safe when the world and those we Love don’t. What a gift this actually is.

It’s easy to jump off the bridge when emotions get too intense. We all either have or certainly wanted to and yet, we always take ourselves with us and meet up front, close and personal when we arrive wherever we think we should rather be. I found it’s far better to take the time to really feel whatever I’m feeling instead of abandoning these parts of myself just because they hurt too much. Eventually, in order to become whole within myself, I will have to go collect them anyway.

This is where your Spiritual practice comes to save you. Unless you consciously connect with your higher wisdom and create and maintain the open pathways to your Soul, you will probably wallow in the pits for time to come. Until you choose to pull up and out of the shit you're feeling, expect more of the same. Just a thought.

... to be continued ...

I work and help those who feel sad and alone, lost in the wake of relationship breakup. When your emotional perspective is stuck seeing only the pits, how can you consciously shift to see the potential opportunity before you? What will it take for you to take back the reins of your own well-being out of the hands of your ex? To become whole within yourself, you will have to learn. I can help you do this.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

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Thank You.