Bunking At Mel’s

It’s so interesting this relationship dance I and my dear Ms Mel are in. Like so many of us conscious and Heart centered people, the nearly constant wish towards the top of the list is always a juicy Beloved to share your life with. Sure has been one of mine, that’s for sure. Having long been locked into a self defeating pattern of push-pulling Love around and away, I've finally come to an open clearing on the relationship landscape of my emotional body. Let it be said, 
I never thought I would make it here ...

Looking back over my shoulder, I see an obstacle course, bomb site pitted with craters and fox holes worming this way and that. Except they’re always going in the same direction, nowhere. I wouldn’t say the field was littered with the slain bodies of my lost Loves, rather the fall out remnants of my own selves that kept creating the same scenarios to reoccur. I just haven't been able to get this part of my life right, which is to say, I wasn’t able to sustain a Love relationship for any significant length of time or after 6 mos or so, have much fun doing it. 

Of course, based on the role models from my youth, my parents, this isn’t so surprising. No fault to them, they really did their best, though simply didn’t have to tools or know-how to do any different. Like many couples, they seemed to be satisfied just getting along – not too many lows nor too many highs. As a result, I learned what I want in this respect by what I didn’t see, experience or get then.

One of the things I learned about myself, perhaps because like many of my generation, I was bottled fed and hardly held as an infant, I really am a physically tactical guy, which is another way of saying, an especially touch oriented, affectionate man. I like to touch and be touched. Because it feels good. I don’t think it’s only a matter of making up for what I missed, rather having an added appreciation of the simple comforts that feel especially good now.

For me, touch is an essential way to relate deeply to my partner and communicate on all the non-verbal levels. This is where the true messages from our Hearts are spoken and best heard. All this I’ve gleamed over the years, distilling into a few basic, can’t miss relationship rules or strategies. No, I hadn’t attended a trendy seminar or workshop giving me the secret clues on how to please a woman. No lists of words or subjects to address or avoid if I wanted to get to the promised land between her … ears. No sure fire techniques to open the gates of her eternal Love. 

With women, as has been so for much of my life, I’ve had to learn these lessons the hard way. In this case, 
by watching them walk away. Ouch. For some of us tough nuts, this is the only way we ever come to pay attention. The vacuum created when, over and over again we are left alone wondering - What the fuck!?! becomes so hollow and cavernous, the aloneness that magnifies our need to isolate, becomes too oppressive to live in or ignore any longer.

Living in NYC where everyone and their dog has a new dog, the life lessons gained from having had my own animals readily apply. One of the best ways to create a life long bond with your dog is to hardly ever leave them alone for the first 1.5 yrs of their life. This will create the special bondedness you most desire. Guess what – in very similar ways, to get hooked up and locked in with your main squeeze, you have to spend not only the getting to know you time but the keeping the fires burning time too. This in fact, becomes a near constant if you want to keep rocking and rolling with your Lover/partner/girl-boyfriend/ spouse. It just works this way. You have to feed it to keep it alive and you have to feed it really well to have it thrive.

If this is of interest, especially at the beginning, you just have to spend the time and effort necessary to keep developing the energetic connections that will deepen your Heart’s and lives together. It really is this simple. You gotta pay to play and the investment made comes due each and every day you spend with each other. If you’re lucky and really Blessed, you meet someone you’re attracted to (ditto in return) who offsets and compliments your own personality’s emotional – how to say – foibles. Maybe quirks and idiosyncrasies are more like it. After all, we all got our stuff, shit too.

In the larger life view, it sometimes seems like I ordered from number of delectable dishes on the menu, not all however, come out in an particular order or at the same time, if at all. It's this way for everyone. Of the 5 or so life themes we Souls come into Human form to learn, evolve and develop (health, Spirituality, work/career, family, relationship), rarely does anyone have them all fully working on line when we're born. Most however, never get them all going in their lives, period.

Most often, even for the most got-it-all-together looking people, there's always one or more of these items that don't come natural or at all. I suppose if you missing only one on this list, you're doing really well ... and yet, if you have all the rest and your health really sucks, what's the pay off? It sometimes feels like a crap shoot with all this and if you look really closely at your own life, you'll see where you're still in grade school trying to get the life lessons you came in for.

For me, Love relationship on a remedial level has certainly been the ringer - which is not to say, I haven't been challenged by a couple of others as well. But let's stick with relationship for now ... Now, I got it going with Mel. The good news is she thinks so too. Of course, I've known her all these many weeks, November 18th being the day we met, so it's a bit early in the hunt to see where we're going or how we'll navigate along the way.

I spend a number of nights with her each week with talk of eventually moving in together. I suppose as all new couples do, when the bloom is fresh on the rose, the whole world looks sunny and bright. Because neither she nor I are rookies right off the bus arriving for our first tryouts, we have more experience on the playing field than when we last stood here with another (or last) Lover. Hopefully, we've learned a few things getting here that will make this one all it possibly can be.

Personal speaking, at this relative late juncture in my life, I've learned how to make the best of a very good thing and not do as I used to do, mess it up because it feels too good. Go figure. Because my belief systems have changed (oh, the years it's taken to shift this bad-boy) now telling me I am Loveable and totally worthy of being Loved in return (it's a very long and old story), I don't have the unconscious need to recreate the reality that I'm not. By fucking it up.

And Voila! here I am - with her. I've found, to get the best, I have to do my best. This immediately applies when it comes to Loving Mel. In my mind, nothing less will do and it never is an effort to do so. At this point in my Life School Relationship 101 Training Class, the passing grade is achieved in how easy it is to see the Love in her and attend to this like it really matters. Because it really does. However we progress as a couple, my overall intention as a man is always to be as present, aligned, grounded and living from my Heartspace as possible - regardless of whether we're in relationship or not. The Awakened Sacred Masculine holds to his ideals as the core pillar and foundation of his existence, no matter what.

With so much up in the air these days, personally, globally and if the Mayan calendar is even remotely accurate, Universally as well, it sure is a full plate for us all. Yes, there are a couple of Life Themes high on my wish to master though I'm taking great comfort and refuge in knowing I'm doing this one really well right now. If our personal power and healing medicine comes from our wounds, this one I'm mixing, brewing and offering with elan, grace and style. I've certainly tried it just about every other way.

... to be continued ...

I work with people who keep recreating the same unfulfilling relationships, over and over again. The inbred emotional patterns, set from childhood that keep playing out in you can be changed, upgraded and developed so you can create the relationships you most desire. If I can do this, so can you.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

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Thank You.