Bamboozled or A Wake Up Call?

Sometimes things first appear too good, too fresh and clean, too promising … and yet, us optimistic types always want to believe the shine on top is really the true value deep inside. It’s Human nature to want to believe this, don’t you think? I know I do, especially when it comes to meeting and getting to know new people. I choose to believe in the potential upsides until proven otherwise. Is it Fool’s Gold glittering in appearance, only once scratched, it’s proved fake. If something looks too good, it probably isn’t.

When all the signposts between you and the person you’re in relationship with point to desired destinations, especially if there’s good sex involved, it’s easy to hop on board hoping to be taken on a wonderful ride to arrive … where exactly? In terms of intimate relationship, the urge to jump head first is a strong one. For many of us, this attraction to merge our energies with another, seen as a potential life partner is an ancient, inbred emotional DNA drive. It’s not just about procreating, it’s about connecting in the deepest of ways on the deepest of levels. For me this represents, metaphorically speaking, coming in from the cold to warm my hands, body and Heart in the flames of shared Love. 

What happens when the one you’re with suddenly decides, without discussion, to draw the line, in effect creating personal space apart which has you on the outside looking in? What then? How do you manage your emotions when just a bit before they were safe knowing the person you’ve been intimate with willingly shared them in kind? You felt you had an understanding together, where you both kept your Hearts out in plain view with no strings attached or hidden doors privately kept open to go hide back into when the fear hits or things become too difficult. And is this I wonder, an expression of an old paradigm relationship?

Do you go into the dark trench, reacting in pain and disappointment, lost in a downward spiral? Or do you use the situation as a positive opportunity to do this old experience differently? To this end, do you let the outer circumstances dictate how you feel about yourself, putting you back in the place of disempowerment and despair? Do you blame yourself unrealistically, making yourself wrong wrong wrong, only to reinforce and prove your shitty self-worth issues correct?

Goodness knows, it often feels like a crap shoot with eyes closed getting this one right. There are zillions of self-help, get well books on the market all giving good advice in these situations and yet, when it happens to you, it’s easy to feel illiterate in the ways of figuring out the answers for yourself. To do it as you’ve done before isn’t always the most conscious way possible to find resolution, in fact, it’s usually very much the opposite. In significant stress, we all tend to revert back to what has worked in the past. Lock down, locked in and to the other, locked out. Sound familiar?

This pull back from a woman I’ve recently been seeing, Mel, all for her perfectly understandable reasons (my mind gets all this) has caught me off guard, largely because I didn’t have my guard up in the first place. And this is very new for me. As a man, I’d built up so much protection, so many defense systems all to keep me safe and secure in the realm of emotional intimacy. I, like most if not all of us, have had many difficult experiences in the ways of Love and my Heart has paid heavy prices for learning what to and not to do in this regard.

From a Soul awareness perspective, these lessons are often the hardest to learn and the most difficult to integrate. They're also the most empowering once grocked.The tendency, while in the emotional crunch, is to put the walls back up and reenlist the guards at the gates to go into red alert, protection mode. The price of this is that it keeps the old belief systems alive that 1) your emotions aren’t safe and 2) that another has ultimate control over what you feel. As for me, I’ve long been the product of this kind of thinking and the walls that kept me safe have also kept me alone.

Early on Mel spouted many wonderful things about us being Twin Flames, perfect compliments for and of each other. This term, Twin Flame, is a popular catch phrase meaning: one original, whole Soul Self, being split into two apparently separate Soul entities upon entry into 3D reality, meeting and reuniting up once again in Sacred Union, wholly perfect as before. (Don’t you just Love the notion of this?) This can only happen, however, if both people recognize the priceless potential and are up to the task to evolve in an even more accelerated rate. This, however, isn’t for the faint of Heart or weak of conviction. Easy to say, not so easy to do.

It is believed that one of the primary goals of each of our Souls is to consciously reunite with our other, complimentary half in our journey Home. It’s been said, this alone is one of the ways we know we have successfully completed this phase of our Spiritual journey here on Earth. At this point, I really gotta wonder… it all looked so different and promising with Mel - with both of us fairly seasoned pros in the ways of our Spiritual evolution and growth. But then again, appearances like many things, look different further into the ride.

We match up really well physically and sexually, have lots to talk and share about and laugh much of the time together. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like a sure thing, a perfect fit. And yet my life has taught me, our deeper natures usually take the back seat while the courting/honeymoon phase is ripe only to emerge to take control when there’s a perceived threat lurking too close. It sure is interesting what gets picked up on the emotional radar screen and identified as threatening, isn’t it?

Speaking of which and ironically enough, whether this is actually so for her, last week as I was climbing up into her bedroom loft, asking if there was anything she needed, she remarked, I only need you.

This caught me slightly by surprise if only because this is so uncharacteristic of her – to say she needs anything from anyone else, that is. I wondered if she really meant it and if so, what would the hardened sentinels at the gates protecting her self-reliance have to say about it – the internal parts or defense systems she created to keep her safe from disappointment and pain. We all have them somewhere inside. Time will tell and perhaps already has. Did the possibility of having a man get too close emotionally set off the warning alarms? As a rule in this respect, there’s always a new relationship probation period in effect, anywhere from 3 to 6 months tops. Appropriately enough, she and I have known each other just over 3 months …

Sooner or later you wake up next to your friend wondering if this person is really who you thought they were. Probably not. The first assumptions made that no longer hold up and the new face to face facts you will now have to come to terms, if not make peace with, will be exactly what has to happen for you to stay together. This can only happen however, if your partner wants to do the same as well. There are so many variables in play, not the least of which are conscious communication skills and habits that support you in moving through misunderstands as smoothly as possible. Of course, having the same idea of what you individually and collectively want in the relationship sure helps too. Duh!

Yes, it takes two to tango and two to be in a conscious relationship and yet, even more important, the relationship you have with your own emotions is yours and yours alone. In some respects, this really is the only game in town.

 

All of perceived reality we are affected by, all takes place within ourselves. Yes, there may be an ‘outer world’ out there, however, it is all created, experienced, and interpreted from inside you. You really are the center of your own Youniverse. From the core understanding that all experiences are meant to forward your Soul’s evolution, growth and progress, everything we experience is an invitation to be as conscious as possible. Especially when it hurts. This is always the biggest doorway to anchoring in self-Love, holding ourselves safe when the world and those we Love don’t. What a gift this actually is.

It’s easy to jump off the bridge when emotions get too intense. We all either have or certainly wanted to and yet, we always take ourselves with us and meet up front, close and personal when we arrive wherever we think we should rather be. I found it’s far better to take the time to really feel whatever I’m feeling instead of abandoning these parts of myself just because they hurt too much. Eventually, in order to become whole within myself, I will have to go collect them anyway.

This is where your Spiritual practice comes to save you. Unless you consciously connect with your higher wisdom and create and maintain the open pathways to your Soul, you will probably wallow in the pits for time to come. Until you choose to pull up and out of the shit you're feeling, expect more of the same. Just a thought.

... to be continued ...

I work and help those who feel sad and alone, lost in the wake of relationship breakup. When your emotional perspective is stuck seeing only the pits, how can you consciously shift to see the potential opportunity before you? What will it take for you to take back the reins of your own well-being out of the hands of your ex? To become whole within yourself, you will have to learn. I can help you do this.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

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Thank You.