Where The Men Are

I just returned from a Men's Weekend - a 1.5 day retreat a good friend held and facilitated over the weekend here in the NYC area. It's been years since I last attended a 'guy's getaway' event – where a group of us gather together that has nothing to do with a sporting event or football game, a let's all yell at the screen and each other 'male bonding' experience. You know the routine, those often loud, boozy and and all too boisterous afternoons spent together having what's become known as the primary place any of us guys really connect in the 'ways of men.'

For turnout quite surprisingly, there were 18 of us total. WOW and how unusual. This was the first time since moving here last Summer I've sat with so many of us trying to be awake and conscious men, all converged in one place. Again, how unusual … and extremely welcomed at that.

As I looked around the room this past Friday evening when we were all getting settled, I was struck by how different we all were, at least from my previous model of what this has looked like in the past. Having lived in Sedona for over 10 years, it was not so unique to have a room full of us former New Age guys sitting in group together. However, here on the East coast, this is still a very new, different if not rare occurrence altogether. The wave moves albeit a bit slower with mainstream males.

Admittedly, the locations and arenas of my 'Men's Work' experience has been limited to the likes of Asheville, NC, Sedona AZ, Big Sur CA and Ibiza, Spain. All beautiful places if not alternative to be sure, although not very mainstream in the least. No worries. The reach of The Beloved knows no bounds and the breath of Spirit fills us all no matter where we are breathing. During The Turning Of The Ages, the doors have been thrown wide open to call and admit all whom are drawn to show up for their Self now.

Thankfully, my buddy and extremely accomplished therapist/facilitator friend has a great deal of experience creating and holding safe, Sacred space for others. Along with seeing couples with his wife (she too is a therapist), he works primarily with men in the New Jersey area who have supported his professional practice for many years. He is fully booked is Joseph M. and a real jewel of a man. He is quickly becoming a valued and trusted friend and this touches my Heart. Needless to say, I was sincerely honored to be asked and included into this group of men and entered the room expectant and excited to witness and participate.

Again, not having been in such a large gathering of men for many years, I wasn't sure what to expect. Ah, the openness of the beginner's mind. Not knowing is such fertile and potent terrain, with all options possible to potentially seed, germinate and come to later fruition. I imagined and knew, with the overall intention to touch into some close to the bone areas of our individual and collective lives, I was open to simply show up with conscious intent. To be present. To be sincere. To be authentic. To be in integrity with myself and all others.

How hard can this be? If you yourself are a man or know of any who have chosen to do their deep self healing work - always, over years upon years - this is no easy feat or casual accomplishment, let me say. From bankers, police detectives, large business to gas station owners, to me - a clairvoyant and masterful Advanced Energy Healer - all gathered together to do this work. This event's account written, mildly with tongue in cheek, was by no means insignificant or superficial, either in any of our individual lives nor in the larger scheme of things. Although no one there would use this term willingly -  
We are the New Millennium Men, thank you very much.

Along with the variety of appearance and professions of the men gathered, the range of experience in this respect was even more vast and far ranging. Some had never formerly meditated and perhaps as of only a couple of years ago, probably couldn't even pronounce the word. All in the room however, had been invited in having already experienced the magic of Joseph's abilities, experience and wisdom. Many had previously attended he and his wife's couple counseling sessions, with a number having come at the strong behest of their significant others prompting and encouragement.

Isn't this so often the case with us slow on the uptake males. Which just about includes the vast majority of our gender population, I'd say. We really are at the fortuitous effect (thank Goddess) of the awakening women in our lives. They – yes, you in audience - have continued to pave the way for the rest of us. This mind you, isn't to say there aren't a whole lot of (dare I say) pain in the ass, off the wall, less than awakened females out there and yet, if not for the force of the Sacred Feminine, we'd all still be living in the 1950's. Or worse. At least this is my take on things.

The retreat’s structure was loose and the agenda minimal. The larger outline Joseph was using was birthed in the experience that indeed, Spirit leads the way and it's up to him as facilitator to follow along without backing out completely. Hey, you gotta have someone who's leading the pack, presenting the focus and direction for the rest to follow. For backstory: I'd say including everyone's history (excluding Joseph’s and my own), there were maybe a half dozen men who'd spent any time whatsoever in a group like this and for those only once or twice before.

They were mostly all Newbees, though standing strong coming out of the gate. In truth, all in attendance were well seasoned pros who as men, had made it through enough of our own life’s shit (unlike so many who haven't) and still chose to face it further and consciously awaken in their lives. Like I said, wow. 

Each of us has a human story with really long timelines and mostly challenging familial life times, all souped together often in a chaotic disarray. Emotionally speaking. Although markedly different in content, the uncanny familiars amongst us men was at first off putting, then strangely comforting. We all come from somewhere having endlessly asked in youth, Who are these strange people called my parents and why are they so fucked up!?! Any answers given have been severally questioned and challenged over the years. We all had childhoods although not all of us made it out. Like everyone, it's not where you came from, it's where you end up that counts.

In reality, to provide and pull off a really good retreat - less is more. You just have to touch with intention the important topics to set sail to the group. If all flows along well enough, at some point the sails ignite and catch fire. Of course, this is where the precious stuff lives. As you women surely know, it's often simply about getting in touch with what's been closed up inside, perhaps hidden too deep and long enough and it's speaking to it that creates the possibility for clearing and resolution to occur. Only with each other (however this applies to the moment) can we feel supported enough to go there for ourselves.
More often than not, we can’t do this on our own and don’t go there alone.

We really do get to Heaven through each other's open Heart.

Us men are slowly yet finally getting the intoxicating whiff of freedom - to be released from so much heavy and painful shit we've had to haul for fucking centuries, no longer! is completely totally utterly and breathtakingly amazing. It's nearly unbelievable really, unprecedented to be sure. This my friends, has never ever happened in recorded His story. At last, the tide is turning where men are coming in from the cold to warm our Hearts in the bond fire of our newly awakening Brotherhood. At last.

More and more of us are awakening to the simple fact that you have to actually talk to your girlfriend, wife/partner/significant other for them to possibly be happy. Yelling doesn't count. It usually works wonders what speaking from your Heart will do. And with about everything else on this new consciousness landscape, this we guys have to learn to do for the very first time. And we are.

The processes or exchanges we did during the retreat all brought us deeper into our feelings – of yyuck, not these again! Actually, this was most of us not so many years ago, however as Joseph kept reminding and inviting, this is where our doorway through lay. This passageway soon delivered us to our innermost emotional wells. Here, we came upon our fathers, down into the very core of all of our self worth issues, the conditioning of what we were taught to believe about ourselves and how we've lived our lives as a result. The hidden recesses of our unfelt, unprocessed and unresolved emotions, if left alone and ignored long enough – like in everybody – begins to mold up, get nasty and in many men, often turns us reactive and angry.

This is called our Shadow speaking. The truth is, the unseen and unconscious parts of us that secretly run our lives, that by choosing to remain unaware of these parts of ourselves that just haven’t been Loved enough or even at all (with all the residual Heartbreak therein) - this hollow and painful space within has always created the anger, doubt and fear we experience in our lives as well as unload upon others.

For men, this is as huge as it gets and as basic to our sense of ourselves as any one thing. We learned how to be a man from the one who's seed co-created us and hopefully raised us with consciousness and care. This I heard however, wasn't so often the case. In fact, hardly if at all. When hearing of another's painful past, the very same memory feeling played in each of us … immediately taking us back when our father’s didn’t say they Loved us or believed in us or had anything good to say to us at any time.

A number had alcoholic fathers who'd made their childhoods hell and this we could all somehow relate to as well. These patterns in our humanity are all ancient archetypal themes running through the masculine mass collective (un)consciousness, playing out before us and within our very lives present in the room. This is why we all showed up in the first place, to heal and clear this shit in ourselves so it didn't keep contaminating our lives and infecting our children. It was from this deep of a place that moved us to show up.

Thank goodness for the Heartbreak I've had to heal throughout my own life, if only to be able to hear of this in these men. It has never out-numbed me, rather opened up and cleared me so I am fully present for others, not being taken and highjacked away on a difficult ride somewhere lost in my unresolved pain body. I used to get ambushed down memory lane (or was it nightmare alley?) and by being all too empathically open to feel into others, had a hard time not getting lost in my own Shadowlands.

We spoke of shame. For many of us, having lived under enormous pressure to be all the man our fathers weren’t for themselves, we were faced with not ever being good enough for them. The self- reproach they felt for themselves, like shit, flowed down stream into us. We've carried in our subconscious that failure to please our fathers brought about critical displeasure, sometimes expressed in violent ways.

Historically, we’ve had to (for all the understandable and unfathomable reasons) done all of the killing in conflicts and wars all over the Earth for so unbelievably long, racking up some serious and steep karma points along the way. Heavy shit done and had by all and not an easy weight to carry and come to peace with, if ever we can.

In fact, we never do. Thus, the Men’s Retreat. Hey, it's worked for you women. On the second day, a couple of men actually popped. This being workshop vernacular for getting into and feeling some deep emotional shit. And crying really deeply, the kind of crying that each of us, if Blessed enough, have experienced that always cleanses our Hearts, minds and Souls. Some vibrated and shook in the process shoot … like being in the intestinal squeeze, where moving through and letting go is the order of the moment, the energy of Grace soon shows to be running the show. Only This and your open Hearts can bring you through to the other side. But you have to trust enough and yes, want it badly enough.

There was one fellow who, obviously sitting in and on some strong and old emotion inside, had to pull out of the circle sitting off to the side, who effectively pulled away from the close immediacy, intiamcy and power of the current. The poignant beauty in this was, even though we all felt the loss of his presence with us, we’d all been there, having chosen to be alone by ourselves before. All of our stories hit home. No, I don’t know what loosing a 14 yr young son to suicide feels like but I do know what abject Heartbreak which almost killed me does and this is close enough. I don’t have to be you and have your feelings, to feel what’s it like to have mine.

The glory we all felt by feeling ourselves in safe Sacred shared space with other caring men is incalculable, precious and extremely rare. The Sisterhood all y’all been having all these countless years, the natural coming together of women around the village well, has eluded, been absent and sorely missed by us men.

Yes, we’ve shouted and partied with each other in close settings and events that are our sports bar mentality displayed, however men (up until now) have never - in larger and larger groups, chosen to come together and speak of our deeper feelings in order to heal and resolve them. FYI: For us all to recognize, both men and women alike:

We are waking up, we are standing up and we are showing up, once and for all.

Men are just now awakening to our conscious masculine interconnectedness and in so doing, have come to realize being the men we most want to be is remarkably similar to what our women want most from us as well. Wow.

… to be continued …

I work with men, both younger and adult in either one-on-one or in group settings. By healing the wounds carried from childhood that prevent you from living the life of your deepest fulfillment and personal happiness, you learn to create a life that does. I can help you do this.

For more information and to sign up for a consultation and Soul Attunement session, please contact me at heartantra@yahoo.com or view my web site at heartantra.com
Thank You.