This Void has been described as a no-man's land, neither here nor there, up or down, a place like Alice's Worn Hole where the doors and windows of perception are cloudy to blank. Like floating in a pool of amniotic fluid without end, the birthing process from this place is never linear, clear cut or predictable. And just like being birthed, the only way out is through ...
Personally speaking, the start of this New Year had it's interesting, perplexing and uncertain moments to be sure. Beginning January flat on my back, deep in the flu trench, climbing my way out to the other side, once there, I couldn't for the life of me find the traction to move forward. It was like slip sliding on wet moss dripping from the stream, I just couldn't get a grip on my next step.
It was frustrating if for no other reason, I imagined there would be a whole new download of Juice after the big build up of last years big send off to the Mayan calendar. Isn't it amazing how such a hugely anticipated event soon gets swept under the rug as life continues moving us along? In every case, I hit a slick spot just when I was expecting to find my stride leaving me wondering ...
New imprints are like this. This is what makes them new. In this regard, you can't do the same ol' same ol' all over again and expect different results. If there is a tone or tenor to this new Lifeforce current hitting the Earth now, it's all about finding fresh solutions to those same ol's. The qualities of Now are in fact based on the Sacred interconnected and interdependence of all life, not the singular egoic drives to achieve results at all costs, often to the detriment of the planet and Humanity.
And still the bills have to be paid. To juggle within the vast shifts Universally and globally underway and continue doing the do in whatever ways required, is simply breathtaking. To keep showing up in the everyday exchanges throughout our lives with one foot in the cosmic energy stream and the other on the asphalt going to catch the Subway for work, is a testament to us all. The place I struggled, however was in not finding the inspiration or firm footing to walk my walk with any sense of purpose whatsoever. Like being empty or barren, I felt incredibly lost without a direction Home.
I just couldn't get it up at all. Metaphorically speaking that is. Whether no tiger in my tank or the pilot light was blown out, the place I was used to looking for gas was all dried up. I've learned over time, when one area of my life feels stuck, go where there is movement and focus there. I suppose this is what 'going with the flow' is all about - letting go where the flow is taking you. This can be really confusing when there doesn't seem to be any movement in the flow at all and like a stagnant river, the funky stuff caught on the bank is there because the current has passed it by.
Especially for us Capricorn guys, we like movement. The goat-like symbolism is one of always seeking to climb the heights of the next mountain top off in the distance. However, as a Spiritual Being first and foremost, the outer labels and vestiges don't typecast me into any particular habitual pattern I don't personally endorse ie. believe in for myself. However, what happens when your belief systems are consistently being revamped if not completely overhauled, fulfilling the Cosmo's overall intent to clear away the old to make room for the new? Whatever it takes to keep stepping along as smoothly as possible, I'd say. And so I've taken long walks in Central Park to assuage my unease and has made all the difference
When Humphrey Bogart was once asked the secret to his acting magic - I don't bump into the furniture or mumble my lines was his reply, the priceless strategy was spoken for the simplistic approach to conscious evolution - don't fuck up the simple stuff by getting tangled up in your self. Get back to basics. Keep it simple and just lay low until the signs become clear to proceed along. And so I have. Now, being Blessed by the counsel of my dear astrologer friend and confidant Lydia B makes this easier if only because I get constant updates as to the effects the planets, stars and celestial whatnot's personally have on me.
Astro speaking: like the wonder of the wind for instance, even through science has explained the high or low pressure business being it's cause, I prefer to see this all under the Mystery of Life banner. It really is easier to grok if I don't try to understand it all. This isn't denial rather selective comprehension. I prefer the mystical than rational approach most any day, so why confine myself to thinking something is one way when it can easily be another? It has always made sense to question what those in the know say they know.
We make up our beliefs and personal perceptions as we go along anyway (though largely unchallenged by most), what I was faced with was the absence of what to believe in at all. Alas, The Void. With all the Lovely changes in my life, specifically with my Divine Ms Mel entering my Heart, the shifts have been subtle in nature and sublime in effect - yet strong and pronounced nonetheless. Love anytime stirs things up, with two powerhouse's such as us, the updraft can be intoxicating and forceful to say the very least.
In coming together with Mel, I was reminded of a long engrained habit of calling The Beloved into actively guiding our way. I've done this with every relationship I've been in since the 1980's, after the fact realizing the container of the mutual bond just wasn't up to the power pulsing through. After the inevitable break up, I always sensed the desire to embody Sacred Union with another wasn't allowed to seed if only because I hadn't fully owned this Presence in my self first.
Again this time, it felt like I'd overstepped the mark or capabilities of us both. I wondered it this resulted in not only us both getting Flued out over successive weeks last month but compounding with this inspirational lethargy that gripped me leaving me directionless and confused. Some relationships can coast absently along, not however with this lady. Drifting is OK to a point but sinking is a no-no.
Who wants to hang with someone who can't hang with themselves? In truth, neither of us.
As this month unfolded, I asked and prayed to simply feel inspired once again. Nothing too fancy, just please let me feel like I actually want to be here in NYC now. This burg requires, for those trust fundless without a sack of cash, a underlying drive to achieve and progress. Why else would we be here? Without judgment, those homeless on the street have chosen to step off the moving belt of 'advancement' and just fit in wherever there's room. A part of me can really relate and yes, we all have a choice. And yet, I came here for something else altogether and being in relationship with a highly conscious woman has certainly reminded me of this.
And yet, never being one who just follows blindly along, walking in wake of the herd, I've always needed the voice inside telling me I was headed in a direction that captured my Soul's purpose in the mix. I need to feel my Spiritual mojo leading the way. So this is what I asked - again, back to the basics: what would I most enjoy doing with my time and my life now, each and every day I'm alive?
To awaken and help other's do the same.
The Awakened Sacred Masculine always comes back to living his Soul's purpose - in each and every moment - to pull and guide him through the trials and tribulations of life. This has become my sanctuary and safe haven from the uncertainties within and without. I can't depend on so much 'out here' though the inner voice of my Higher Self is always available to walk me through the tough spots. Whether self inflicted or happenstance, the life I'm living sure is easier, more joyful and a lot more fun when I turn over the GPS function to the God I Am to run the show.
To do the work I've been born, trained and groomed to do is a Blessing.
I Am calling in all those whom I can serve, support, celebrate and inspire to do what you came here to do. My office is open and your fulfillment is readily available, just give a ring a'ding ding when you're in the neighborhood.
... to be continued ...
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Thank You.
1 comment:
what if the flu was a deep cleansing, expansion and blowing out of the 3rd dimensional relationship habits/behaviors so to invite in the new and awake.. what if?
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