Twin Flamin'

 Be careful what you ask for … blah blah blah, we all know how this one goes, don’t we? When the delivery men have brought your ordered goods, it’s a bit of a mixed bag, after all. What did I buy on the Spiritual Home Shoppers Network, anyway? It’s like ‘if the cure doesn’t kill you’ - great. That’s some kind of warming advice that will surely quicken your pulse to jump into the bubbling cauldron, head first. Not! You gotta be nuts to keep wanting to go into the healing vortex to get dipped, rinsed and steam rolled into wellbeing. Let’s be honest folks, to consciously evolve, grow and transform – to willingly choose to keep walking into the fire – all to become more clear, healed and whole, a fair dose of masochism is called for.

As with this whole Twin Flame business. Is there anything out on the higher consciousness horizon that we, most of us anyway, want more than to suddenly find our ‘Twin Flame’ breathing down our shorts? Metaphorically speaking, that is. Hey, I too fall into this category. I was activated and ignited by this notion ever since I began training with my dear mentor Nicole Christine, a High Priestess extraordinaire who designed the Awakening The Priestess process which in turn, became The Awakening Priest Process I was invited into back in 1997 while living in Sedona, AZ. 

Quick backstory: I was in the first men’s circle training with Nicole, calling in the archetype of the Sacred Masculine into our lives. All seven of us men were the neophytes led to growth through this amazing nine month gestation process Nicole created while working with women in the Tucson area. We essentially followed the same structure she had developed, looking deeply into our personal, familial and patriarchal lineage pasts to arrive at a place where we fully chose to align with our Sacred selves. Sounds fun … and no it wasn’t. It touched into many core themes and wounds all men carry, often hitting up against our Shadow sides, regrettably and appropriately the aspects of ourselves that have caused so much painful shit to happen upon this planet.

For all you feminine righteous women out there – oops, you got it too! Our Shadow lives is in us all, humanity and huwomanity alike. Individually and collectively, we all have this designed into our data bases. Don’t worry, we’ve all got to face our own music, especially the dissonant chorus line that has sung out crying in pain. No one is exempt from owning their suffering and no, it’s the not ‘other persons’ fault either. It’s not even men’s fault. We’ve all filled the various roles, like circus wardrobes exchanged, playing most every part in Earth School’s Repertory Co. 

Until we end up on the Home stretch when we meet (drum roll, please …) our prize at the end of the marathon – our Twin Flame, glittering all a’ splendored in the midst, waiting to welcome us after all our hard travails. Sounds like a Hollywood Love story, doesn’t it? Guess again. It’s like inheriting a zillion $$$. The more you got, the closer you have to look to see where it’s going and the more there is to loose or be taken from you if you don't. Know many free and easy breezy millionaires? Some of the most uptight, neurotic and conflicted people you’ll ever meet live on the Fortune 500 block.

So up shows Ms Thang, this hottie at a Spiritual group event this past November, catching my eye, getting my contact info from a mutual friend there and dropping me a text a day or so later ... ah, to be wanted and pursued. We did the (please excuse the lurid imagery) customary sniff around for a couple of weeks (men are such dogs!) than alas, fell into the clinch and had our way with each other. A lot and as often as possible, thank you so much.

It was soon evident the fit was mutually enjoyable and fun was had by all. Now this is how Spirit puts on the sneak and slowly ties the knot, connecting us deeper and deeper together until our Heart strings were tied firmly tight. Still sounds good, right? It was until the smoke cleared, revealing the, dare I say, places inside that have for so long not been heard, embraced and attended to, not nurtured cared or Love not nearly enough, if at all. The monsters awoke from the dungeons within, demanding attention and first billing on our new relationship status. Some collectors you just can’t put off ...

This is where our Shadows live and have come from in the first place. (How would you like being trapped in a closed, dark room for eons with more and more painful shit dumped on you? – Pissed the fuck off is what!) The hidden small print at the end of the Awakening Contract says: Beware! The more Light you call in, the more of It’s opposite will you see … the more Love you pray to feel, the more of what has kept you from Loving will show up, loud and clear and nasty. This is where it gets really interesting in your relationship or rather, got real interesting for Mel and me. And it didn't take too long either.

It’s like that prison escape movie set in the deep South where the white cracker man goes over the wall with the rag tag black guy and off they go stomping through the swamps together. Shackled at the wrists, 18 inches apart, hating each other’s guts they go … well, maybe not exactly like this were Mel and I, but you get the picture. Joined like Siamese twins unable to pull away from each other, which in some of the juicier moments is truly a wondrous thing, however, when sliding down the Awakening shoot, Heart first hand in hand, heading right for the illusion grinder, it’s not so fun let me tell you. 

The up side to having a spitfire for a girlfriend is the sparks that keep the Heart and bed aglow are thermal and the down side is they sure can roast the nonsense in me to cinders. And from me, in her as well. She her self gets the bounce back immediately. Neither of us can easily escape the process once the pill has been swallowed and trip commenced. It can be done but the repercussions go Soul deep. Who wants to wait to get another chance at this Gift?

The joint agreement is the pace will be brisk, the distance covered appreciable, the wear and tear considerable and the payoff, stupendous beyond our wildest dreams. You gotta pay to play, boys and girls. To get the best you have to give your best. On the ball field this is how it usually plays out. Not always does the best team win, however, the always crummy one rarely does – unless it gets lucky, that is.

This last bit it must be said, just don’t apply to those of us committed and stupid enough to say yes to AWAKENING AT ALL COSTS. Dumb luck won’t save you now. A caesarian section isn’t an option here, sorry. No quick delivery offering an easy exit is on the menu. The birth canal awaits and the way is tight, dark and the pressure applied is more than you believe you can possibly withstand. How else do you get shined like a diamond if not by excruciating force pushing hard against you? Mind you, the Twin Flame mystique has great marketing appeal. It just reads great on paper and whether Mel and I actually are, we’ve both signed up for the total package deal, regardless.

The Universe always forces us to our Destiny. Always. Relentlessly and non stop and ever more until we reach Home safely. This is The Contract. I know from experience, if you’re ever in a bar fight, you better have the bigger, baldest back-up partner possible. No wimps allowed. I don’t want to stumble out of the restroom with just my dick in my hand – I want a rocket launcher on my hip. In this instance, having a tried an true Spiritual warrior by your side is a very good thing. And this, Mel surely is.

This is the flip side to Awakening – you have to be able to hold onto the Lifeforce you’ve called in if you want to keep up or keep from being eaten alive. Of course, knowing when to let go when called for is essential too ... and yet, to embrace the grand Cuisinart Of Transformation, where the quickening, spinning and slicing action removes all the dreck and dross from the pure gold of your Self, takes a very special breed of Soul. Not so romantic after all is it? It’s totally necessary mind you, it just doesn’t always feel good at the time. Hey, if it were easy, we'd all be Ascended by now.

And you thought this was supposed to be a casual walk in the park. Ha! Clear directions, smooth paths and can’t miss instructions. Actually, it’s all this and more. In fact, it’s all of what you want and lots of what you really don’t. Which is why you called in everything that serves your coming Home in the first place, to get you out of the darkness, once and for all. However, the brighter the Light, the darker the Shadow is how it works. And this is a good thing too. What else would possibly motivate you to evolve and how else could you find your way Home unless your pain led you on?

It’s in no way a bad thing to ask for what you dearly want, just be willing and able to do the do when it shows up right in your face. The alchemical force of Love is such that in one moment you can go from Heaven’s bliss to Hell's regret. It all depends how much stuff you still got in the hamper cuz you can bet your last prayer it’s gonna get popped, zapped and brought screaming to the surface. Like those hidden in the depths of the ocean sea creatures who, once brought up to the light of day, explode, implode and deplode on deck. It’s messy folks. And worth it all when the current rushes through sticking, holding and grabbing on less and less.

It’s like multiple orgasms, over and over again … the pressure builds and releases through your open and empowered Heartspaces, showering you both with confetti from your welcome Home party. Except you don’t have to actually go anywhere. You need only be relentlessly present, with each breath ...  and be as committed to facing and embracing every last morsel of your self that has ever been held out of your own Hearts. 

As with me so with her. Of course, the same Loving especially applies between with us as a couple. Indeed we do get to heaven through each other's open Hearts. This is the Joy Boost in the power train of our Twin Flame connection - our Loving is our salvation. (It's also the total destruction of all that's ever kept us separate from our Source Self but we can go into this more some other time ...)  

... to be continued ...

Through my own arduous healing journey I've had to learn how to show up to respect, honor and Love first my self, then Mel. It always works this way. You can't give what you ain't got. To acquire the wisdom to know how to do this is my dharma to share. If you're in a crunch - and want a way out, please give me a call. I can help.

For more information on my work, please view my web site at heartantra.com or contact me directly at heartantra@yahoo.com

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Thank You.