Ever had a 'bad day,' those special days that for unknown reason, the stars misaligned or bad winds blow, shit's just fucked up!? Like entering a zone of strange energies that play out in various ways throughout your day, the tenor of the experiences are such that for whatever reasons it happens, you just have to keep your head down and make the best of things.
Whenever this infrequently happens, along with the outer circumstances playing out in their unusual ways, my own self inquiry is such that I always ask - what is this reflecting in me, what is here to learn and simply put - what does this all mean anyway? I don't ask why is this happening to me, rather why is this happening for me. Huge difference, this.
As last mentioned in yesterdays blog, I was heading to the Rec Center Pool in Midtown NYC to catch a very long awaited and anticipated swim, an activity that for me is indeed, temple time. I'd been laid up in flu bed for over a week and was nearly desperate to get back into the water and begin my recuperation.
For whatever reasons lately, I'd been feeling cut off from my inspiration and needed to return to my go-to practice of swimming to get some clues if not a direct feed of Spiritual juice. And so I went on my merry way to do my do. As an aside, I've noticed over the years the Universe often gives me what I call 'homeo-doses' - little vignettes of insight that in effect, sum up the qualities of a given situation at hand before it actually unfolds. It's like a homeopathic insider view of what a situation potentially holds. I think of it as the Universe speaking to Itself - as me, giving me a heads up of what is likely to unfold. It's uncanny how accurate these peak a' boo moments are ...
By no means are these pops of perception always portending difficult or stressful situations but more often than not, they are incredibly accurate in foretelling what eventually ends up showing up. Just so:
when in the locker room at the pool yesterday, while getting undressed to get into the shower to then head into the water, a NYC Parks & Rec Ranger, also in the changing room, mentions I should cover up with a towel because other members sometimes become uncomfortable with excessive nudity. He kept going on and on about this and hearing the hidden sounds within his insistence, perhaps of his own frustrations, answered him telling him I'd heard him 100%.
Now, I hadn't been hanging around with all hanging out for very long and immediately, never ever having heard this in any locker room in 50 yrs of gym use, was surprised and told him so. My next response was, then don't look. Like George Carlin's famous bit about the 7 deadly words you can never say over the radio, to the preacher down South who ratted him out and turned him in, like you have two nobs on your radio you can turn if it offends you ... instead of busting George's nuts and putting him in jail for offensive language broadcast over a college station he had to say so in it's programing in the first place.
Anyway, off I went to take my shower having said I heard the guards wishes and actually left it on congenial terms with the fellow. No worries. Then, getting into the pool - sheer delight! It's always an epiphany when I enter the water and immediately began doing my laps. As a rule, I always swim with a snorkel and mask to keep the water out, allowing me to be totally unencumbered from having to deal with side to side breathing. It truly becomes a holotropic, open continuous breath experience which can become quite expansive and transcendent. Thus the Spiritual downloads that often come through.
Now, I'd just joined this pool a few weeks prior, having asked before paying the 6 mo. in advance fees if snorkels and masks were allowed. I was assured they were and proceeded to swim my session - having heard not a peep from the pool attendant on deck during my initial swim. So, much to my surprise after getting in the water yesterday, I was then told by the lifeguard on duty that swim gear wasn't allowed. Admittedly, I was anxious to do my workout and already feeling a bit leery from the earlier interaction in the locker room, told the lifeguard I'd paid my dues and already used the pool before, so what gives?
This he didn't appreciate hearing, saying he was going to get his manager to which I readily agreed and continued to swim. I immediately knew the tenor had just shifted and was faced with an opportunity to either get present in my Heartspace real quick or face the build up energies of my own disappointment and of those in charge. While the guard was getting backup, I asked God what this was all about and sure enough, the immediate answer was forgive and give it all back to me. Don't even process the whys and why nots - just forgive and give it up.
It then hit me mid-stroke, the theme of my past few blogs have concerned my relationship with my brother and how forgiveness was the only way out for me feeling the same old painful reactions this brought up. Ah ha, up front and center, the choice to forgive is relentless and constant. Not an isolated event is this thing, rather a quality of life. It truly is a state of awareness ... and so it was in a moment I really needed to be left alone to get my head clear.
Sure enough, my locker room friend shows up demanding I leave the pool and escort him to the locker room, get changed and leave. Now, in the old daze I'd gotten tossed from a club or two though never from a pool and realized I'd just entered The Tweak Zone. The way these things work, especially in NYC where you're given a lot of room to be whoever you want to be, if you cross the line however and get in anyone's face, particularly one in any semblance of authority, quickly do the jaws of the law close. The guard might not have a gun but he has a phone contacting friends who do.
He was real insistent like I'd pissed on the lawn of his fiefdom and it was his duty to right the wrong of my insolence. To make a long story shorter, I changed and asked to speak with his supervisor to straighten out this misunderstanding and in turn, asked for a full refund of dues paid in advance. It turns out this ranger man, 'AJ' and I began sharing stories, observations and life insights while waiting for his boss. He asked for my card hearing I was a healing facilitator and getting the vibe that the charge I felt when being asked to exit the pool quickly dissipated, allowing us to connect on deeper Heartspace levels.
He came off as a nice guy just doing his job. I told him I respected this and felt in another situation we could become friends. It was touching that he knew I wasn't making it all about him, venting my angst on him and chose to just go to resolution as quickly as possible. He invited me back and we wished each other well as I left the building. Upon leaving, I was mindful of 1) how the situation could have easily unfolded in not so favorable ways and 2) how in the heat of the moment I didn't shrink back and not voice my disappointment either. As with my brother and our recent exchanges, I used to either unload on him or internalize my feelings much to my emotional detriment.
The Awakened Sacred Masculine always looks inside to see the situation more clearly and never makes it about someone or something else instead. It's not always easy or more convenient or more justifiable but the read is more accurate and true. I know to evolve I have to do this constantly and it always provides a direct doorway into and through any challenging situation.
... to be continued ...
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