Like the eternal web and flow of the currents of the oceans, the waves of inspiration seem to come in sets as well. With whatever happened, cosmic timeline wise, with the Mayan calendar running out (supposedly) on December 21st of last year, the new downloads coming in are early in motion, yet to fully actualize their new qualities or characteristics.
I call it feeling 'between the worlds' as if resting quietly in the still space between notes in a musical score. For me, it's resting in the Void, neither here nor there, simply Being present. I can't speak for anyone else but it sure can sometimes get way too still sitting in this stillpoint space. Like with many of us, there's a part of me that's very action orientated. Maybe it's the masculine Lifeforce kicking in, needing to do to feel alive and well. I've long let go of what it all means or why it's so. It is what it is and like with most qualities, say with a car you drive, it's simply a matter of working with what you've got and not fussing because you don't have a Maserati underneath you.
Maybe it's simply accepting the natural flow of life and doing all that's possible to just go with it. Looking back, it seems like I've spent years trying to force my will upon life and all those in it. Of course, I never saw it this way and only recognized it having heard from others how 'disruptive' my personality was. (There certainly were other descriptive words used, however let's just leave it at that.) I thought the way to get my needs met in life always meant forcing my will in any given moment, in short, 'making my way.' It's how men do it, don't they? We do what we do if only because we want to ... and without too much insightfulness, the world is the way it is largely because of this kind of thinking.
Over the years, this part of me has (thankfully) been worn down. I've found life has a way of doing this. Perhaps it's simply the evolutionary by-product of the Awakening process. What no longer serves the Presence of my Soul living through me, more and more fully, has got to release and let go. And it has. What stands in the way, personality-wise, will in time transform and allow the Sacred to inhabit Keith.
For me, the saying 'if the cure doesn't kill you' readily applies here. I've had so much material to clear over this life time and have been so stubborn in doing so, the wear and tare has at times, been excruciating. Professionally speaking as well as just having observed those in my life, especially men, we have so much shit stored up that in every sense of this, it's a wonder we ever get as far as we do.
Without a doubt, the fuel that necessitates this process is inspiration. Without it, how can anyone possibly get up for the quest to Awaken? The high octane juice that drives me has to be alive in my life in order for me to meet each day with the conscious awareness that keeps me coming back for more. Since being back from Holiday in Mexico, I've felt pretty listless, dull and out of sorts. Of course, getting all flued out when I returned, pasted flat on my back for over a week didn't help much either.
However lately, I've been wondering what's the point, especially living in this burg called New York City. Just going about my day here requires a commitment to face the waves of humanity that in my natural order of things, takes some effort. On good days, I feel the rush and excitement of living here. On days less pumped, it's often a pain in the ass to deal with it all. And yet, here I be.
In the waiting for the next wave to come and sweep me up, I sure better come up with my own momentum to help carry me along. Ain't no one else supposed to do this for me. The Awakened Sacred Masculine has his own supply stream he consciously taps into that feeds his own inspirational needs. This is where my constitutionals come in - the handful of consciousness raising, attuning and maintaining activities that help keep me healthy and sane.
Speaking of feeling physically run down, without doing my daily cardiovascular stuff like walking, running, biking or swimming, I know I'm gonna, sooner than later, feel off track and flat. And I have, big time. Like that Maserati which has to be run and run hard to not only perform to it's intended capacity, unless it's driven this way, it quickly bogs down and runs sluggish. The purpose of this kind of car isn't to just go to the shopping center down the block. It's to excel and be exceptional.
I know there's a Divine design always playing out in my life and as often the case, it takes the wear down to get my attention that forces me to get back up on the horse and begin to ride again. Or in my case today, get back into the pool, which for me is pure temple time. It's here I get my Spiritual downloads from my Higher Self that lend perspective and depth to my experience alive in my body. Yea, back into the dip I go!
... to be continued ...
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