Any astrological water babies out here? These being people who have a prominent water sign in one or more their 3 major astro placements (Sun, Moon and ascendant). I've been Blessed with a Pisces moon or rather, sometimes Blessed and for years burdened by the qualities of this planetary alignment. Without going into too much detail, this particular moon sign has many wonderful aspects and as with all planets, signs and houses, there are flip sides as well.
Pisces moon people are very to extremely intuitive, able to empathicly feel into any given situation instinctively. It's more of an innate knowing instead of a cognitive or analytic recognition. We can tap into other people' emotions immediately upon meeting which often times, until developed if not mastered and consciously directed, can be totally confusing and crazy-making. It's a feeling thing and we/I do it really well.
As commonly known, Full Moons are times when among other things, there are more incidents reported at police stations and accidents admitted in hospitals. People just get wacky. There's an intensity in the night time air which often leads and pushes people to do highly interesting, naughty and creative things. As in this last Full Moon a couple of days ago ...
I was duly warned by my dear friend Lydia B, my Tunisian, French and Italian astrologer (that's quite a line up right there) who emphatically said to be watchful of this one. She commented to be very mindful of the tendency to get into conflict and arguments, to lay low and just chill out, waiting for it's pull to pass. Really good advice coming from such a good friend and capable reader of the stars. Who me? So much for foresight.
I immediately filed this insight away remembering how over the years, as a rule, I always get a bit quite, reserved and removed during this time. I tend to go into cave mode, getting very internal and reflective (as with the moon itself). As with all of us, hopefully, we eventually get a sense of how we react and respond to the recurring situations in our lives - like with the cyclical phases of the moon and the dynamic qualities there of.
No, I no longer howl, bay or bark at the moon, although in the old daze, got thrown and bounced from more than a few bars on Full Moon nights. It just happened this way and I always thought I delivered my best material then. Like in the Hangover movies, shit just happens. It's not that it never was my fault, I just had a lot of help going nuts. Anyway, back to this episode ... so off I go to spend a few nights with my SweetHeart, Ms Mel. After dinner, we end up watching a funny, romantic comedy (Crazy,Stupid,Love) and are just getting ready for bed when, WHAM! it hits like a rouge wave blasting ashore on the beach.
Particulars aside, it seemingly came out of nowhere, although after the fact when we discussed it, she mentioned she'd felt it quietly building throughout the day. In any case, she said something I said something she said something and then I just popped. Perhaps you know this relationship routine. Looking back, it always feels like an old Abbot and Costello bit with a lot more emphasis on feeling hurt, getting mad and then yelling stupid shit. Now, just to say, I'm not much of a yeller, I don't throw things and haven't slammed a door in ages. I just don't go off and can't remember when last I did.
And yet, put the Full Moon in Leo alongside a very alchemically transformative relationship with a potent powerhouse like Mel and who knows what erupts. And erupt it did. Now, for all the guys in the audience, I've found over the years that people rarely like to be spoken to in harsh, aggressive and confrontive tones of voice. It just doesn't make a good impression. And these New Millennium Women, forget about it! They don't take shit from anyone anymore.
Also as a relationship tid-bit, going off on your partner in inappropriate ways tends to detour the cuddling part of the evening if not delay it permanently. Just an observation. So when Mel said what she did, blindside triggering me - funny how after the fact, neither of us could remember exactly what was said and I reacted with a resounding !FUCK YOU! and then left the room in a huff (take note guys) and then (much to my credit) immediately turned around entering the battlefield sincerely apologizing, saying how I was way out of line and regretted what I'd said, didn't really mean it and was very sorry for doing so.
And you'd think this was enough. In the dimly lit living room, I couldn't quite see her face, although for the life of me, she looked like she was smiling and bemused by my mini rant. As back story: we've known each other just over 2 mos now with nary a raised voice or biting comment spoken. We just don't do that. It's been Lovey dovey land all the way. So as I was surprised by what I'd just said, she apparently was too. And pissed. Like a lot. (I tell you, these empowered Goddess types ...) I know when to make an exit and presently did so, thinking the smooth had been put on and all was clear. Not!
She followed me into the bathroom, which is nearly too small for the toilet, bath and sink let alone a freshly aggravated man and highly charged woman. Really small, actually. I turn around and there she is, meeting me face to face and then hitting me in the stomach telling me in all certain terms - don't ever do that again! and really really meaning it, let me tell you. Again mind you, this is a lady who don't take shit off no one and Full Moon business aside, wasn't about to start with me, let alone in her own home.
Needless to say and much to our mutual credit, plates weren't thrown, doors slammed or voices much raised. (Fact: never get as mad as your partner at the same time and either expect to live or have a relationship afterwards.) Neither, however, was there much (any) warm and fuzzy going on for the rest of the night which passed with us sleeping in the same bed though miles apart. At least I was. This chick sleeps the sleep of the just and can drop into slumberland for 10 hrs straight. What is with that especially after our first fight? Doesn't seem fair somehow.
Anyway, as I'm stewing away late at night, wondering how I can slip over her without waking her up, climb down the bedroom loft ladder and go sleep on the couch, I ask God what do I do now? And wouldn't you know - FORGIVE ALL is what I hear. I thought of asking for a second opinion but know all too well when I hear the bottom line, loud and clear. Besides, who's to ask after God answers ...
Damn! It sure takes the wind out of feeling hurt and misunderstood when you have to turn around, show up with common sense if not Spiritual awareness and do the forgiveness thing. It's just so anti-climatic. It's also not always so easy to do or nearly as much fun as feeling righteous and justified ... however, it sure beats being all alone.
Let's face it, who wants to feel validated in their stuckness if not inappropriate emotional reactivity all the while sitting alone in life? Not me no more. Been there, done that with even the thought of this making me gag. The Awakened Sacred Masculine always checks inside for guidance, clarity and understanding - especially when caught up in an emotional exchange. To not do so and continue to proceed is asking for yet another trip to drama/traumaville and as an ancient traveler to these funky parts, this really sucks.
As I weighed my options having gotten up early to shower, stretch and meditate and in truth, prepare to 'exchange' with her, I knew that blowing my shit is one thing, staying in it is quite another. It's not just how we mess up, it's how you make up that counts. With a woman like Mel, there's little slip and slide in the gearbox, which is to say, unconsciousness doesn't get much stage time for very long. As I sat in a very old place, watching and witnessing the parts of my self that, up until now, have tried to run my relationship show, I recognized I had another chance to do this one differently.
I truly believe you can only change a deep set behavioral pattern while already in it - and then making a new decision to go in a different direction. You have to not only see it when it's happening but be willing to make the shift in the heat of the moment. Not so easy to do but who said consciously evolving was a walk in the park? After we both sat meditating in silence for a while, we opened up the discussion on how we felt, what we thought and our insights surrounding our first big fight. Now truth be told, especially after hearing of the likelihood of an ensuing argument the days before, I was intrigued to find out how we would actually handle it, should it arise.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to it mind you, though was wondering how we would show up in the crunch of the moment believing the couple that argues well together, has a better chance of staying together. Hey, shit happens - it's how you get through it that matters. Baring deal breaker behavior, if the Love is strong enough and the consciousness clear, most things can be moved through if both people are invested in growing individually and as a couple as a result of the mishap. Yes, it takes working at it or rather, doing whatever it takes to reach a Win-Win resolution.
And so it went with Mel - 'with' being the operative word here. It's been said, we get to Heaven through each other's open Hearts and this I do believe. The wounds of relationship need relationship to heal and finding a good one, for me, is one of the reasons I'm alive in the first place. It's also been said, conscious relationship is the ultimate guru. In this respect, you can run but you just can't hide. In the preamble of our talking about the prior evening, I knew the shifts I needed to make and also knew, my moving successfully through this required a presence and consciousness just like Mel's.
In fact, I needed Mel to be Mel. I needed her to help me reboot, reconstruct and resolve by realigning with my higher awareness. I needed a seasoned Soul to support our space together when I hadn't been able to this the evening before. With all due respect, I needed an old dog in the fight, one who had been in enough scrapes and come safely out the other side. As many a guy who afterwards will attest, life sure would be easier with another woman, maybe younger and not as feisty but you sure don't make it through the shit as well with one less attuned and well versed in her own Shadow passages. Consciousness and experience has it's benefits, after all.
As it turns out and this always plays this way, one's healing will undoubtedly offer the other their own. As a result of our tift, she was given the opportunity to speak her truth (under all certain terms) and declare what would and would not be acceptable in her life. Good for her She was in turn, able to continue locking in a new energetic template and reconstruct her emotional landscape, relationship-wise. Ironically enough, by my being such a hot headed jerk, she is more empowered and free. Go figure.
I in turn, was able to see my own pain body reactivity playing out before me with one whom I sincerely Love, getting the chance to communicate, own my shit and transition through to the other side. Together. (Again, the operative word.) What a delight to fight ... I mean, interact from this awakened place! What once would have been a night of disappointment and breakdown became a golden door to walk through individually and collectively. What could have resulted in breaking us up, only brought us closer together.
PS To all of us everywhere, don't fuck up a precious thing just to hang onto your shit.
... to be continued ...
FYI: If you wish to comment on these blogs, please do so directly at keithgregory1@yahoo.com
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