Interesting times, these. Personally speaking, as this new year opens up and begins to roll on with the first Full Moon of the year later today, I entertain very old thoughts about the wonders of manifestation here in the material world. Having just written a blog about co-creating from the Sweet Spot within and knowing all too well the lag time between calling something into form and it actually showing up as such, I am again watching where I go in this interim, down time waiting period.
Do I bite or rather get bitten by the salivating jaws of fear? Do I succumb to doubts, both of self and the Universe's ability to provide? Or do I just let go and let God, turning it over and Trusting and knowing all is well even though I really really do want to jump on a plane and go to Hawaii to thaw out for a week with my dear SweetHeart, Ms Mel. In moments like these, I know (as always) there are larger points of interest than just my personal feelings involved.
I can't say for anyone else, however (up until now), fear has been such a long consistent companion of mine, keeping me playing small, insecure and way out of my power stroke. Perhaps like most of us - as with an injury that just won't go away - I'd learned to live with it by compensating for my handicap, hardly questioning whether it was serving me or not. I just came to accept it's presence in my life ...
I recognize that the very motivation to evolve, develop and grow has sprung from the well springs of my discontent. No doubt, the most focus getting force we humans can rely on is that of pain and suffering. Nothing gets our attention better than getting our ass kicked, however it takes place in our lives. What I recognize these days is how significant and important it is to watch and witness where I go when situations don't play out as I would most prefer - as in not having the cash to plane hop to the islands.
I know I know, this is a far cry from any semblance of a serious life concern and really doesn't have any pull on me whatsoever. I've come to the place in my life that day in, day out, my primary life attitude is filled with the overlying qualities of Gratitude, prayer and praise. My Spiritual practice has provided me with the awareness to withstand the shakes and shimmies of this world. Speaking of which: I clearly remember proclaiming at the tender age of 13 while sitting at the feet of my then guru, how I only wanted to realize God in this life - I didn't ask to make loads of $$$ or be famous and get laid a lot. I just wanted to come Home, once and for all.
Maybe I should have thrown in some of these other juicy tid-bits just to round out the equation but at 13, who knew? Looking back, I've never lacked in what I needed to get on with my quest. In fact, I have to believe everything all the time feeds the fruition of my Soul's intention to evolve at all costs. And as always, the price of admission into the promised land of Awakening are all my fears, doubts, insecurity and self worth issues accrued. You gotta pay to play with the Angels.
So what does it take when faced with the same ol' same ol'? What is the eternal haven of relief that offers safe sanctuary from the biting cold of our deepest doubts that all really is well? For me, this hypothermic exposure to doubt has looked like neither me nor my Soul life's passion - my work - were either wanted or valued by this world. Believe me and within me, I've had significant resistance in bringing out the Awakening The Sacred Masculine work. It used to feel like a old karmic weight around my neck, placed there by my own choice and willingness to anchor this material in and by whatever forces that know now is the time to have this happen upon the planet.
Over the years, I've been trained by very powerful and capable mentors, all primarily highly conscious women. They have all seen the value and worth in me, they too knowing now indeed is the time to equal the balance scales in humanity. As is clearly evident, the Goddess Lifeforce has certainly been the awakening Presence forcing proactive change and evolution here on Earth. Being thankfully groomed by the Sacred Feminine has been a necessary catalyst in my own awakening process.
I've tried to do the do and step out to teach, reaching larger and more influential audiences, however have always run into a sense of resistance, first within my self and then out in the world. It's as if this new next wave of consciousness is being muted, held back from really hitting the beach strong and loud. For instance, since coming to NYC 6 mos ago, I've submitted Awakening The Sacred Masculine proposals to a couple of healing centers here (The Omega and The Open Center) with both turning it down.
Yes, I know this is a drop in the bucket, time-wise and yet, I'm simply amazed neither called to even check me or my offering out in person. They said they didn't feel the material was relevant. Really? As the famous song goes - if you can make it here you can make it anywhere - and with good reason too. You have to be really exceptional to make it big quick, perhaps only a consistent home run hitter, a brilliant charismatic talent or fabulous live performer catches the public's eye.
I'm really OK with however it unfolds now - again knowing there are much larger if not more important themes moving through all of our lives. What highlights for me is the Soul theme to Trust at all costs, especially when obvious evidence maybe says different. Where I go in moments of doubt speaks volumes of my Spiritual and Self awareness and it's most often in times of not-so-great that I get to really see how I'm doing in this regard.
It's been said it's when challenged we grow the most. Only with our backs against the wall do we ever see what we're really made of, the mettle of our strength, of our commitment and the level of acceptance or perseverance or compassion or forgiveness or whatever else we came into this life to learn, anchor in or realize. Perhaps it is harder to evolve and grow when the cushy is on, we have all we ever want and the surf is always sweet upon the shore fronting our vacation villa.
In this respect and as a primary intention, The Awakened Sacred Masculine uses everything in his life to open his Heart - no matter what - especially when the outer circumstances of his life tell him otherwise. This doesn't mean he leaves his Heart casually exposed to offense or attack, in response he surrounds himself within his Soul's vertical power current, calling in his Divine Self to protect and lead him through.
Admittedly, it's a tough path to follow if only because the external sign posts and wayside markers of this world offer little to no real insight or encouragement. I believe as do we all, in times of doubt I have to dig deep to find the inspiration to keep on keeping on. I have to attend to my Heartspace and Higher Self alignment vigilantly with all due intent to keep tapping into the deeper qualities of the Sacred within me. Each and ever day, I have to walk the hidden pathways of my Heart to keep the Divine fresh and alive in my awareness.
Yes, there's a part of me that wants to make it big here, to be a 'success' in all ways and yet, I recognize the more significant opportunity now while sitting in the wheelhouse of The Turning Of The Ages. It's to keep connecting to the God I Am within my open and empowered Heartspace, no matter what's taking place 'out there' and live my life from the knowingness all really is well just as it is. It is to Trust in all certain terms that just by being present and alive, I am fulfilling my Spiritual destiny.
For those built like me, there is an action clause in my Soul contract, to keep being available to serve, support, celebrate and inspire life around me. How this looks from the outside is not up to me, how I show up to meet it totally is.
... to be continued ...
PS. If you wish to comment on this blog, please write me direct at keithgregory1@yahoo.com
Thank You.
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