I know on some levels it makes perfect sense and yet for years I couldn't understand why if I was so diligently calling the biggest, bestest, strongest Love into me as possible, why I kept feeling so thick and stuck in my shit. What gives anyway! However, after the umteenth reading I received from this channel or that Spiritual guide or astrologer - all saying I came into this life to potentially clear extra amounts of karmic clutter - all to catch up and make up time, it began to make more sense.
It wasn't much easier to deal with what came up in me, though it did frame it in a bigger perspective and this was somewhat of a comfort. There was a 'date with destiny' thing that kept creeping up in these readings, like I was contracted to fulfill some significant piece in my Soul puzzle (aren't we all) ... if I could only keep on keepin' on, not give up and continue calling in the Big Love into my self and my life.
This as you've probably learned to know, always sounds better than it actually is. The storyline plot of going face to face with our inner 'demons' and in time, overcoming and transforming the Shadow drive that runs (and often ruins) our lives, to actually come out the other side, sure reads well on page. How many of us in fact, are really up to this task? Perhaps not so many, although the numbers I hope to believe are increasing. We sure need all the help we can get out here ...
For me, growing up on the south side of Chicago, in a mostly black neighborhood in the 1960's, was a real Blessing indeed. I grew up in Hyde Park, in a fairly racially mixed community which due to the proximity of the University of Chicago, had a more liberal bent, lending a more permissive quality to the area. Because of this influence, Hyde Park was chosen as the text 'hood, introducing racial integration into the mostly white public school system in Chicago.
As a direct result of the civil rights movement in America at the time, this became the obvious next choice forward for positive proactive change. Thankfully, the efforts, pain and struggle of so many finally made significant shifts in our collective social intelligence to bring about this remarkable evolutionary change. Thank God for all of us.
People think it was only the socially less advantaged who benefited from the civil right movement, however Spiritually speaking, who hasn't been the recipient of the effects of this enormous shift in our human growth consciousness? And just think, this was only 40 plus years ago.
For me and for all kids exempt from fkup prejudiced parental conditioning so many are subjected to, always learn to get along and play with one another, regardless of racial or cultural disguises. Playing together is the great equalizer. No matter what color you wear, if you can hit, throw and catch a baseball or a football, you're included in the game. It's that simple. And I could do it all, really well.
Growing up, playing on the ball fields across the street from my house, became my solace and sanctuary. Here I was accepted and valued solely for what I could do, how I performed in games and how I got along with others. Nothing else mattered. No head trips, hidden agendas or unspoken drama loops simmering away under the surface. Like at home - which was rotten with dysfunctional over, under, through and throughout currents of fkupness.
As so many of us know, it was like living in a revolving hall of mirrors being told all reflections were even, clean and normal. And yet, somehow knowing deep inside that the twisted imagery speaking just wasn't safe or trustable after all. At least this was how it was for me.
My father, Bless his Heart, a Ph.D Harvard trained psychologist, where everything was a head trip anyway and because of the traumatic events of his extremely difficult childhood (why else become a psychologist), as parents are wont to do, passed his extremely difficult childhood onto his boys.
For whatever reason, as a young child, I was said to most like him. Great. In effect, I was the downside flow drain of his own emotional angst. As water flows downstream, so does our primary care giver's shit. Ask any parental abuse survivor, suffering tends to follow this trajectory. But hey, who hasn't had this dealt hand to deal with in our lives. We all gotta make the best of what we've been given - or not - and if not, the craziness just keeps passing along. Just take a look at our world and see this all too clearly, in plain display.
It was on the ball field and in school I learned so many basic lifelesson truths that have served me well in life. How you treat others is largely how you're treated in return. Especially when growing up a minority. You really gotta get this particular lesson. If not, it's a painful one to keep getting wrong. My out-the-house life was the perfect balance for life inside. Outside, I was a full-on, balls to the wall kid who was a natural athlete and leader, who could communicate and play with just about anyone. I had strong street cred because I could get along and because I had a big Heart.
When picking up sides for whatever game we were playing, along with the next best kid, I was always the one doing the picking. Never ever could I not pick the dweeb or nerd usually left to last. I always felt the cringe inside this clumsy kid and empathized with his own lack of self-worth. Because at home, I was the one never good enough.
Having 2 type AA parents, who much to their credit, pulled and educated their way away from their respective upbringings to achieve worldly success, was a challenging environment to grow up in. To say the least. And this again I believe, was a carry-over from a Soul pattern I incarnated in with ... that no matter what I did, I was unlovable. It seemed I could never really please my parents.
Because in motivating their own academic growth, their standards were so high for themselves, they could only be this way to their offspring. The deeper Soul pattern playing out here was that - follow the progression here - if my parent's Love was conditional, so was God's ... if I couldn't satisfy my father's desires, how could I fulfill God's.
Because on an deeply intuitive level, I felt I wasn't wanted as an offspring or as a male, than I must somehow be unlovable after all. Like there was a basic flaw in me ... and this is what I carried into this life to potentially heal ... I believed that somewhere along my Soul progression line, I had offended God so much He/She/It no longer Loved me - and in order to earn It's Love again, I had to punish myself - to be worth of being Loved.
Whew! Talk about a really poor strategy in getting my needs met.
... to be continued ...
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Core Beliefs Create Your Life
I grew up believing I was somehow always at fault. The third of three boys, I was born into a family that on the surface appeared way above average if not 'normal' in every way. But under the vernier of normalcy were the repressed and ignored behavior patterns my parents had long denied and covered up. In those days, there weren't the necessary tools to work through and actually heal these things and although they were both very intelligent people and did the best they could with what they had, it just wasn't enough.
It was, however, crazy making. Being born a natural empath, I intuitively knew the familial scenario I was living in wasn't the real one taking place. The palpable Shadow undercurrents, never mentioned or named became the ghosts and phantoms who lived along with us in the house of my youth.
As children so many of us surely feel - what the fk is wrong with this picture? It must be me! As our primary care givers who created us, thereby being gods to us, couldn't possible be as fked up as they appear. As cosmic beings, this all must make sense and yet as kids with tender, fragile and vulnerable psyches, it's way too much to consider.
Many years ago, I had a life regression where I was taken back into my mother's womb, 2nd trimester to be exact. I 'saw' how not only didn't my mother really want another child (me), wanting to get back to her professional life as a full-time college language professor, she desperately wanted a girl. Big time. With all her Heart.
Innately knowing I wasn't to be born female, I internalized her disappointment, blaming myself for letting her down, essentially for being what I was. Tough programming to come in with. I was also aware of the tilted and convoluted playing field I was about to be born onto. How the terrain felt ripe with blame, resentment, anger and frustration, through and through. There was an everyone for themselves quality and being the youngest player on the pitch and not knowing if I would have any allies to welcome me, I deeply questioned my choice to arrive into this family in the first place.
Like so many of us. I firmly believe we as Souls pick the circumstances of our Earth births to outpicture the lessons we are here to learn. Our parents, genders, cultural elements etc. are all part of the intrinsic design intended to show us where we are on our Soul's growth chart. Appearing to be a 'tough Love' approach to evolvement, as Souls, if we have issues or lessons to learn about poverty, we are born into just that. Poverty. Seems kinda harsh, doesn't?
I mean, you'd think in this instance you'd get a free pass go by being born into the lap of luxury to work through this particular imprint and yet, the only way to change a pattern is to be in it, smack dab in the middle of the muddle and then make a different decision ... you gotta be in it to change it.
No doubt us older Soul types have performed in just about every production imaginable, playing every role offered here in The Earth School Repertory (the definition of an 'Old Soul' - a slow learner) and at this point in my Soul's program, my sharp learning curve subjects of choice in part, were addiction from me marm and anger from my dad. Heartbreak, disappointment and unrequited Love also had prime billing in the lesson plan.
To take 100% responsibility here, again I believe my parents were simply displaying these all too human qualities for me to see if I really wanted to keep creating the results they/we had played out. In this respect, having accrued a degree of hard and well earned compassion along the way, I'm often amazed at how many or any of us make it into our teenage years having to face such hard taskmasters as our Souls. Who designed it like this anyway!?!
And believe you me, compared to so many, I totally know I had it easy. Looking around, I see how fortunate and Blessed I was to be given the advantages I've long taken for granted. For instance, like a body that works really well; with teeth, legs and all the necessary parts in place to give me a largely pain free life. I mean, what an unimaginable gift! As the saying goes: I stopped complaining I had no shoes when I met a child who had no legs. If I hadn't gained this quality of insight so far, way too bad for me!
Each and every one of us here has a program of study to comply with, to attend to and beholden to as well. After all, you just can't escape yourself. Thought most of us sure do try. I know I have.
... to be continued ...
It was, however, crazy making. Being born a natural empath, I intuitively knew the familial scenario I was living in wasn't the real one taking place. The palpable Shadow undercurrents, never mentioned or named became the ghosts and phantoms who lived along with us in the house of my youth.
As children so many of us surely feel - what the fk is wrong with this picture? It must be me! As our primary care givers who created us, thereby being gods to us, couldn't possible be as fked up as they appear. As cosmic beings, this all must make sense and yet as kids with tender, fragile and vulnerable psyches, it's way too much to consider.
Many years ago, I had a life regression where I was taken back into my mother's womb, 2nd trimester to be exact. I 'saw' how not only didn't my mother really want another child (me), wanting to get back to her professional life as a full-time college language professor, she desperately wanted a girl. Big time. With all her Heart.
Innately knowing I wasn't to be born female, I internalized her disappointment, blaming myself for letting her down, essentially for being what I was. Tough programming to come in with. I was also aware of the tilted and convoluted playing field I was about to be born onto. How the terrain felt ripe with blame, resentment, anger and frustration, through and through. There was an everyone for themselves quality and being the youngest player on the pitch and not knowing if I would have any allies to welcome me, I deeply questioned my choice to arrive into this family in the first place.
Like so many of us. I firmly believe we as Souls pick the circumstances of our Earth births to outpicture the lessons we are here to learn. Our parents, genders, cultural elements etc. are all part of the intrinsic design intended to show us where we are on our Soul's growth chart. Appearing to be a 'tough Love' approach to evolvement, as Souls, if we have issues or lessons to learn about poverty, we are born into just that. Poverty. Seems kinda harsh, doesn't?
I mean, you'd think in this instance you'd get a free pass go by being born into the lap of luxury to work through this particular imprint and yet, the only way to change a pattern is to be in it, smack dab in the middle of the muddle and then make a different decision ... you gotta be in it to change it.
No doubt us older Soul types have performed in just about every production imaginable, playing every role offered here in The Earth School Repertory (the definition of an 'Old Soul' - a slow learner) and at this point in my Soul's program, my sharp learning curve subjects of choice in part, were addiction from me marm and anger from my dad. Heartbreak, disappointment and unrequited Love also had prime billing in the lesson plan.
To take 100% responsibility here, again I believe my parents were simply displaying these all too human qualities for me to see if I really wanted to keep creating the results they/we had played out. In this respect, having accrued a degree of hard and well earned compassion along the way, I'm often amazed at how many or any of us make it into our teenage years having to face such hard taskmasters as our Souls. Who designed it like this anyway!?!
And believe you me, compared to so many, I totally know I had it easy. Looking around, I see how fortunate and Blessed I was to be given the advantages I've long taken for granted. For instance, like a body that works really well; with teeth, legs and all the necessary parts in place to give me a largely pain free life. I mean, what an unimaginable gift! As the saying goes: I stopped complaining I had no shoes when I met a child who had no legs. If I hadn't gained this quality of insight so far, way too bad for me!
Each and every one of us here has a program of study to comply with, to attend to and beholden to as well. After all, you just can't escape yourself. Thought most of us sure do try. I know I have.
... to be continued ...
Sunday, October 28, 2012
It's Not Always Easy, Just Worth It
Ironically, paradoxically and so apropos, these in fact are the precious gem stones that once faced and embraced, will allow you to Love your self all the more. They are your free pass go cards. Not only won't they likely POOF! go away and disappear, they will hound you until you open your Hearts to them. Your wounded children do not go quietly into the night.
They kick and scream and eventually, if ignored long enough, finally get your attention by getting you sick as hell. If not putting you into an early grave way too soon. Either way, you have face the pain, the grief, your sadness within. And yet, you gotta be crazy to go toe to toe with all the accumulated shit stored in your Shadowland warehouse. You must be a bit nuts to be willing to face the music - again why so few of us humans are actually free, clear, happy, healthy and whole.
It isn't always easy but it's always worth it. Like everyone else I know, I was raised in an atypically normal dysfunctional family. From the outside, all appeared above normal, from within, it was a doozy melange of addiction, anger and incestual undercurrents. And I've come to believe I caught a really good draw in the parent department. They were both good, decent, hardworking, educated, honest and integrous people. They were also extremely conflicted and unfulfilled as individuals and as a couple.
As you can imagine, these emotional and energetic currents of discord and discontent, like water, flowed down generation. As is so in most all familial dynamics, the pain goes from parent to child. This primal parental information becomes the belief system conditioning that makes up our sense of who we are. The fact that it's all arbitrary and inherited packaging is lost on most of us - until we do our self healing homework that is.
If we're ever courageous enough to actually want to change, if we ever learn to peak out from under the wall to wall shrouded overlays of our preconditioning, we may just have a chance to create happiness for ourselves and in turn, touch our world in this benevolent way. And from my experience ... it's a long shot.
When I first went to healing school at The School of Energy Master, within the very first week, one of my instructors pulled me aside and dropped a flash bomb in my lap saying, I was living my life from my wounded inner child. Huh? Say what! It was like being shown a whole new color not previously recognized in my normal visual spectrum. And yet, it's clarion pure clarity hit me right between the eyes and nearly took my breath away.
I just knew I'd been given a priceless nugget of immense wisdom that I also knew I had no idea what to do with. From that point on, this insight became a non stop healing virus that kept eating away at my pain body - a nibble here, a chunk there, a whole buffet load of funky shit was served up for my Ascension digestion.
And here lives the down, dirty and gritty real truth to the Awakening process, our Heaven lies beneath the buried shit of our disowned pain. To clean it, clear it, transform and heal it you have to Love it! The real masters of Earth School have learned the power of Forgiveness, of Gratitude of dare I say, self Love. A master always chooses Love - especially with themselves.
... to be continued ...
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine Intro In My Life
Whether a Soul contract to be fulfilled or just my peaked interest in the next best thing, as soon as I heard about Awakening The Sacred Masculine, I was in. As an empath and highly intuitive person, I immediately felt the power and potential in this pursuit and felt I was born to carry this Presence. At least my Soul was. My personality quickly learned there was a whole lot more involved to all this than previously mentioned.
In fact, Nicole Christine, my mentor, was fairly vague about the whole 'Shadow' business and although not glossed over, no one can ever really say in advance that every single morsel of hidden shit within would have to be faced and embraced in order to proceed through the gates of Awakening The Sacred in me. There have been no stones left unturned and no excuses good enough or protests strong enough to turn back the tide of this awakening process. It has been relentless.
Like agreeing to run the full marathon without actually having already done so, the catchy and Spiritually glamorous appeal of this process didn't foretell that this was the ultra of all ultras and I would have to go to battle within my self for many years to claim any prize. And the prize wasn't anything as fetching as I'd believed or subsequently hoped for either.
A well known channel was once asked if the consciousness that came through her always told us the truth and we were more than surprised to hear 'No. We only tell what we think you need to hear in order to progress along your path.' Good thing too. How many of us - the few that actually sign up to do this awakening work in the first place - would actually proceed if we knew ahead of time what was in store? Hard pressed to find many applicants we'd be.
It just too damn difficult to face our deepest illusions, over and over again, day in day out - this being the price of admission to Heaven that is always written into the Awakening Contract we all eventually have to sign and complete. However, the Angelic scribes who wrote this document used sneaky invisible ink when we first signed up. It's hard enough getting willing participants as it is.
I imagine this may all sound a bit too dramatic (facing all your deepest illusions within yourself and all) and I empathize with you and yet, the reason there are so few people on this planet who are actually well balanced, healthy, happy, whole and living their lives in gratitude and joy is proof positive on this point. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to see how many of us in the collective we still appear to be buried, mired and stuck in very dysfunctional behaviors. And for many, that's on a good day.
I've long abandoned watching TV or reading the newspapers. It's just too fking depressing seeing how blindingly stupid so many of us act. I mean really.
But again, Spirit has an absurdly long memory when it comes to us honoring our Soul contracts and always holds us accountable to the pronouncements we make in times of duress or while in sincere prayer mode. I've so often wondered what was I thinking to ask to walk this walk of Awakening The Sacred Masculine anyway? Why in the world did I agree to do this? What in the world was in it for me and who was I to assume I could actually pull this off after all?
The brutal truth was that 'I' couldn't. And herein lies the whole skinnied down formula of this highly shamanic and alchemical process. You gotta die to the small of you to reach the heights your Souls live in. Ouch! In order to progress, I had to be at least willing to put my self - 'Keith Gregory' into the hot, cold and everything in between fires of transformation. Nothing less would do. This has indeed been my experience.
Tomorrow - Tales From The Dark Side.
... to be continued ...
In fact, Nicole Christine, my mentor, was fairly vague about the whole 'Shadow' business and although not glossed over, no one can ever really say in advance that every single morsel of hidden shit within would have to be faced and embraced in order to proceed through the gates of Awakening The Sacred in me. There have been no stones left unturned and no excuses good enough or protests strong enough to turn back the tide of this awakening process. It has been relentless.
Like agreeing to run the full marathon without actually having already done so, the catchy and Spiritually glamorous appeal of this process didn't foretell that this was the ultra of all ultras and I would have to go to battle within my self for many years to claim any prize. And the prize wasn't anything as fetching as I'd believed or subsequently hoped for either.
A well known channel was once asked if the consciousness that came through her always told us the truth and we were more than surprised to hear 'No. We only tell what we think you need to hear in order to progress along your path.' Good thing too. How many of us - the few that actually sign up to do this awakening work in the first place - would actually proceed if we knew ahead of time what was in store? Hard pressed to find many applicants we'd be.
It just too damn difficult to face our deepest illusions, over and over again, day in day out - this being the price of admission to Heaven that is always written into the Awakening Contract we all eventually have to sign and complete. However, the Angelic scribes who wrote this document used sneaky invisible ink when we first signed up. It's hard enough getting willing participants as it is.
I imagine this may all sound a bit too dramatic (facing all your deepest illusions within yourself and all) and I empathize with you and yet, the reason there are so few people on this planet who are actually well balanced, healthy, happy, whole and living their lives in gratitude and joy is proof positive on this point. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to see how many of us in the collective we still appear to be buried, mired and stuck in very dysfunctional behaviors. And for many, that's on a good day.
I've long abandoned watching TV or reading the newspapers. It's just too fking depressing seeing how blindingly stupid so many of us act. I mean really.
But again, Spirit has an absurdly long memory when it comes to us honoring our Soul contracts and always holds us accountable to the pronouncements we make in times of duress or while in sincere prayer mode. I've so often wondered what was I thinking to ask to walk this walk of Awakening The Sacred Masculine anyway? Why in the world did I agree to do this? What in the world was in it for me and who was I to assume I could actually pull this off after all?
The brutal truth was that 'I' couldn't. And herein lies the whole skinnied down formula of this highly shamanic and alchemical process. You gotta die to the small of you to reach the heights your Souls live in. Ouch! In order to progress, I had to be at least willing to put my self - 'Keith Gregory' into the hot, cold and everything in between fires of transformation. Nothing less would do. This has indeed been my experience.
Tomorrow - Tales From The Dark Side.
... to be continued ...
Friday, October 26, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
In my experience, the seduction factor for any of us, especially men who begin accessing our Soul's power and generating the Spiritual force herein, is enormous. It's just too tempting not to reach too far into the cookie jar and get our hands stuck inside. It's a very tricky thing and a snag that has tripped up many an aspirant ...
What I saw in Sedona within myself and other men who were touching into their Sacred Self is the higher the frequency of Light, the finer the frequency of illusion. As a result of years of getting my ego's ass kicked, my Spiritual intention isn't just to be filled with Light, rather also empty or transparent of my ego personality getting in the way and claiming all the credit.
Over the lifetimes this is what always got in my way and eventually brought me falling back hard to the ground. Back in 1998 when I first thought I was ready to teach how to Awaken The Sacred Masculine and personally already the embodiment of the Sacred Masculine, was when I first began to believe my press about what others also thought of how good or deserving I was to carry the mantel, was when I got caught up in the drama loop all over again.
For me (up until now), there has always been a quality of the tragic in all this. However and whenever I believed and thought I was really ready to step out to share this information, I hit up against the realization that I just wasn't ready after all. I was still going through the motions, trying to convince myself I was more than I was.
And here lived the snag in me - as long as I used this work to feel better about myself, then I still wasn't clear enough to actually embody the Sacred Masculine anything. As long as I needed to be approved, validated and Loved by others for doing this work, I wasn't capable of stepping out with it.
Again, the ever present element of Divine paradox at play. Only when I gave it all would I get it all. Or not. It was all too familiar. The closer I got to my destination the farther I slip slided away and has played out over and over again throughout the years. Since '98, I've been asked and invited by 5 or 6 different conscious, competent and powerful women to co-create together, bringing the Sacred Masculine and Feminine along side in a workshop form.
Each and evey time I ended up backing out for some apparently justifiable reason, always because I wasn't really ready within my self. It has been Heart breakingly disappointing for me to keep falling short and letting down the feminine, all over again ... this too has been a ticket of admission to Spiritual sovereignty - of releasing the archetypal overlay that I had carried for lifetimes of the wounded masculine. So man of us men are still on the proverbial cross, personalizing the millennia old myth and needing to relentlessly punish ourselves for our original sin of being male.
I've learned the price of admission into the Sacred anything is profound empowered humility. I had to come to know I was It without needing to convince anyone else I was. This understanding is the stuff Spiritual sagas are made of. The time, wear and tear it's taken to empty out in this respect has been the beast of a Blessing and 100% worth all the pain, trauma drama experienced along the way.
... to be continued ...
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
The magnificent irony of my 'awakening process' is that the same commitment it took to move through my shit all those many years of climbing uphill with a pack on, is the exact same point of awareness it requires to remain present in the place I was intent on reaching in the first place. 'Getting' here demands I stay Here and remain rooted and fluid in the Now, over and over again. It never really changes after all.
The illusion is that we 'go' any where at all. More accurate is that we just peal away the accumulated layers of the built up overlays of what we are not, in time revealing the wondrously pure Essential Self we always have been and forever will remain ... however, when I first stepped out in '98 thinking I could carry the message of Awakening the Sacred Masculine to my brothers, I quickly found I had much more hidden Shadow storehouse to heal through than I could possibly imagine.
In fact, about 15 long years of trench work stood ahead of me to enable me to peek out of from the self created dark cave of my suffering. No, by no means has this decade plus all been drudgery and yet, as everyone who walks the path of Self discovery quickly realizes, the amount of work it takes to plow through our personal Shadowlands is why there are so few people on the planet who actually Love themselves unconditionally.
This I've come to believe is the final barometer for all of us in Earth School. After all is said and done, what is the quality of one's own Self and in my own face, self Love? Personally speaking, I came from the 'not good enough' School of Self Worth Issues. In this regard, the very aspects that motivated me on my own path of awakening have been the very things within me that have held me back. Ah, the ever perfection of paradox!
What motivated me to seek relief from my suffering by initiating with a Guru in 1972, teaching me how to meditate and what attracted me to Awakening The Sacred within me has paradoxically kept me from realizing I was already what I sought all along. Hey, I totally believe in the power and necessity of Spiritual discipline (needing every once of it to have gotten this far) and yet, do I really have to do years of abstinence or crawl around the mountain on my knees to earn my way into Heaven? At this point, I don't think so.
Again in the mysterious light of paradox, the most powerful of us are those who are most transparent, allowing the Light of the Beloved to shine through unblemished, pure and clear. The parts of me that thought I was so special to have awakened my Priest self and justified my ego personality's need to be recognized as a man of substance needed a whole lot more ass kicking to get humbled down to size. The Beloved doesn't play in the sandbox of our self importance.
There was simply no room with all my neediness to be recognized, validated, approved of and Loved by others - it was my always leading with need that continued to keep the door closed between 'me' and God. Instead of just resting in my Heartspace where I've learned to always meet It, I always sought the answers outside of my own internal connection having believed the lie I wasn't good or capable enough just as I was to either deserve or do so.
I was sure my being ordained a Priest in The Fellowship of Isis and Knighted in The Order Of Tara would finally convince myself I had 'arrived' once and for all. Not! The ever enveloping cloak of Spiritual ignorance, if not arrogance, is a real bitch to see out from under of. For me and all whom I've ever observed, it's quite impossible.
Speaking of which and time-line jumping way ahead - years later while still living in Sedona, I got involved with a Sacred Sexuality community there, having chosen to expand my knowledge and practice of working in this way. The main dude running the show had, from my seasoned perception, gotten totally seduced by the power of believing he was the power he professed to bring to the sessions he orchestrated with the women he brought into his bedroom for 'healing.'
I saw him as the sly satyr playing the unevolved and arrogant Gigolo Dick God, having fallen into the eternal trap of standing in front of the Juice, believing he was the Beloved's power Itself. For all us men with misuse and abuse of power issues (and who hasn't, ether sex included) taken this sure fire fall from Grace at least too many times, having to learn the beast of a lesson YOU GOTTA GIVE IT UP TO GET IT!
... to be continued ...
The illusion is that we 'go' any where at all. More accurate is that we just peal away the accumulated layers of the built up overlays of what we are not, in time revealing the wondrously pure Essential Self we always have been and forever will remain ... however, when I first stepped out in '98 thinking I could carry the message of Awakening the Sacred Masculine to my brothers, I quickly found I had much more hidden Shadow storehouse to heal through than I could possibly imagine.
In fact, about 15 long years of trench work stood ahead of me to enable me to peek out of from the self created dark cave of my suffering. No, by no means has this decade plus all been drudgery and yet, as everyone who walks the path of Self discovery quickly realizes, the amount of work it takes to plow through our personal Shadowlands is why there are so few people on the planet who actually Love themselves unconditionally.
This I've come to believe is the final barometer for all of us in Earth School. After all is said and done, what is the quality of one's own Self and in my own face, self Love? Personally speaking, I came from the 'not good enough' School of Self Worth Issues. In this regard, the very aspects that motivated me on my own path of awakening have been the very things within me that have held me back. Ah, the ever perfection of paradox!
What motivated me to seek relief from my suffering by initiating with a Guru in 1972, teaching me how to meditate and what attracted me to Awakening The Sacred within me has paradoxically kept me from realizing I was already what I sought all along. Hey, I totally believe in the power and necessity of Spiritual discipline (needing every once of it to have gotten this far) and yet, do I really have to do years of abstinence or crawl around the mountain on my knees to earn my way into Heaven? At this point, I don't think so.
Again in the mysterious light of paradox, the most powerful of us are those who are most transparent, allowing the Light of the Beloved to shine through unblemished, pure and clear. The parts of me that thought I was so special to have awakened my Priest self and justified my ego personality's need to be recognized as a man of substance needed a whole lot more ass kicking to get humbled down to size. The Beloved doesn't play in the sandbox of our self importance.
There was simply no room with all my neediness to be recognized, validated, approved of and Loved by others - it was my always leading with need that continued to keep the door closed between 'me' and God. Instead of just resting in my Heartspace where I've learned to always meet It, I always sought the answers outside of my own internal connection having believed the lie I wasn't good or capable enough just as I was to either deserve or do so.
I was sure my being ordained a Priest in The Fellowship of Isis and Knighted in The Order Of Tara would finally convince myself I had 'arrived' once and for all. Not! The ever enveloping cloak of Spiritual ignorance, if not arrogance, is a real bitch to see out from under of. For me and all whom I've ever observed, it's quite impossible.
Speaking of which and time-line jumping way ahead - years later while still living in Sedona, I got involved with a Sacred Sexuality community there, having chosen to expand my knowledge and practice of working in this way. The main dude running the show had, from my seasoned perception, gotten totally seduced by the power of believing he was the power he professed to bring to the sessions he orchestrated with the women he brought into his bedroom for 'healing.'
I saw him as the sly satyr playing the unevolved and arrogant Gigolo Dick God, having fallen into the eternal trap of standing in front of the Juice, believing he was the Beloved's power Itself. For all us men with misuse and abuse of power issues (and who hasn't, ether sex included) taken this sure fire fall from Grace at least too many times, having to learn the beast of a lesson YOU GOTTA GIVE IT UP TO GET IT!
... to be continued ...
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
The trick to embodying the Sacred in your life is that there is no trick at all. You gotta want it like you need it and you have to need it like you need your next breath. To be sure, there are infinite other pursuits and objects of desire to reach for for in this plentiful Universe. It's all a matter of what matters most, what your priorities and values are in your life.
In many ways the Divine has less glam, bling and rock and roll swing than so much this world has to offer. The displays of phenomena so readily available here, so enticing and all too seducing are hard to resist and for every Soul coming through Earth School, impossible to do so. And that's the point. You have to pass through all the shopping isles with catchy window dressings to end up as I did. At the end of the road with no options left.
It's here through the Blessing of Divine discontent that I finally turned inside to seek not only relief but my Sous'l satisfaction, once and for all. I believe this is so for us all. Eventually we all run out of road and have to turn towards Home to find our way to our Self. Of course I can't speak directly for anyone else and yet, eventually the river of temporal desire satisfaction runs dry and out of necessity, a Soul has to return to It's Source to be replenished, again, once and for all.
However, the trickiest enticements of all are the seemingly Spiirtual ones. They get us every time. When I first stepped out to give my intro evenings to a group of men in 1998, thinking I could just wing it with little actual in-the-field experience, I was sorely mistaken, big time. I felt hollow and shallow, like reading the correct words from a tele-promter, hoping my audience couldn't tell the difference between wanna be and actuality.
No wonder no one signed up. Looking back, I wasn't so much disappointed as relieved. Whew! The internal pressure I'd built up trying to convince myself I was ready to step out with this material was considerable and I was secretly glad I was spared the spotlight in not doing so. However at the time, I chalked it up to 'them' the men I'd addressed, not being ready. My goodness is the ego, at least mine, one slippery devil ...
It's like the saying - you have to grow into the shoes and when it comes to this work, there are no quick fixes or short cuts that can pull this off. Simply put, you have to be It to do It. And my God for me, this has this been a bitch of a cross to bare. Over the years since then, while deep in my shit, there have been countless times I fervently prayed to have my vows cancelled and declarations to the Divine rescinded. Talk about a yoke dragging me onward - it was like being harnessed to a cart I just couldn't unhook myself out of and wasn't able to let go of either.
It was here I was reminded Spirit has a ridiculously long memory. The pronouncements we make in Heartfelt prayer are indeed heard and well attended to - in fact, made sincerely enough, they become the very carrot and riding crop forcing us to actualize what we have called into our lives. Out of the sky sometimes our prayers drop but more often than not, the really good ones, we have to go up to get them. And dare I say sweethearts, this takes work, often considerable.
... to be continued ...
.
In many ways the Divine has less glam, bling and rock and roll swing than so much this world has to offer. The displays of phenomena so readily available here, so enticing and all too seducing are hard to resist and for every Soul coming through Earth School, impossible to do so. And that's the point. You have to pass through all the shopping isles with catchy window dressings to end up as I did. At the end of the road with no options left.
It's here through the Blessing of Divine discontent that I finally turned inside to seek not only relief but my Sous'l satisfaction, once and for all. I believe this is so for us all. Eventually we all run out of road and have to turn towards Home to find our way to our Self. Of course I can't speak directly for anyone else and yet, eventually the river of temporal desire satisfaction runs dry and out of necessity, a Soul has to return to It's Source to be replenished, again, once and for all.
However, the trickiest enticements of all are the seemingly Spiirtual ones. They get us every time. When I first stepped out to give my intro evenings to a group of men in 1998, thinking I could just wing it with little actual in-the-field experience, I was sorely mistaken, big time. I felt hollow and shallow, like reading the correct words from a tele-promter, hoping my audience couldn't tell the difference between wanna be and actuality.
No wonder no one signed up. Looking back, I wasn't so much disappointed as relieved. Whew! The internal pressure I'd built up trying to convince myself I was ready to step out with this material was considerable and I was secretly glad I was spared the spotlight in not doing so. However at the time, I chalked it up to 'them' the men I'd addressed, not being ready. My goodness is the ego, at least mine, one slippery devil ...
It's like the saying - you have to grow into the shoes and when it comes to this work, there are no quick fixes or short cuts that can pull this off. Simply put, you have to be It to do It. And my God for me, this has this been a bitch of a cross to bare. Over the years since then, while deep in my shit, there have been countless times I fervently prayed to have my vows cancelled and declarations to the Divine rescinded. Talk about a yoke dragging me onward - it was like being harnessed to a cart I just couldn't unhook myself out of and wasn't able to let go of either.
It was here I was reminded Spirit has a ridiculously long memory. The pronouncements we make in Heartfelt prayer are indeed heard and well attended to - in fact, made sincerely enough, they become the very carrot and riding crop forcing us to actualize what we have called into our lives. Out of the sky sometimes our prayers drop but more often than not, the really good ones, we have to go up to get them. And dare I say sweethearts, this takes work, often considerable.
... to be continued ...
.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Awkening The Sacred Masculine At The turning Of the Ages
When I came through the birth canal of my Awakening the Priest Process in 1998, emerging as the Priest Of The One Heart (we were requested to come up with a suitable name for our newly awakened masculine presence) and then immediately Knighted as Sir Gregory in the Order Of Tara, I was beginning to acknowledge I'd entered a very different archetypal arena, one where I really had very little experience in navigating - at least with my previously acquired and developed tools used in moving through my life up to that point.
I was amazed at how quickly my world was changing during this time - the entire emphasis of living in Sedona while attending The School Of Energy Mastery, of journeying through the nine month gestation process of the Awakening The Priest Process while going down to Brazil to delve into working with Ayawaska for extended periods along with a number of strong relationship experiences with power house women was totally if not kicking my ass, transforming it to the core.
Talk about an accelerated learning curve. It was a series of hair-pin sharp shifts that kept reminding me I was surfing in waves that were not just way over my head but in currents I had no idea where they lead or would possibly take me. To say I was out of my depth would be kindly put. I was living in the bulls eye center of the vortex target having no doubt on a Soul level requested to be transformed and evolved as quickly as possible - without actually dying to do so.
During this time, I was too enamored with becoming a Priest in The Fellowship Of Isis (the governing group that Nicole Christine had initiated through while developing the Awakening the Priestess Process) to see how fast the old landscape of my life was changing.
When she asked me to co-facilitate with her with a mixed Sacred Union group immediately after my Priest emergence, I was sure I could easily pull off this new engagement. Ha - boy was I ever mistaken ... and them some. I had absolutely no idea what was required of me to 'pull off' this Soul deep commitment of actually embodying the Sacred anything, let alone the Sacred Masculine presence.
Although I'm no longer bumbling through the forest as I did then, believe me, it's always a day by day, breath by breath awakening process that never leaves my life. I have to be It to do It and this applies to all endeavors of the Heart and Soul. You gotta be Present to really live the magnificence of your Being. There is no short cut or slide by with this One.
At the time I was freshly minted as a 'Priest '(the whole pretentiousness of this still brings a cringe) I was asked to present this awakening process to a group of men in the Phoenix area. All of whom had been eagerly pushed by their recently emerged Priestess girlfriends to attend, none however, especially enthusiastic about the whole idea in the first place.
When I stood before these questioning and slightly blank faces, it was like delivering a message without actually understanding the language therein. I felt like a cardboard cutout figure mouthing the words having little or no resonance with the meaning of what I was saying. I was just playing the role with little or not substance behind it. And I knew it as I believe on some level so did the men I spoke in front of ...
... to be continued ...
I was amazed at how quickly my world was changing during this time - the entire emphasis of living in Sedona while attending The School Of Energy Mastery, of journeying through the nine month gestation process of the Awakening The Priest Process while going down to Brazil to delve into working with Ayawaska for extended periods along with a number of strong relationship experiences with power house women was totally if not kicking my ass, transforming it to the core.
Talk about an accelerated learning curve. It was a series of hair-pin sharp shifts that kept reminding me I was surfing in waves that were not just way over my head but in currents I had no idea where they lead or would possibly take me. To say I was out of my depth would be kindly put. I was living in the bulls eye center of the vortex target having no doubt on a Soul level requested to be transformed and evolved as quickly as possible - without actually dying to do so.
During this time, I was too enamored with becoming a Priest in The Fellowship Of Isis (the governing group that Nicole Christine had initiated through while developing the Awakening the Priestess Process) to see how fast the old landscape of my life was changing.
When she asked me to co-facilitate with her with a mixed Sacred Union group immediately after my Priest emergence, I was sure I could easily pull off this new engagement. Ha - boy was I ever mistaken ... and them some. I had absolutely no idea what was required of me to 'pull off' this Soul deep commitment of actually embodying the Sacred anything, let alone the Sacred Masculine presence.
Although I'm no longer bumbling through the forest as I did then, believe me, it's always a day by day, breath by breath awakening process that never leaves my life. I have to be It to do It and this applies to all endeavors of the Heart and Soul. You gotta be Present to really live the magnificence of your Being. There is no short cut or slide by with this One.
At the time I was freshly minted as a 'Priest '(the whole pretentiousness of this still brings a cringe) I was asked to present this awakening process to a group of men in the Phoenix area. All of whom had been eagerly pushed by their recently emerged Priestess girlfriends to attend, none however, especially enthusiastic about the whole idea in the first place.
When I stood before these questioning and slightly blank faces, it was like delivering a message without actually understanding the language therein. I felt like a cardboard cutout figure mouthing the words having little or no resonance with the meaning of what I was saying. I was just playing the role with little or not substance behind it. And I knew it as I believe on some level so did the men I spoke in front of ...
... to be continued ...
Monday, October 22, 2012
Awkening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
When I first heard it mentioned, getting into Awakening the Sacred Masculine seemed like such a good idea at the time. It was right up my alley, so to speak. There was a quality of being on the forefront of the next 'new thing' like I was being initiated into some cool, elite secret society for guys. I had done a number of men's weekends over the years, always feeling there was some essential element missing in my experience. It was the Sacred I dearly thirsted for ...
By the time I arrived in Sedona in '96, the emerging Goddess movement had already taken firm hold and gathering momentum. It was from this current that Awakening The Sacred Masculine was born.
As with many men who got involved early with our awakening process, regardless of its particular complexions, it's been in the wake of the women in our lives forging the way ahead for themselves, that have spurred us on in our own paths of Self discovery.To be sure, the emerging presence of the Goddess energy on the planet is activating us all to awaken to our Divine potentials now.
It's because of this increase of the Feminine Lifeforce on Earth that thankfully, the evolutionary pendulum swing of consciousness has moved out of the old paradigm patriarchal overlay. Not as a value judgement mind you, however, the way power has been employed, displayed, used and abused throughout recorded history hasn't been so user-friendly for us living from our Heart types. It's been a bitch for men and women alike. No one has escaped the weight of this repression.
I firmly believe we all require role models to out-picture conscious behavior in action. For men to finally access and become familiar with our own conscious feminine natures, we need conscious women to help us get in touch with this essential part of our whole self. If not guided in learning to activate and empower our more receptive, compassionate and nurturing aspects, men have had to follow the lead of evolved women to learn how to do this for and with ourselves. (Up until now, that is.)
In this regard, except for a few exceptional men in my life, most all of my primary teachers and mentors have been women. Good thing too. It's because I've been taken under the wing of the Goddess that I've learned how to face, embrace and forgive my many perceived flaws and weaknesses and it's because I've been shown how unconditional Love feels that I've come to Love my self, no matter what.
I may not always like what I see in me and yet, I no longer beat myself up for being how I am. Believe me, it has taken nearly this entire lifetime to finally hold my self in deep respect, care and self-Love. And it is because of the conscious, strong and empowered women in my life that this is so.
If not for the enormous patience, persistence and incredible Soul calling in their own lives, agreeing to hold and carry the flame of emerging consciousness for us all, that I am so many men are now coming into our power. We are indeed in this together and we all get to Heaven through eac hother's open Hearts.
... to be continued ...
By the time I arrived in Sedona in '96, the emerging Goddess movement had already taken firm hold and gathering momentum. It was from this current that Awakening The Sacred Masculine was born.
As with many men who got involved early with our awakening process, regardless of its particular complexions, it's been in the wake of the women in our lives forging the way ahead for themselves, that have spurred us on in our own paths of Self discovery.To be sure, the emerging presence of the Goddess energy on the planet is activating us all to awaken to our Divine potentials now.
It's because of this increase of the Feminine Lifeforce on Earth that thankfully, the evolutionary pendulum swing of consciousness has moved out of the old paradigm patriarchal overlay. Not as a value judgement mind you, however, the way power has been employed, displayed, used and abused throughout recorded history hasn't been so user-friendly for us living from our Heart types. It's been a bitch for men and women alike. No one has escaped the weight of this repression.
I firmly believe we all require role models to out-picture conscious behavior in action. For men to finally access and become familiar with our own conscious feminine natures, we need conscious women to help us get in touch with this essential part of our whole self. If not guided in learning to activate and empower our more receptive, compassionate and nurturing aspects, men have had to follow the lead of evolved women to learn how to do this for and with ourselves. (Up until now, that is.)
In this regard, except for a few exceptional men in my life, most all of my primary teachers and mentors have been women. Good thing too. It's because I've been taken under the wing of the Goddess that I've learned how to face, embrace and forgive my many perceived flaws and weaknesses and it's because I've been shown how unconditional Love feels that I've come to Love my self, no matter what.
I may not always like what I see in me and yet, I no longer beat myself up for being how I am. Believe me, it has taken nearly this entire lifetime to finally hold my self in deep respect, care and self-Love. And it is because of the conscious, strong and empowered women in my life that this is so.
If not for the enormous patience, persistence and incredible Soul calling in their own lives, agreeing to hold and carry the flame of emerging consciousness for us all, that I am so many men are now coming into our power. We are indeed in this together and we all get to Heaven through eac hother's open Hearts.
... to be continued ...
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Awakening the Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
Over these past many years I've called in the Sacred Masculine into my life, hoping to someday embody the Beloved's Presence in and throughout all of my self. I admit, I had a grand idea of just how Spiritually cool this would be, to be amongst the first awakening wave of conscious men upon the planet now.
I called us the New Millennium Men, believing it was immanent that more and more of us guys would be awakening to our Sacred purpose, following through on our Soul agreements to step up and stand forth in these potent and turbulent times. Hey, you gotta have a dream ...
And I believed it in part, began with me. Of course for me, it did. However, this whole 'Sacred' business is a most incessant mistress of a task master - only our very best will do. Over the years I've often felt incredibly burdened down by the weight of my Heartfelt pronouncements to champion the Awakening Sacred Masculine. It has been in the bright light of my often ceremonially decreed intention to do just this that all of my ego personality's flaws have shown most darkly.
This awakening process has exemplified the truth that the brighter the light, the darker the Shadow - that as I continued to call in more strength. compassion and Love into my life, all that this was not got flushed up to the surface within me to be attended to. Ouch. Who designs this to be this way anyway? It must be God to think of such a thing.
I once saw in a meditation that as Spirits we progressively move out from our Source Self, spiraling out into form and experience. All of the neighborhoods we spiral through as we experience the myriad temporal realities on our Soul's journey are the very ones we have pass back through on our way back into our Source consciousness. Like a box canyon you ride into, you hit the back wall or pivot point and have to retrace your steps to get back out again.
It became clear to me early on, like right after I completed my initiatory nine month Awakening the Priest Process, that I had a whole lot more shit stored in my dungeon catacombs than I'd previously believed. In fact, it was when I was asked to assist my teacher in co-creating and holding Sacred space for others that the real avalanche began a fresh in my life. To place myself before others and proclaim the essential truths in becoming Whole again meant I first had to walk the walk way before I could convencingly talk the talk. Big Time!
... to be continued ...
I called us the New Millennium Men, believing it was immanent that more and more of us guys would be awakening to our Sacred purpose, following through on our Soul agreements to step up and stand forth in these potent and turbulent times. Hey, you gotta have a dream ...
And I believed it in part, began with me. Of course for me, it did. However, this whole 'Sacred' business is a most incessant mistress of a task master - only our very best will do. Over the years I've often felt incredibly burdened down by the weight of my Heartfelt pronouncements to champion the Awakening Sacred Masculine. It has been in the bright light of my often ceremonially decreed intention to do just this that all of my ego personality's flaws have shown most darkly.
This awakening process has exemplified the truth that the brighter the light, the darker the Shadow - that as I continued to call in more strength. compassion and Love into my life, all that this was not got flushed up to the surface within me to be attended to. Ouch. Who designs this to be this way anyway? It must be God to think of such a thing.
I once saw in a meditation that as Spirits we progressively move out from our Source Self, spiraling out into form and experience. All of the neighborhoods we spiral through as we experience the myriad temporal realities on our Soul's journey are the very ones we have pass back through on our way back into our Source consciousness. Like a box canyon you ride into, you hit the back wall or pivot point and have to retrace your steps to get back out again.
It became clear to me early on, like right after I completed my initiatory nine month Awakening the Priest Process, that I had a whole lot more shit stored in my dungeon catacombs than I'd previously believed. In fact, it was when I was asked to assist my teacher in co-creating and holding Sacred space for others that the real avalanche began a fresh in my life. To place myself before others and proclaim the essential truths in becoming Whole again meant I first had to walk the walk way before I could convencingly talk the talk. Big Time!
... to be continued ...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
I love how the same life themes for me keep playing out, over and over again. Here I am in NYC having chosen to jump into the Void, following the sage wisdom advice - Only when I give it all, will I get it all. This tidbit of priceless insight was passed onto me years ago from a teacher of mine, summing up the essential strategy of commitment and attainment.
Speaking from my personal perspective regarding this awakening process, the level of return in my life has directly reflected the degree I was willing to put it all on the line. Only when I give it all ...
How this played out years ago when I was brought through the Awakening the Priest Process, was after our initial men's circle emerged in 1998, Nicole, my mentor, asked if I would co-facilitate with her in a follow up Sacred Union Circle, working with women and men combined, taking them through the same nine month gestation process we and many woman had already passed through.
I immediately said yes, thinking how fortunate I was to be asked. As I look back, I would have done well to reconsider my answer ... this experience was my first present-life lesson that whenever you stand before others sharing essential life truths, you better have already passed trough the gates you're inviting others to evolve through.
It's one thing to sell insurance or food or cars, however, when I stood before a group of Spiritually conscious, well-seasoned women and one man, I knew the stakes had been risen considerably on my own playing field. Speaking from the Heart, sharing gut deep realizations leaves no room for bullshit ... in the plain sight of this quality of revelation, there's no place to run and nowhere to hide.
Especially during the beginning of this Sacred Union Circle in 1999, I found when it was my time to speak in front of the group, I was self-conscious, tongue-tied and totally lost in my head. I just froze up, knowing whatever information I was attempting to share was coming from my newly awakened sense of this material. Nine months does not embodiment make. At least not with this depth of awareness I had been calling in over the past year with my six Sacred Masculine Priest brothers.
I was totally out of my league, swimming naked in the rushing current, stripped of my newly emerged awakened Sacred Masculine pretensions. I was a rookie on Bambi legs trying to appear like I was mature, conscious and actually in touch with what I was professing I knew all about. And I wasn't and I didn't and I quickly realized I'd stepped into a river of consciousness I just couldn't paddle or bluff my way through. And it showed.
Again, whenever you front an expression of priceless beauty, power and light you better be transparent enough for that radiance to shine through ... if not, all that shows is the sham of being a 'wanna be' but hey, you gotta start somewhere.
And this is where I first realized I had entered into a Soul agreement I have never been able to get out of and believe me, there have been many times over these many past years I wished I could take back my vows and return to the land of the ignorant.
... to be continued ...
Speaking from my personal perspective regarding this awakening process, the level of return in my life has directly reflected the degree I was willing to put it all on the line. Only when I give it all ...
How this played out years ago when I was brought through the Awakening the Priest Process, was after our initial men's circle emerged in 1998, Nicole, my mentor, asked if I would co-facilitate with her in a follow up Sacred Union Circle, working with women and men combined, taking them through the same nine month gestation process we and many woman had already passed through.
I immediately said yes, thinking how fortunate I was to be asked. As I look back, I would have done well to reconsider my answer ... this experience was my first present-life lesson that whenever you stand before others sharing essential life truths, you better have already passed trough the gates you're inviting others to evolve through.
It's one thing to sell insurance or food or cars, however, when I stood before a group of Spiritually conscious, well-seasoned women and one man, I knew the stakes had been risen considerably on my own playing field. Speaking from the Heart, sharing gut deep realizations leaves no room for bullshit ... in the plain sight of this quality of revelation, there's no place to run and nowhere to hide.
Especially during the beginning of this Sacred Union Circle in 1999, I found when it was my time to speak in front of the group, I was self-conscious, tongue-tied and totally lost in my head. I just froze up, knowing whatever information I was attempting to share was coming from my newly awakened sense of this material. Nine months does not embodiment make. At least not with this depth of awareness I had been calling in over the past year with my six Sacred Masculine Priest brothers.
I was totally out of my league, swimming naked in the rushing current, stripped of my newly emerged awakened Sacred Masculine pretensions. I was a rookie on Bambi legs trying to appear like I was mature, conscious and actually in touch with what I was professing I knew all about. And I wasn't and I didn't and I quickly realized I'd stepped into a river of consciousness I just couldn't paddle or bluff my way through. And it showed.
Again, whenever you front an expression of priceless beauty, power and light you better be transparent enough for that radiance to shine through ... if not, all that shows is the sham of being a 'wanna be' but hey, you gotta start somewhere.
And this is where I first realized I had entered into a Soul agreement I have never been able to get out of and believe me, there have been many times over these many past years I wished I could take back my vows and return to the land of the ignorant.
... to be continued ...
Friday, October 19, 2012
Awakening the Sacred Masculine At the Turning Of the Ages
When I began the Awakening The Priest Process in 1997 the whole idea of calling in the Sacred Masculine had a nice ring to it, Spiritually speaking. It fit so snugly into the New Age scene so rampant in Sedona and appealed to the part of me that desired to continue evolving into a better me. I'd moved to AZ from Asheville NC in 1996 to study Advanced Energy Healing with Dr. Robert Jaffe MD who had his School of Energy Mastery healing school there.
Upon hearing Nicole Christene speak about awakening the Sacred Feminine & Masculine during her into evening in Sedona in 1997, I was immediately entranced with the notion of awakening the Sacred within me, especially regarding my masculine nature. I'd attended a number of 'mens weekends' while living in Asheville and left them wanting more - more ... of the Sacred.
I'd begun formal meditation when I was 13 yrs young, following Guru Maharaj Ji, receiving Knowledge in 1972. The four meditation techniques he imparted (his lineage's 'Knowledge') were profound pathways to the Divine that opened up a vast yet strangely familiar Universe within me. It felt like I'd returned Home and took to the ashram life in my neighborhood like it was second nature - or really my primary one.
Growing up in Chicago's South side in the '60's was quite a parallax view for a white boy and a wonderful introductory education in my present Life School education. My 'hood (Hyde Park) was the only successfully integrated neighborhood in all Chicago back then, an incredibly racist town with very little tolerance with the whole Civil Rights movement. That an ashram should set up for business there somehow fit in unnoticed during those remarkable times ...
As a quick aside regarding that time in my life - growing up largely a minority (talk about upside in, down side out) and getting my ass kicked for being white, I quickly learned that of all the nearly endless differences between us peoples, the Heartspace is always our common meeting place. Along with being a gifted athlete (huge street cred.), I was a natural leader who could easily relate to just about anyone on the ball field or school yard.
In short: I could connect. Of all the things I learned back then, it's been this ability that has served me best throughout my life. Big time. Looking back, I recognize the Sacred playing out and showing up in me in how I related to kids who grew up in vastly different home environments and ghetto neighborhoods near by. I was told my parents couldn't understand me when I spoke up until I was nearly 12. Getting along, speaking our language and fitting in with my school mates was far preferable to getting beat up, believe me. Hey, you gotta blend ...
The eternal truth that Unity consciousness is the inclusion of differences was 100% right on back then ... as is totally the Truth now as well. The Divine is found in the most common place displays of our humanness. It's perhaps most intimately expressed in one's ability to either get or not get along with each other in life that speaks most obviously of our own Spiritual development.
... to be continued ...
Upon hearing Nicole Christene speak about awakening the Sacred Feminine & Masculine during her into evening in Sedona in 1997, I was immediately entranced with the notion of awakening the Sacred within me, especially regarding my masculine nature. I'd attended a number of 'mens weekends' while living in Asheville and left them wanting more - more ... of the Sacred.
I'd begun formal meditation when I was 13 yrs young, following Guru Maharaj Ji, receiving Knowledge in 1972. The four meditation techniques he imparted (his lineage's 'Knowledge') were profound pathways to the Divine that opened up a vast yet strangely familiar Universe within me. It felt like I'd returned Home and took to the ashram life in my neighborhood like it was second nature - or really my primary one.
Growing up in Chicago's South side in the '60's was quite a parallax view for a white boy and a wonderful introductory education in my present Life School education. My 'hood (Hyde Park) was the only successfully integrated neighborhood in all Chicago back then, an incredibly racist town with very little tolerance with the whole Civil Rights movement. That an ashram should set up for business there somehow fit in unnoticed during those remarkable times ...
As a quick aside regarding that time in my life - growing up largely a minority (talk about upside in, down side out) and getting my ass kicked for being white, I quickly learned that of all the nearly endless differences between us peoples, the Heartspace is always our common meeting place. Along with being a gifted athlete (huge street cred.), I was a natural leader who could easily relate to just about anyone on the ball field or school yard.
In short: I could connect. Of all the things I learned back then, it's been this ability that has served me best throughout my life. Big time. Looking back, I recognize the Sacred playing out and showing up in me in how I related to kids who grew up in vastly different home environments and ghetto neighborhoods near by. I was told my parents couldn't understand me when I spoke up until I was nearly 12. Getting along, speaking our language and fitting in with my school mates was far preferable to getting beat up, believe me. Hey, you gotta blend ...
The eternal truth that Unity consciousness is the inclusion of differences was 100% right on back then ... as is totally the Truth now as well. The Divine is found in the most common place displays of our humanness. It's perhaps most intimately expressed in one's ability to either get or not get along with each other in life that speaks most obviously of our own Spiritual development.
... to be continued ...
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of the Ages
As has most often been the case in my life - or as I choose to acknowledge it - I always seem to be in the right place at the right time ... and after moving to Sedona in 1996 to attend the School of Energy Mastery, so many new doors swung open for me to explore and grow through.
In 1997, the Awakening The Priest Process was the prototype men's circle taken from the woman's process designed by Nicole working with women stepping into their Sacred Feminine power and presence. She had been holding and co-creating circles with women for many years compiling her Awakening The Priestess information from a long, rich life of self discovery and applied it to activating women's Sacred inner strength, confidence and personal awareness.
She in turn, brought this same structure to our initial men's circle, guiding us seven men through a nine month gestation process to awaken our Sacred Masculine consciousness. It was here I first learned about co-creating Living Ceremony and the primary archetypal themes playing out in my life and those of us who entered his journey of profound and primal self discovery.
By getting in touch with our deep masculine belief systems, childhood conditioning and cultural overlays inherited from our fathers, we began to see how we were the living by-products of the pre-conditioned attitudes of the masculine mass consciousness. It became obvious we were all largely unaware of how the core attitudes we held about ourselves and our world had were all formed by those before us. Our sense of self-worth and lack thereof as men were intimate reflections of our inherited masculine belief systems.
It also became painfully aware of how much work it would take to dig out from under the avalanche of our unconscious masculine conditioning. I quickly recognized whenever you question and challenge the long accepted norm, in whatever accepted form, the inertia built up is a bloody considerable force to redirect.
As a man undertaking the task of awakening to the Sacred within my self, the enormously huge amount of encrusted stuckness within the masculine mass consciousness was, to say the very least, way overwhelming to face, let alone attempt to shift.
It felt like trying to steer the Titanic away from imminent collision, holding onto a rope from a rowboat attached to the prow of the ocean liner. A whole lot of paddling going on to pull that badboy from hitting the iceberg up ahead.
Of course the perfection in the awakening process is that only though our own individual struggles, trial and tribulations does the Divine enter our lives and live more powerfully upon this Earth. Each and every one of us makes a significant difference for the rest of us by what we do to evolve, grow and develop in our apparently small lives.
However the Soul contracts play out now, those of us men who are choosing to face the entrenched belief systems and accepted way we have behaved throughout history, the weight of our collective conditioning is breathtakingly considerable. It takes King Kong balls to stand up and face the discordant music of our masculine mass consciousness, all in hopes of changing the patterns that have largely contributed to how fucked up the world is today.
... to be continued ...
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
We're going live! Up until now, I've been reprinting experts from my upcoming book Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages and while in this blogs inception it's been important to keep the info flow moving, as I've placed these passages here, while rereading them, I've felt them a bit flat or rather, essay-like. No real zip or life spark transmission happening. And after all, if it don't got no swing, it don't mean a thing!
The whole motivation behind writing this blog is to bring through and manifest this Awakened Sacred Masculine frequency, the embodiment of the Sacred into my life and in turn, the lives of others that this touches and appeals to.
As with the As Above, So Below mysteries, the most profound and Sacred aspects of the Beloved are also manifest in the most mundane and simplest expressions of human experience. The Divine is found in the day to day small moments of our lives - or better be. It is always and only here & now where my living doorway to the Divine lives. I have no further to look than the daily unfolding events of my life to see, feel and experience most intimately my connection to the Sacred within.
And this is from where I'll write this blog from ... Hey baby - it's NYC.
I've been here since mid-July, coming from Sedona AZ to flat-sit for a client/friend in Red Hook, Brooklyn. I first visited NY in April/May on the invitation of a woman I'd met and worked with in the beginning of this year. She was on a personal retreat in Sedona at the time and along with working together twice while there, she requested a long-distance or absentee session after returning to the city.
It was after this last powerful session when she invited me to come to NYC to work with her 1 on 1 for two weeks along with a number of her close friends and associates. From this connection I met the woman who in turn invited me to come and house sit for two months this Summer. As always, timing is everything.
While being in NYC in the glorious Spring, I knew my next Soul stop was to come here and finally launch the Awakening the Sacred Masculine work.
And this leads into a bit of back-story ... I've been dancing with this whole 'Awakening The Sacred Masculine' business for over 17 yrs now. I was first introduced and initiated in this work in Sedona back in 1997. I was in the first group of men who had entered into the Awakening The Priest Process, an extension or reflection of the Awakening The Priestess Process that had been designed and developed by Nicole Christine.
This most amazing woman had brought this awakening process through a number of years earlier while working ongoingly with woman in Tucson AZ.
... to be cont ...
The whole motivation behind writing this blog is to bring through and manifest this Awakened Sacred Masculine frequency, the embodiment of the Sacred into my life and in turn, the lives of others that this touches and appeals to.
As with the As Above, So Below mysteries, the most profound and Sacred aspects of the Beloved are also manifest in the most mundane and simplest expressions of human experience. The Divine is found in the day to day small moments of our lives - or better be. It is always and only here & now where my living doorway to the Divine lives. I have no further to look than the daily unfolding events of my life to see, feel and experience most intimately my connection to the Sacred within.
And this is from where I'll write this blog from ... Hey baby - it's NYC.
I've been here since mid-July, coming from Sedona AZ to flat-sit for a client/friend in Red Hook, Brooklyn. I first visited NY in April/May on the invitation of a woman I'd met and worked with in the beginning of this year. She was on a personal retreat in Sedona at the time and along with working together twice while there, she requested a long-distance or absentee session after returning to the city.
It was after this last powerful session when she invited me to come to NYC to work with her 1 on 1 for two weeks along with a number of her close friends and associates. From this connection I met the woman who in turn invited me to come and house sit for two months this Summer. As always, timing is everything.
While being in NYC in the glorious Spring, I knew my next Soul stop was to come here and finally launch the Awakening the Sacred Masculine work.
And this leads into a bit of back-story ... I've been dancing with this whole 'Awakening The Sacred Masculine' business for over 17 yrs now. I was first introduced and initiated in this work in Sedona back in 1997. I was in the first group of men who had entered into the Awakening The Priest Process, an extension or reflection of the Awakening The Priestess Process that had been designed and developed by Nicole Christine.
This most amazing woman had brought this awakening process through a number of years earlier while working ongoingly with woman in Tucson AZ.
... to be cont ...
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Awaken The Sacred Maculine At The Turning Of the Ages
The Universe is a living, evolving consciousness. On the most fundamental level, all things within it, ourselves included, are expressions of this expanding consciousness. Because the Universe ultimately seeks to be more conscious of Itself, our thoughts, emotions and actions are always clear displays of who we are and where we are in this process of our personal growth and evolution.
As most often the case, people only evolve when we are forced to, feeling we have no choice but to do so. Pain, after all, is the most effective motivator in forcing us to grow.
For many of us, breakthrough only comes after breakdown. Whether it´s from the ´no pain, no gain´ school of tough love, we humans only get on with our personal growth when it becomes too painful to remain where we are. Said another way from the Alcoholics Anonymous perspective, we can only begin moving up, when we totally hit bottom. From my life's rich experience, this has been so for me.
The twisted, distorted and convoluted information stream a man receives from his Shadow has consistently created the enormous use and abuse of power we see displayed in the world around us. On virtually all levels of human experience upon our planet, from the ecological, the societal, the financial, the Spiritual - you name it, the overall breakdown playing out before us in the 2012 Gateway - the Turning Of The Ages - is forcing us all to take a much closer look at our core values and priorities.
In relationship terms, the drama trauma dance between men and women has been created because we've long been feeding into our individual and collective Shadows. In this regard historically speaking, the unawakened masculine persona directly plays out in how we treat the women in our lives. This of course, is an intimate reflection of how we have come to treat our own feminine nature. Most often, pretty shabby
As we transform and master our own Shadow self, we become more conscious and supportive of the feminine aspects within ourselves and in turn, with the women in our lives. The harmony that results is because we're no longer in conflict within ourselves and no longer fighting upon the battlefields of our own own psyches. By doing this fundamental self-healing, we will no longer project our pain body on those in our lives.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of The Ages
Shadow Lands
The 'Shadow' I refer to regarding men, are all the dark or destructive expressions of a his ego/personality that he is unable to consciously recognize or willingly control. By definition, the Shadow - regardless of gender - are energetic areas within a person´s psyche that are usually well hidden and repressed from the light of their conscious awareness. This energetic and emotional dark space is created from painful and traumatic experiences from our past, often originating in childhood.
The 'Shadow' I refer to regarding men, are all the dark or destructive expressions of a his ego/personality that he is unable to consciously recognize or willingly control. By definition, the Shadow - regardless of gender - are energetic areas within a person´s psyche that are usually well hidden and repressed from the light of their conscious awareness. This energetic and emotional dark space is created from painful and traumatic experiences from our past, often originating in childhood.
Because
a child’s coping skills are largely undeveloped, out of necessity the memories of
these traumatic experiences are blocked out and
stuffed away in their unconscious mind. Hopefully, this
allows a child to maintain a semblance of emotional safety and
stability. There are also significant, carryover imprints from past
lives that are carried and bleed through into this life. All of these trapped and hidden energetic
blockages eventually show up as conflictual, dysfunctional emotional
patterns, very likely manifesting as self-defeating and self-destructive
behaviors.
These
blockages and patterns are the result of experiences that, at the time
they occurred, were too painful or difficult to deal with, process and
integrate. Even
though these memories and energetic imprints are seemingly locked
safely away, they eventually come bubbling up and bursting out in
behaviors that, by design, are intended to get our attention. In
time, the difficult situations our unconsciousness continues to create in our lives
become so painful and obvious, we wake up to the fact that our Shadow is
in fact, running and most often, ruining our lives.
The ´inner
critic´ sub-personality is a prime example of Shadow energy. This is
the voice inside that always reminds us of how bad, dumb or ugly we are
and how unworthy, undeserving and unable we must be to create fulfillment in our lives. The ´inner saboteur´ is the steroid version of our inner critic, where we always end up destroying what we love and value the most.
These deep
seated patterns prevent us from accessing and living from our clear,
conscious spiritual awareness, that in turn, prevent us
from transforming, healing and releasing the pain contained within
them.
A
man´s Shadow contains and is fueled by all of our repressed and
unprocessed emotions like fear, anger, shame, guilt and self-doubt. This
is where all our self-worth issues live. Our addictive behaviors are
indeed expressions of our Shadow. Until
these patterns are transformed, they continue to stagnate, mutate and
fester, creating the aggressive and abusive, overly controlling and
dominating behaviors long associated with the unevolved, masculine
consciousness.
Our
Shadow expresses itself through the egocentric, self serving misuse and
abuse of will and abuse of power patterns historically, long associated
with men in and out of control. From
this emotional dark space, his behaviors appear as unconscious urges
that are dysfunctional in nature and often destructive in effect.
In
esoteric traditions, these behaviors are expressions of our lower
nature or 'lower self'. The essentially alchemical process of evolving
and Awakening to our Sacred natures only
occurs when we transform and raise our consciousness from the
imprint patterning created when we initially separated from our God Self
by individuating as Souls on Earth.
All of our self-worth issues,
emotional blockages and trauma-drama Core Wounds were created from this
perceived break in our spiritual connection to our God Self. Our Core Wounds are all the energetic and emotional imprints created by us forgetting
our true Divine nature.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning Of the Ages
Why Does A Man Call The Sacred Into His Life?
I believe it all comes down a process of elimination that brings a man back to the Sacred within himself. On the evolutionary Soul treadmill and in the most simplest of terms, he has simply run out of road. In the long progression of the Soul’s growth through human reincarnation and the experiences accrued along Its long journey away from, then back into Source consciousness, we all end up where we began. In God as God.
Like the Big Bang Theory - where the eternal wave in and wave out motion, much like our respiration breathing cycle, expands out from a central point over eons of time, then returns back again. Imagine a spiral of consciousness moving out over an eternity of time, reaching a pivot point, changing directions, then spinning back towards it's source again.
A well-seasoned Soul spirit, living over and over again in human form, while wearing all the costumes of its many roles played, eventually reaches this turn-around point. Slowly and surely, it begins taking off all the various human disguises worn, gathered over many lifetimes on Earth.
A well-seasoned Soul spirit, living over and over again in human form, while wearing all the costumes of its many roles played, eventually reaches this turn-around point. Slowly and surely, it begins taking off all the various human disguises worn, gathered over many lifetimes on Earth.
The very process of pealing off the accumulated layers of karmic overlays, like finally removing all the many energetic and karmic imprints upon a Soul, is the alchemical and shamanic journey of Awakening to the Sacred within us all.
When a man has exhausted all his options of interest, having played all the roles along the way and removed all the disguises worn, what remains is his Spiritual Presence. His Soul. This is his core Self, his very Divine Essence, after all.
How a man's level of consciousness is determined is seen in how attracted or rather caught up he is in the myriad trappings the external world offers. Is he still caught up in the drive to attain more money, more possessions, more sex, more stimulation? More more, always more ...
We live in the most powerful Turning of The Ages, a time when significant time-lines are ending and new ones, beginning. We as Souls are being called to make an assessment of just how far we have come and how much we have grown at the end of this epoch of time.
This current life time is the culmination and examination of our individual and collective Earth experiences. It's as if it's final exam time at the end of a very, very long school year. We all get to see how far we have come, how much we have learned and how well we have done while living here on Earth. As souls in Human form, we will finally come to know how much we have actually evolved.
This is the prophesied time of potential mass awakening upon this planet and men having played such a fundamental part in getting here as a species, are primary players and half of the whole of humanity in potentially getting us through this 2012 Gateway.
In order for men to now positively and proactively assist in this evolutionary process, we have to align with the Sacred within ourselves and embody the Awakened Sacred Masculine in our lives.
In order for men to now positively and proactively assist in this evolutionary process, we have to align with the Sacred within ourselves and embody the Awakened Sacred Masculine in our lives.
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