The Christ Heart Does Not Close

One the most disheartening realizations I had after I pledged to call in the Christ Heart, to align with that Awakened Heartspace place within myself, was I no longer could close my own Heart all the way up again. It was like a flood gate was opened and I no longer had final say so or total control over my ability to feel deeply again. Once this vow was made, there was no going back to how my Heart once was.

And there again, was the Diving principle of paradox playing itself out in my life. I had to come to a place where by calling in my prayers a higher sense of my self, the Awakened Sacred Masculine Christ Consciousness, I was turning over my individual will to be taken over by a greater one. Not my will but Thy will be done.

I didn't come to blindly abdicate my personal will, surrendering it over to some power outside of myself, however on a very deep Soul level, I had entered into an agreement where the Sacred within me, calling It to live more and more through me. day in day out. This is what is meant by having a personal relationship with the Divine, that the way we live our lives is taken over by Grace ... no, I wasn't able to walk on water and yet, the vow I took began to take over my life just the same.

On the other hand, I also saw how I had to take even more impeccable responsibility in how I acted, what I thought and how I spoke to others. To know better meant I had to do better. In this way, it has become a partnership of sorts. This dance with the Divine. I'm down here on Earth, present and alive, doin' the do here and now and yet, the place I connect to, connects me into a much greater grid system that feeds and fill me and flows through me, breath by breath.

As a result of this pact with the Sacred, I haven't been able to close my self down like I used to. Once, I could easily justify getting an attitude when I would make someone else wrong - just so I could make myself right - all to give myself a good excuse to shut my Heart from feeling the deeper currents of emotion moving within them.

From the perspective of an awakening Heart, it's always another's pain and suffering that causes them to act in some offensive way. Just as with us. This is the tricky thing with compassion. If you sincerely engage with this fundamental quality of the Sacred, it begins to steadily take over your life, leaving no room for anything less. Once, the Divine has touched you, it's impossible to forget and live small again.

No longer does playing small from my own pain body seem like such a good and sensible thing. No longer does judging someone else for their humanness feel comfortable. At times it's felt like a burden to not be able to draw the same lines in the sand, separating others from myself. At times, it feels way too close from comfort to be unable to not feel the suffering in the world. For a natural empath, this has been wearing at times.

Like in this recent hurricane Sandy storm, tragedy to many. The morning after the storm blew through, I got this hellacious pain in my back behind my Heart (rt. side scapula) that for no reason showed up when I woke up in the morning. I was quickly reminded that those of us who have chosen to step up to call in if not carry the New Earth in though our lives, also call in to help transmute the denser energies of others upon the planet. Who else signed up for this task if not us? Through our own lives and the day by day encounters do the higher energies of the Sacred live in our world and  touch those we touch.

For a man, this sometimes feels like a lonely penance. Not unusual to me, however, I sometimes feel like to lone sentinel, walking post duty out in the cold. I often ask myself - where are the other men who have agreed to this command? When will others show up who have passed through their Shadowlands, coming safely out the other side to arrive at the clearing within themselves and living from a cleaner more Sacred place in themselves?

No wonder over the years, so many of the women I've known feel utterly pissed at the general lack of men stepping up and showing up to help carry the mantel of the Awakened Sacred Masculine. Over and over I've heard them express their frustration, asking when will we begin to own our Divine place along side the Awakening sacred Feminine. Apparently, one man at a time.

...to be continued ....