The Only Way Out Is Through

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Of all the wisdom nuggets, this little ditty has been a most difficult maxim to embrace. As with perhaps most of us, I've, up until now. always chosen to run fastest and farthest from that which most challenged me. Hey, it's only natural, if not sensible to move away from what is threatening or in someway dangerous. In this respect, it takes a special person to willingly face up to the very thing that forces us to change and potentially grow and evolve. Especially if it means facing my shit.

However this actually works in nature, I believe adverse circumstances are the very reasons that cause and create change to occur in a species. It's out of necessity that evolution unfolds. For me in my quest to awaken to the Sacred within me, this has certainly been the case. For instance, if I could have stayed blissfully ignorant (relatively speaking) of how damaging my decade-long use of coke was (ah, the '80's), I'd still me waking up with mind splitting headaches, nose bleeds, broke as hell and well, not so blissful after all.

Let's face it, there's nothing better to motivate us Humans than pain. It is the only thing, if anything, that really gets our attention. And yet, to go face to face with substance addiction for instance, you have to be a bit masochistic to begin with. Because passing through those most demanding dragons at the gate of my self empowerment required I face all I was running from. A whole lot.

Honestly, I did enough drugs throughout my lounge lizard career to buy South America. Unlike many, I made it through fairly intact, though with a whole lot less money I might have had had I gone the straight and narrow. But then again, I wouldn't have nearly the outrageous stories I've accrued over those years tending bar here in NYC and on South Beach, Miami and these are just the ones I can remember. Besides, my chosen life path this time around was to Awaken fully and to do this, I simply had to face and embrace all that has ever stood in the way of my knowing I was Loved, Lovable and Love incarnate. Believe me, it sounds way better in theory than it really is in the field.

However, the small print and at times, Vegas sized neon writing on this particular Soul contract states, you can run but you can't hide from whatever stands in your way. Period. That's why it's called self mastery and not self pretty good. This especially goes for the day to day shit as well as these long, dark and nasty behavioral patterns like drug addiction ... take for instance, by circumstance a person in my life I'm around these days. For whatever reason, I often hear them react very defensively to things I say. I mean, nearly all the time. 

Of course when I point this out to them, they immediately say in that oh so triggered voice - I'm not defensive! A sure giveaway by the way. She just doesn't get it, like thick as a brick! After a while, it began to make me nuts. I happen to be sharing living quarters with this person (without the hanky panky), which makes it all too close for comfort. This is to say, out in the world I can easily distance myself from off-the-wall reactivity I see, you just don't survive in NYC unless you do. However, in my home space, it's just too much to comfortably deal with.

At times, us empathic types require extra safe handling to move through this world with a semblance of grace and ease. We need our safe home sanctuary. A bit fussy we can be, at least I am. Anyway, for whatever reasons, I've created this situation to alas, move through. Hopefully consciously. Believing I do indeed create my reality 100% day in day out, I can't disallow or disregard this situation or her from my awareness.

I gotta meet it in this way - as in what does it have to show me that will help me be more Loving, Lovable and Love-like with them as well as myself. Damn, not that again! Especially when they're so wrong ...Ha!

It's easy to hit aces in my Love game when all is well in OZ but when the wicked witch starts throwing hard curves and change ups, my game falls apart. The Sacred is a most demanding task master if not mistress, only my very best will do. By the way, this person I'm referring to has been way over the top generous with me, I mean, above and beyond. In this respect, she is a huge Blessing in my life. I also know, however, she's created me in her life to potentially do the same for her, to help her return Home inside of herself.

Whether she does this through this circumstance is her business, we all have our shot at the title and yet, if only because she reacts defensively, it tells me she's feeling somehow attacked. And this gets my attention. Am I too sharp with her, to demanding or judgmental? Even though she initially said she had requested a teacher come into her life, believing in fact I was, when the heat gets turned up on her unconsciousness, yes, she reacts. Goodness knows, I've been the poster boy on that behavior pattern.I mean, upfront and center.

Ah, so there you go - is it an all too close reflection of something in me after all? Duh - good chance. Oh well, back to the basics again ... be present in my Heartspace, align in my Verticality, ground into the Earth beneath my feet and pray pray pray I don't choke the living daylights outta her!

... to be continued ...