This Present Moment Is My Only Refuge

This present moment is my only refuge, haven, safe zone place for peace and rest.
There really are no external sign post markers when it comes to the day by day living of the Sacred within ourselves and our lives. This is the catch-22 of the Awakening process. The Sacred is all around, about and throughout us, always present and alive. However, to find It ourside of ourselves is the endless fool's search ... and yes of course, there are the necessary Spiritual practices and disciplines that are foundational to a clear, connected and aligned consciousness and yet, in the breath by breath living of our lives, who do we turn to and where do we go to get connected to Source? 

The Awakened Sacred Masculine always relies solely upon ourselves by going directly into our Soul stream to ever enliven our connection to our Source within. With each and evey breath we breathe, our Lifeforce consciousness flows into and throughout us.

There simply is no substitute for being present. However I slice it, unless I am present, awake and grounded in my body, I'm not fully in touch with the Sacred within me. Spirit only lives Here. Life only takes place right Now and only here and now does the doorway to my Soul live. In every Spiritual tradition or practice of power, it's the same eternal truth and only learned this out of necessity. Throughout all my life, especially in times of stress. doubt, fear and overwhelm (all too often), my monkey mind has run me ragged just about all the time I let it. Which was all the time.

As a man awakening to the Sacred within me, this is the non-negotiable, no frills, slips or error dependable place I always go to to come Home. In the house of my youth, because the Love and affection from my parents was so conditional, I learned at a very early age to always seek their approval, validation and Love by behaving in ways that pleased them. 

As with so many of men (and women alike), this became the primary strategy of trying to get my emotional needs met. Always from outside of my self, always from an external authority - always believing Love is conditional.

What a crock of suffering and sure fire way to always live a life frustrated and dependent on the outer world to fulfill me. Which it never has, never will and isn't supposed to anyway. In order to begin taking command of my consciousness, which is a nonnegotiable prerequisite to awakening the Sacred in my life, I had to see how much this belief system has imprisoned me. 

Throughout my life as a man, this preconditioned internal gratification drive has been the unconscious force that has attracted me to certain women, thinking it was her goal in life to complete this' pleasing to receive' circuitry within me. I deeply believed if I performed in ways that pleased her, she would comply by Loving me in return and that it was her unspoken duty to do this. Ha! Let me tell you (as if I need to), this behavior pattern over the yearshas brought me - and them - endless head and Heart aches. .

It's the 'little boy always seeking his mommy syndrome' which I personally know from experience, makes conscious women crazy. In fact - with all good reason - it made them reject me, over and over again. That's the way it was with me, I'd charm them with this impetuous side and then - all unconsciously mind you - expect them to fulfill their half of the bargain. And that's really just what it was. A bargain, a subtle unseen negotiation, where they had to validate, approve and Love me for me to feel whole and complete. Not to mention fulfilled as a man.

No wonder so many men are so lost looking outside of ourselves to feel the Love, validation and self approval only we can ever give ourselves. This all too human 'leading with need' element is in turn fed by mothers who have children just so they can feel their own self worth increase. By having a baby that in turn, validates their own worth, they/we/us create the cycle to reenact it all over again. 

I tell you, it sure is sneaky business, this being human having forgotten our own living connection to Love residing inside of each of us. Too bad so few were taught this in our youths but then it would depend of those before us having already learned what we are now having to do for and with ourselves. I believe our survival as a species depends on getting this now.

... to be continued ...