Whether the proverbial Eye of The Needle or the 'just take what you can carry' sooner or later in order to pass from one state of consciousness into another, especially a higher one, you will have to leave your baggage behind. This is a non-negotiable rule of life. I suppose in this respect, there is always a ticket of admission required to pass through the gates of our own Awakening. Over my lifetime, for me at least, this has played out over and over again.
Life can change in a blink of an eye and often does in the pivotal moments that define if not direct the course we follow. Just yesterday, while playing in the surf outside my hotel here in Puerto Vallarta, I landed strong and wrong on my leg, popping something deep inside my right calf. Earlier, I had gone for an easy morning run along the beach, jumping rocks and cruising along on the sand, enjoying what for me is essentially temple time. Like swimming or biking, running is a 'constitutional' activity that always helps clear me out, connect me in and align me to my Higher Self.
These core practices are my own check and balance systems that continue keeping me healthy and sane in my life. Without them, I'd be like I used to be and this Keith nobody wants to be around, especially myself. I've been living in my body for a long time now and know it exceptionally well. In this regard, I fall into the specimen class and have worked throughout my life (save for a number of black periods) to maintain it's overall health and well being. I'm a living example of a life well lived in a Human body. I'm no mirror athlete or gym rat. I'm no fanatic, rather a committed fun-addict. I chose to get my kicks in action, largely in motion while walking, running, swimming or bike riding. This is where I get my exercise thrills ...
As I lay in the crashing waves holding my throbbing lower leg, knowing something had occurred that markedly changed my physical reality, I immediately went into internal protection mode. My attention zeroed in on what had just happened and what I needed to do next to make it out of the water safely.
Dripping and crawling myself out of the surf while instinctively going into the prayer zone, I was aware of how quickly things can change. I intuitively knew this one was more serious than just a mild pull or strain. My calf had had a niggling soreness the past few days if only because I hadn't been beach running in a while and although it had felt fine earlier in the day, muscle memory is such that (like 3D reality) there are physical laws that apply.
It just takes the body time to heal and until it does, there is a susceptibility in place that precludes normal movement or activity. I tend to go really strong with my body especially in my most favorite earthly environment, by the sea or ocean. I've learned to take it slow and play into it nice and easy, however yesterday being my BDay, I pushed it more than usual with my wake up run followed by a long swim before breakfast. In any case, my body was a bit depleted going in for the early afternoon dip ...
Knowing my physical reality is always an intimate reflection of my emotional state, if not also my mental belief systems that overlay and impact my emotional body, I've learned to simply ask in the case of yesterday's events - what the fuck is going on here!?! Alas even, what's the lesson or message or wisdom teaching showing itself now? This is how my mind has come to work, to reference my hands-on, 3D reality by the deeper underlying currents actually running the show.
In short: what does this experience want me to know? In that (at least in my belief system), the Universe is always in intimate relationship with Itself, always communicating each breath of the way, what is playing out now that I would do well to understand so not another, often stronger (meaning: more painful) message is imparted to me? Hey, after too many such wake up alerts along the way, a guy had better get the smarts to do it easier if not less difficultly.
So I asked - what does this mean to me, my evolvement and how can I use his experience to Awaken more fully as a result? I've come to know it really isn't so deep, dark, mysterious or difficult the workings of my Soul. It's a plain and up front information exchange - simply put: I can read the signs by how an experience makes me feel. Period. This is the doorway through. In this case, not being able to stand without pain, hobbling and gimping about like Walther Brennen from the old Westerns (oh, that's dating me) feeling all too vulnerable, hurt and frail.
Ouch! For this man, not preferable qualities to choose to experience too often - especially while on Holiday. So it goes ... Knowing everything in my life is a reflection of the Beloved's Love for Itself as me, I looked within to see what all was taking place in my life that would in turn, bring up these core feelings for me to better see. When these more tender and yes, vulnerable feelings arise, I know to look at my emotional landscape to see the hidden clues therein ...
And this trail led me to the gates of my deepest fulfillment, relationship speaking - actually to the Divine Ms Mel awaiting me just on the other side. As far as I can tell, she's the real deal, the total package all wrapped up in a most Lovely body - all wanting me to come play for as long as I possibly can. Now, like most healthy, well adjusted and conscious heterosexual men (does this narrow the field too appreciably I wonder?), this is what I've longed for ... so to now be standing on the launch way of having what I most want, dare I say, brings up just a few (oh no, not this word!) issues of mine.
This is the tricky thing about life experience, I've come to learn from my mistakes - often the hard way and as it turns out, the fool proof best way to learn - that you don't keep kissing the flame expecting not to get burned. Ouch again. And yet in the Awakening process, paradoxically enough, the very things that have brought me where I am are the very things I have to give up to get further along. Ironic, this.
The protection devises that have helped create conscious boundaries in my life, all born from challenging relationship experiences, are the tried and true stalwart guardians at the gates preventing me from making (please please please) the same mistakes again. Having a rich and funky backlog in the realms of the Heart, I've come to know I really don't know what it's like to be safely in Love. A lot of things yes, but not safe and secure.
This of course, has played out largely disappointingly in all the various ways over my lifetimes - always their fault, mind you! and at this most profound Turning Of The Ages, the Awakened Sacred Masculine as Keith faces my old traveling companions, all telling me not to get too close or let her in or drop the drawbridge allowing her to enter my inner keep. As I look to them/myself, I see a bunch of old hardened and wizened warriors standing around me with a forlorn look in our eyes, actually begging me to do this one differently.
To let her in at all costs, even at the expense of - especially actually - our past life lessons accrued which have kept me safe and very alone.
Again, to get it all, I have to give it all and if being happy, fulfilled, content and totally enlivened in Love in my life is at stake, by golly, give it all up I'm gonna do!
...to be continued ...
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