As a straight up, heterosexual man, it is the Goddess I serve. As my journey unfolds here in NYC, as has been so for most all of my life, it is the Goddess that has come to my aid, over and over again. Yes of course, the Beloved, the Source Creator, God of all that is is neither masculine or feminine in nature. Exclusively speaking. It is both and all other things as well ... that's why Its God, Source Creator, the Beloved. All this and more It eternally is.
And yet, as has been so for most of my life, I've always felt more connected to Her. Maybe it's my bhakti nature, one of devotion, gratitude and praise - qualities often attributed to the more feminine side of the Shine. And as been so here, for whatever reasons, women have come to help me, support me, encourage me, befriend me, counsel and recognize me. Their level of awareness, consciousness, of consistency of perseverance and their ability to rise to the occasion has been totally remarkable in my eyes and my world.
This is not to say this isn't so with the men I've come to barely know since being here. From my experiential perspective, I intimately know the many pit falls many of us dudes have to navigate through to arrive at the clearing in the woods. I have so much intimate first hand knowledge of what it's taken for me to learn to grow up and show up now. Actually, more than enough. As I hold the precious gift of my own efforting, consistency, endurance and commitment, I have to admit I'm disappointed in the men I've encountered here. Not all but most.
This isn't to say, they aren't amazing, accomplished, awakened and aware. They are. Just to be here in their lives, doing the necessary work to grow and evolve bespeaks to their own quality of commitment and yes, it is remarkable. Maybe even more so than with women - but who's competing? The wave of awakening consciousness created by evolving women, having started many decades ago here in America is a wonderment to behold. As I've written before, I believe it's because of the women in our lives that men have been forced to get out of our shit and wake the fuck up.
It doesn't take a wizard or genius to see that until the feminine Lifeforce current kicked into gear during the 1960's, things on this planet had been moving in a steadily funky direction, if not going steadily downhill. For instance, however we as planetary citizens have ended up with such remarkably depleted natural resources on nearly all levels possible, perhaps only to sustain us for a few more generations at best, surely isn't due to the women of this world misusing and abusing power. There haven't been enough in power to do this.
It's no mystery how we as a global culture have ended up where we're at. And no, I don't believe the solutions lie in a clean sweep under the carpet of all things male. I too have experienced the feminine way out of balance and women off the charts nuts, hey I had a mother too (Bless your Heart Mom) but it rather amazes me that for all the reasons I see and those I obviously don't, men just don't show up for me as women do. At least not yet ...
Is it a territorial thing I wonder? Like the alpha male dogs pissing along the edges of their turf, marking their ground? Do men feel threatened that there's only just so much to go around and to give a little extra depletes their own supply? Is it the ancient male agenda to protect their interests at all costs? I was told when I asked my friend Sammy D these questions that perhaps I was too outgoing or enthusiastic or came on too strong or was too inviting or was just too much. And as we all know, to second guess the question of the question, is a sure way to wrap oneself around in even more confusion.
So in such sageful wisdom, I've revisited a most profound relationship maxim - I only want to play with those who want to play with me - and know how. Maybe this is it. Is it possible that women know how to play better than men and are able to accommodate this capacity more naturally? Are women less fearful? I don't think necessarily so ... I think it's because women recognize something that they can relate to, that is familiar, safe and known to them.
This by no means is to say that over my earlier life I haven't had my Shadow dance over tender Hearts and leave a wake in my rear view mirror. I have. I came from a rich field of dysfunction, addiction, anger and reactivity. I was fairly high maintenance and didn't know it. I projected all his on others, blaming and making them wrong, often being women in the sights of my displeasure. I have been no prize, believe me. I might have had the jewel always hidden inside though it was always covered by my own self worth issues and insecurity. This too I projected on others ...
And yet not to cop a plea, haven't most of us fallen into the traps laid by our old paradigm per-conditioning, erroneous false and self defeating belief systems? Haven't all of us been birthed into a world that has known bubkiss about honoring the Lifeforce spark in our lives above all else - first in ourselves and then in others? Hey, in this respect, we don't look too different, do we? I believe we are all, regardless of gender, culture, class etc. doing our best with what we have to work with at the time. I just wish men would come out and let me play with them in our shared Heartspace place.
...to be continued ...
No comments:
Post a Comment