Through Me Not From Me

Ah, the ever present Primal Paradox at play. In awakening the Sacred within me, I've had to relentlessly learn to hold it tight as I have to let it all go. For instance, in the healing work I do, Heart Tantra, there's a point in each session when after the field of awareness has been consciously set, the Divine helpers called and the client guest is breathing into their Heartspace, when I as facilitator have to just step back and step away. This is truly the let go let God moment and the most important step in the healing dance dynamic.

I remember while attending The School Of Energy Mastery when, as with any discipline taught, there is an outline of procedure to follow, the practice sessions eventually came to the 'let Spirit take over' portion of the show and being a thick-headed Capricorn man, I waited and waited and waited some more, only to say ... OK now, enough is enough - when is Spirit going to do It's thing here!? Call it impatience, frustration or just plain insistence but I really didn't know how to get out of the way.

And this is where my tutelage with a whole successive line of powerhouse women comes in. I believe the only way for a man can learn about his conscious feminine nature (and develop an affinity with all it contains), is through observing other conscious women in his life. To do healing work in session with them is better, to be in relationship with them, for me, was often work. And then some. Believe me, I was one tough nut ... and if you've been on your Spiritual path for any length of time, you well know the Universe always exerts just a bit more pressure to break your grasp upon something you've yet to let go of to become free of whatever you're stuck holding on to.

For a man to become consciously balanced in his life, he will have to become well versed with his own feminine nature within. For him to awaken the Sacred Masculine in his life, he will have to awaken his Sacred Feminine as well. This is the tricky part. How does a guy step into his power but learning to let go and flow? Seems kinda counter intuitive doesn't it? It's because from the logical male mind, it really is.

Hey, if it was this slam bam easy, we'd all be living in a very different world. From my experiential knowledge, my feminine nature is all about receptivity, watching and waiting and simply allowing the moment at hand to unfold without me pushing pulling or forcing the issue constantly. It's about resting quietly in the Void knowing this ... space is the pregnant pause that is the Creatrix of all things manifest. It's about letting go of my personal picture of how it's got to look so it can evolve more holistically, organically and naturally into what can develop without my insistence leading and getting in the way.

It's been a real bitch to learn, let me tell you. In that the Universe always forces us to our Destiny - the operative word being 'forces' - with knuckleheads like me, this has played out over and over and painfully over again. Case in point: during the decade plus heyday of my rampant addictive years, I couldn't say no to snorting coke. I mean really. Actually, I had a no problem, I just couldn't say no. I did enough drugs to buy South America and like any of us, it seemed to make sense at the time. Thus the power of addiction. My life was turning to shit and it made sense to keep spending heavy, snorting whenever and waking up with running nose bleeds.

But alas, the trail eventually ran its course and my suffering got so intense, so profound that I had to let it go. Or die. I can't speak for other men but the pathways of my awakening is strewn with the worn out habits, belief systems and a whole crew of fucked up self destructive behavior patterns along the way. It looks like a rusted out wagon train lost in the desert with discarded shit jettisoned over the side to lighten the load. If there was a recycling center that took and paid for dysfunctional and self defeating consciousness, I'd be a very wealthy man, let me tell you.

I've learned to do what I want to do from doing things I never want to do again. It's a tough way to learn but the lessons have found a willing partner now. If it begins to hurt - hello! - let go. In my life the secret is in dancing in the Void space as I stand up to show up ... it's in caressing my Soul's sense of knowing how to just be present in the moment as I rest consciously in my Verticality and Heartspace as often as possible.

It's in turning it over to God, whenever however wherever I possibly can. The other way just doesn't make so much sense anymore. It's not nearly as much fun if only because the way I did it was often like the blind leading the deaf and dumb. Until now that is.

...to be continued ...