Many years ago, back in 1996 when I first entered the main hall to attend The School Of Energy Mastery in Sedona, AZ, the head instructor and owner, Dr. Robert Jaffe remarked 'there's the fool.' He later said he didn't know if I was in fact an idiot, a foolish and a stupid man or if I was carrying the Fool energy ... in the Tarot, The Fool is said to be the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega card in the deck. It's number is '0' which perhaps tells you much.
As all the symbolic players therein are reflections and representations of archetypal qualities in the Human pantheon, the Fool, though no better than another, has at least for me, a very special significance. If you recall the common depiction: a fellow walks upon a high hillside path with the Sun over head, eyes gazing to the sky with a beautific smile upon his face. Over his shoulder on a stick he carries all his worldly possessions as he is astride with one foot raised about to step over the edge of the road into emptiness of the canyon below ...
Ripe with interpretation, for me this card symbolizes the complete Trust necessary to walk safely along the journey of life. As the Divine Principle of Paradox would have it, although not ever really being sure what awaits us as we go, only when we walk forward confidently, knowing without a shadow of a doubt the very next stepping stone will always be there, is it actually so.
The relevance of this card in my life and all it represents is really quite profound. Upon graduating High School in '76, I chose instead to go hitchhiking into my life and not straight onto college as all of my classmates had done, I had attended an extremely well respected preparatory school with many of it's students the children of University of Chicago professors. The fact I had decided to do this after having rebelled, especial in my home, much of what I'd was, taught didn't seem to surprise very many people at the time.
To fast forward: about 15 yrs ago I passed through an auyawaska phase, travailing down to Brazil to study with a shaman there, working the magic jungle juice. I remember him remarking that even though he'd ingested this plant medicine thousands of time, each time doing so, he had to surrender all over again. He said it was like a 'little death' where he had to let go and Trust in the magic to carry him along - or not. Each time he didn't know for sure what to expect. And so it is with me now.
Today being my birthday (thank you thank you to my Mom for birthing me into this life) I'm given to reflection, if not reviewing, certainly looking back over my life and seeing the major themes playing out, still. Indeed, a most primary one is this Trusting in the process of life, that there is in fact a Divine design playing out, now as always. If you look really closely and pay conscious attention as the significant moments and events unfold in your life, you will see It.
The Awakened Sacred Masculine has learned to do just this. He looks beyond the surface of things to view the hidden messages, signs and portents along the way. In this regard, he is the Shaman to himself, working his magic to co-create desired outcomes by removing obstacles and barriers that hinder his progress. In so doing, he develops his ability to trust in himself, allowing him to in turn, Trust in his greater Self to help guide him along. As above, so below ...
If you can possibly imagine, this line of thinking - let along a viable life strategy to consciously employ has been anything but easy for this South Chicago boy, growing up half Mexican caught between two divergent cultures ('whitey whitey honky boy') in the civil right turbulent 1960's. I have walked between the worlds to arrive Here & Now in my life. Like most all of us on this planet, for now and all times, I've had to figure it out as I went along.
I have had to learn how to fly when I was falling - which like for many of us, have had my fair share of practice to be sure. I've learned that Trust is the language the Angels speak and hear us best when we ourselves listen to our Higher Self's wisdom and guidance. In short: the more I Trust, the more the Universe gives me things to Trust in - however and this is the numero uno point here, I first had to learn to trust in my self - which meant I had to stop fucking up in my life and act like a man of honor. Simply put, I had to stop behaving in ways that made people distrust me.
To do this I had to go face to face, toe to toe with my Shadow and come to realize I was much larger, more grand and powerful than it. I had to Trust in the goodness within myself and stop believing I was broken somehow, deeply at fault and unLovable in the eyes of God. Talk about a real lose-lose belief system ... all of which I brought into this life to potentially transform and heal.
As I look around my life having already logged 54 yrs alive, I have undeniable, irrefutable and bodacious proof that all of my Trust in these essential truths have been100% confirmed.
And this is a really good thing.
YEA to me and all I hold dear. Speaking of which - first and foremost to my Mother Father God, the Christ and Magdalene Sacred Union living Force of Love and endless unseen Divine forces that have kept me safe and alive, to my dear parents Tita and Earnest, my brothers Eric and Larry, distant relatives known and unknown, the various and many friends, Lovers and buddies along the way ... to Deborah Mills and Nicole Christine to my dearest Susanne Jegge and friends on Ibiza to Cheryl Star Heart to Kimal and Enocha R in Sedona and my new friends in NYC to Regina to Susie Brown to Lydia B and to my very sweet new Lover partner, the Divine Ms Mel, I certainly couldn't have made it to 55 without you ... and just to say - with all of my Being, I know the very best is yet to come!
From the fullness of my Heart - I THANK YOU ALL!
.. to be continued ...
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