Today's blog is a verbatim reprint (save for her name printed here) of a letter I just sent my traveling companion upon her request to speak to how I envisioned our relationship unfolding in the future.
Here goes ...
Hola Aloha Dear L,
As requested, I am answering your email asking for clarification as to what I envision our relationship being in the future and as I sit to write this email to you now, know I have no preconceived ideas as to what I'll end up you writing ... and as I've thought upon this during our day out to Taxco, I really can't say one way or another ...
Sorry for that, however, as you've observed over this past number of weeks spent living together, I work, live and co-create with the Universe from a very different place, degree and level than most people, including yourself. In this regard, I live from intention - from the Soul desire that all unfold for the greatest and highest good for all concerned - not mind you, on a personality or egoistic level, rather what serves the Will of God. Not always do I succeed but I sure do try.
Also as I've repeatedly expressed, I've consistently shied away from being your primary teacher, master, guru or Lover. I've rejected over and over again the role of being your external Sacred Masculine figurehead.
For me, this is repellant and totally against my personal and Spiritual values, for all the reasons I've ongoingly explained to you. For all the reasons you seem to need this, I wish you only well on all and every level.
And yet, it
feels like you still hold onto the idea that places me in the power
role of providing you your own mastery fulfilled and in all honesty, this goes against my own Spiritual ideals, 100%. The only reason
my life is finally opening up as it is now, with all the people (of
course, yourself included) is because I let go of anyone outside of me
giving me what I feel you so deeply desire of me - your own personal
alignment and connection to God. If I misinterpret this, I stand
corrected and please forgive me in this regard.
As
I've often spoken of, I have repeatedly been burned in the fires of my
hell realms, big time - the last of which took yet another 1.5 to 2 yrs
of my life to climb out of the deep, dark and nearly fatal abyss. If
you've been paying attention, let alone reading my blog, the price paid
has cost me my fear, anger, addictions and sense of lack of self worth.
And yes, without any doubt, it has been completely worth it.
I've
had to go to the very nub of my ego's desires to arrive in the place
you see me in now and it has been anything but fun, easy or comfortable.
It's been a beast inside and out - for years I've struggled with my
'lower bodies' and am living testament to the hard work necessary to
consciously evolve.
I
hear you say how much work you've done, how long you've been being
Spiritual and in light of
this, I wonder why you don't turn your attention to your own Goddess of
your Being and let go of putting me on a pedestal. I would think the
pain you've felt when you've felt rejected by me would have gotten your
attention by now and been enough for you to get this essential point ...
As you have invested in out friendship, I have as well. On the level that brought us together, yes there has been an enormous exchange of energy between us, you in your way, me in mine. Given the closeness of physical proximity, it's no wonder our boundaries have been so blurred and hazy and as well you know - this makes me very uncomfortable. I have tried my very best to assist, support and serve your Awakening process as best I know how. If you have consistently misinterpreted this, so be it. This one is on you and will be a factor in our friendship in the future.
Under the surface I still feel you very needy of my affection and this makes me very uncomfortable. It's not quite exhausting although very taxing and always an awareness I have between us. In this respect, I feel on guard not to let you come too close to me for concern that you will want too much of me. This, as spoken of so many times is where your sexual energy is extremely uncomfortable to me. However you will transmute this is your business. This is a primary reason I won't share a bedroom room with you. I feel your desire all too strongly and as written in my blog, do not want to be subject to it in my Dreamtime. Period.And yet, I have created this scenario to help me progress along my path and for this I sincerely thank you. For me this instance is indeed about the conscious use of power and healing the places in me that have either felt used, abused or disempowered by women, specifically the earthly mother archetype, my mother very much included. The thought of having to share another bedroom with you puts me back in the feeling of being a little boy that has to do what he's told or will be punished if he doesn't. Not good. It's no wonder I am back here in the land of her birth to encounter this now with you playing such a prominent role in this dance. Again, I thank you.
Speaking of which, looking back, I can only imagine how these moments I created dance space in your apt. as well as once took you to that club downtown has given you mixed messages. This too has been confusing for me feeling your desire for me rise to the surface and yet, being the fun Loving guy I am, again due to our close proximity, have included you in these moments.
Hey, no one said transmutation was going to be easy!
Where we go from here as friends I really can't say, however I will state that moving forward, growing closer to Godhood is 100% the goal in my life. Only with those who fully embrace this in their own lives will I share close time with.
That being said, you have been and are a very important person in my NY life. Your allowing me to stay with you has indeed been a Goddess send and She and I sincerely thank you so much. In this respect, this is what I meant when I said you are the Magdalene's gift. It has been through your generosity that She has Blessed me.
So in closing dear, I often wonder how you have grown, progressed and evolved as a direct result of me being in your life. How in fact have you grown closer to the Goddess of your Being these past many weeks, how have you grown stronger within your self that will help carry you along in your own journey of Awakening? What positive effects has our connection inspired in you that you alone can benefit by? In that developing my sovereignty through my singular alignment with God is so primary to my path, I often am at a loss to see this express itself in your life. If you would, please speak to these things on our remaining time here in Mexico ... as you've asked this email response of me, if you would, please return the consideration. Thank you.
To answer your initial question, in short: I want to play free, clear, strong and joyfully in the Buddhahood of our individual and collective consciousness - to express This always in all ways that serves, supports, celebrates and inspires each other to live the life our Souls came here to live.
Does this answer you question?
Sincerely Yours,
Keith
.
As you have invested in out friendship, I have as well. On the level that brought us together, yes there has been an enormous exchange of energy between us, you in your way, me in mine. Given the closeness of physical proximity, it's no wonder our boundaries have been so blurred and hazy and as well you know - this makes me very uncomfortable. I have tried my very best to assist, support and serve your Awakening process as best I know how. If you have consistently misinterpreted this, so be it. This one is on you and will be a factor in our friendship in the future.
Under the surface I still feel you very needy of my affection and this makes me very uncomfortable. It's not quite exhausting although very taxing and always an awareness I have between us. In this respect, I feel on guard not to let you come too close to me for concern that you will want too much of me. This, as spoken of so many times is where your sexual energy is extremely uncomfortable to me. However you will transmute this is your business. This is a primary reason I won't share a bedroom room with you. I feel your desire all too strongly and as written in my blog, do not want to be subject to it in my Dreamtime. Period.And yet, I have created this scenario to help me progress along my path and for this I sincerely thank you. For me this instance is indeed about the conscious use of power and healing the places in me that have either felt used, abused or disempowered by women, specifically the earthly mother archetype, my mother very much included. The thought of having to share another bedroom with you puts me back in the feeling of being a little boy that has to do what he's told or will be punished if he doesn't. Not good. It's no wonder I am back here in the land of her birth to encounter this now with you playing such a prominent role in this dance. Again, I thank you.
Speaking of which, looking back, I can only imagine how these moments I created dance space in your apt. as well as once took you to that club downtown has given you mixed messages. This too has been confusing for me feeling your desire for me rise to the surface and yet, being the fun Loving guy I am, again due to our close proximity, have included you in these moments.
Hey, no one said transmutation was going to be easy!
Where we go from here as friends I really can't say, however I will state that moving forward, growing closer to Godhood is 100% the goal in my life. Only with those who fully embrace this in their own lives will I share close time with.
That being said, you have been and are a very important person in my NY life. Your allowing me to stay with you has indeed been a Goddess send and She and I sincerely thank you so much. In this respect, this is what I meant when I said you are the Magdalene's gift. It has been through your generosity that She has Blessed me.
So in closing dear, I often wonder how you have grown, progressed and evolved as a direct result of me being in your life. How in fact have you grown closer to the Goddess of your Being these past many weeks, how have you grown stronger within your self that will help carry you along in your own journey of Awakening? What positive effects has our connection inspired in you that you alone can benefit by? In that developing my sovereignty through my singular alignment with God is so primary to my path, I often am at a loss to see this express itself in your life. If you would, please speak to these things on our remaining time here in Mexico ... as you've asked this email response of me, if you would, please return the consideration. Thank you.
To answer your initial question, in short: I want to play free, clear, strong and joyfully in the Buddhahood of our individual and collective consciousness - to express This always in all ways that serves, supports, celebrates and inspires each other to live the life our Souls came here to live.
Does this answer you question?
Sincerely Yours,
Keith
.
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