When Push Comes To Shove - Let Go

Sometimes it's so important to keep coming back to the relationship table and 'working it out.' You know what I mean - doing the face to face, Heart to Heart deep sharing of feelings, thoughts, observations and insights - all to (hopefully) bring two people back closer together. It often takes this, doesn't it? Over the years, while in relationship with mostly conscious women, this approach has been the priceless and necessary training ground for my own learning and growth in this respect.

Along with the various counselors and encounter experiences I met and worked with, I was thankfully introduced to Marshall Rosenberg's Non Violent Communication process, sitting in on weekly meetings, getting my smarts in regards to learning how to speak, listen and actually hear what my partners were trying to say to me. I've certainly heard all too often - YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME! shouted across the room to my hardened, arm crossed and arrogant, cold self staring back at them.

Healing sometimes looks just this way. You have to keep coming back to the table, the no-exit exchange zone, where neither person can step away from the encounter until a (largely) Win-Win resolution is reached. There has to be a quality of both people feeling really heard, if not understood by their partner to proceed along together. Without this consistent coming back into the shared and safe Heartspace, the walls get taller and the distance farther apart. And doesn't this remind you of most of the relationships and marriages you've observed over your life? Hey, I had parents too and regrettably for me yes, it does.

And then again, healing sometimes has a very different tenor to the tune. As words are certainly a necessary bridge helping co-create connection and understanding once again, in this later case, sincere and authentic healing can come down to just two words - Good By. When enough is enough and all useable options have been explored, when you've worked the conscious communication program all the way through and still it's not fun being together, it's just time to leave.

There really is no shame in knowing it's time to split. Self awareness, self preservation and self respect are all in play and at stake here. If you don't value, own and honor your sense of self responsibility to get up, pack up and go, you're waiting to eventually do just this in a relationship yet to manifest in your life. The very best you can give another always follows and reflects that some Loving kindness you first give yourself.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine has come to the place within himself where his alignment with his Divinity is so strong, fluid and present, he sooner than later knows when to stay and when to go. This is not to say he doesn't have doubts and uncertainties along the way, yet his conscious connection with his Higher Self is so steadfast, the voice of his authority always comes from his Sacred knowing how to act for his greatest and highest good and of that of his partner. It may however, not always feel good at the time ...

I've recently encountered a stale mate within my self these past couple of days with my traveling partner here in Mexico. I immediately know this is really about me and not her - at least what's mine is mine - and I'm real clear the same applies to her ... how she in turn, chooses to meet this situation, is 100% her business. I have absolutely no problem owning my shit, regardless if another does the same - I'm in this thing called life to grow, evolve and prosper - hopefully in a gentle and beauty way. In this regard, how my dear friend handles this experience is her own opportunity to do this - or not.

I have no investment that she be any different in any way, shape or form. We're all free agents out here and big boys and girls as well. Do what you will. And yes, in these last few daze of this mighty pivotal year, 2012, following the last Full Moon leading into 2013, it seems to me an especially potent time to observe all my experiences and attend to what comes up, front and center in my world just now.

As I've come to witness the languaging I've spent years learning to use and the communication style I've developed for myself really doesn't appear to create connection with L, as I expressed to her yesterday, I feel to be at a loss here. And this is OK with me. I don't have to know the answers, although I do have to be willing to admit this and then simply let go of needing to know and then turn it over to the God I Am to work the details out.

Having such a rich and diversified history with dysfunctional behaviors myself, I well know when someone is being defensive when they immediately answer back in that oh so charged tone of voice -  I'M NOT BEING DEFENSIVE. Talk about a loud and clear giveaway ... and when I've pointed this out, repeatedly many times and get back the hurt 12 yr old little girl voice sounding offended, misunderstood and abused, I know the pathways of potential connection are just not open and available. Because as long as we come from our wounded inner child - THEY ARE RUNNING OUR LIVES. Period.

There is no well enough adjusted adult in the house who can possibly navigate let alone negotiate a conscious settlement here as long as this core essential little self in in charge. When I keep hearing overly triggered reactions from my friend, I feel a bit hopeless. Unless two people can speak self responsibly there is no way conscious connection can be co-created. In my experience, it just don't happen.

Mind you, I hold nothing against her if only because it's taken me bloody years to learn whatever I've been fortunate enough to gleam along the way. Believe me, I've gone through enough crash and burns to know there is no other way to learn this stuff but ahead of time in practice settings so when I did land in the trenches, I had a prayer of a chance to do it differently.

It has also taken me years to learn to trust myself 100% in this respect and not automatically defer to another just because they're in their shit making it all about me. Like being 'compassionate' means I willingly abdicate my knowingness just to appease their wounded inner child who desperately needs my Love and validation because they themselves haven't first learned to give it to themselves. Not!

I won't play the stooge anymore for anyone.
I will however, whenever another comes to me from their sincere and open as possible Heart, wanting to reconcile our differences, in every and all cases, I will meet them Here ... and I will not drop down into their all too familiar pattern of running their pain body wondology on each other, all in hopes of healing ourselves (read: wounded inner children) through the Sacred container of our relationship.
No way no more.

... to be continued ...

Leave Your Bags At The Gate

Whether the proverbial Eye of The Needle or the 'just take what you can carry' sooner or later in order to pass from one state of consciousness into another, especially a higher one, you will have to leave your baggage behind. This is a non-negotiable rule of life. I suppose in this respect, there is always a ticket of admission required to pass through the gates of our own Awakening. Over my lifetime, for me at least, this has played out over and over again.

Life can change in a blink of an eye and often does in the pivotal moments that define if not direct the course we follow. Just yesterday, while playing in the surf outside my hotel here in Puerto Vallarta, I landed strong and wrong on my leg, popping something deep inside my right calf. Earlier, I had gone for an easy morning run along the beach, jumping rocks and cruising along on the sand, enjoying what for me is essentially temple time. Like swimming or biking, running is a 'constitutional' activity that always helps clear me out, connect me in and align me to my Higher Self.

These core practices are my own check and balance systems that continue keeping me healthy and sane in my life. Without them, I'd be like I used to be and this Keith nobody wants to be around, especially myself. I've been living in my body for a long time now and know it exceptionally well. In this regard, I fall into the specimen class and have worked throughout my life (save for a number of black periods) to maintain it's overall health and well being. I'm a living example of a life well lived in a Human body. I'm no mirror athlete or gym rat. I'm no fanatic, rather a committed fun-addict. I chose to get my kicks in action, largely in motion while walking, running, swimming or bike riding. This is where I get my exercise thrills ...

As I lay in the crashing waves holding my throbbing lower leg, knowing something had occurred that markedly changed my physical reality, I immediately went into internal protection mode. My attention zeroed in on what had just happened and what I needed to do next to make it out of the water safely.

Dripping and crawling myself out of the surf while instinctively going into the prayer zone, I was aware of how quickly things can change. I intuitively knew this one was more serious than just a mild pull or strain. My calf had had a niggling soreness the past few days if only because I hadn't been beach running in a while and although it had felt fine earlier in the day, muscle memory is such that (like 3D reality) there are physical laws that apply.

It just takes the body time to heal and until it does, there is a susceptibility in place that precludes normal movement or activity. I tend to go really strong with my body especially in my most favorite earthly environment, by the sea or ocean. I've learned to take it slow and play into it nice and easy, however yesterday being my BDay, I pushed it more than usual with my wake up run followed by a long swim before breakfast. In any case, my body was a bit depleted going in for the early afternoon dip ...

Knowing my physical reality is always an intimate reflection of my emotional state, if not also my mental belief systems that overlay and impact my emotional body, I've learned to simply ask in the case of yesterday's events - what the fuck is going on here!?! Alas even, what's the lesson or message or wisdom teaching showing itself now? This is how my mind has come to work, to reference my hands-on, 3D reality by the deeper underlying currents actually running the show.

In short: what does this experience want me to know? In that (at least in my belief system), the Universe is always in intimate relationship with Itself, always communicating each breath of the way, what is playing out now that I would do well to understand so not another, often stronger (meaning: more painful) message is imparted to me? Hey, after too many such wake up alerts along the way, a guy had better get the smarts to do it easier if not less difficultly.

So I asked - what does this mean to me, my evolvement and how can I use his experience to Awaken more fully as a result? I've come to know it really isn't so deep, dark, mysterious or difficult the workings of my Soul. It's a plain and up front information exchange - simply put: I can read the signs by how an experience makes me feel. Period. This is the doorway through. In this case, not being able to stand without pain, hobbling and gimping about like Walther Brennen from the old Westerns (oh, that's dating me) feeling all too vulnerable, hurt and frail.

Ouch! For this man, not preferable qualities to choose to experience too often - especially while on Holiday. So it goes ... Knowing everything in my life is a reflection of the Beloved's Love for Itself as me, I looked within to see what all was taking place in my life that would in turn, bring up these core feelings for me to better see. When these more tender and yes, vulnerable feelings arise, I know to look at my emotional landscape to see the hidden clues therein ...

And this trail led me to the gates of my deepest fulfillment, relationship speaking - actually to the Divine Ms Mel awaiting me just on the other side. As far as I can tell, she's the real deal, the total package all wrapped up in a most Lovely body - all wanting me to come play for as long as I possibly can. Now, like most healthy, well adjusted and conscious heterosexual men (does this narrow the field too appreciably I wonder?), this is what I've longed for ... so to now be standing on the launch way of having what I most want, dare I say, brings up just a few (oh no, not this word!) issues of mine.

This is the tricky thing about life experience, I've come to learn from my mistakes - often the hard way and as it turns out, the fool proof best way to learn - that you don't keep kissing the flame expecting not to get burned. Ouch again. And yet in the Awakening process, paradoxically enough, the very things that have brought me where I am are the very things I have to give up to get further along. Ironic, this.

The protection devises that have helped create conscious boundaries in my life, all born from challenging relationship experiences, are the tried and true stalwart guardians at the gates preventing me from making (please please please) the same mistakes again. Having a rich and funky backlog in the realms of the Heart, I've come to know I really don't know what it's like to be safely in Love. A lot of things yes, but not safe and secure.

This of course, has played out largely disappointingly in all the various ways over my lifetimes - always their fault, mind you! and at this most profound Turning Of The Ages, the Awakened Sacred Masculine as Keith faces my old traveling companions, all telling me not to get too close or let her in or drop the drawbridge allowing her to enter my inner keep. As I look to them/myself, I see a bunch of old hardened and wizened warriors standing around me with a forlorn look in our eyes, actually begging me to do this one differently.

To let her in at all costs, even at the expense of - especially actually - our past life lessons accrued which have kept me safe and very alone.

Again, to get it all, I have to give it all and if being happy, fulfilled, content and totally enlivened in Love in my life is at stake, by golly, give it all up I'm gonna do!

...to be continued ...

It Takes A Fool To Believe

Many years ago, back in 1996 when I first entered the main hall to attend The School Of Energy Mastery in Sedona, AZ, the head instructor and owner, Dr. Robert Jaffe  remarked 'there's the fool.' He later said he didn't know if I was in fact an idiot, a foolish and a stupid man or if I was carrying the Fool energy ... in the Tarot, The Fool is said to be the beginning and the end, the Alpha and the Omega card in the deck. It's number is '0' which perhaps tells you much.

As all the symbolic players therein are reflections and representations of archetypal qualities in the Human pantheon, the Fool, though no better than another, has at least for me, a very special significance. If you recall the common depiction: a fellow walks upon a high hillside path with the Sun over head, eyes gazing to the sky with a beautific smile upon his face. Over his shoulder on a stick he carries all his worldly possessions as he is astride with one foot raised about to step over the edge of the road into emptiness of the canyon below ...

Ripe with interpretation, for me this card symbolizes the complete Trust necessary to walk safely along the journey of life. As the Divine Principle of Paradox would have it, although not ever really being sure what awaits us as we go, only when we walk forward confidently, knowing without a shadow of a doubt the very next stepping stone will always be there, is it actually so.

The relevance of this card in my life and all it represents is really quite profound. Upon graduating High School in '76, I chose instead to go hitchhiking into my life and not straight onto college as all of my classmates had done, I had attended an extremely well respected preparatory school with many of it's students the children of University of Chicago professors. The fact I had decided to do this after having rebelled, especial in my home, much of what I'd was, taught didn't seem to surprise very many people at the time.

To fast forward: about 15 yrs ago I passed through an auyawaska phase, travailing down to Brazil to study with a shaman there, working the magic jungle juice. I remember him remarking that even though he'd ingested this plant medicine thousands of time, each time doing so, he had to surrender all over again. He said it was like a 'little death' where he had to let go and Trust in the magic to carry him along - or not. Each time he didn't know for sure what to expect. And so it is with me now.

Today being my birthday (thank you thank you to my Mom for birthing me into this life) I'm given to reflection, if not reviewing, certainly looking back over my life and seeing the major themes playing out, still. Indeed, a most primary one is this Trusting in the process of life, that there is in fact a Divine design playing out, now as always. If you look really closely and pay conscious attention as the significant moments and events unfold in your life, you will see It.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine has learned to do just this. He looks beyond the surface of things to view the hidden messages, signs and portents along the way. In this regard, he is the Shaman to himself, working his magic to co-create desired outcomes by removing obstacles and barriers that hinder his progress. In so doing, he develops his ability to trust in himself, allowing him to in turn, Trust in his greater Self to help guide him along. As above, so below ...

If you can possibly imagine, this line of thinking - let along a viable life strategy to consciously employ has been anything but easy for this South Chicago boy, growing up half Mexican caught between two divergent cultures ('whitey whitey honky boy') in the civil right turbulent 1960's. I have walked between the worlds to arrive Here & Now in my life. Like most all of us on this planet, for now and all times, I've had to figure it out as I went along.

I have had to learn how to fly when I was falling - which like for many of us, have had my fair share of practice to be sure. I've learned that Trust is the language the Angels speak and hear us best when we ourselves listen to our Higher Self's wisdom and guidance. In short: the more I Trust, the more the Universe gives me things to Trust in - however and this is the numero uno point here, I first had to learn to trust in my self - which meant I had to stop fucking up in my life and act like a man of honor. Simply put, I had to stop behaving in ways that made people distrust me.

To do this I had to go face to face, toe to toe with my Shadow and come to realize I was much larger, more grand and powerful than it. I had to Trust in the goodness within myself and stop believing I was broken somehow, deeply at fault and unLovable in the eyes of God. Talk about a real lose-lose belief system ... all of which I brought into this life to potentially transform and heal.

As I look around my life having already logged 54 yrs alive, I have undeniable, irrefutable and bodacious proof that all of my Trust in these essential truths have been100% confirmed.
And this is a really good thing. 

YEA to me and all I hold dear. Speaking of which - first and foremost to my Mother Father God, the Christ and Magdalene Sacred Union living Force of Love and endless unseen Divine forces that have kept me safe and alive, to my dear parents Tita and Earnest, my brothers Eric and Larry, distant relatives known and unknown, the various and many friends, Lovers and buddies along the way ... to Deborah Mills and Nicole Christine to my dearest Susanne Jegge and friends on Ibiza to Cheryl Star Heart to Kimal and Enocha R in Sedona and my new friends in NYC to Regina to Susie Brown to Lydia B and to my very sweet new Lover partner, the Divine Ms Mel, I certainly couldn't have made it to 55 without you ... and just to say - with all of my Being, I know the very best is yet to come!

From the fullness of my Heart - I THANK YOU ALL!

.. to be continued ...

Dreams Really Do Come True

As I sit on my balcony over looking the pre-dawn Ocean blue here in Puerto Varllarta - where I  Am incredibly believably fortunate to spend Christmas, my 55th BDay the following day and the passing of 2012 into the most magical 2013, I rest in the inner glow and full body buzz knowing I have come fully  into the Blessings Zone. However this eternal moment continues to unfold in my life, with the twists and turns no doubt in store to come, this very version of Here & Now sure sings with the full throated resonance of HallelujahHallelujahHallelujah the day has come to celebrate!

As I was speaking late last night again with the Divine Ms Mel, the living version of the Magdelene come alive in my life - my Sacred Union partner - I was blindingly aware of how magnificent my life has become. For brief backstory: I jumped into the Shaman's Rabbit Hole earlier this Summer, choosing to put all my eggs, balls, body, Heart and Soul on the roll of the dice in moving to NYC after over 25 yrs away ... earlier in the Spring, the opportunity presented itself through an extremely dear friend in Sedona to work with a women visiting her retreat home there. This women Annette, was taking a much needed week away from her busy upper west side, NY world and ended up in the beauty of Red Rock country to recharge and revision her life.

As Grace & Fate would have it, this women had a very moving experience both in our session work together in AZ and then again during a long distance, absentee treatment when she returned to the city. These Heart Tantra sessions convinced her to invite me to come stay in her home, work 1 on 1  with her and with the clients she would in turn, introduce me to. One of these referrals at that time was her Lovely Tunisian born astrologer named Lydia, who in short order, became a very dear friend of mine.

It's been at L's studio I've been staying these past couple of months, being reintroduced to winging it, city style in close, tight and karmicly cramped quarters. Throughout my life, I've found to get to the other side of an opportunity always requires I give something up in exchange. Something perhaps equally as significant as I am to gain. It works this way folks, at least with me - in order to get it all, I have to be willing to give it all.  Nothing less will do.

There are no easy, investment free shortcuts across the fertile field of our own Awakenings - each and every step requires a total commitment to make it successfully - and safely to the other side. And so it has been for me these past months while living in NYC. All the significant people I've met there, having been introduced by this person or another, have all led me to right here, right now - basking in the wonderment of actually living large in the flesh of my Soul Dream already having come true. There are moments on one's journey (surely all to few) when the overall pieces come to fit just so, allowing a total life epiphany to occur and come crisply into view.

This exactly happened for me in the surf outside my hotel yesterday afternoon, while watching the Sunset over the Pacific horizon a'blaze with color and splendor. It was jaw dropingly beautiful - one of those satori moments I wanted all the best friends of my life to come and see. I mean, really spectacular - celestial even, right out of a Hollywood movie directed by none other than God. What an eye the Beloved has when it comes to setting the stage, lighting the clouds and shining the Light on Itself - as Keith.

In July, with only a few hundred dollars in my pants when arriving in Red Hook, Brooklyn to flat sit for yet another client/friend made from my initial visit in March, the doors have kept opening up, each step of the way. This however, isn't to say there weren't a number of times when I got down to pocket change to eat (there were) but I never gave up on the Dream I deeply felt wanted to come to fruition in and through me.

In my Self belief, I have made it so. In my total commitment to manifest the Awakened Sacred Masculine in my life now, I set the tone, upped the ante and loaded the gun to go get me some bear - a lion actually, to wear the hide of the king of my life as me for me to see. I've come to know I deserve to be completely happy and fulfilled and in so Being, have earned the prize.

Oh my, but I absolutely couldn't have done this on my own. My dearest Susie B helped befriend me when I arrived, being the perfect compliment, buddy and play mate along the way of my reentering into NYC ... Regina, a retired NY cop and a dear life long friend of many years, although in the midst of putting her father to rest, has continued to be an inspiration and Blessings to me ... in my way of seeing things, all these remarkable women are living expressions of The Shikina who has always taken care of Her wayward son.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine always has others to thank for his own safe passages into and through his personal Shadowlands. It is often the Goddess that has the foresight, strength and wisdom to see in us what for the life of us we can't.

It is the endlessly bountiful Blessing of the Divine that always honors the Sacred in those who honor It in ourselves first. We do get to Heaven through each other's open Heart's (a direct quote from Enocha Ranjita, that old Soul friend from Sedona). No we can't do it alone, though we do have to do it for ourselves.

Trust me dear Beloveds, I Am living proof that this is so.

... to be continued ...

 

The Treasures Are Found In The Shadows

At this time of ending timelines (however you calculate the Mayan Calendar configurations) and therefor, new beginnings, the opportunity to effect change both personally and planetarily is enormous. How each and every one of us living on Earth choose to do this is of course, our business. As always, our choices and decisions made in turn create the outcomes of our lives ... and for me personally, especially taking this introspective, retro review journey here in Mexico, the land of my mother's birth and shared bloodlines, the material stirred up is so profound.

As I've been getting the near continuous downloads from my mother long passed (back in 1989) what's been coming up are the old imprints not just on me but with many of the other influential men in my life. Admittedly, with no great Love for the Catholic church regarding it's treatment of women throughout the ages and thereby taking into account the consistent placement of the feminine so below that of men (I'm so tired of going into churches and only seeing the men of authority primarily honored - not so many female priests here), it pains my Heart not just for the women who have suffered but the men as well.

What price have we men had to pay in cutting out our own feminine natures just to toe the historical party line? How much suffering have we caused in this world at the cost of our own emotional well being? Truly out of sight out of mind is so but does this cover our Hearts as well? How have we had to harden our Hearts to the extent that we refused to feel the sadness our mothers, sisters, female relatives and wives must have felt throughout the ages? Tears fill my eyes at the thought of this and as I touch into the very dark and nasty dungeons of our disowned, denied and unprocessed emotions, it catches my breath at how much we too have suffered as well.

No one gets out of Earth School without having to go back into and through and resolve all the funky shit we've felt in our individual and collective lives as well as the fucked up shit we've caused others to experience along our way. I really don't believe any of us get the free go pass out of facing the effects our actions have brought upon those we've danced with on our Soul's journey through time. However we settle with the piper, the bills, debts and pay backs will be paid.

Much to my chagrin, when I awoke this morning on the 22nd of December, not much had apparently changed in the world outside my hotel. There were no twinkly fairy dusted Angels greeting me on my bedside stand - at least no more than usual - and I have the sneaky suspicion not too many folks on the street (or at least not enough anyway) will be acting so very different as a result of the 12.21.12 having come and gone.

No worries because now the real work begins. What did we all think was going to take place -the POOF WHAM ZIPPIDY DO of miraculous outcomes would suddenly erase all the smudge marks on humanity? Don't I wish! I know I've sure wanted this to happen for me in my life, let me tell you. How easy and convient this would be and yes, in a heart beat, I'd take this door prize if offered.

And yet, to dig ourselves out of the accumulated mess we've created, we will have to mine the wealth hidden in our Shadows. To do this, we will all have to access the Sacred within our Self, call in all the Universal assistance available to us all and do some heavy duty, big time forgiveness of ourselves and each other. In this, The Awakened Sacred Masculine faces, embraces and Loves his pain body back to Heaven. For me, this is my Sacerd doorway Home.

... to be continued ...

Our Time Is NOW

Awakening on this morning, the long heralded and globally anticipated Winter Solstice of December 21st 2012, I found myself thinking of how I personally can fulfill the promise of this supposedly hugely significant date. Having largely dis-invested in what it all means, choosing not to tap into what all the 'experts' have been saying about the meaning of the fabled Mayan calendar coming to a close, I am left with my own take on things. And this is how I like it.

Never much of a heard follower, preferring to cut my own trail, I've come to realize that whatever importance I place on something best comes from my own knowingness and not from another's interpretive point of view. This is not to say I refuse to listen to insights, advice and the hard earned wisdom of those I value and respect, I just have to run it through my own internal guidance system to get by best sense of it.

I figure since I'm the one who has to live with my own life and the decisions I make, better I should develop and engender my personal abilities and authority to determine what fits and what does not. This strategy has proven very effective over the years although wasn't so well embraced when I was growing up. Parents sure do have their own way they like things done (not to mention all those pesky teachers, principals and other authority figures from youth). This being said, as I've reflected on the importance of this date, I keep coming back to my guy mode - how best can I be the promise come alive in my life, embodying the enlightened energies attributed to this moment in our collective planetary history.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine first finds what he values in himself and his life, grooming these qualities in himself and then lives from a purposeful understanding that his life mission is to share and express from his own sense of self Love. I tell you, the world really grooves with a man that does this. If you think about it, it really does make sense - the more a guy anchors in his Sacred nature, the more the Sacred is awakened and honored in others. It's quite amazing and it happens in just this way.

Now to clarify: however we as a planetary culture have been historicly indoctrinated to relate to the Divine, with all the religious overlays clouding the picture and the deeply engrained dogmatic practices telling us what to and not to do, no wonder the simple act of connecting to our own Godhood has become so difficult.

What's the big deal? You breathe, you're alive - if you're alive, you're connected to the very thing that gives you life. What's the very first thing any of us do when we're born - WE BREATHE. Sherlock none of us has to be, however, I think there's a clue in here somewhere, don't you? Again, keep it simple because It really is.

To the Awakened Sacred Masculine, the circumstances aren't so important. Things always change and shit often happens and in this present moment, all that matters is that we're on task to be the Beloved to this moment. What that means to each of us, is our own business and how we live our lives as expressions of the Divine, is our personal choice and gift to the Divine in each other.

I personally don't believe a magical or mystical Love ray from space is suddenly gonna zap us all into feeling good about ourselves. As much as I've wished, Tinkerbell hasn't taptaptaped me on my head just yet and although I keep holding out for this to happen, I figure my best chance of Awakening will come from how I live this very moment, meeting it with a sense of purpose to be the very best man I Am. I've found it's simpler this way to put my destiny in my own hands and not in some Mayan dudes from a really long time ago ...

How the Divine looks, works and lives through Keith is my own affair with God. I've come to realize it's not so much what I do, it's where I'm at (and aligned with inside) myself that matters most. This is not to say doing a long line of blow first thing in the morning followed by a blast of Tequila is such a good idea (although I followed that particular diet of degeneracy for much of the 80's), it's the level and degree of my personal connection with the Divine that makes my life worth living. And makes me a whole lot easier to be around as well.

Whether I masturbate or not really can't concern God, does it? Mr. Wonderful was put in my charge as have been all the wonders of this man myself, how I choose to play out in the world is testament to my level of awareness and co-creative competency. How you do is the same. Your life is the Divine's gift to Itself  - as you through you and indeed

Now Is The Time
Here Is The Place &
We Are The ONE

Besides, Mr W may be big though not enough to threaten God's well being. It has all the exponential potential It can handle, living right here in all of us on Earth. What indeed is such an amazing time to be alive!
Please make the very most of it.

... to be continued ...

You Can Only Own Your Truth When You Speak Your Truth

Today's blog is a verbatim reprint (save for her name printed here) of a letter I just sent my traveling companion upon her request to speak to how I envisioned our relationship unfolding in the future.
Here goes ... 


Hola Aloha Dear L,

As requested, I am answering your email asking for clarification as to what I envision our relationship being in the future and as I sit to write this email to you now, know I have no preconceived ideas as to what I'll end up you writing ... and as I've thought upon this during our day out to Taxco, I really can't say one way or another ...

Sorry for that, however, as you've observed over this past number of weeks spent living together, I work, live and co-create with the Universe from a very different place, degree and level than most people, including yourself. In this regard, I live from intention - from the Soul desire that all unfold for the greatest and highest good for all concerned - not mind you, on a personality or egoistic level, rather what serves the Will of God. Not always do I succeed but I sure do try.

Also as I've repeatedly expressed, I've consistently shied away from being your primary teacher, master, guru or Lover. I've rejected over and over again the role of being your external Sacred Masculine figurehead.

For me, this is repellant and totally against my personal and Spiritual values, for all the reasons I've ongoingly explained to you. For all the reasons you seem to need this, I wish you only well on all and every level.

And yet, it feels like you still hold onto the idea that places me in the power role of providing you your own mastery fulfilled and in all honesty, this goes against my own Spiritual ideals, 100%. The only reason my life is finally opening up as it is now, with all the people (of course, yourself included) is because I let go of anyone outside of me giving me what I feel you so deeply desire of me - your own personal alignment and connection to God. If I misinterpret this, I stand corrected and please forgive me in this regard.

As I've often spoken of, I have repeatedly been burned in the fires of my hell realms, big time - the last of which took yet another 1.5 to 2 yrs of my life to climb out of the deep, dark and nearly fatal abyss. If you've been paying attention, let alone reading my blog, the price paid has cost me my fear, anger, addictions and sense of lack of self worth. And yes, without any doubt, it has been completely worth it.

I've had to go to the very nub of my ego's desires to arrive in the place you see me in now and it has been anything but fun, easy or comfortable. It's been a beast inside and out - for years I've struggled with my 'lower bodies' and am living testament to the hard work necessary to consciously evolve.

I hear you say how much work you've done, how long you've been being Spiritual and in light of this, I wonder why you don't turn your attention to your own Goddess of your Being and let go of putting me on a pedestal. I would think the pain you've felt when you've felt rejected by me would have gotten your attention by now and been enough for you to get this essential point ... 

As you have invested in out friendship, I have as well. On the level that brought us together, yes there has been an enormous exchange of energy between us, you in your way, me in mine. Given the closeness of physical proximity, it's no wonder our boundaries have been so blurred and hazy and as well you know - this makes me very uncomfortable. I have tried my very best to assist, support and serve your Awakening process as best I know how. If you have consistently misinterpreted this, so be it.  This one is on you and will be a factor in our friendship in the future.

Under the surface I still feel you very needy of my affection and this makes me very uncomfortable. It's not quite exhausting although very taxing and always an awareness I have between us. In this respect, I feel on guard not to let you come too close to me for concern that you will want too much of me. This, as spoken of so many times is where your sexual energy is extremely uncomfortable to me. However you will transmute this is your business. This is a primary reason I won't share a bedroom room with you. I feel your desire all too strongly and as written in my blog, do not want to be subject to it in my Dreamtime. Period.And yet, I have created this scenario to help me progress along my path and for this I sincerely thank you. For me this instance is indeed about the conscious use of power and healing the places in me that have either felt used, abused or disempowered by women, specifically the earthly mother archetype, my mother very much included. The thought of having to share another bedroom with you puts me back in the feeling of being a little boy that has to do what he's told or will be punished if he doesn't. Not good. It's no wonder I am back here in the land of her birth to encounter this now with you playing such a prominent role in this dance. Again, I thank you.

Speaking of which, looking back, I can only imagine how these moments I created dance space in your apt. as well as once took you to that club downtown has given you mixed messages. This too has been confusing for me feeling your desire for me rise to the surface and yet, being the fun Loving guy I am, again due to our close proximity, have included you in these moments.

Hey, no one said transmutation was going to be easy!

Where we go from here as friends I really can't say, however I will state that moving forward, growing closer to Godhood is 100% the goal in my life. Only with those who fully embrace this in their own lives will I share close time with.

That being said, you have been and are a very important person in my NY life. Your allowing me to stay with you has indeed been a Goddess send and She and I sincerely thank you so much. In this respect, this is what I meant when I said you are the Magdalene's gift. It has been through your generosity that She has Blessed me.

So in closing dear, I often wonder how you have grown, progressed and evolved as a direct result of me being in your life. How in fact have you grown closer to the Goddess of your Being these past many weeks, how have you grown stronger within your self that will help carry you along in your own journey of Awakening? What positive effects has our connection inspired in you that you alone can benefit by? In that developing my sovereignty through my singular alignment with God is so primary to my path, I often am at a loss to see this express itself in your life. If you would, please speak to these things on our remaining time here in Mexico ... as you've asked this email response of me, if you would, please return the consideration. Thank you.

To answer your initial question, in short: I want to play free, clear, strong and joyfully in the Buddhahood of our individual and collective consciousness - to express This always in all ways that serves, supports, celebrates and inspires each other to live the life our Souls came here to live.
Does this answer you question?

Sincerely Yours,

Keith
.

From Me To We From I To Us

This simple turn of a phrase will change your Universe and the Earth we live on. The Awakened Sacred Masculine has so attended to his personal healing that his personal self no longer runs his life. This is not to say his ego personality has been totally obliterated and wiped clean, rather made transparent enough so that his Divine, Sacred nature shines through for all the world to see. And be Blessed by. Only by consciously choosing to identify, face and fully embrace his Shadow will this occur.

This again is his Hero's Journey and for a women, her Heroine's version of this archetypal and fundamental  passage of Awakening. When my life no longer was focused primarily on getting my personal needs met, did my life change for good. Looking back in retrospect, I can't definitively say what the straw was that broke my ego's back, that was the final stroke allowing the shine of my Soul to alight into my life, although seeing my world from these new eyes, something significant has certainly changed in how I now see and am seen. 

I recently had this discussion with my Beloved partner, the Divine Ms Mel ... sharing that I really don't know how I got here. And maybe that's the misnomer. My 'I' didn't. In keeping with how my last blog ended, whatever happened in what order I just can't say. However, I know without a shadow of a doubt, my intention to Awaken over a great many years leading up to now (although by no means up front and center during many of those) has been the keel that has held the course for me to come Home.

Without being presumptuous about what this will take for anyone else - either I have too much respect for another's process or wouldn't be arrogant enough to say - my wanting to be of service to you has been the magic elixir in this whole mix called Keith. Please ignore any overly sanctimonious or altruistic ring to my testimony. It was just my time to do this. I refuse to say this is anyone else's path - hey, we all gotta find our way Home in our own way but what I can say is, you're gonna have to find your own.

The turning inside out road isn't any fun, that I can say for sure and yet, without the churn and burn of all the illusory elements to my personality (with my fair share remaining to go to the pyre), I know I wouldn't be sitting here writing this now. Not that anyone cares or even reads this blog ... and the wonder of this is, I really don't care or have a personal investment that this be a big hit for anyone else. This is my small gift to the Divine in my world - that perhaps someone can benefit by whatever comes through me now.

This is where the me in me has turned it over to the we of us. I learned a bit ago that the Blessings and Grace really flows when I include another in my healing process. When my individual journey favorably affects your well being, does the Beloved live and dance more in all our lives. It kinda makes sense, doesn't it? There's simply more energy to pass around when more of us add to the party and from my rich and extensive history on the party circuit, this is usually a very good thing indeed.

Not always is more more but in the respect of Awakening The Sacred upon this planet, the more the merrier is the order of the day.

... to be continued ...







 

Returning Home Is Only A Breath Away

As this adventure of being back in Mexico unfolds - last seen through the eyes of dancing in a very delicate situation, relationship wise (by the way, just as I finished my last blog, my traveling friend and I, L., got upgraded to a duplex unit giving us both ample room here), the power of being in the land of my mother's heritage and birth has caught me a bit off guard. Living in NYC is in itself a full time job, where just going from point A to point B is a full circuit event. requiring all of my participation and attention. To be sure, traveling across town by bicycle is even more focus intensive.

As my system decompresses here, allowing the Big City vibes to unwind and release out of my field, what's left is a very simple feeling of just being fully alive, here and now. There really isn't any preamble inside of me regarding the significance of December 21st, what it means and what will happen on that specific date ... all that matters most in my life is my being aware of my breath breathing me right here right now. No matter what happens - whenever however with whomever - as long as I'm alive in this body of Keith, I'll be doing this. For me personally speaking, it sure seems simpler attending to this singular awareness than all the other overlays, techniques and special meanings.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine always returns to this simple nexus point in his life. It's the Alpha and Omega wrapped up into One and the ever present Home base where all life begins and always ends up. It is the eternal breath that breathes the cosmos, giving birth to the Big Bang. This motion turns the tides and spins the planets around our Sun filling this solar system which in turn, fills our galaxy with unimaginable life.

As so above, so below, the micro and macro plays out the Beloved's dance of knowing Itself in and through the day in day out meanderings of all of our lives, just so. As the shifting locales change before me here south of the border, I keep coming back to my breath, over and over again.

This for me is the always welcoming embrace of the Beloved's Love for me, always found in the timeless breath within. With so much up in the air in my life these daze - a new relationship unfolding in magnificent wonder, the likelihood of having to find a new place to live shortly after I return to NYC, no steady income locked into place, the energy of the Fool card in the Tarot (which has been a primary archetype for me in my life) is, as always, requiring me to just keep it simple and come to rest in my open empowered Heartspace.

This for me is Home central which allows all Divine Grace and magic to carry me along in this life. Believe me, it takes great courage to lay down the control stick of my ego need to direct my life. It's not that I've abdicated away my own personal desires and goals, it's just that I've turned over the 'doing' of my life to the Lord God of my Being to have It's way now. This life of Keith's is The Beloved's life to live.

... to be continued ...

It Always Eventually Sneaks Up On You

Whatever 'it' is, sooner or later, I have to face up to the very thing I've either been running away from or blindly running to. I can never escape the pull or push of that which is driving me on. Especially when it involves something I'm not willing to look too closely at. Damn, every time I get ambushed! My ego used to tell me it was never my fault but always my doing and even though I always tried to argue myself out of this dead end street, I've always had to find my way out again.

When the chips end up falling, it usually feels like such a surprise doesn't it - like, who knew!? I do and deep down inside, we all do too. This just showed itself to me late last night in a strange hotel room after arriving in Mexico with an older friend who although discussed a many number of times, finally fessed up to her alterior designs in arranging this trip in the first place. Please note: for me, this is so not about her, why she did or didn't act in a way that I would have preferred. She is a Lovely women and a very dear friend of mine. As with us all, to whatever degree we're choosing to be present and look at our stuff, is herself in the midst of this once in a Soul time, Turning Of The Ages. We can never escape the present moment.

As the proverbial Eye Of The Needle plays out now, you gotta let whatever go that has prevented you from passing through these gates of your Awakening. You ain't getting through this portal dragging the shit that has weighed you down. At least I can't and believe me, I've tried. So as this unfolded last night after a long travel day beginning for me at 3:00 AM, NYC time, unbeknownst to me upon arrival here, she and I were booked in a single room in a king size bed. The Honeymoon Suite. Oh really? I immediately went to reception and thankfully although nearly full, the hotel found a room with two double beds. Better but not great but hey, adapting is the order of the day. You can't flow if you don't let go.

Now I have a rather sensitive energy system and except for my new Beloved, the Divine Ms. M, totally prefer to sleep alone in a room. This is to say, I don't stop transmuting surrounding energy even when asleep. It's an inbred mechanism that is always in gear unless I consciously direct it otherwise - which isn't always so easy to do when I'm in Dreamtime. That being said, my traveling partner snores like a truck driver with a nasal condition just having eaten a cheese plate before retiring. Loud enough the keep the midnight mice in hiding.

I've been told I too snore (though I refuse to believe it), which makes for stereophonic surounda sound in these close quarters. Aside from this phenomena, what quickly showed it's nasty head last night was how hidden deep inside of her was the hope we would ride off into the Mexican Sunset together arm in arm, happily ever after. Like for eternity, which from my calculations, is a really looooong time. This has come up in conversation before and although we've spoken to it as fairly mature adults, that ol'sneaky shit don't so easily go slinking timidly away.

The deeper stuff never does. In my fatigue and frustration last night, I felt angry and betrayed ... like it was done to me - ha! Not so much that it was all her fault but rather that I had not only missed the obvious sighs but hadn't been really honest with myself and in turn, set my self up to feel trapped in her storyline plot to get her needs met.

I've learned - over and over again - although I can have disagreement with someone's behavior, I can't fault them for being Human. Hey, shit happens and for many of us, all too often.  I never have to look too far to see this play out in me and my life and yes, forgiveness is the ever present key to unlock the wellsprings of self Love to re-flow into the hidden recesses of my thankfully getting smaller pain body. 

As we went to sleep in this single room, me ear plugged to assure a somewhat quieter nights rest, I was visited by many old friends from my history, reenacting the scenarios from times gone past. My dreams were those of feeling caged in, held in a strong hold acting out the misuse and abuse of power dynamics we've all have come through to claim our ego-free Sacred power once again. Man, such rich lessons along this particular pathway of Awakening ... many very painful at that.

If uncertain about something in my life, I always ask before falling asleep to awaken with the answer present in my awareness. However this works, it always does. This is not to say, I like what I get, however, it's always right on the mark, no matter what. What I heard upon waking was not only forgive at all costs but was also directed to look at my own hidden agenda programs, of how I had willingly ignored the signs so I could arrange this trip to the land of my mother's ancestry and see in the 2012, December 21st who-knows-what turning of the Mayan calendar event. It sure made sense at the time - as of course, it always does.

That's the bitch of choosing to Awaken The Sacred Masculine within me, I'm never off the hook to actually show up for this myself, especially when it feels oh so inconvenient to do so. The bottom line is - when push comes to shove, I better be the one doing the shoving to Awaken because the option of letting the Universe do this for and to me is rarely enjoyable and usually painful as well.

When L awoke, I was sitting in meditation and after going out to get her preferred wake up coffee and toast to meet her day, suggested we have a mediation together and a follow up conversation to hopefully round out the unresolved argument from last night. After her shower, we sat for a bit and slowly began to speak to our feelings, thoughts and insights ... she fully owned her own part in this as I did mine. What resulted was the priceless moment when we could come together in our Divine Humanness, seeing our personality selves playing out what up until now, had never really worked very well before either ... in this regard, L really is a champion and very worthy of whatever friendship I can offer.

As the saying goes: it's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get up that counts.
When it comes to relationship - in whatever form - the power and presence of trust (ever the necessary foundation) requires we keep building upon everything that has brought us to this moment. If we are nosebleed honest with ourselves and then with each other, the potential possibility is quite fabulous to behold and better yet, to experience first hand.

I owe L a great debt of gratitude for being my friend and so graciously going past her own entrenched walls to reach a much more awakened and enjoyable playing field. How this new paradigm way of relating will unfold with my very Dear Ms. M is a thrill of a lifetime and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

The irony in all this is, it's been in the close and dark trenches of my Shadow that I've had to learn to climb out from battling with my self, my world and either slaying or taking prisoners those that have cared for me just because I felt deep inside I wasn't worth Loving - always and ever reenforcing my old fucked up belief systems that alas, I wasn't Lovable after all ... the amazing simple truth to this whole alchemical Awakening process is, you actually have to be in the old pattern to then choose a new direction to finally find ourselves Home. Ain't Love grand!

... to be continued ...

It's How You Experience That Matters

When all is said and done, there's nothing much to say or do. Whether you think something is good or bad is secondary to how it actually feels in you. Speaking of which, I went to a 12.12.12 activation meditation last night here in NYC with someone who was said to be very knowledgeable about the Ascension experience. He has a sizable information background and appearantly is able to move energy in his healing sessions, giving some of his clients relief from their various aches and pains.

Having been around the block backwards and forwards more than a few times, my level of discernment is higher than not. Although a practitioner's style or methods may not be my own, I'm able to honor them and respect the ways they do whatever they do. I've seen some wild stuff however, all in the guise of 'healing' and have come to realize many of us do this work to heal ourselves first. I don't believe this was necessarily the case last night, however I was worn out fairly quickly hearing him go on and on speaking for nearly two hrs straight as if captivated by the sound of his own voice.

I know others were, especially his regular students. This again is not to say there was no value in the experience he presented. There was, just not so much for me. I've done the long calling in of the higher energies, reciting the names of the Holy Ones, over and over. To be sure, there is immense power in this and yet, I've reached a point where most of all, I really want to feel them come alive and ignite in my body. In this way, I really am a Light junky - I have to feel it come on strong it to know I've hit the vein.

Whether an old dog on the block or what, in this regard I've learned to trust my feelings above all else. This is not to say my emotions, mind you and yes, there is a huge difference. In this context, feeling is 'this feels hot or cold' - emotion is how you feel about it - what it brings up in you when you feel hot or cold. Over the years I've learned, often in painfully crisp 20-20 hindsight, that my intuition is always spot right on. Always. It has been in the moments I've looked back to remember how my body felt whenever I was confronted with a decision to make and how I felt when I made the decision I did that have taught me best.

We all have to learn our instruments to play them really well and it is in mastering our bodies in this respect that will guide us most correctly (ie. as painlessly as possible) through this 2012 Turning Of The Ages Gateway we're all smack dab in the middle of. From my perspective, as far as mastering our most primary physical tool, most of us are still learning how to walk on the playground of life, getting a better sense of what all is built in and available in these units we call our bodies. For instance, a lot of us Humans know how our cars work better than how to function exceptionally well in our own physical vehicles.

These things I/we/us were never properly taught. About all this math and spelling stuff yes, how to actually tune into how we felt about something let alone what to potentially do about it, no. Odd, this. Of all the endless hours I spent in grade and high school, why were there no classes in Dealing With Your Emotions 101 or Conscious Conflict Resolution Made Easy or How To Express Your Anger? Wouldn't you think some smart person would have come us with a lesson plan for these actually helpful ways to navigate through life more effectively if not consciously?

And that's the operative word here - consciously. The Awakened Sacred Masculine has learned to become conscious in his life of the very basic ways he senses reality unfolding not primarily around him, rather within him. What does this mean and what's the difference anyway? An awakened person has come to recognize their outer world is always an intimate reflection of what they in turn, feel about whatever they're in the midst of.

This of course takes a fair amount of life experience, let alone savvy if not intelligence to get the smarts to live from this level of self mastery. It takes life times to gather and accrue the knowledge to live this way and if my journey is any indication, the trial and tribulations went through were well worth the effort to gain this awareness. Hey, you gotta pay to play.

Hopefully, as with driving a car, let alone creating positive, fulfilling and enjoyable relationships, we all will pick up the ability to do these things well - again, not only as painlessly as possible but as joyfully as we possibly can. The Awakened Sacred Masculine attunes his attention and lives from the intention of creating these Win-Win situations as often as he can. To do this, he will have to more intuitively make the decisions that guide his life and in doing this, he will become more adept in referencing how he experiences his life as it unfolds.

If sexual intimacy is an indication, however and with whomever you choose to play with, the way you know if you're a good Lover is if your partner Loves how they feel when you're together. It is this simple - do you know how to do the things that make them feel really good? Likewise, do you do the things that make you feel good about yourself and your life? How do you know the difference? By how you feel. In my experience, most of us guys are fairly tone deaf when it comes to hearing and recognizing our deeper feelings and even more clueless when our emotions are thrown in.

It just gets soooo confusing! We were simply never taught even how to feel our feelings or even trust what we did. Did your dad ever take you aside and explain the dos and don'ts when it came to accessing your emotions? How to get in touch with your anger or fear or resentment or frustration? I thought not. What an amazingly different world we'd all live in if this had been the case. I sure hope it's not too late ...

...to be continued ...

The Quickening Continues

With whatever we're all in the midst of, it sure is happening. Can you feel it? However the events in your life are unfolding, surely you recognize the multidimensional face of the Sacred shinning back at you with, hopefully, laughter in It's eyes. Truth be told, in many ways I've disinvested in all this business about this astrological portal or that once in a life time Stargate. It's not that I don't believe in these timeline markers (I do), it's just that I'd rather have as much fun in this ever present moment as I possibly can and let all the super duper significance of these times ride shotgun.

My actual breath by breath experience of being alive supersedes the meaning of what it all means. Maybe I'm a feeling man first and a 'what does this all mean' guy to follow, I can't say. For me, who cares, just as long as it feels good. Real simple. 

What I do notice is how much easier it is for me to not just anchor the Sacred into my life throughout the day (and this is my personal barometer) it's how easily I see he Sacred in others. In this respect, the separation line is much finer these days. I've long come to believe the outer world is an ever intimate reflection of my inner one and whatever happens 'out there' is mearly the ripples on the surface of the pond of my internal consciousness.

This is always great when the reflection is enjoyable and pleasing and yet when distress shows up on the horizon, up until now, the screen view version of my awareness had always caused me to rethink this philosophical point. It's like when your child behaves wonderfully, it's your offspring and when it doesn't, it's your spouse's kid. Of course, the 'too close for comfort' feeling reminder has always been the taptaptap of my Higher Self saying 'wake up boy!' and the invitation to face yet another piece of my self I've not faced and embraced in my Heartspace.

Living in NYC, in the hodgepodge of modern day urban reality, it's prety difficult getting a clear read as to what the common (if there's any such thing) consensus is regarding the 2012 Gateway in The Turning Of The Ages is all about. One of the gifts of choosing to root myself in this present moment is there's less attention available to live elsewhere. For me, what it means is a pale payoff to what it feels like .. not to say the overall, big picture relevance isn't important, it's just the Divine in my life lives through my experiential process, not my mental take on it all. Over the years in this regard, I've come to see that understanding is the in fact, the booby prize.

However, the undeniable evidence of Ascension in action, playing itself out now in my life, is so off the charts, I often wonder how I contain my happiness or rather not get arrested for being too happy. Really. After a long life of referencing my self through the eyes of others, always wanting to please those eyes thinking if I was what they wanted to see, their validation of Keith would give me the evidence I was Loveable after all. Since I've unwound this fallacy down to it's nub, all that's left is how deeply I can Love me and on the higher and more impactful levels, Love you.

In this the mystery lives and is found. When the Divine is all you see, you know you're Home.

One of the questions that came through when I opened the last Awaken The Sacred Circle (on the previous Full Moon nearly two weeks ago) was 'how would you act knowing you were God - what would you feel about yourself and your life? As I pondered this, the quickening of my Higher Self shimmered throughout my body with the resulting shivers and goose or God bumps tinglings. 

What came to me is knowing all I've ever asked for - all and only for my highest and greatest good and for all concerned - is in fact coming if not already true, present and alive in my life right now. Hey, why wait? The quickening of the Sacred in my life has awakened the Sacred Masculine and Feminine within me to such a point that on every level of my life, the reflection is crisp, clear and oh so juicy. My Goddess, has it taken almost forever to arrive. 

Us Capricorns are said to be notoriously late bloomers, only coming into the sweet spot in our swing in our 50's and 60's. For most, this can be of little use seeing as not so many have much spunk, enthusiasm or have cultivated the consciousness that indeed only gets better with age. For many I would surmise, the juice has long left the loins. And yet, it's never to late to wake up.

...to be continued ...

Meet The Moment As It Meets You

Because it isn't going anywhere. The present moment is the only place where Spirit is alive, where God lives and your life takes place. This is the singular point of entry into the deep mysteries of your Heart and the resting place of awakening consciousness in full flight to the Divine as you. The Sacred's doorway into the essence of What you truly are is eternally trapped inside this moment, over and over again. To transform your ego personality's individual sense of who you are - size, shape, sex, culture, beliefs - you name it, this present moment will have to become your home away from Home, in fact, your only home at all.

When I was first introduced to meditation, my Spiritual practice was just one small part of my life. It was a segmented time slot I sat quietly, following my breath trying the catch the undulating wave of this unfolding moment. However, I was always trying to get someplace else. More stillness, more awareness, more light and especially more Love. Always searching for the crack in wall of my attention so I could climb through it to just rest in the here & now.

It wasn't until many years later when I was face down in my shit, hardly able to blink and breathe at the same time, that I realized since the very second I popped out of my mom, I've been breathing. You think this sounds obvious as indeed it is, however, like with everything else in my life, I'd long taken it for granted.

How could I, if it was the very thing keeping me alive? Like many of us Humans, the basics are often lost on us or at least on me. It took a number Heartbreaking experiences to finally catch my attention to this fact and one at times to my regret, I haven't been able to shake. This Heartspace place has been my haven and hellhole, a refuge in times of confusion and like The Life Of Pi, a floating prison where I could no longer escape this huge, bad ass tiger of my Shadow waiting to devour me.

Ignored, denied and unprocessed emotion eventually turns into our greatest demon if left unmet long enough. Like a women chastised and abused, it is a fine line between Love and hate and sooner or later, we all wake up in a hospital bed bandaged from head to toe asking how the fuck did I get here?

Speaking of which - if you remember from a number of blogs ago, I'd just stepped into the sweet embrace of a women I'd recently met and after a couple of meals together and message/healing sessions exchanged, made our way to her bed. Ah, the bright bloom glistening on the rose. Often the thorns are missed or passed over in the euphoria of those first kisses ... and yet always again, the present moment has a way of sneaking up on me.

With all the Ascension hoo ha that for years has been my daily prayer, asking to become whole and complete in my Sacred Union consciousness, where all apparent opposites within me merge and join seamlessly, the final voice in my life has shown it won't let anything - I mean anything - stand in the way of my Soul's destiny being fulfilled. Period, end of story.

As well we all know, the mojo juice felt in the clinch and the currents surfed through sexual play are the closest most Humans ever cum to feeling God in our body. This really is a shame because It's always out there and within here, with each and every breath we breathe. My quick visit with this woman to Loveland snuggled deep along Nooky Lane, took a sharp turn last night when again, after the first few exchanges together, the hidden spooks emerged from the Shadows and insisted on being dealt with. This please remember has absolutely nothing to do with his Lovely lady mentioned. She is a wonderful person who just has another path to take. As do I.

That's the ever pain in the ass small print on the Awakening Contract, not only can't you run and ever really hide once you commit but once you call in to become fully conscious, every possible morsel and crumb of distress rises to the surface, like a turd in the bathtub.

And so it goes. The transformational force of consciousness will always have its way. Nowadays, the Universe's insistence is totally relentless and non-negotiable. Whatever this final Home stretch of 2012 is all about, for me anyway, the boat is leaving the dock and in my sprint to then leap onto the departing deck, I'm air born yelling WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Over the years, I've seem so many people, women especially, have to leave their former lives behind to catch the train out of dodge. Their spouses, partners, children, jobs and homes were the chips the Universe required them to be willing to pay to transform their former self into the embodied Self we all eternally are. The breathtaking courage to evolve demanded they cast off into the unknown, questing to realize their Soul's vision at all costs. It always humbles me to see these women rewrite the script of humanity so long chiseled in our collective mass consciousness.

Wow! To keep choosing to continue dancing my piece in this Divine soiree, if only to awaken this guy named Keith so I can play along with all of the front wavers leading the curve, men and women alike, is such a wondrous honor and gift. To have to give up the warm, tight and sweet squeeze to be true to my Destiny is well worth the price.

.. to be continued ...

Blessed Be Blessing Me

GRATITUDE. A really simple word and a supremely powerful one. The Awakened Sacred Masculine has learned to cultivate his awareness to attune and attend to the magnificence this emotion creates. Gratitude is Love in action and this my friends, is what the entire Universe quickens to most. By his I mean, the vibrational effect of gratitude, appreciation and praise on others is such that all lesser frequencies will immediately begin to upgrade and shift to a higher level in Its presence.

To the degree that I know I am Blessed will be the degree that Blessings fill my life. Like so, the more I'm grateful, the more the Universe give me things to be grateful for. Conversely, the more I'm pissed off about my life, the more the Universe give me things to be upset about. It really is this simple - what goes around comes around, like attracts like and you get what you give. Not always in the immediate sense. Sometimes there's a lag time but nowadays, the delay factor is minimal to zip, insty quick.

When I came back in July to live in NYC, I had all of a few hundred dollars in my pocket. Fortunately I had a flat-sit prepaid so all I had to do was cover my expenses like food and fun. However, being NYC, both can get real expensive fast. Having a small handful of contacts from when I visited in the Spring, my drop and go time was pretty slim as far as generating a cash flow. Knowing the way to create or rather co-create Grace is to be grateful, I took the everyday moments and exchanges in my life to help empower myself and those I came in contact with.

For instance, within the first week here, I asked three different people who in various capacities had served me really well (the swimming pool attendant at the Red Hook Recreation Center, a guy who worked on the IKEA Water Ferry and a waitress at a restaurant near where I lived). I asked if they would give me the name and email address of their respective supervisors or managers. Each of these instances required I write a separate email to commend their performance. In one instance, the person who answered the phone (at the Parks Dept.) had never had a caller actually make a formal compliment or commendation. They couldn't find the right form. Go figure.

I kept doing this and still do, to simply pass the Love back. It's called repaying the Blessing. Talk about rearranging someone's paradigm. You will be amazed how people light up when you just say THANK YOU. It really isn't rocket science folks. It's just Gratitude, Appreciation and Praise. It's living in the GAP. Whether merely self-serving or altruistic in nature, the effects are miraculous each and ever time out. So many of us do jobs - only for the money - who show up everyday without someone else ever recognizing our presence, our performance and contribution and benefit to the whole. Case in point: not too long ago on the street where I live, a sanitation supervisor was parked doing paperwork ... 

This is not a high profile job - unless shit gets backed up - I went up to the car and thanked her for doing her job - for the rest of us and first surprised, she commented on how without her crew doing their jobs we'd all soon be living in squalor with rats the size of Chihuahuas running through the streets (that was actually my addition). And she was right. I'd get real nasty real quick. Ever travel in a 3rd world country and wonder how these people survive with the conditions they have to deal with. They do because they have to because they don't have the infrastructure or resources or competent people to support the removal of all the waste they produce.

The things we all take for granted, which of course is totally natural. I mean, how many of us sit and wonder at the miracle of having teeth for instance. Or indoor plumbing. As an aside: try having to gum down your food sitting in a chilly outhouse and you'll get appreciative real quick. The way to awaken the Sacred in you is to be voraciously grateful each and every day as often as you can with whomever you can, of course as sincerely as you can. The vibration you will co-create will blow you away, elevate your consciousness as well as shift the receivers attitude in a good way, big time. In this respect, not so many of us don't appreciate a Heartfelt boost or blast of gratitude in our lives.

God absolutely Loves a grateful Heart. Although I've never read this in any Spiritual type text, it is so remarkably true, inside and out. The Angels thrill at the gracious acknowledgement of praise made to one another of us Humans. It makes Their jobs so much easier. As we rise our vibrations in Love, they get some well needed chill time to relax and enjoy the fruits of Their labor. It's got to be pretty tough getting many of us up on the Love train, moving us to our destination of feeling Love, Loved and Loveable in our lives.

Awakening the Sacred in your life is ignited by calling the Divine into your body with each and every breath you breathe and carried out upon the words you speak to others. Hello! What did you think it was supposed to be difficult? As you Bless the world around you, the world Blesses you. Simple. If you curse the world around, look out, you're gonna end up in a shit storm so thick, even the NYC Sanitation Dept. won't be able to dig you out. You choose.

... to be continued ...

PS for whatever reason, since I began writing here, the feedback comment feature on my blog site
hasn't been working - which is to say, I've been writing in a void, having nary a clue as to what anyone thinks of this stuff. That being said, if there's anyone out there who would care to respond, I will enjoy reading what you have to say. THANK YOU!

Through Me Not From Me

Ah, the ever present Primal Paradox at play. In awakening the Sacred within me, I've had to relentlessly learn to hold it tight as I have to let it all go. For instance, in the healing work I do, Heart Tantra, there's a point in each session when after the field of awareness has been consciously set, the Divine helpers called and the client guest is breathing into their Heartspace, when I as facilitator have to just step back and step away. This is truly the let go let God moment and the most important step in the healing dance dynamic.

I remember while attending The School Of Energy Mastery when, as with any discipline taught, there is an outline of procedure to follow, the practice sessions eventually came to the 'let Spirit take over' portion of the show and being a thick-headed Capricorn man, I waited and waited and waited some more, only to say ... OK now, enough is enough - when is Spirit going to do It's thing here!? Call it impatience, frustration or just plain insistence but I really didn't know how to get out of the way.

And this is where my tutelage with a whole successive line of powerhouse women comes in. I believe the only way for a man can learn about his conscious feminine nature (and develop an affinity with all it contains), is through observing other conscious women in his life. To do healing work in session with them is better, to be in relationship with them, for me, was often work. And then some. Believe me, I was one tough nut ... and if you've been on your Spiritual path for any length of time, you well know the Universe always exerts just a bit more pressure to break your grasp upon something you've yet to let go of to become free of whatever you're stuck holding on to.

For a man to become consciously balanced in his life, he will have to become well versed with his own feminine nature within. For him to awaken the Sacred Masculine in his life, he will have to awaken his Sacred Feminine as well. This is the tricky part. How does a guy step into his power but learning to let go and flow? Seems kinda counter intuitive doesn't it? It's because from the logical male mind, it really is.

Hey, if it was this slam bam easy, we'd all be living in a very different world. From my experiential knowledge, my feminine nature is all about receptivity, watching and waiting and simply allowing the moment at hand to unfold without me pushing pulling or forcing the issue constantly. It's about resting quietly in the Void knowing this ... space is the pregnant pause that is the Creatrix of all things manifest. It's about letting go of my personal picture of how it's got to look so it can evolve more holistically, organically and naturally into what can develop without my insistence leading and getting in the way.

It's been a real bitch to learn, let me tell you. In that the Universe always forces us to our Destiny - the operative word being 'forces' - with knuckleheads like me, this has played out over and over and painfully over again. Case in point: during the decade plus heyday of my rampant addictive years, I couldn't say no to snorting coke. I mean really. Actually, I had a no problem, I just couldn't say no. I did enough drugs to buy South America and like any of us, it seemed to make sense at the time. Thus the power of addiction. My life was turning to shit and it made sense to keep spending heavy, snorting whenever and waking up with running nose bleeds.

But alas, the trail eventually ran its course and my suffering got so intense, so profound that I had to let it go. Or die. I can't speak for other men but the pathways of my awakening is strewn with the worn out habits, belief systems and a whole crew of fucked up self destructive behavior patterns along the way. It looks like a rusted out wagon train lost in the desert with discarded shit jettisoned over the side to lighten the load. If there was a recycling center that took and paid for dysfunctional and self defeating consciousness, I'd be a very wealthy man, let me tell you.

I've learned to do what I want to do from doing things I never want to do again. It's a tough way to learn but the lessons have found a willing partner now. If it begins to hurt - hello! - let go. In my life the secret is in dancing in the Void space as I stand up to show up ... it's in caressing my Soul's sense of knowing how to just be present in the moment as I rest consciously in my Verticality and Heartspace as often as possible.

It's in turning it over to God, whenever however wherever I possibly can. The other way just doesn't make so much sense anymore. It's not nearly as much fun if only because the way I did it was often like the blind leading the deaf and dumb. Until now that is.

...to be continued ...

The Goddess Rules

As a straight up, heterosexual man, it is the Goddess I serve. As my journey unfolds here in NYC, as has been so for most all of my life, it is the Goddess that has come to my aid, over and over again. Yes of course, the Beloved, the Source Creator, God of all that is is neither masculine or feminine in nature. Exclusively speaking. It is both and all other things as well ... that's why Its God, Source Creator, the Beloved. All this and more It eternally is.

And yet, as has been so for most of my life, I've always felt more connected to Her. Maybe it's my bhakti nature, one of devotion, gratitude and praise - qualities often attributed to the more feminine side of the Shine. And as been so here, for whatever reasons, women have come to help me, support me, encourage me, befriend me, counsel and recognize me. Their level of awareness, consciousness, of consistency of perseverance and their ability to rise to the occasion has been totally remarkable in my eyes and my world.

This is not to say this isn't so with the men I've come to barely know since being here. From my experiential perspective, I intimately know the many pit falls many of us dudes have to navigate through to arrive at the clearing in the woods. I have so much intimate first hand knowledge of what it's taken for me to learn to grow up and show up now. Actually, more than enough. As I hold the precious gift of my own efforting, consistency, endurance and commitment, I have to admit I'm disappointed in the men I've encountered here. Not all but most.

This isn't to say, they aren't amazing, accomplished, awakened and aware. They are. Just to be here in their lives, doing the necessary work to grow and evolve bespeaks to their own quality of commitment and yes, it is remarkable. Maybe even more so than with women - but who's competing? The wave of awakening consciousness created by evolving women, having started many decades ago here in America is a wonderment to behold. As I've written before, I believe it's because of the women in our lives that men have been forced to get out of our shit and wake the fuck up.

It doesn't take a wizard or genius to see that until the feminine Lifeforce current kicked into gear during the 1960's, things on this planet had been moving in a steadily funky direction, if not going steadily downhill. For instance, however we as planetary citizens have ended up with such remarkably depleted natural resources on nearly all levels possible, perhaps only to sustain us for a few more generations at best, surely isn't due to the women of this world misusing and abusing power. There haven't been enough in power to do this.

It's no mystery how we as a global culture have ended up where we're at. And no, I don't believe the solutions lie in a clean sweep under the carpet of all things male. I too have experienced the feminine way out of balance and women off the charts nuts, hey I had a mother too (Bless your Heart Mom) but it rather amazes me that for all the reasons I see and those I obviously don't, men just don't show up for me as women do. At least not yet ...

Is it a territorial thing I wonder? Like the alpha male dogs pissing along the edges of their turf, marking their ground? Do men feel threatened that there's only just so much to go around and to give a little extra depletes their own supply? Is it the ancient male agenda to protect their interests at all costs? I was told when I asked my friend Sammy D these questions that perhaps I was too outgoing or enthusiastic or came on too strong or was too inviting or was just too much. And as we all know, to second guess the question of the question, is a sure way to wrap oneself around in even more confusion.

So in such sageful wisdom, I've revisited a most profound relationship maxim - I only want to play with those who want to play with me - and know how. Maybe this is it. Is it possible that women know how to play better than men and are able to accommodate this capacity more naturally? Are women less fearful? I don't think necessarily so ... I think it's because women recognize something that they can relate to, that is familiar, safe and known to them.

This by no means is to say that over my earlier life I haven't had my Shadow dance over tender Hearts and leave a wake in my rear view mirror. I have. I came from a rich field of dysfunction, addiction, anger and reactivity. I was fairly high maintenance and didn't know it. I projected all his on others, blaming and making them wrong, often being women in the sights of my displeasure. I have been no prize, believe me. I might have had the jewel always hidden inside though it was always covered by my own self worth issues and insecurity. This too I projected on others ...

And yet not to cop a plea, haven't most of us fallen into the traps laid by our old paradigm per-conditioning, erroneous false and self defeating belief systems? Haven't all of us been birthed into a world that has known bubkiss about honoring the Lifeforce spark in our lives above all else - first in ourselves and then in others? Hey, in this respect, we don't look too different, do we? I believe we are all, regardless of gender, culture, class etc. doing our best with what we have to work with at the time. I just wish men would come out and let me play with them in our shared Heartspace place.

...to be continued ...