The Price It Takes ~

In the ever shifting sands of relationship, there remains a constant, cyclical flow of the emotional patterns replaying themselves, over and over. They just keep coming back a’ round and round, often catching us unawares, as if it’s the first time they suddenly appeared. In this, the human capacity to forget, ignore and disregard the obvious is simply astounding. Ironically enough, I don’t think many of us could survive without this app built into our iLife, operating systems.

All too close to home, this is happening in a friendship of mine. The other day, amidst a minor misunderstanding, instead of trying to ‘work it out’ as I prefer, having been trained (with Non-Violent or Compassionate Communication skills), experience with this person has taught me well to let all possible resolution go. It’s like talking with an insecure teenager, always ending up a hassle with hurt feelings. 

Over and over, I’ve found it’s best to simply let go of trying to create win-win, accepting the situation as it is and just move on. To paraphrase The Course in Miracles: I’d rather seek resolution than be right. A needy ego will always fight to never be wrong by insisting in being right. Defensive people are very much the same in this regard, wouldn’t you say? With some people, status quo is as deep as you go.

Unless both people are well versed, willing and able to speak in this or in similarly conscious ways, disagreement often ends up in breakdown. At least in this friendship, it does. However, whenever and wherever these rubs occur, I’m seeing how I catch myself quicker, instead of jumping into the murky funk of dysfunction, as before.

Once having looked outside of myself to read the climate of what was going on inside - talk about dysfunction (though an all too common characteristic for empaths), living in NYC - out of necessity - is teaching me to do otherwise, thank you very much. Here, the test has been to create and maintain conscious boundaries without closing my Heart. I must admit, it’s not always so easy to do.

As I’ve evolved, I’ve learned to recognize, honor and validate myself – just as I am. This prevents me from bouncing off other people’s opinions and judgments of me. To live from the outside looking in is very risky business, indeed. Where I once constantly lived ‘leading with need’ unconsciously seeking approval, validation and love from those around me (sound like an old paradigm belief system to you?), erroneously believing if they thought well of me, I must be worth loving.

Of course, it’s totally convoluted reasoning - as all ego schemes inevitably are, somehow intending to get our personality’s needs met in the process. And it rarely, if ever, actually does. The fail-safe, tried and true antidote of all time is simply giving myself the love I’ve sought from others that in fact, I didn’t get growing up. As if many of us did. As well you know, I’m not unique in this regrettable emotional pattern.

However, it’s how I meet whatever unsettling emotions that arise (responding vs. reacting) that determines my level of emotional clarity, if not overall enjoyment in life. As with those who endeavor, it’s taken much of my adulthood to resolve and heal the challenging and painful imprints of my childhood. Appropriately, it was this very conundrum that drove me to seek my Sacred ...

… to be continued …

Thank You & Love To Us All ~

PS I invite you to share these posts with anyone you feel would benefit and if you feel inspired, to write your feedback insights through the ‘Comment’ key on this blog. Also, please check out my work, Heart Tantra - The Attunement Session - on my web site heartantra.com. I offer in-person sessions here in the NYC area and absentee or long-distance work if you don't. Always Blessings On Your Way, Keith