(Brief Recap)
Case in
point: a fellow attending my Awakening
The Sacred Masculine in NYC meetup group came to the first meeting with a
sincere willingness to share his rather Heartbreaking relationship history. Really
moving. He attested to the fact that his inability to communicate receptively
with his wives very likely resulted in severe and tragic outcomes, deeply affecting
all their lives. He spoke of being aware that had he known how to communicate
more consciously, the situations most likely would have been very different. I
was touched by his desire to be seen and commended him on this, saying I found
it surprising and refreshing to hear a man speak and own this so candidly. Truthfully,
I was really encouraged to witness a brother reveal himself so quickly upon
first meeting. From my experience, this is extremely rare and told him so with
admiration and respect in my eyes.
It was
only after calling and emailing him a couple of times over the following days, without
his getting back with me that this began to shift a bit. Oddly enough, I ran
into him the next week at another man’s meetup (on Masculine Archetypes) and
asked to speak with him afterwards on our way out. We briefly sat together as I
shared that his not even bothering to acknowledge or respond to my calls and letters
sure seemed like the exact behavior I’d heard him speak so openly to when we first
met. Regardless that I was writing to send my meetup notes to him, as he’d requested,
wasn’t even the point. The ball I volleyed over the net to aid and assist him
he either didn’t reach to get or simply didn’t choose to return in kind.
Regrettably and consistently, how typical …
When I saw
him again at our next ASM meetup, I mentioned this again and as he’d readily
acknowledged when we’d run into each other previously, he said he’d heard me
and got the point. Great. A man who listens and course-corrects, accordingly. Wow.
Only after sending off this last meetup’s group notes and yet again, not
hearing back, did I feel that same ol’ familiar twinge inside.
Aside from
the fact that I’d offered to work with him in session, knowing that when it
comes down to it, words can only take you so far before they turn back on
themselves. They become lifeless, not really revealing anything new, only
retelling the same information all over again. I said the only way to shift the
outer experiences in his life was to shift and transform his inner world first.
You can’t bring in fresh Lifeforce energy until the old, stale and wounded backlog
debris is released out of the system.
To rewire
and upgrade the dynamics of his energy bodies
requires session time, helping to do this release work (in his case, purging
the old memory banks locked in his emotional body, his mental conditioning and belief
systems as well as his physical body’s DNA) to in turn, allow new information
to flood back into his circuitry, once again. I gave him my web site and blog
addresses as well as the contact info of a woman I’ve worked ongoingly with over
this past year (who also happened to attend these meetups), all to encourage
him to take the next positive, proactive step towards his expressed goals. To
evolve, grow and consciously awaken as a man.
Nope, not
again. Nary a word did I hear back, one way or another. Now, this is a man
who’s very successful in 3D terms, owns his own business in town, dresses really
well, etc. So returning calls isn’t new information for him or ground breaking strategy.
It’s really common practice out here in the world, at least among responsible
and consenting adults. And this is the operative word isn’t it? ‘Consulting’
adults. When it comes to relating consciously, you have to want to for it to
work, even a little bit. Hey, it really does take two.
It dawned on me, only after sitting with my
disappointment (ah, the first born of hopeful expectations), that I was bumping
up against his Shadow, the place of blocked unresponsiveness he couldn’t so
easily see in himself. Mind you, this is a really nice guy, decent and sincerely
well-intended. I immediately liked him upon our first meeting. I could sense
his integrity and quite honestly, felt shortchanged and gypped by his inability
to consciously connect back with me. (The twinge I felt in part, were the
reverberations of recognizing the places in me that had been unable to respond in
similar situations - when someone reached out to me and I left them hanging.) As
a man, I know all too well the feeling of being emotionally stuck and cut off
from those around me and quite unable to reach out through my veneer bubble to
make contact. Or let anyone in.
I intended to call him a few days after our
last group meeting but thought better of it. I mean, if you have to remind
someone more than a couple of times to follow through in what seems like a
fairly obvious way, they’re either too far out of touch or don’t want to be
touched at all. No worries. My primary intention is to make myself available,
master healership skills and all. What he does with this invitation is his
business and as they say, you can lead a horse to water … In this respect, we’re
all free agents, to do as we will. So be it.
When he opted not to attend this last Thursday
night’s meetup, notifying me via the meetup.com site and not contacting me
directly, I knew he simply wasn’t able to communicate in any way different than
what he’s been used to. Honestly, I wasn’t especially surprised, if only because
I know this pattern so well in myself. And yet, it kinda felt like listening to
that silent hand clapping or speaking to that manikin, all over again. Another
guy who’s locked up, stiff. I felt a bit foolish waiting for that ball to come
sailing back to me. What can I say, we are here co-create heaven on Earth with
each relationship we possibly can. Looking closer, my desire to download what I’ve
learned on this very challenging path motivated me to reach out to this man in
all the ways I have. And told him so. As far as men go, unless you can say what
you do and do what you say, you’re just pretending to get it right.
And yet, this fellow hasn’t been the lone
example of this kind of communication-breakdown I’ve experienced. Although I’ve
heard others share similar stories of men’s inability to follow through,
instead creating these non-exchanges, I’m left wondering: What in me keeps
reflecting this unfulfilling pattern and what places persist in co-creating
this to keep playing out in my life? Where
do I still do this with others? I really don’t place myself on a pedestal, leaving
me to think I couldn’t possibly be missing an obvious clue, lurking in my blind
side. With all this Awakening stuff, it’s always a trap to feel more evolved
than the next guy. This is an old ego foible of unresolved self-judgment turned
outwards on a more likely candidate. As
I’ve pointed, blaming others, it’s only prevented me from seeing my own shit.
This broken feed-back loop, communication-wise
has become a challenging place to rest comfortably in. In fact, I don’t seem to
be doing very well with this. I can get to feeling too alone here, very much
wanting to play with others in consciously, co-creative ways. I want the future
to be here, now – when more and more men will speak from our open Hearts
without feeling anxious, afraid or ashamed. I long for the day we can all generously
listen and sincerely be heard. I welcome the possibility that each of us will be
able to remain present in this moment, again in our open Heartspaces. I thirst
to witness us all simply allowing the free flowing current of our Awakened Sacred Masculine awareness supporting
us and all we hold dear. It’s just my impatient insistence that asks, when?!
Thank You &
Love To Us All ~
PS I invite you to share these posts with
anyone you feel would benefit and if you feel inspired, to write your feedback insights
through the ‘Comment’ key on this blog. Also, please check out my work, Heart Tantra - The Attunement
Session - on my web site heartantra.com.
I offer in-person sessions here in the NYC area and absentee or long-distance
work if you don't.
Always Blessings On
Your Way!
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