Dramaloopers ~

Do you know anyone in your life who keeps finding themselves enmeshed in thick, murky emotional dramas, inevitably of their own making - dramas with other people’s behaviors and how they’re unfairly treated in the circumstance they keep finding themselves in? Do these people consistently over-dramatize their feelings, their past and or futures but mostly, themselves? Sure you do. 

It’s a very common curse of an undeveloped or unevolved personality ego that at one time or another, all of us have suffered from. I know I have – and as a result, I’ve developed an especially fine-tuned trauma/drama detector, an infallible DramaO’meter.

 

Mine recently went off ballistic, having had an interesting and all too eye opening visit with a woman here in town, a sexual healer practitioner I’d met at the NYC New Life Expo late last month. Apparently, she’s been practicing her work as a ‘Pleasure Coach’ for a while now and for me, our meeting was an opportunity to hear her story, to hold space and get a better understanding of the sexual healing scene in NYC.

This subject, Sexual Healing, is near and dear to me because, if for no other reason, so many have been or still remain significantly wounded and painfully imprinted within this part of themselves.

In this, I’m not referring specifically to the horrific wounding caused by sexual misconduct, though there’s certainly too big a percentage of us this applies to, rather, to the deep scars left from trying to find love, often desperately, as a child, a teen, young adult and whatever came afterwards. Until we welcome and eventually embrace all our childhood self-unworth and emotional intimacy issues, they will continue – unconsciously - running our lives, essentially fulfilling our unfulfillment. Hey, who was ever really loved enough, let alone unconditionally, safely and absolutely enough as kids?

Many of us suffered, (literally) at the hands of our primary caregiver’s ignorant and sometime harmful behaviors. We weren’t taught otherwise or treated especially consciously because our parents just didn’t know better. Without going into the karmic causes of these damaging experiences, I thought to speak to the emotional dependency some of us have with creating trauma/drama loops in our lives - those ongoing rants that not only keep us stuck in perpetual, personal unfulfillment but also prevent us from moving forward and evolving Spiritually. 

Like a too tight, clinging cloak of chaos, these patterns always restrict, if not prevent our emotional freedom and ends up choking us and those closest in our lives.

As I sat with this attractive woman in the Park, at one point she asked why I wanted to help her, what had been my motivation in eventually offering to support her in shifting this pattern. I told her I honored her Heart and her chosen path. I said, simply put: it was ‘who I was’ to serve, support, celebrate and inspire others in their Awakening. 

I mentioned a significant beast of a Blessing I was born with, astrologically-speaking, one with a heavy duty, natal Chiron (the Wounded Healer) placement, one that requires I heal my core wounds through helping others heal theirs. Dysfunctional and co-dependency aside, it’s actually a Service to humanity gene.

Upon hearing this, a look of distrust flashed over her, one saying she hadn’t believed a word I’d said. No worries – I neither needed nor depended on her believing or choosing to experience my Heart Tantra session work. I told her I had no investment in her getting what I was offering, however, the offer remained, nonetheless. I sincerely know the feeling of being adrift in a sea of emotional insecurity and uncertainty, always without a paddle or clue where to go. 

I shared I felt a particular kinship with her, that I recognized the Shadow Magnet role playing out in her (a blog unto itself) and having been born a sensitive, an empath, where I was always too open to get glommed by others emotions. (Growing up in my household, this was really a sharp learning curve). I suggested she would do well to have an Attunement Session and then see how she felt with more clear, calm and open space to meet her life from.

What I soon got in return was - you guessed it – a perfectly constructed trauma/dramaloop, reaching out to ensnare and lasso me into her operatic, drama story. She made me wrong (sound familiar?) with as always, a completely justifiable, though slanted interpretation of our recent conversation. 

She repeatedly listed my transgressions (not being present enough for her, being fidgety when she spoke), provoking me to pop, react and jump in and get all mucked up with her. I refused to give her even more reasons to indulge her unfulfillment, this time at my expense. 

In times like these, as I always suggest and certainly remind myself – just take a deep breath, Keith. It’s in these moments when I know the energetic tide is turning, let alone rising to drowning levels, I’d better get 100% grounded and present in my Heartspace, lest I too get swept away in the funky flood of emotional debris. 

I will no longer wear the mask of another’s discontent, in this case, to be the outpictured expression of her considerable pain body. Nope. No will do. Been there, done that and it sucked too much to ever wanna go back.

It’s here the Sacred saves me every time. I know no one is at fault for being human and certainly aren’t to blame for their suffering and pain … their behavior, however, is another matter altogether. In this respect, unconditional love is not unconditional like. Nor is it unconditional engagement - thus, the importance of conscious boundaries. She was neither offensive nor aggressive with me. She was simply speaking from her pain, and believe me, this is a place I used to know really well.

One of the primary qualities of the Sacred is Compassion – which by the way, isn’t so necessary to express when all is peachy cream, hunky dory. It’s when pain is raw and another is suffering that it’s really called for. In this instance, simply breathing and attending to my Heartspace automatically brought me into a more receptive understanding with what was taking place. 

I knew not to press or speak from my head. I just listened, occasionally pointing out what I was experiencing, however, as usually the case, there wasn’t any room for conscious exchange or open receptivity in the heat of the moment. When a person is emotionally triggered, best to just love them and let ‘em be. This is called ‘holding space.’

Whenever my feelings have utterly swamped me and I feel lost to them, I’ve learned being present just by feeling my breath is enough to help bring me out of the soup. Feeling her so vulnerable and grasping, I let go of judgment – of being right to her being wrong – and simply rested in the only place we could possibly meet, within my/ours/her shared Heartspace. 

I certainly can't control another's awareness but I can mine. This one act alone is an essential expression my Awakened Sacred Masculine consciousness. You have to empower your own conscious connection to your Sacred before you can help another empower theirs.

Thank You & Love To Us All ~

PS I invite you to share these posts with anyone you feel would benefit and if you feel inspired, to write your feedback insights through the ‘Comment’ key on this blog. Also, please check out my work, Heart Tantra - The Attunement Session - on my web site heartantra.com. I offer in-person sessions here in the NYC area and absentee or long-distance work if you don't. Always Blessings On Your Way!