What an odd and curious term. ‘Shadow Magnet.’
What does it mean anyway? Until I was called one, I sure hadn’t a clue. A
number of years ago when I was training with my high Priestess teacher and
mentor Nicole Christine, she shared she felt I was very much one. A Shadow
Magnet, that is. In part, she based her opinion on a Shamanic Astrology term or
concept, although mostly it was her own read after getting to know me a bit.
We’d been working in ceremonial circle for a number of months already, getting
a feel for who we were. As the pealing process continued throughout the nine
months of our initiatory, Awakening The Priest Process, (calling in to embody
the Sacred Masculine), everyone in this men’s group Nicole facilitated in
Sedona in 1996, began to show our true selves.
As intended. The whole deal was designed to
take us into places we’d either never gone or ever wanted to. Her wisdom
aside, it was the group of us that changed us, certainly with her direction
leading the way. I’ve been very fortunate to train over extended periods with a
number of different self-healing processes, all showing me something new and
different about myself. These highly transformative journeys gave me the
appreciation of deep group work, results accrued over time. In these alchemical
passages I always found, like a new bud growing, flowering takes the time it
takes, no matter what I’d prefer.
Regardless of how I felt about these often
challenging experiences, they’ve always had to play out in their own way, in
their own timing. Like following a trail through the forest, you pick up clues with
each step and pray for the best, remembering not to push too hard. Easier
said than done, however. Ever the birth-canal-as-life, this Awakening process becomes
a 27/7 all the time, permanent date that will never let you forget who’s the
boss. Your Soul.
Self-inquiry-in-group version is an acquired habit, one that
didn’t come especially naturally to me, I must admit. It’s not that I was unusually
shy with strangers, I’d just never let myself feel these hidden-under-the-rock
emotions to begin with. Any sensible person will tell you: Why look? Wingin’ your Awakening with few pointers, learning on the
fly can be rough, in front of others in plain view, it’s nearly impossible. At
least it was for me.
Having just been introduced to ‘Shadow work’
with Nicole, I remember when first hearing this term, Shadow Magnet, of knowing
yet not knowing what it actually was. It was like an old memory resurfacing or a
sudden glimmer catching my eye, just out of view behind me to the left. I
couldn’t quite place it though I absolutely knew I’d heard a zinger. Nicole
explained that it was a particularly unique role to call in, karma-wise. It was
‘problematic’ she said softly, without going into any explanation. She let it
hang between us for a while, growing while taking on a mystique of its own.
Shortly afterwards, the energy of this phrase began expanding in my head more
and more, until like the rose bud, it popped open inside of me.
Whenever I’ve heard something that had a
monster load of truth for me, like a needle being twisted into the meridian
line, it immediately got my attention. Clear as a bell though I sure didn’t
know what it meant. I later found it had an exceptionally layered, deeply
transformative quality, one that demanded a person’s very best to navigate
properly. She said there were many factors in play and that it was considered a
very Sacred calling, if for no other reason that it could catalyze all involved
to evolve much more quickly. Really! Seriously? (And
this is a good thing?!)
Without sharing the astro details, its function
is designed to help trigger other people, to invite and ignite their gut
reactions to pop, plain and simple. This however, is nothing grand or particularly
special. We all get on each other’s nerves, every once in a while. But when it’s
enacted with consciousness, with conscious awareness, it can change everything.
This shifts mere haphazard chaos to the sublime realm of potential-to-Awaken. Here
it becomes something of pure, alchemical magic.
For those who carry this pledge (or is it curse?),
to willingly walk to the edge of your abyss, to look over the side to whatever
lies below, you’ve got to be a bit nuts to begin with. That’s really it - it really
is a calling. To be drawn to keep looking into what’s previously remained unseen
hidden in the dark - into your Shadowland, is a potent force that triggers
others to do this for themselves as well. With the Shadow Magnet’s 7th
Ray energy having its way, generating transformation is its prime directive, any
way it can.
The magnetic quality of this is it’s very much
a dynamic that compels proactive change, pulling and/or pushing surrounding
energies to potentially shift-to-transmute. Its authority comes from revealing to
others where they aren’t living in their power, have given it away or are still holding onto
something they’d best let go and release. All of these instances inevitably
drains Lifeforce energy and personal power. Over time, I’ve found these Shadow reactions others don’t particularly appreciate having
pointed out. No surprise here. Most of us seem to have an especially hard time looking too close at these aspects within ourselves, wouldn’t you say?
To trigger the ire of those in my life, where
to some degree with some, I’ve always outpictured their own discord and discontent,
has been a real bitch over the years, I must say. The catch to wearing this
role is you must learn not to take other
people’s reactions personally. Ever, not one little bit. Consequently, it’s
forced me to look deeply into my own chronic self-unworth issues, where yelling
in my head was my brutal, inner-critic’s punishing voice always blamed me for
just being me. It drove me to heal the parts of myself that always needed to
make myself wrong, just so I could keep blaming myself for being wrong. It forced me to find my Sacred, my
sanctuary within. This is the only place I’ve ever found I could always
rest and find solace. Out of sheer necessity,
I’ve sought my return trip Home.
Doing this deeply introspective work demands you
look to uncover the hidden passages in the underbelly of ‘you,’ your psyche, your
subconscious and your Shadow - all to reveal the lost parts of yourself you’ve (up
until now) hidden away. I believe it requires a very well-seasoned and often world
weary Soul to pull this off. In that the Universe forces us to our destiny,
eventually you have no choice but to look under all your concealed and buried rocks,
only to find your secret treasure disguised in your painful shit.
This potent medicine declares you’re only able
to take flight after first attending to your own broken wings, in whatever and
all forms this may be. We ultimately end up at this place in our Spiritual
development, because in order to progress, it often requires bringing someone along
with us. To stir up these feelings in others takes a different kind of interest,
however. It’s somehow tied into the Bodhisattva’s vow, except it reads: You
first have to embrace the very places inside, the ones that hurt the most that others
will have to hold in themselves. All to become free. In this respect, it’s a
sure fire way to Awaken in a hurry - at all costs. What fun. Not!
Tall order, this. Why would anyone want to
take this one on? Simple. It gives you and others the chance to choose brand anew.
As a result of all my life’s experience:
You can only change a painful pattern when you’re in it. Only while in
suffering can you then choose to make a new decision, a new choice to get you
out. You can’t do this hypothetically, by proxy from afar. You gotta be in it,
smack dab – and if you do something positively different than ever before, you
change your painful story. It’s that simple.
But choosing to choose different is what makes an empowered life come
alive. Our decisions made create the course of our lives and meeting life
with conscious awareness, allows new beginnings to happen. And believe me, in
the midst of this hugely significant Grand Cardinal Cross (it’s exact today and
tomorrow), this is a really good time to begin anew – as if your life and dreams-come-true depend on it – because I believe,
they really do.
… to be continued …
PS I
invite you to share these posts with anyone you feel would benefit and if you
feel inspired, to write your feedback insights through the ‘Comment’ key on
this blog. Also, please check out my work, Heart
Tantra - The Attunement Session - on my web site heartantra.com. I offer in-person sessions here in the NYC area and
absentee or long-distance work if you don't. Always Blessings On Your Way!
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