When first
told of this meditation course a number of weeks ago by my dear friend Mel, (taught via per-recorded
audio and video feeds), I immediately knew it was time to take the plunge into
prolonged silence and extended sit time, up to 10 hrs each day in formal meditation. It might sound like a lot, however after a bit, it becomes quite timeless and
effortless. To be sure, living outside your mind has many wondrous benefits ...
This for me,
in part, was the purpose of this extended exploration into the inner realms of
my conscious (and unconscious) awareness. My intentions were to clear away the excessive mind chatter,
to detox from Manhattan and above all, to go to the root of the roots of every
and all things that have ever caused and created me pain, struggle and suffering in my self
and my life.
In the
perfection of how my life unfolds and the overall design of my Soul which I
know orchestrates the potentials that consistently come my way, I saw the
perfection before me as I signed up to attend the very next possible course - which
didn’t have an opening until later in August. As fate and grace would have it, a
slot became available for the May 1st session and my
application was accepted to attend.
Yes! The eyes
of good fortune looked favorably and smiled upon me, allowing the doors to open and
invite me in. There is a part of me that knows the monastic life really well,
that remembers the lifetimes I was a monk tucked away following the ways
of worship in isolation (and deprivation). I believe many of us can relate to this experience,
hidden deep in our Spiritual DNA memories …
For me, it
was very familiar and somehow comforting to be in this situation again, whereas
all my material requirements were attended to and all my basic human needs (well,
almost all) were taken care of by a most caring and considerate staff. I know this lifestyle deep in my bones and was
comforted to be back in an all-inclusive, sanctuary experience once again.
There is
likewise a part of me that easily sinks right into a disciplined routine and finds solace
in the schedule of this retreat format, which among other delights, has the
first wake up gong going off at 4:00. As in AM. I know, it sounds brutally
early and unless you've had to get up for work, why in the world
would you otherwise? Because it’s totally quiet is one good reason and said to be the
time our Spiritual connections are clearest if not strongest to the Divine and most unfettered
with worldly concerns clogging our Soul waves.
And I can
attest, it’s true. The stillness and resulting expansiveness is awesome and the pathways
into the deeper realms of my internal awareness always invited me to a Universe
of limitlessness within. I loved it and took to the schedule like a bird to
flight. I’d sit in the meditation hall from 4:30 to 6, then weather permitting,
go out for a brief walk on the grounds before the first of two daily meals were served. Lunch was at 11:00.
Along with
our agreement upon entering to maintain ‘noble silence’ for 10 days, we were asked to stay
within the course boundaries marked off on the Lovely, wooded property which
housed the retreat. We were asked not to exercise or run on the land, always avert
our eyes and not gesture with the other men in attendance. (Women were separated in their own quarters.) We were told to
deposit our cell phones and all other assorted electronic members of our
personal communication repertoire, ie, laptops and such, at the front check-in
table, to be returned upon completion of the retreat.
We were
requested to not bring any reading or writing material with us and in short,
avail ourselves totally to the full immersement of the material presented – the Vipassana
meditation method which was said to originate
with the Buddha way back 2500 yrs ago. Although the world has massively changed
in ways unimaginable since, this basic technique of stilling and getting
present in the body, quieting the mind and going inside is still the granddaddy of them all.
The reason Vipassana
has stayed around so long is because it really works. This is such a
foundational practice which lays the solid groundwork for all other mediation disciplines
to follow. Which of course, many there are. In that the world has dramatically evolved,
(maybe not quite the word) since then, the Spiritual resources given to and
developed by us humans has evolved along with. Good thing too because we’ve obviously
needed the extra ammo to face the craziness we now live in.
Over the
years, I’ve trained in and experienced many more dynamic, powerful and forceful ways
to activate my Spiritual awareness, encourage my kundalini rising and deepen my
connection to the Sacred in higher realms of consciousness, however, there’s always something
to be said for the tried and true ways oto simply Be present, Here & Now.
Anytime you
disengage from the outside world, retreat inside cutting off verbal and normal communication
with others, you’ll be forced to see the nonsense not only hiding under the
surface behind the busyness of your life, but experience all that largely runs the show of who
you think you are. It quickly becomes apparent in this setting, that one reason
most people are so busy in their lives is to not have to see what is in fact, living
beneath the radar and actually running your life. Oops but true!
All the
common methods and means of numbing out our awareness fit this role. Too much
TV or beer or drinks or chemical aids or distractions all around are time tested diversions preventing
us from actually looking inside to see who we are and what we’re really about. This is
nothing new for humans. Among all of us, men for instance, we've specialized in
this approach to not have to actually feel our feelings and attend to the ongoing build up of our unprocessed emotional baggage, which of course, blocks us from
becoming more aware and conscious of our Spiritual purpose in our lives - which prevents us from being truly happy, content and fulfilled.
This,
however, is by no means gender specific. We all seek to involve ourselves with
outside ‘stuff’ to not have to look too far beneath the surface of our selves.
Our personality egos were not designed for this quality of clear introspection.
In fact, just the opposite is true – all is better, if not well when we don’t
look too directly under the wraps of who we think we are. When we do, like opening
Pandora’s box, all hell can break lose when we lift the lid off our comfort
zones, revealing the sticky and nasty stuff inside.
At least
personally speaking this has been so … as the days progressed in my self imposed
exile, I found the threads leading me deeper into my Self becoming stronger and ironically
enough, the tethers holding me locked into my personality falling away with
equal momentum. One of my primary intentions for this time-out was to unravel
all the remaining cords holding me in patterns of ‘less than’ – of What I Am,
who I came here to Be and what I came into this life to do.
So in this
regard, I called in all available assistance to bring up all that has remained
hidden from sight and still in whatever ways, directs the currents of my
consciousness. In essence, I invited my Shadow to show itself in cold, plain view. Like calling out the gunslinger, alone onto the deserted street to face me once and for all, I asked to do
this during the long hours sitting in eyes shut silence.
No, there
were no guards preventing me from getting up and walking away. No penalties or
detention time for leaving early, either from the mediation hall of the retreat
itself (and there were a few guys who opted to bag it and vacate). No one was
standing over me and grading my performance and yet, as well we know, opportunities
come and they go, never to return just so. You gotta catch the wave when the
sets come in or watch them pass you on by.
I saw how I’ve
constantly created situations in life where I felt ‘put upon’ and blamed, creating endless
struggle and opposition as a result ~ I saw how I made myself the’ bad guy’ so
I could feel self-righteous and deserving of licking my wounds in isolation ~ I
saw the ‘poor me’ calling out for help, not being able to give help to myself ~
I saw how I’ve never really been able to get over my self, believing I was
always unseen, unappreciated and in some deep, fucked up ways, unloved and unlovable
~ I saw how I’ve kept myself small because to do otherwise, meant I had to
evolve and give up the old storyline I’ve believed about myself all my life.
Let me say, I sure
had my share of illusion to see my way through here. I’ve realized for a while how a
fair amount of Keith was still standing in the wings, needing to significantly upgrade
so the best of me can step confidently onto the stage of my life now. In this whole
death/rebirth cycle we’re all in the midst of on the planet these days, I recognized that
parts of me were way past due for renewal. Eventually I knew I had to face up
to the elements in me that had invested lifetimes in not doing so.
And now is that
time.
Coming back to NYC has shown me how valuable this time-away has been. There's less resistance in me, less that gets triggered and fussy during my day. The outside world and all it contains has remained a greater distance away, leaving me more relaxed and spacious inside. Believe me, this is a very good thing indeed.
... to be continued ...
PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.
PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute. Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!
Thank You!
PPS For information on Vipassana Meditation, please view their web site at www.dhamma.org
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