Keeping The Overview

Amidst all the comings and goings, the doings of the busy activities in my life, I’ve learned to keep an occasional eye on the larger picture and overview perspectives of my life. It’s so easy getting caught up in the day to day events and loose contact with the deeper currents running under the surface and above the playing field. The outer world is always ready to take me for a quick ride into whatever shows up before me, distracting and whisking me away from this ever present moment.

 

After returning from this last 10 day, silent retreat, in retrospect I’ve recognize there’s more quiet between the notes now, more internal spaciousness that allows me to witness more and react less. I find myself watching what’s going on around me with greater detachment because this is what’s going on inside me. I’m spending more time observing the innumerable circumstances in my life from this open place, often from a slightly bemused point of view.

There really is so much to laugh at, especially with my self. This of course, applies similarly to most everyone else as well. Whether it’s ‘I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints’ or simply a preference, (how terribly long it’s taken to arrive to this) to lighten up and fly right, I find so many people, including us Spiritual ones, not looking like they’re having much fun at all. With themselves, their lives or with Spirit Itself. 

Why is this, I wonder? Personally speaking, I’ve gotten so wrapped up in’ being Spiritual’, I’ve often forgotten to enjoy the unfolding adventures of my life as they presented themselves along the way. I was so busy trying to become enlightened, I lost touch with being enlivened. I’ve done the dark, rueful lives with hair shirts worn to make me scratch myself bloody and the long years of monastic penance, believing it was more virtuous to suffer than to laugh and be in joy – that laughter was a sin against God! - and to earn His everlasting Love required I ongoingly cause myself pain. (And what sad ass man thought this one up?)

I’ve done the pious deprivation thing, which only caused me to take out my frustration and aggression on those I controlled, all in service to whatever religious institution I then belonged. My karmic history is rich with these flash backs where in my desire to not have any desire, I turned farther away from the sweet embrace of the Divine. Somehow it made sense to seek solace in the barren fields of retribution, ever waged against my humanness. This is surely where the horror of ‘original sin' came from. Know I always willfully turned away, never was I push from the Beloved’s Heart.

As an observation aside: to an extent, the fellow acting as retreat leader of the mediation course I just attended, reminded me of this part of me that has chosen to remain largely aloof if not unsympathetic with those I was teaching or mentoring along their paths. I never really felt his Heart so much as his understanding of the material. Which is great, though for me, the Heart is the material, the subject, the noun and verb, all in One.

Love is an action word, short for Loving. I suppose it’s a more bhakti thing, a devotional way of being in the world. It’s no better than any of the other arms of the Divine welcoming us back where It has always lived in us. In our Heartspace. Long ago my guidance told me God doesn’t want to be worshiped as much as worshiped in each other. We still look outside, always seeking to get closer to what resides within. For me, without joy, Spirituality is a sterile landscape indeed.

However, I've become extremely aware how the Spiritual pathways Home are as varied as each one of us and no one can definitively say what’s best for another. How can I judge someone from any place other than my mind? Regarding this meditation teacher, I get there needs to be appropriate boundaries in place to create the necessary distance for the information to translate and recognize that too much familiarity can prevent this energetic exchange from happening. As often the case, structure creates freedom. Ah, the Primal Principal of Paradox strikes again.

And yet, truth be told, I have an especially sharp eye for how authority is handled and how power is welded in the apparent service to Spiritual ideals. Let’s just say, I’ve also had those lifetimes where I was the ruler without a conscience, a leader who sought to break the will of not only those who opposed me but those who served me. I simply told myself I was doing God's will and used this as a convenient excuse to run my Shadow. Like all of us, I’ve had to learn that held in the closed fist of the ego, power always corrupts and contorts – as absolute power corrupts absolutely.

As a direct result of having run amuck, my attention is keen to razor sharp severe in recognizing when another is less than clear and clean in their own application of authority. Judgment aside, I’m well trained to see the misadventures of the distorted ego at work, usually always cutting a wide swath through other’s comfort zones. No, in no way did I observed this man being abusive or inappropriate, however, I never heard him utter the magic words of please or thank you in dealing with any of us.

Perhaps this is too fine a point to make and certainly not meant to be made at his expense. Love comes in infinite packages and presentations. I’m not foolish enough not to know the only thing that dances badly with another’s ego is my own. At the onset of the retreat, I asked to have all my resistances brought up and here they showed themselves clear for me to see. Humility knows there's always an equally valid flip side to each challenging and conflictual situation in life, especially in the ones we’re convinced we are right. Oh the learning curves my ego has had to limp through to begin to learn this infallible truth. In just about every instance, judgment sucks.

It’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? What’s up above us one day, is the very thing we stand on the next. In this regard, as I’ve been in NYC re-entry mode this past week, I’ve been extremely mindful first thing in the morning, to keep the stillness alive by making the necessary efforts to do my wake-up, check and plug in time diligently and consistently. I’ve learned the precious gift of awakening consciousness keeps shinning best when I attend to it each and every day by polishing it in the well spring of my attention and care.

The Awakened Sacred Masculine knows their lifeline always rests and resides in their own connection to the Divine within and around them. They know their Heartspace is the entryway and destination. They relentlessly attend to Source like their life depends on it. This is one of the obvious qualities of an enlightened being, they are only with God. The energy field of their presence is usually very quiet, clear, open and expansive with little else getting in the way. Transparency is always present. And this is what I first prayed for at 13, sitting at the feet of a guru, wanting to realize God in this life time.

Of all the journeys to take and end up attaining, for me, this one is the top prize. It just made sense. Yet over the years there’ve been a great many times I’d wished I’d asked for another ringer, one where I didn’t have to constantly face my shit (sorry Susanne) just to stay afloat. The more Light I kept calling in, the more of It’s opposite flushed into my life. Odd, that. As I’ve asked to see, I’ve had to own up to what caused me to close my eyes - and Heart - in the first place. Rarely has this been enjoyable, let me say.

And this folks, is the oft’ constant fallout, fodder and grist of the mill that irrevocably turns the gears of our personal transformation and quite impeccably if not masterfully, forces us to awaken at all costs. It just becomes too painful not to. It seems Awakening has its down side too. Eventually, you just run out of road - you can run but you can't hide forever.

Having been told from guidance I’d agreed to transform a fair bit extra this life, all in hopes of catching up to the front crest of the consciousness wave rolling through now, healing this load has made me much stronger yet wiser and lighter by letting go of what’s no longer mine nor who I now choose to be. The hallmark of these times is found in the knowingness that we are Spirit first and foremost and from here, for our individual and collective highest and greatest good, all things are possible. 

As each day unfolds now, I'm reminded the outer there is always an intimate reflection of the inner in here, inside me. It may not be mirror exact in every detail, however, I know the primary themes my Soul is putting before me consistently show up in everything that comes my way, especially in my exchanges with others. In this respect I’ve learned, God speaks most personally to me through my personal relationships. In many ways, this takes the guess work of our journeys. You just have to see how truly happy you are and those you interact with are with you.

As each dance step is a complete move unto itself, each move weaves into a larger pattern or tapestry, that in time accurately and intimately reflects the tenor of our overall consciousness. To be sure, the choices and decisions made each day determines the course and way our life progresses and evolves. Or not. Either way, both the immediate steps taken and the destinations they eventually reach, are equally important and likewise essential paying attention to as we go about living our lives.

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Occasionally during this recent retreat spent in long hours of silent meditation and prayer, I opened the Akashic Records, a process I learned a while ago. I asked to tune into a much larger, over-lighting perspective from my Soul's eyes to see the deeper currents moving me through my life now. The way this works is the downloads I receive are from the 55^th floor view, past/present/future, not the ground level one I’m standing on. It’s not a better view or perspective, only a farther reaching one. It’s always good to access the full extent of ourselves and then choose which one fits best.

I was shown many amazing things, all indicative of my Soul’s reflective glory of the Sacred I Am. I saw this is so for everyone ~ I saw how everything in my life has offered me the opportunity to evolve in the most gentle ways possible and woe’s been me, how I’ve not always made it so easy on myself in not doing so ~ I recognized had I followed my guidance way back in the day (even remember the ‘80’s?) I’d have saved myself so much struggle and hurt ~ I also saw, I needed to do it exactly as I did to get exactly where I’m at. 

Looking back, I wouldn’t give up an iota of the hellish all week benders if it meant having a drop less compassion acquired as a result. Hey, we all earn our lives and the smiles or frowns etched on our faces attest to this fact. We always wear our expressions of consciousness loud and clear, no matter how cleaver we imagine ourselves to be. Know the awakened Heart always see’s through bullshit faster than anything else and yet, it doesn’t end up resisting what offends. Unconditional Love is not unconditional like, however, Love always trumps the lesser emotions, every time.

It’s enormously easy to get seduced into the collective, mass unconsciousness, especially now when in the way back of everyone’s DNA, we know the endgame is in play and what’s been, can’t last much longer. With tornado's blowing every which way, inside and out in Oklahoma, everyone's asking 'what's next!?' Just imagine if you hadn't had the training it's taken for you to be where you are in your life now? A great many people are in this quandary ...

Near totally dulled we’ve globally become and yet, one of the attributes perhaps singular to humans is our capacity to come back from the most extreme predicaments and return to Grace.
On this note:

Now Is The Time

Here Is The Place &
We Are The One

… to be continued …

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

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