Leading With Need

In the delicacy and mastery of my personal energy management – how I go about creating my reality, consciously or not – a strategy I’ve thankfully left largely behind is one I call - Leading With Need. Whenever faced with an especially challenging situation in my life, up until now, (I just Love that qualifier!), I’ve most often acted/reacted from a place of caution, concern, doubt and yes, fear. I always compressed, clinched and got tight. Most every time.

 

This is rarely an advantageous position from which to make an important decision, crunching in the midst of a whelming moment, over the top or not. Like most of us, I never learned, nor was taught, how to navigate my life with even a semblance of conscious awareness. I just didn’t have a clue and as with those who actually do evolve, got my smarts more on the fly. Looking back, one of my advantages was I left home at 18, hitchhiking out West, jumping head first, naked with a backpack on, into the at times flame and most always, the uncertain mystery of life. 

Whether courageous, audacious or hopelessly out of touch, my choice to follow the road, meeting and dealing with whatever I faced, has made me the man I am. There’s an old saying I’ve so often told myself in times of struggle and stress: Learn to fly when you’re falling. Not especially comforting I suppose but coming from an old school approach of evolving at all costs, it puts it all tidy neat in a nutshell. 

Not very helpful advice for so many people I’ve known, however, they wouldn’t know how to handle the pressure of not having a ‘life plan’ firmly in place. For those too given to caving, it’s murder of the immune system. Perhaps it was early on hearing R. Frost’s famous poem about the road less traveled having made all the difference and all that. Like migrating birds, an internal switch went off early in my primal brain, telling me I had to leave the nest as soon as I possibly could.

Choosing to forgo the collage route though from heavy academic parentage, I most desired to become better at being me, not at something I could make a good living at. How often I’ve wondered how my life would be had I followed in the footsteps laid out before me – which of course, was an impossibility from my point of view. Perhaps it was my innately rebellious nature that only intensified when told what to do, and yet, I didn’t have too far to look to see how this approach didn’t insure a life of contentment, fulfillment or happiness. Just ask my parents.

Somehow on some instinctual level, I knew I had a whole lot of catching up to do – and the info I was being given in my home wouldn’t help much in moving me forward on my quest. It turns out, I was right. I’ve known a lot of intelligent people in my life but not so many wise or especially awake ones. I’ve had the pleasure of brief glimpses into how a life of conscious co-creation looks, how a master goes about themselves in ways that often defy easy explanation, yet most always are clearly exceptional. 

An awakened person is a living work of art, a priceless display of clear consciousness in action. Wow - it thrills me just writing that. And in efforts to enliven this in myself, inside, out and all about, I’ve largely learned from what hasn’t worked. I call it, The Back Hand Path. But learn I have and it’s in meeting uncertainty from doubt and fear that life has usually taught me best by punishing my choice. Ouch again!

Professionally, I’m working with a wonderful woman who was born with a strong, deep seated belief she was absolutely not safe in her life. In no way not at all. In her own journey of awakening - long story short: she once touched back into her fetus self, sometime while in utero, remember then the searing impression that’s been a near constant companion throughout her life. Not given to extreme behaviors, tastes or diversions, she has steadily explored her inner terrain, seeking to release this clinging, cloying undercurrent feeling of abject anxiety and apprehension.

However we come to face our pain, we all have to do this for~by~within~ourselves. This is  non-negotiable. Unless you do, there is no other way to fully achieve what each Soul came here for, a shot at mastery. The cheery, channeled messages via the new voices of the post New Age, speak of the great potential within all of us. All of which, amazingly enough, is totally true. And yet, you still gotta do the do of living your life, day in day out.

As best I can, I choose to show up conscious, actually when I immediately awaken to meet my day, Heart on. To this end, I’ve learned how essential my morning practice is and how necessary it is to consistently maintain by checking in, plugging in and aligning in within my Self first thing. Without doing this simple self-care practice, I feel at best like I’m breathing with half a lung.

Returning back to the importance of maintaining my personal Constitutionals (previous blogs will attest), I know I simply have to do the basic things first to ensure a smoother, more enjoyable day. The results are always a greater lightness or looseness in my motion and a softer energy step as well. As addressed in previous posts, for me Spirituality don’t mean a thing, unless it got that swing of joy all up in It.

As I write this, life is presenting me with a high level of uncertainty concerning my living situation. Needless to say, I know a change is in the works and yet, a clear path on is slow in presenting itself. Given the ambiguity of not knowing, yet having to find out pretty quick, sure adds an element of ???  however, here is where the fertile soil of conscious co-creation lives. As a simple twist of perception - it turns out an elevated aspect of fear is ... excitement, as is anticipation, as is expectancy, as is doubt danger doom and gloom. From this perspective, it really is a matter of choice, isn’t it?

I’ve learned whenever my head and personality run my life, by making the decisions that direct my actions, (always from a self-serving standpoint), the results are almost always complicated and less than preferable. Whenever I lead with need because I’m afraid my interests won’t get gratified, I send out a vibe that’s pushing forward to get my way. Always and only to get my needs met.

Whenever I’ve done this, the others I was engaging with were energetically pushed back on their heels, causing them to protect and hold themselves tighter. I’d know this because I always felt an immediate, gut-clinch grip in my own belly. (The curse and gift of an empath.) My Soul connection would quickly shut off and my intuition close down, restricting my overall presence and awareness. Instead of being in the moment, co-creating and trying to find resolution together, it subtly became me vs. them. In the past this wouldn’t bother me if only because I was mollified believing I was right and in charge. Some consolation.

As I’ve gotten farther along in this life, the small victories over others have lost their appeal. The singular sense of life being solely about I Me Mine has thankfully lessened appreciably. The dreaded malady so many people chronically suffer from - Meitis - has been ongoingly cleansed from my system. The place in me that has always looked out for number 1, MEEEEEEEE, the aspect of my personality that constantly felt there was never enough to reach my mouth, no longer tells me this is so. I refuse this lie to run my life.

Regardless of being the last of three boys growing up lowest in the preverbal pecking order, I felt I had to grab my food from the center of the table, believing unless I did, I’d be left hungry. This of course wasn’t true but belief systems aren’t always rooted in fact. They are interpretive entities, existing independently from actual reality, although inevitably, end up creating our lives from the inside out. 

This is where I choose to see the state of conscious awareness I am or am not in, in meeting each moment of my life. I either feel a lift in my Heartspace or a tug in my gut. In this way, my belly wisdom always tells me the truth.

The old parts of me rooted in fear and self-doubt have been the hard grist of the mill of my personal awakening. The very wounds that helped form my erroneous belief systems are the greatest doorways of my healing. They all hold the Blessings that allow me to face my self with an open and awakened Heart, shifting the life currents that, as always, are an intimate reflection of my state of self Love.  

The Awakened Sacred Masculine knows to grip first in fear to meet any moment, especially a challenging one, will always intensify the discomfort at hand. Not necessarily a hero am I, though I've seen enough feel-good movies to know the person who comes out the winner has had to face their darkness and still make the enlightened choice. Leading with need in fear will never allow this to happen.

... to be continued ...

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. I also read The Akashic Records and as written previously, do Soul recovery work as well. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

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