My Fool's Gold found within ~

Irony with a paradox twist, if you please. The courage and strength it takes to remain open, present and aware – like The Fool - not to mention Heart centered, is considerable. Especially when nearly all I’ve ever learned has taught me to do otherwise. It’s the ever-potent ‘wise innocence factor’ at play, reason being: the amount of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears it takes to return to your reawakened innocence is what the Hero’s and Heroine’s Journey is all about. It’s never an easy path though it’s always worth it. At least it sure better be ...

Feelings, like a wave of regret, pain or grief – in fact any emotion, really – come in as a surge, swelling to a crest and then sliding back down again. They always pass through you, sooner or later. Sooner than later if you’re emotionally resolved and clear inside. It’s ironic however, your hang ups are always your hang on’s - it’s the things you can’t let go of that always pull you down.

I recently had an encounter with a very disagreeable someone who in their conviction to label me as something (‘very intense’), was actually defining herself in the bargain. Except for having pre-booked a 3 night stay in her ‘Airbnb’ home, upon our at-her-breakfast-table toxic exchange, I’d a turned right around and walked out her door, lickity split. 

I so unlike being told I’m the object and cause of someone else's discontent. Like I was the one who injured her in the first place and not just the uncomfortable reminder. Which by the way, always sucks, playing this part. Believe me, wearing the projections of another person’s pain body is never a good fit.

My Fool’s Gold found has come from no longer blaming or making myself wrong for feeling however I happen to feel in any given moment. No matter what. In this, feelings aren’t good or bad. They just are what they are. So many of us have such a hard time with this one, hosting such huge, nasty-ass inner critics, living in residence within ourselves. 

This internal presence or voice is like a ravenous, gorging gorilla, endlessly feasting on our tender self-worth. It never gets full because, like flies to shit, we steadily make available the food source that’s irresistible to our Shadow’s appetite. We really don’t trust ourselves or our Self. Not completely.

This higher awareness also directly applies to getting glommed first thing in the morning, on my pre-paid Holiday, getaway stay in this woman’s home. (Lovely, by the way.) All of my intuition tells me this person could use a good, stiff dose of looking at her self in the mirror sometime – and by golly, forgiving not just herself - always the deepest, root cause - along with everyone else who’s ever punished or pushed her buttons. Take a hint, Susan.

Paradoxically, a necessary element to Awakening my Sacred Masculine is no longer judging or beating myself up for being judgmental - feeling, no, hoping she’d extract the dead porcupine of her ‘boundary issues’ festering up her butt. Hey Sis, whenever you call out another, the point of your charge lives in you. Not me. This my dear, is Basic Awareness 101.

Having lifelong battled my demons, it’s taken eons to find I had to turn them into my Angels to pass through them, as guardian of the gates of my empowerment. And my embodiment. To actually actualize my Sacred Masculine, I’ve had to know it’s OK to have my thoughts and feelings, judgments included. The trick or master’s secret is just not believing them. That’s when you start acting like this lady and believe me, this is never fun for anybody.

It’s said when you pass over beyond, you’re immediately asked three things upon arrival: How well did you live, how deeply did you Love and how much did you let go. When it comes to pissy people, this last one is pure gold, mighty manna from Heaven. 

This person’s incalculable gift was in reminding me of What I Am and of who I am no longer. Thank you! Really. After all, we have to carry our own selves into arms of The Beloved. We not only have to love ourselves enough to do this, we have to be Loving with others, to show them how.

This folks, is yet another episode on the back-hand path, where you inevitably have to turn it, right-side up just to make it come out even. Here, your Fool’s Gold found is totally active, not passive. You’re not an absent bystander to your life. And if you are, you'd better rethink your priorities. I won’t abdicate my sovereignty or inner authority to anyone and certainly don’t hand it over to others. I will turn within to see where there’s relevance to find a possible nugget to learn and evolve by. Hey, I don’t need to be right, only awakened in my Sacred.

My Fool’s Gold found within is in being able to return to peacefulness and equanimity as quickly as possible. On command. My own. If only because I know I Am well, I know all is well. Appropriately, whenever I’ve felt unsafe in the world or my life, it’s because I’ve felt unsafe in me. Here is where true Trust lives. Within. This is The Fool's priceless gift.

When I do happen to step out of this awareness, instead of going off on whomever is triggering me (or so says my ego) or getting waylaid on any number of regrettable tangents, usually self-defirming ones (new word), I’ve learned to just follow my breath into my ever-waiting Heartspace and settle in for a bit.

Thank You & Love To Us All ~

  

PS I invite you to share these posts with anyone you feel would benefit and if you feel inspired, to write your feedback insights through the ‘Comment’ key on this blog. Also, please check out my work, Heart Tantra - The Attunement Session - on my web site heartantra.com. I offer in-person sessions here in the NYC area and absentee or long-distance work if you don't. Always Blessings On Your Way, Keith