The Constitutionals

(No, not a Republican Do Wop group ...)
Whenever I feel out of sorts, whether physically, emotionally, mentally or Spiritually, all I need do is reconnect with my basic self-care practices – which I call my Constitutionals and all begins to come back into focus and relative comfort. Over the years, I’ve come to rely on how essential these simple core awareness, energy maintenance practices actually are in keeping me sane and flowing along as smoothly as possible.
 

On every and all levels, actually. To recognize we all have four pillars that hold up and support our personal reality or said another way, four rooms in which we live. As briefly touched upon in the first line of this post; our physical, emotional, mental and Spiritual aspects are the individual elements of our Being that make up and comprise our overall energetic structures as Spiritual consciousness in human form.

I’ve learned that each of these separate components of me has to have daily attention for the rest of me/us/Keith to feel healthy, harmonious and alive. No one of these parts stays lock away in seclusion, prevented to see the light of day of my awareness. However your personal tendencies go, each of us Souls in body, are unique Beings displaying different qualities, attributes and abilities. Aside from which of these four you’re more aligned and attuned to, in order to function as enjoyably as possible as a human, you’re going to have to consciously interact with each of these parts of your self, each and every day.

You don’t necessarily have to soak your garden, drenched to the roots on a daily basis, though keeping the soil moist sure is a good idea if you want to keep flourishing in your life. With what all whatever taking place on this planet these days – take your pick across the board: environmentally, economically, socially, politically, astrologically – you name it, a whole lot surely is. This is The Turning Of The Ages, after all.

In this Full Moon in Scorpio Lunar Eclipse gateway underway - in Scorpio~Taurus - along with among other major astro-aspects, a Summer long Pluto Retrograde ride – till September 20^th, the deeper foundations of our lives will be brought to bear. And that’s a fact, Jack.

We really can’t escape it, can we? Wherever we go, the global shift is upon us and I’d bet, in ways we really can’t possibly even imagine. Out of necessity, we’ve become used to or at least uncomfortably familiar with the world’s chaos exploding all around us. Like hearing loud, run on music, after a while your hearing gets numbed or you phase it out as your selective awareness kicks in, blocking out the disturbing noise.

Perhaps a brilliant expression of our innate, subconscious survival skills coming on line, our ability to do this prevents us from energetically overloading and short circuiting our many systems. Personally, I can only take in so much before getting backed up, congested, unbalanced and ill. It’s inevitable. Underneath the wrappings, we're all beyond amazing expressions of The Divine – who also have finite limitations in place that must be accounted and attended to if we are to not only survive but hopefully even thrive.

To be sure: we all have to know our personal boundries or we’ll keep punishing ourselves having gone too far past them. In this respect, like many of us, I’ve had to learn mine by having done just this. Gone too far - but this is how I/we/all learn in Earth School. Trial and error, over and over again until we learn to do it different. Wow, that flame is still hot! Better not do that again …

It had been this tendency to push too far that brought my Constitutionals into sharp focus for me. Perhaps like waking with a monster hangover, you need quick relief to feel better fast and just drinking water won’t do. In order to balance your head, you take a pill to do the trick. You may need a baseball size Advil to gnaw on but in time, you’ll get back straight. 

So is the same with my Constitutionals. They always bring me back into my relative harmonious balance point, once again.These jewels are the handful of activities I have to do on a daily or weekly basis that keep me personally balanced, centered and as healthy as possible. These self-care and basic energy awareness practices are my own responsibility - and mine alone. This is numero uno, folks. In order to survive my 20's and 30's, not to mention the years since, I first had to identify and then ongoingly maintain these simple practices to keep my sense of optimal flow alive within myself and my life. I have suffered when I've forgotten this essential truth.

Of course, no one ever explained this to us growing up. I must have missed the classes where they taught this in my public school, educated youth. This, along with all the other vitally important self-care and human awareness practices like basic communication skills – ie. consciously expressing emotions, conflict resolution and anger management 101and all other time tested tools that would have served me/us so well in my life.

Oh well. If we don’t get it from others, we have to get it for ourselves. And thus, my Constitutional were created to do just this. For instance, I found out early that I’m a very physically oriented guy. I have to move to be happy. Me dear ol’mum was fond of saying I never learned how to walk. I went from crawling to running. As a child, I was totally alive in my body and lived to play with my friends outside. I was a natural athlete and leader who was always caught up in some game or sports activity.

This being said and keeping with the theory that for me to be happy as an adult, I have to still do some of the things I Loved to do as a kid, I came to realize that being physically active has almost always recreated the feelings of happiness from childhood. Hey, it makes good sense to me having been consistently proven throughout my life. This practice readily and appropriately applies to all the other rooms in my mansion as well.

I’m not a workout fanatic having to do one yoga class or pool swim each and every day … however, I do need to stretch upon waking and before sleep and if nothing else, take a good walk to enliven my body and clean my field. If I don’t, my systems begin to clog and back up. Basic self-care tells me I really need to breathe deeply every day to keep my emotional body open and clear and releasing the energies I constantly transmute. If you don't learn from your mistakes, what's the point? Besides, you really can’t leave a Maserati long in the garage and expect it to run fast and smooth at the drop of a hat.

Just so. This also pertains, most importantly to my Spiritual consciousness as well. If I go a day or two without sitting to meditate and pray, my field just gets backed up. Period. If I don’t check into my emotions on a daily basis and tap into what they’re telling me, I get off track. If I don’t feed myself good nourishing food, let alone positive information into my system, I will get increasingly unwell. I'm just tuned this way and it's up to each of us to find what works best for us.

It’s pretty simple, isn’t it? To perform at an preferred level, I have to do the things that not just allow this but encourage this to happen. Again, I believe we all have to first identify what activities or practices serve each of our respective rooms or aspects and by golly, if we want to be sane, do them! 

It’s all about consciously moving energy – into and through our various systems – to be as fulfilled and happy as possible. In order to be absolutely vital, we needn’t run marathons on a weekly basis or meditate for hours or read great literature each and every day but we do have to feed ourselves that which nourishes all parts of ourselves. 

Unless we do, we will always be lacking and looking outside to fill what we don’t fill for ourselves inside. And this is no fun at all. In fact, it’s a great big pain in the ass for all concerned ... so much so, I was once recommended to immediately go have a long ‘personality detox’ - or maybe it was just to get me to leave ... anyway, our core balance point awareness has to be ours to consciously attend to and maintain if we are to be content and happy within ourselves. Or not.

Either way, through action or avoidance to be present to our own best interests, we live our lives bouncing from one relief stop over to the next, often appearing that we’re running just to not be still. The Awakened Sacred Masculine attends to their own self nurturance on every and all levels. This singular orientation allows him to be present in his life, stabilized and balanced, not sucking energy from others to get his core needs met.

And this is a very good thing. 

Can you imagine a world where most men could consistently do this?

... to be continued ...

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You!

Fear Is The Real Killer

In the wake of the Boston bombings and the reignited waves of emotion sweeping over this country, all erupting from this horrific event, I am reminded of how powerful and potent fear can be. It’s such a primal force, isn’t - almost like the overpowering effects of a drug that totally changes our perceptions of any given situation we’re confronted with, whether face to face or heard over the news.

 

It sends a shock current deep inside our emotional bodies, hitting up against very old patterns built into our human hard drive systems that predate this present life by millennia. The deeply rooted, hidden and imbedded parts of ourselves that get triggered in times of threat and perceived danger go all the way back to our earliest origins in form on this planet.

This primeval response or reaction within us are so much a part of our subconscious instinctive drive, that really sets the foundation to our humanness in the first place. It’s the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism that fits under Survival On Earth 101 – without it, our species (given the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ theory of evolution) would've become extinct even before we could stand upright. We'd have been dinosaur lunch long ago. 

Fear makes you act in ways you’d never ever conceive of and do things out of dire necessity that blow your mind looking back … we’ve all heard stories of frail mothers lifting cars up off their fallen children from an accident, perhaps trapping their little ones underneath. Where does this strength come from, I’ve always wondered? I mean, seriously!

Or the opposite can happen; where it freezes you like ice, preventing you from acting at all, holding you firmly rooted to the spot, unable to move. This is the ‘dear in the headlights’ look we all know – when we’ve been emotionally so to such a degree, you can’t move a muscle. It’s like time suddenly stands still with our internal circuitry spinning and scrambling inside, fuses popping every which way, shutting down our guidance system, Ka- Put & Tilt! Tilt! Tilt!

Because it triggers such core, visceral reactions, our ability to consciously handle this emotion is often not so easily done. This is a kind way of saying we freak out, loose our shit and go nuts. It’s expression is rarely pretty or finessed or diplomatic in the least. It just IS! Like witnessing the waves of emotion released from Boston earlier this week, the mental and emotional places we individually and collectively go are priceless indicators into who we are and where we are in our Awakening process.

There is perhaps no better flash card indicator that speaks to our conscious state of awareness (or lack thereof) than when we’re confronted with a perceived threat, either immediate or removed. This goes for the loosing-you-bags-at-the-airport-carousel type of disappointment as well. On all energetic and physical levels – do we lock up, do we remain still, do we move towards the danger or do we run away? Or do we typically explode in anger, pissed off to the max?

 From my sense of this and equally possible, am I immediately able to take in and grock the moment, responding in a more conscious way or do I rattle and crumble, unable to respond at all? Am I clear enough within myself to move freely and shift accordingly, always choosing to come back to resolution and peacefulness within?

 

I'm not so much placing a value judgment on this for others, however, as an observer of human nature, certainly in myself, I’m always fascinated by how I/you/we respond to our fears. Because it really is ours, after all. No one else is possibly responsible for our thoughts, feelings or actions or how we choose to meet and show up for the moments of our lives. 

Especially so, no one else holds dominion over us in how we think and feel about ourselves. This alone is our personal blessing or curse we deliver to our own Hearts. Since our total sense of self worth and/or self Love determine how we feel about ourselves, our lives and everything in it, how safe we feel in ourselves and therefore, in our world speak volumes.

Ultimately, we all have to own our self – good, bad, ugly and whatever else. It’s how we either embrace or push away our big and little nasty’s that define our level of consciousness. I was once told a pretty clear indicator of someone’s degree of consciouness was how often they complained about their lives. Do they bitchbitchbitch or can they move past the incident of challenge in ways that in fact, support their happiness.

Are we able to reframe the conflict in a favorable way that actually serves our Awakening or do we choose the old gut-check reaction that supports our sad ass story of disempowerment and lack? I know this last one all too well, thus the more accented slant. I have to believe and easily imagine we’re all very familiar with both these experiences. And the more conscious and aware we are, the more we know all serves Love, within, without, all around. The All serves Love in us all.

How this plays out for me is in recognizing there is a super slight lag time between the incident itself and how I react or choose to respond. A miniscule moment. Do I cultivate that sliver of a window to consciously choose which way I’m going to go here? Or does the immediacy of the moment overwhelm my ability to step back, if only for a nano-second, allowing me to take a breath, get present and then make a more considered choice in response? 

This is so huge and largely in part, defines who I Am. In Native American speak, do I feed the dark wolf or the light one within. When the fear hits me and my body reactively clenches, emphatically as well, how clear are my overall energy circuits so that the energy passes more through me than gets snagged, triggering away inside - and does this trigger hit cause me to either cry out, yell and scream or run away? Perhaps a combo pack of the bunch ...

And you, out there in readerland, where did you go in the aftermath of Boston and the apparent capture of the perps? Do tell.

... to be continued ...

  
PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You!

Boston Blasted

There are no words … absolutely none that can possibly speak suitably to the bombing tragedy in Boston on Monday afternoon. Our continued prayers go to those injured and all the families who’ve lost Loved ones there. It is beyond my imagination or comprehension as to the vast enormity of pain they must be feeling on this day from the loss of life and the suffering left in its wake.

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And then you have the remaining survivors who’ve been irreparably scared and damaged by his atrocity, both physically and emotionally and all the rest – there is just no way to put this into perspective that makes any sense at all. Absolutely none. The unpardonable offense and responsibility of those who conceived and directed this violent assault is utterly indefensible and those accountable will no doubt be hunted down and punished with extreme prejudice.

In the words of OBam, may the full weight of justice fall on whoever did this. And yet, there is the other side of the sword playing out here, perhaps even the higher ground offered in this profoundly significant event. Along with the healing now underway in Boston and throughout the country, what of the illness in those who perpetrated this horror? I believe, this is the deeper question that needs to be asked at this time.

To have this happen on American soil – again – is such a Heartbreak. To have this happen anywhere to anyone, at any time, is no less meaningful or significant. As a sign of the times we live in, this moment in our lives speaks to witnessing the increasing degree of chaos escalating and running more rampant upon our planet now. Whether the end or beginning times, we're all right in it.

With the continued outbreaks of senseless violence occurring not only in our country but all over the world, the effects and toll taken in the innocent victims killed and their respective families and communities affected, cannot possibly be measured. The motivation and impulse to do such a heinous act of blind destruction is simply beyond the basic comprehension or understanding of any conscious mind or compassionate Heart.

When I first heard that the Boston Marathon had been bombed, I immediately thought – not again, please not again. I was immediately taken back to that fateful, history changing event of 9/11 and quickly remembered the fervor generated in its aftermath. As you recall, it was like a huge forest fire blazing out of control, sweeping through the country, igniting the outcry, anger and rage of nearly everyone who heard the news.

As typical, the various media outlets kept the horrific visuals active and prominently in view in all the news feeds, showing over and over again the Twin Towers burning to the ground. Like the continuous, carrion feeding frenzy we’ve come to accept as normal at a time like this (in part, directly resulting from that very event) we were inundated with the images of this nightmare 24/7 for weeks and months and even years afterwards.

As we’ve all come to know since 9/11 happened, all of our lives were forever changed because of this episode – this pivotal episode of terrorism against humanity. This historic event irreparably tore the fabric of our nation's security and safety, leaving us all feeling woefully more vulnerable and afraid. Humanities global mass consciousness was seared completely to the bone from the imprints of the abject sorrow and suffering of those directly affected, along with the tremendous individual and collective outrage triggered by this attack. 

It was like a pipeline drilled directly into our vast, hidden reservoirs of fear, anger and rage suddenly erupted on the world stage, exposing this country’s vulnerability for the first time in our history. In the States, the outcry swelled to epic proportions and like draining an immense toxic swamp or bog, it just kept on gushing and pouring through our collective consciousness, stirring up even deeper sentiments of retaliation, retribution and revenge.

Pain begets pain, revenge begets revenge and endlessly the beat goes on and on - forever in the old paradigm ways of the world. As we view this event within the larger picture perspective, we’re deep in the crease of The Turning Of The Ages. In this regard, it’s been forecast that the years between 2012 – 2015 will be characterized as the required breakdown phase marked by chaos, violence and destruction.

These catalytic forces are recognized as regrettably necessary to help dissolve the old structures and systems of control, domination and manipulation, all expressions of the misuse of will and abuse of power of the old paradigm masculine mentality. Now is indeed the time to shift all this. However, as we continue moving through the revolution of evolution portal gaining momentum upon the Earth, the flip side here, the dark underbelly of our collective unconscious pain body needs to be addressed in very different ways as well. 

As well we should focus our collective healing energy on those unfortunate ones who’ve been so painfully inflicted and affected, suffering at the hands of the sickness in the madmen or women who did this horrific crime. But what of the very sickness itself – what will we do that will make any significant difference in healing this now?

I vividly remember the first televised public speech Prez W Bush gave following 9/11. Every other sentence seemed to further ignite the nationalistic fervor of the members of congress who kept standing and wildly applauding the president. It was amazing to see the call to action and war time support spilling off the TV screen, touching the other people watching with me at the time – none of whom had ever seen this intense a display of American patriotism before. It was startling and shocking seeing our politicians  whipped into a froth, all for 'the war against terrorism.'

I remember hearing W go on and on about ‘God Bless America!’ Each and every time he used that verbal catch phrase, the audience exploded, standing to their feet, cheering and clapping like crazy. It dawned on me, this clearly was not going to be a smooth ride for anyone not perceived to be ‘American’ through and through. And then it hit me: it’s great for God to be Blessing us American’s but what about the terrorists? Who's gonna Bless them?

What about the miserable bastards who were driven so far to actually employ such destructive means to get our full attention, here on home soil and throughout the world? What of the sick fucks who, however their interpretation of their religious texts, would have to live with the weight of their actions, either in this life or the next? Who’s praying for them, I wondered?

In no way is there even the smallest iota of permissible defense for this or any other crime against innocent civilian bystanders. We all have to answer for our deeds and indeed, the full weight of justice is due these people who glory in another's suffering. So be it. And yet, isn’t this how we humans have typically dealt with our own energetic and emotional Shadow pain – by blaming, shaming, hiding, fighting and stuffing this part of ourselves away? Out of sight, out of mind - and look where this got us?

As we’ve now come to know, the more you stuff your suffering and pain, the more momentum your pain gathers, never really ever going away, only festering to erupt in violent behaviors or a serious illness as a result. Energy is neither created or destroyed and bad or negative energy only builds into worse. You’d think we’d got this by now. Not.

Whatever this whole 2012 Mayan calendar, Turning of The Ages shift is all about, isn’t it about embodying the ‘higher dimensional energies’ more and more? Like Love, forgiveness, compassion and the willingness to go to the depths of our suffering and embrace it all back to God? Isn’t this what so many of us have invested in within ourselves and our own lives?

It’s much easier doing this in church or meditation class or our prayer time but what of the moments we ourselves are the victims, either directly or indirect – what are we to do then, I wonder? From an altruistic point of view, are we not instructed to strive to be more like Jesus by our religious authorities on high? When push comes to pain, what do we do to follow through from His example?

In this respect, what would He do in this same situation and simply put folks - what got His street cred so high in the first place? He Loved at all costs. Even at the expense of His own life.  Whatever your personal beliefs, whether this man was a mythological symbol or an actual historical figure who ignited a world changing Spiritual movement, He set the precedent that raised the bar exponentially for all of us.

In the larger context here and what the consciousness pioneers of us have found out, often the hard way in Earth School’s Boot Camp, is only by Loving can we heal our pain away. What we resist, persists, it’s this simple. Yes, we have the bombs, technology and man power to send wherever we choose, all to combat perceived evil, however, whomever ‘they’ are, they too have endless numbers willing and wanting to die for either Allah or for their own selfish causes or reasons. 

There is no foreseeable end to the eye for an eye mentality to seeking justice, let alone healing our ills. The blood feuds have and will go on forever until there’s no one left standing, if we don’t do some drastic rethinking of how we meet our individual and collective pain and suffering. I believe we’re gonna have to get real 5^th dimensional to pull this one off ...

Again, I don’t advocate leniency towards those responsible in the Boston attack but we surely have to do something different to create different results now. However we attend to the aftershocks of Boston, nationally and internationally, what strategy will we now implement that will forever shift the tide of our individual and global pain body? 

In this regard, what have we actually learned from past history that will make a significant difference within ourselves and upon our planet now? I have the sinking feeling that unless we do, the avalanche of insanity will only increase. 

... to be continued ..

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You!

 

Going To The Root Of The Roots pt 2

It takes a special kind of person to have the thirst and drive so strong to keep wanting to go to the root of the roots of a painful situation or behavior pattern – all with the singular intention of transforming the pattern utterly and completely. If you’ve ever had to scratch into hardened soil with your fingers to weed out an undesired plant’s roots, you have an idea metaphorically of what this entails.
 

Knowing if only a little bit of the root system remains, the plant will eventually return in full, it behooves the gardener to go all the way down to eradicate the perceived bad guy weed. Clipping the surface growth won’t do it. You gotta dig deep and pull every last bit out to make a real and lasting difference. 

So it is with many difficult situations in life, doing a casual rearrange isn’t going to make the problem go away. Like moving ugly furniture around in a small room … no matter what the lay out, you still got ugly furniture to sit on. Just so. I’ve recently been moving through a challenging emotional situation where I just haven’t easily exited off the endless cloverleaf, loop d’loop – the drama loop, that is. Just to clarify, this roadway mess is mine, all mine ...

I fully recognize this outer play is an intimate and immediate reflection of my own emotional landscape terrain. I’m not an innocent or uninvolved bystander here. I am no victim either. As always, the Universe forces me to my destiny and this is very much the case now. Because I choose to view all that transpires in my life as an endless opportunity to evolve, this scenario is prime time material which furthers my goal.

If you’ve ever done an extended food fast, often the last few days are the most difficult, if only because you’ve gotten down to the deep and funky sediment crud long buried in the cellular levels of your body. Actually, for anyone who’s done this, all of your bodies (emotional and mental) are likewise purged by undergoing this demanding, internal cleansing process. However, like most tough stuff practices, it often only feels wonderful when it’s over.

I remember reading the works of the African shaman Malidoma Some and from his ancient tribal tradition, there are some life initiations that once in the healing process (or crisis), you either make it successfully through – or you die trying. There is no middle ground. Perhaps you die because you don’t try. Either way, you can’t pull out short of completion. Once in, you’re in – until you’re through it. Or you're dead. This is obviously some serious medicine healing work – very hard core, very old school style.

This is how I’ve come to understand this recent emotional twist and spin of mine. In part, it absolutely and accurately represents the basic core wound I brought into this incarnation and have carried thus far in this present life, go-round. It’s quite the challenge because it all too intimately encapsulates my separation from Source paradigm – which is to say, the erroneous belief that I was somehow rejected by God to have ended up way down here in Earthland, feeling totally cut off from my Soul’s eternal limitlessness.

Aside from channeled accounts of my having willingly signed up for this Earth School journey, all the while knowing I would completely forget my Spiritual connection while in human form (and no way believing this could ever be possible) and yet, still agreeing to enter into the thick soup of Maya - the dance within the constantly illusionary faux reality of Earth. Who knows for sure, though it sure rings true in me.

Earlier on in this present scenario, I tried to take my space and step away when I clearly knew the ball had been dropped between she and I and didn’t bounce back again. It fell flat with no life to return in hand or Heart and meet me in a way that felt good. No great intuitive abilities were necessary to come to this obvious conclusion. It just felt bad and uncomfortable and unsettling … even hard headed guys can get this one.

It’s a remarkable capacity of humans and said to be unique to our human, planetary species, ie. our emotional body. As a rule, most men in our culture haven’t become familiar, adept or even comfortable with our emotions, feelings and physical responsiveness to life around us. As children, who of us were ever taught, counseled or guided by our primary male (or female) care givers or role models how this all works?

Imagine your old grandfather explaining the’ birds and bees’ – reproduction in all its wondrous glory,  to a bunch of young teenagers and you get the quality of comfort and ease this essential and primally basic info download would flow through your ‘wise masculine elder’ to such willing and appreciative ears. It would possibly be like hearing an opera aria sung by a tone deaf and toungeless man. 

After the extended emotional see-saw ride I’ve put myself through these past many weeks, slowly coming to terms with the resulting disruption that’s washed over and in me as a result, I realized my not taking a stand within myself and therefore with the person in question, has prolonged my emotional unrest. This too, is my doing - my not drawing the line between us to create safe boundaries for my self is 100% my responsibility.

It finally dawned on me after a recent conversation with this woman that again, what I heard spoken didn’t feel good to me, instead of trying to come to terms with this or forgive or open my Heart or rise above what I felt, I said – fuck it! – I just have to walk away. In short: if my triggered reactions don’t change in this or any given situation, no matter what I’ve tried, I have to change the situation. I have to act different to get different results. As they say down south - if you keep doin' what you done, you'll keep gettin' what you got!

I’ve come to believe when confronted with a sharp learning curve moment or simply an uncomfortable one, I have two options to choose from: change my attitude or change my location. Sometimes, only both with do. Either way, if my sanity or personal harmony is important to me, I have to act different to feel different. It sounds really simple, doesn’t it?

As the saying goes – to know better means you have to do better - readily applies here.  And yet, is acting or ‘doing’ always the best and only way to completely shift – I mean totally transform a pattern from its deepest roots? Actually, yes and no. By definition, any and all personal behavior patterns are expressions of the personality ego; it’s psychological and emotional make up or structure, one’s past conditioning and belief systems and emotional woundings accrued all contained therein. They're  all aspects of our ego.

A friend sent me a quote last week from the Spiritual teacher Osho, saying that when you finally choose to confront your ego’s hold on you, (meaning: choosing to experience reality primarily from your Soul’s consciousness and perspective and not incessantly through the interpretive lens of your personality), the only thing that will make a significant difference is in fact, to do nothing at all.

This quote expresses where he advocates unplugging from the outside world and going into solitary stillness and silence:

‘Confronting oneself in aloneness is fearful and it is painful, and one has to suffer it. Nothing should be done to avoid it, nothing should be done to divert the mind and nothing should be done to escape from it. One has to suffer it and go through it. This suffering and this pain is just a good sign that you are near a new birth, because every birth is preceded by pain. It cannot be avoided and it should not be avoided because it is part of your growth.’

Also -

‘Why is there pain when you are alone? The first thing is that your ego gets ill. Your ego can exist only with others. It has grown in relationship, it cannot exist alone. So if the situation is one in which it can exist no more, it feels suffocated; it feels just on the verge of death. This is the deepest suffering. You feel as if you are dying. But it is not you who is dying, only the ego, which you have taken to be yourself, with which you have become identified. It cannot exist because it has been given to you by others. It is a contribution. When you leave others you cannot carry it with you.

You are no longer sure who you are: you are just a dispersing personality, a dissolving personality. But this is good, because unless this false you disappears, the real cannot emerge. Unless you are completely washed and become clean again the real cannot emerge.’

Wow! Kinda drastic, isn’t it!? You bet it is. I so wish the pathway of Awakening was all a breeze, a cruise, easy peasy and all that. And believe me, along with the highlight moments I’ve attested and spoken to in this blog, are the less desirable and Spiritually appealing aspects of this process I’ve also chosen to speak to as well.

As Osho writes: every birth is preceded by pain. Breakdown precedes breakthrough. Great encouragement, that – and by the way, it's true. It can’t be avoided. I’ve long believed, in order to actually progress along this Sacred path of Awakening, you have to be a bit nuts if not masochistic to succeed. You're going to have to fully embrace the struggle that this journey entails. Indeed, what you resist, persists. If not, you’ll give up for sure way short of Home. This is where I've been hanging out within myself these past weeks - resisting the obvious.

 

In response to my friend sending this particular quote to me (ironically enough can’t you guess, by the same lady I’ve been dancing the dance of break up with), she also recommended a 10 day, totally silent, 12 hrs plus a day  Vipassana Meditation sit. I’ve heard of this for years, having friends who’ve done this in various locations around the world. Although not chained to the mat, it’s essential to stay for the entire time scheduled. Pulling out before won’t cut it. I'm signed up to begin on May1st.

Again Osho -

‘There will be fear. But you have to go through this fear; only then will you become fearless. I don’t say you will become brave, no. I say you will become fearless. One becomes fearless only when one has gone through the deepest fear of all – that is the dissolving of the ego, the dissolving of the image and the dissolving of the personality.

This is death because you don’t know if a new life is going to emerge from it. During the process you will know only death. Only when you are dead as you are, as the false entity, only then will you know that death was just a door to immortality. But that will be at the end; during the process you are simply dying.’

I was recently told by a trusted friend who is internet conversant, how so much of the information written about the Awakening process sounds so clean cut, trouble-free if not sterile as well – like just say OmOmOM and you’re Home. I wish.

To compliment this approach, I’m sharing an excerpt from the prologue of my upcoming book Awakening The Sacred Masculine At The Turning of The Ages:

‘When I began writing this book, I wanted to speak from the rarefied heights of profound personal attainment and obvious spiritual achievement. I sincerely wished I could communicate from a place that would let you know how special I am, worthy of your well-earned respect and praise.

But alas, this really is not the case. As I quickly began to sink into this material, I soon realized that my viewpoint was not from high above the learning curve, like surfing a huge wave looking elegant, majestic and oh so cool. It was rather from under the smooth crest, deep within the rough and tumble of the undertow. From this perspective, this story is like seeing a wave from the inside out - it sure looks different than anything you might associate with being ‘Sacred.’

I've come to know the qualities of this Awakening process from my own gut level, down and dirty understanding of what the Sacred Masculine is ... not. Over my life, I have learned to do what I want to do by having done things I never want to do again. In this way, it really is a process of elimination. I've played through my mixed bag of tricks, exhausted my self interests and run out of road to end up in this place in my life.’

My choice is to willingly write from a place that speaks to this ‘gut level’ perspective. There are plenty of accounts that either gloss over or don’t speak at all to what this process feels like for a man having come through significant resistance in his life to still keep on keepin’ on this path. Whether you get this or can relate, is not up to me. It is however, to be as honest and authentic and accountable as I can possibly Be.

... to be continued ... 

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You!

Going To The Root of The Roots

As we enter into another New Moon phase with all the ‘newness’ this implies, some very old themes continue playing out in all our lives, regardless of your individual take on things. In the ever expanding cosmos, the in breath is always followed by the accompanying out breath. To embrace the paradoxical nature of the Divine, sometimes these apparently opposite allegorical functions happen simultaneously at the same time.

Our Soul's growth and expansion is like this and no, it doesn’t make much sense to our rational thought process but when has this aspect of our minds been such an asset in the Awakening process? This, more often than not, is exactly what gets in our way of our progression.The advantage of consciously and co-creatively working with the lunar cycles, is it affords us the opportunity to realign with our intentionary focus and recommit to our higher purpose, whatever we believe this to be.

As well we know, each specific lunar period has its own individual qualities, characteristics and attributes that define it. As the macro always reflects the micro (and vise a versa), the planetary spheres simply out picture our own internal Youniverse. Kinda tricky, this. To the attitudes steeped only in ‘just the facts, mame,’ this makes no sense whatsoever … but there you go. You just can’t please everybody.

Taking a larger view of what’s unfolding upon the planet now in these Turning of The Ages, seen in terms of the evolutionary overview, how can we use the greater timeline cycles of our cosmos to further our Soul's intentions to do just this, evolve? No doubt, countless books, articles and web site speak to this far better than I, however, the title of this post has its own direction to follow that touches into and includes the larger workings and motions of the unfathomable and undefinable thing we call Awakening.  

For the glorious fools of us that have actually committed to this process, consciously I mean, we always get way much more than we’ve bargained for. In the fundamental exchange of ‘we get what we give,’ in order to embody What we already are, the price to pay in full, is all that’s ever stood in the way of us knowing This is always so – always has been and always will be. Again, the Divine principle of paradox at play. Go figure …

I once did a week long, one-on-one retreat intensive with a facilitator in Santa Fe (that actually felt more like months …) where she explained at the onset, that I would get 10 ft. from the summit and want to bag it and quit. She predicted, as had been the case with many if not all her clients, that right when the end was in sight, I would want to turn back and head back down without having reached my intended goal.

I recognized the tendency to, if not sabotage, then to lay down, giving up just as the end comes into view. In many ways, it’s much easier to live with defeat than to create our success. We're more familiar with  falling flat. As Paul Simon sang – the closer your destination, the more you keep slip sliding away ... and yet, in the grand scheme of things, the reason there aren’t more God/Goddess infused people walking around in plain sight, is because it’s such a bitch to do this.

Neither for the weak of commitment or lame of will - this is the golden road our Souls follow that leads us all back Home, whether we consciously know it or not. What this looks like for me these days is, as always, predicated by an inner drive or less commendable or comfortable, a deep Divine discontent. A more contradictory concept is hard to find although from the mystical Sufi teachings, a priceless gift of grace and most necessary dissatisfaction that forces us to our Soul's destiny.

This instinct feeds our Soul's desire to reach and embody what is permanent and real, not illusory or transitory in nature, as all external phenomena surely is. If I were busy being satisfied with just living in NYC, doing my thing and getting my personal needs met, I wouldn’t be interested or have the time to focus on the deeper themes of my Soul’s growth and my Spiritual Awakening. I’d be consumed and preoccupied with living in the material world.

However and often much to my disappointment and continuous dismay, the digging necessary to uncover the sweet shine of my Soul’s radiance has been a very long affair, to say the least. Just like those archeological expeditions when they uncover an artifact buried in the dirt, they don’t go in with rotor rooter, jack hammers blasting away, they use tooth brushes to gently wipe away the accumulated and hardened sediment built up over the ages.

If you’ve ever pulled a scab off too soon before it was ready to release, you know the increased pain factor all too well. It just takes time to soak and soften the caked and encrusted build up of karmic crud that, speaking first person, I’ve amassed along the way. It’s not just the time factor required, I‘ve come to know we always need the appropriate allies and accomplices to act as our catalysts or ‘incentives’ to force us to our growth. As mentioned to be sure, herein alone lay quite a few ouch moments ... 

A once dear friend from my Sedona days shared a potent, overall life intention with me in respect to her own Awakening process. She pledged to go to ‘the root of the roots’ of all of her personality’s issues, blocks and resistance, calling in all benevolent forces in her Universe to bring this goal to fruition. At the time, I remember thinking how admirable of her to do this - how commendable and Spiritually evolved she must be to willingly call in and anchor this intent.

Over the time I knew her, her life was in near constant upheaval, like she was singled out to wear the punishing crown of thorns. After a while, it didn’t seem so advantageous or desirable after all. In fact, it just looked like too much frickin’ work, a work load I didn’t especially want to carry myself and quite honestly, still don't

Not that my personal preference has any say in the matter. In fact, it doesn't at all. Which reminds me of that priceless scene in Young Frankenstein after the Doc first goes into the room with the monster, telling his assistant ‘under no circumstances – no matter what you hear me say – don’t open the door!’ Only to quickly realize his mistake upon entering, saying in all certain terms through the locked barrier, slowly, succinctly and deliberately ‘OPEN THE DOOR.’ Little good this did him, however.

Hey baby, you can’t get off the roller coaster ride until it pulls back into the station. What living here in NYC has brought to the surface is how deeply my ego still wants to run the show and steer the coaster cart of the rest of me. In times of challenge, I always feel held captive my this part of me that just don’t want to let go, no matter what the ‘higher’ parts of me say.

(Is it just me …) but it often seems, the stronger the insights pour through, the more my ego personality resists. I don't know about the rest of us, but my ego has no intention of ever relinquishing control. I’ve come to know, just like toilet training a little puppy, a whole lot of patience and perseverance is required to keep the poop off the carpet and the little fellow feeling well cared for in the process.

If Awakening were only this considerate ... but we know experientially speaking, this just isn't so. The ego doesn't ever go quietly into the night of it's death. At least mine hasn't. This sucker is one of those turbo charged and enhanced, botox injected, ass kicking bionic versions that was built to withstand all efforts to soften its grip.

Sometimes in life, the Love comes soft and gentle to us, caressing and coddling and at others, the velvet hand feels a lot like an iron fist, bitch slappin’ me silly. As with my recent exchanges with my very dear friend Mary ELlen, this last approach isn’t as preferable but sure did got my attention mighty quick. The Awakened Sacred Masculine goes to where the healing and potential expansion is, not just with what feels comfortable and cozy.

Pledging and aligning with this root of the roots strategy isn’t for pussys, that’s for sure. Only warriors need apply cuz if you ain’t already, you will be by Journey’s end. In times of crunch, I often ask Spirit to please renegotiate my contact. Please! Not unlike Marty Feldman’s character keeping Dr. Fronkenstein locked closed in tight, my Spiritual guides are following through with a higher directive here.

If it were up to my ego, on an evolutionary level, I’d still be playing in the sandbox in nappies with legos believing I was acquiring more power, building my enormous empire over all others. Or at least over those that didn’t please me. Which of course, would mean just about all the Beloveds who've been such powerful agents of proactive and often unconfortable change in my life. Just goes to show, you can't always believe everything you hear from those telling us what to do. Especially when our egos speak.

... to be continued ...

PS I am offering my Heart Tantra session work here in the NY area for all those interested in experiencing and receiving world-class bodywork and Advanced Energy Healing. Please consult my web site heartantra.com and The Attunement Session for more info on my services.

PPS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You!

Feeling The Vic

It so sucks being the Vic – as in being ‘the victim.' With so much socio/spiritual emphasis on not being in ‘victim consciousness’ these days… oooh, like bad attitude, dude! and yet, when my prize ride, my bicycle, got snatched the other day from chained up outside my apt. here in NYC  – in the middle of the frickin’day, in broad daylight no less, the first feelings that waved over me were surprise, shock, disbelief and then really really pissed off. I mean really, Really Pissed Off!

 

If you’ve ever been robbed and something of value taken from you, you probably know the feeling, big time. Or perhaps, you’ve been blindsided in traffic, hit hard by someone who was grossly negligent, catching you unawares and certainly unprepared. The resulting funky feelings of your safety zone heavily dented and you dramatically, personally invaded is always so humbling, sobering and very uncomfortable. It just plain hurts.

As when bad things happen to good people, sometimes the dial of distress spins and lands on us, no matter how noble and virtuous we are. We just gotta deal with the circumstances as best we know how. It’s always gut-check time when the fickle finger of fate lays a dump on you, leaving the feelings of insecurity, confusion, uncertainty in its wake. Shit happens.

Putting to test the premise that when you always act good, then only good will come to you - Ha! Not always. Cause and effect may ever be in play, though the surface of the racket returning your volley may be twisted, curved and a bit bent. Like trying to get your clean reflection on a fun house mirror, don’t expect the image looking back to always be smiling when it does. 

Living in NYC is much the same as spending extended periods of time at the carnival or circus. The rush of being in a man-made environment all designed to stimulate, engage, entertain and intoxicate you is a full-time, 24/7 package deal. It’s all inclusive and total. When you sign up and buy into the experience by living here, there are no days off.

This is one of its many appeals – you know, ‘the city that never sleeps’ and all that. It’s great when it is and when it isn’t, it’s like being held hostage in the clown tent when it’s after hours, party time and no outsiders are around - everybody's going at it with their hair on fire, fur a’flyin and balls to the wall. It can quickly get really bizarre. If you’ve partied with clowns, you know what I mean – and not just the one’s with the goofy get ups either. It can turn gnarly and nasty in a hurry.

What I felt upon realizing my bike was stolen, was that my sense of freedom was taken with it. Not only a means of mobility in and throughout the city, but a two wheeled glider that gave me a greater sense of emotional freedom as well. I could fly in and around traffic, go through red lights whenever possible, all the while creating my own private personal experience - above and beyond and apart from the teaming masses of people all around me. It allowed me to move through the soup of humanity with fluidity, grace and relative ease.

Along with the ability to be out of the normal or pedestrian flow of traffic, usually either too slow, too fast or too cramped for my comfort, it provided me an enormous energetic freedom as well. I was not so held in or defined by other people's 3D reality rules and this my friends, is pure gold for us out-of-the-box kinda people.

And then there’s the resulting feeling of raw vulnerability that follows in the wake of an incident such as this. On the backside, is feeling totally dis-empowered to have not been able to do anything to prevent the fucked up outcome. Helpless. And gotta just take it on the chin!? … when your subtle bubble of well-being and comfort is popped, broken or shattered, whether in a physical sense, like that unexpected car accident or home invasion that liberates you from something(s) you hold dear, all of a sudden, the world doesn't feel so safe anymore, does it?

When your number gets rung, the unspoken sense of security that all is well takes a huge hit. I’ve often seen this with people who, out of the blue, get diagnosed with a serious illness. In an instant, their whole reality flips inside and out with no level ground to stand on. Ever been in a hurricane or earthquake when shit’s just flying everywhere, the ground’s shaking with trees falling every which way? Believe me, it's no fun when what you’ve been holding onto gets taken away in the wind, with your peace of mind along with it.

Although not always, but some folks just implode when this happens and cave into despair. Like falling into a sink hole that swallows you whole, all you can do is crumble as you fall. Other people however, hit the other side of the emotional spectrum and tap into that Shadow vein of anger or rage. This is where I went and in a rush, I did.

It was like a dark space beam landed on me and all of a sudden, had I caught the guy in the act (it’s OK to be sexist when it’s a man at fault), I would have torn the perp numerous new assholes in a hurry. All those years of boxing and martial arts training would have erupted upon that individual’s person in a most unpleasant and unhealthy way, I can assure you. At least one good tag anyway.

At least this is where I went initially in the immediate aftermath of realizing I‘d just been ripped off. Hey, the anger has to go somewhere and you can't just sit still with it, at least I can't. I don't believe you can meditate that kind of emotional charge away. For me, I have to move, to move it out. The days of hitting the big pillows in a workshop years ago come to mind. It worked if only by giving us the experience of externalizing the disappointment that turned into frustration that calcified into anger or deeper yet, rage.

Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to continue on my way to the swimming pool, having to walk the many blocks to get into the water of relief. As this has always been temple time for me – swimming – I knew unless I did, as in the old daze, I’d be heading for the nearest pub to deal with my sudden burst of unrest. Not a good destination, at least, not for me. You remember the old song ... 'like putting out fire with gasoline' ... not pretty.

As I swam, I slowly began going through my consciousness check list, calling to mind the various ways I’ve learned over the years to offset just this kind of event. Indeed, it was back to basics time. Of course, being in the water and breathing deeply into the pocket of anger and feeling the victim simmering within began to equalize the pressure and slowly drain the holding tank of my enormous disappointment.

I called in the Violet Flame, the Spiritual Masters I work with, the Heavenly hosts, my dead cat – you name it. I was going for the full monty of Keith relief here. I can’t remember when I was last so triggered and riding on the heels of other emotional learning curves recent in my life, I just popped open, revealing an whole canyon of pissed off. 

Clawing myself up from the edge of this abyss, I knew it was going to be a journey of many hours to get back onto emotionally level ground once again. Again, the personal check list … I was safe, no harm done, (to me or the thief), sure, I was inconvenienced but really, nothing more. Recognizing my reaction was way out of proportion to the incident itself, I know enough to ask the obvious: what else is being triggered here that I haven’t yet addressed?

Believing all external phenomena are always reflecting my consciousness reality, it hit me smack to the head that all was not copacetic inside me. Hello! Something was enough out of balance for me to create this episode in the first place, to hopefully get my attention and it was here I needed to look to find the clues to open up to answers, to engender understanding and sooner then late, coming to peace with all this. 

I saw how I was still getting my emotional equilibrium from a recent break up, this definitely having hit some deep subterranean veins, along with welcoming back my dear friend who’s apartment I've been flat sitting for a month while she’s away, throwing my domestic situation into hugely uncertain status. Again. Combining and adding altogether, all these and other ingredients have been crock pot cooking away in my emotional body, all simmering to a boil, erupting the other day as I stared blank faced at my bike’s empty parking space. Wham! 

Remember Jack Nicolson’s face in The Shinning – ‘Here’s Johnny!’ - like the demons of hell fire were released upon the innocents? This is how I felt at the time and shocking as it is to know it still exists inside me, the resulting days have given me lots to touch into, ponder and come to terms with. Ah yes, forgiveness. Dame, don’t it always come down to this!? In the end, I do believe it do.

Having known many meek, mild and mellow mothers who readily admit, if their children where severely threatened, they would try to kill and destroy the offending people involved - in all certain terms. This has put some of this into perspective. I remembered anger does serve a purpose. It creates boundaries and therefore, safety in times of threat and danger. 

As this recent bike experience rides in succession with a number of other significantly challenging situations in my life, it’s certainly caught my eye. I'm questioning if all this now portends to soon approaching changes for me ... and know it somehow does.

Without my wheels and all they gave me as being the kicker, I’ve crashed down to earth and I must say, being brought back down hard and feeling these sharp and punishing reactions, has really reminded me what it feels like to be all too human again. This part of it does indeed suck and yet, doesn't get the final say. The Awakened Sacred Masculine will meet opposition, in others, in himself, in life. He knows his willingness to see the larger picture is his doorway through any given situation.

My pivot was seeing how only only only does my deepest security comes from God first, all else only substitutes for as long as they all always do. Every once in a while this nugget lands right in front of me demanding I recommit, realign and reenlist in service to This. Although riding gave me that feeling of connection to my Divine, my freedom lives ever alive in me, no matter how the external circumstances show up - besides a guy I know who has a bike shop has a bike for sale cheep ...

… to be continued …

PS It's wise to believe in Allah but smart to tie up your camel ... and if yours gets away, this Universe is always willing to offer you another one.