Although it sure is easy to think so. As part of living in a human body, from
birth on, we’re all taught to get our needs met from outside – our
warmth, our protection, our food, our affection, our Love. It all comes to us
from external sources, specifically our primary care givers, most often our
mothers. How can this be different? It can’t. It is the way it is, at least for
our species on this planet.
In order to survive, we follow
the lead of those who birthed and raised us. We naturally mimic and copy what we’re surrounded by,
absorbing and morphing into littler versions of our parents or influential
authorities near by. Yes, it’s totally natural although as we all get older in
our lives, we (hopefully) come to ask ourselves: Is this me or really mine or have I simply inherited these behavioral
patterns and belief systems, never actually questioning or renegotiating my
personal life contract for myself?
We all have
carry overs from childhood, if not past lives heavily influencing our sense of
self. We’re all products of our
experiences, the questions we’ve asked and decisions we’ve made. More often
than not, we humans are seemingly content with following in the footsteps of
those we admire or have influenced us the most. If it’s good enough for them …
is the thinking here. And yet, if we’ve followed blindly not questioning if the
path trod before us is in fact ours as well, there can be a heavy reckoning
awaiting.
I’ve worked
with many people who get this wake-up call later in their lives, often leaving them feeling
befuddled and confused. They can’t figure out what went wrong, how they messed
up and ended up in a place where they feel more regret that contentment. They
question and question and then, they get angry. With their parents or teachers or society at large and finally if they’re really honest, eventually with themselves. All roads in your life lead back to YOU.
In the final analysis, at the end of the day or your life, the facades will fall
away, revealing one bare bones fact – you
is what you’ve made your self to be.
For most of
us, coming later upon this in your personal life story or play, the 3rd act
can be a real doozy. We all know those who didn’t bounce back after a Loved one
passed or they lost their job which defined them for 30 odd yrs or an accident
knocked them flat. I’m sure we’ve all felt like this at various times in our lives.
I know I have. I’ve had my own bouts with the Vacuum Abyss, pulling me calling
me over the edge, all the while trying to find my footing on very slippery slopes,
struggling not to fall deeper into the pit of disillusion, depression and despair.
I’ve gone
through Dark Nights of The Soul that lasted years, making all previous hard times
seem like Dark Tea Times of Discomfort. I don’t know of anyone with significant
merit or Spiritual awareness cred who didn’t have to face their demons to pass
through the gates of their Awakening and empowerment. It’s all built into the operating system here on Earth. In order to
progress, we all have to face our suffering and pain. To make it though the barren desert of Awakening, we will have to get back to
our basics once again. We have to get with our Self to find our way Home.
These ever
present trail markers to remind us to keep moving through are found not only in the outer world in the
events that take place or rather, make up our lives but most important, are
created by how we respond or react to these external and internal experiences. Which came
first, the chicken or the egg – do my thoughts really create my reality or does ‘out
there’ make me be what I am? Actually a fair bit of both. However, as to the
question of which comes first, the
chicken in this case is your Soul. It is What you are. All else follows. Indeed, we’re all Spiritual Beings having a human
experience, not humans having a Spiritual one.
This being
the case, it behooves us all to look first within to get our bearings in our
lives. From before recorded time, the Spiritual masters on Earth have all professed this
one essential truth – we are all Spirit playing in form … with many to most of
us suffering because we’ve forgotten our Lifeforce lifeline. We have lost our alignment with our Higher
Selves. Without being consciously connected to our Source, we’re disconnected
to not only what fundamentally nurtures and feeds us but what tells us the truth about ourselves. We then stumble
through life looking to hook up in many of the wrong places, doing a lot of
stupid shit building up huge nasty karma points along the way.
The rolling
snowball of our unconscious behaviors can soon feel like swimming uphill against
an avalanche … and I believe why most men are so cut off from our deeper emotions,
other than anger that is. It’s just too much to go it alone. That’s why those
of us who’ve agreed to awaken as we do are alive now to out picture what this
looks like for others to witness. In this respect, to know better means you have to
do better. You never get a day off from
being conscious.
As is so with
this most interesting dance with my new girlfriend – who has requested to
remain anonymous, as in She Who Can’t Be Named. As we spend more time together
and the current within us has increased, I see in her only because I know it in
myself, how the action of Loving stirs up all the crunchy bits long hidden deep
inside. The dungeon doors have been breached and the critters locked inside ain’t
going back no mo’ – they’re all heading for the light of our conscious awareness
and will do whatever it takes to get free, once and for all.
As has shown
up in our 3+ months together, the waves roll in and then go out again. We get a
fresh download of sweet and juicy followed by a bout of sandbar burn - the
rough and tumble of getting dragged along the shallows of our personal Shadow
patterns. Ouch! Of course, it’s always about her – for me that is, as I wear
the costume of her displeasure as well. Hey, after all - you gotta have a fall guy. Believe me, I fit the bill all too well, at least this is what I’ve been
told in relationships past.
And yet, if
relationship is the ultimate guru (as I’ve come to believe is so) then this one
with Ms ? is the litmus test of my Awakening. There have been times I’ve wanted
to shake her loose and yet, as with suicide, I know I’d only meet back up with
the same ol’ same ol’ all over again. The patterns coming up in her/me/us, personally
speaking, are the ones I’ve done my darnedest to run from, ignore and deny. And
yes, these are the very things that have relentlessly chased me as well.
We men have a
lot of this mess in our individual and collective fields. Masculine mass
unconsciousness is one ripe dumping ground, don’t we all know. My Soul’s quest
to Awaken to the God I Am never lets me sleep for very long. The wake up calls
are sent when I get distracted by the voices in my head that make anything
about anyone else. Whenever I project outside, I get tweaked inside. This is especially so with my main squeeze.
No wall flower is she who goes meek and mild into the night ...
She’s a bit
of a blazer, with lots of feist and fire rounding out the Lovely contours of
her personality, both inside and out. The high octane required to run this ride
is not an easy or at times, comfortable mixture but at this point, offers me
the quickest turn around the circuit of my own nonsense. I see pretty fast if I’m
honoring my consciousness integrity or falling into referencing myself from her
take on things.
The Awakened Sacred Masculine, although
attentive to the signs outside, knows to always get their directions and
instructions from within. There
is no second guessing this point. If I start deferring to what pleases Ms
Thang, I’m fucked. This is not to say she’s a kook –she’s certainly not,
however this life is my own. In the last curtain call of Keith’s life, ain’t no
one standing in my place, that’s for sure.
To make this
go-round count, I’ll do well to make it count for what I came here to do, not to
appease or please anyone else.
… to be
continued …
In the topsy turvy arena of conscious relationship, many a pit fall will call your name, loud and clear ... and you will answer this summons, most often draging your feet . You have no choice. To enter into this agreement - to Awaken now, the Youniverse will force you to your destiny. Each step of the way. If what you read here resonates with you and support is what you need, please give me a call.
Thank You.
1 comment:
Bravo Keith! You are perfect the way you are!
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