Twin Flamed Out

Just to set the record straight: I’ve had a number of friends and readers of this blog write and offer their 
relationship condolences, (thank you sincerely for your concern), asking among other things, what really happened!? They've wanted to know what shifted with the woman who went from being my Divine Ms Mel to then becoming my ex in a relatively few short weeks … simply put: what went wrong? This post is dedicated to answering your inquiries.

 

I really wish I knew. Needless to say, I’ve wondered this very thing over this past week, trying to track when the bottom fell out, the balloon deflated and the doorway closed between me and her. Not to over analyze the situation to death, knowing cognitive understanding is the big and useless booby prize but I have indeed asked this question, if only to lend perspective. And, to ease my disappointment and pain.

One not to cast aspersions, certainly not to point a finger of judgment in anyone’s direction, I thought to share further insights from the relationship edge. In the grand scheme of things, in a pinch, we always do what we do to keep ourselves safe. It’s a survival mechanism, if nothing else. Pay attention, how this innate instinctual drive has played out in this instance, is telling for all you Twin Flame wanna be’s …

Aside from the romantic notion that this blissful coupling will solve all your problems, wiping all your own personal issues away in one fell swoop, think again my friends. One of, if not the most highly sought after holy grail prize on the Spiritual horizon, this whole concept has taken on many appearances (and false facades) for me as of late.

In my brief experience, perhaps the opposite is more likely true. By a long shot. To not make too fine a point – if you can’t stand the heat, stay your ass out of the kitchen! The smoke alone is gonna kill you, never mind the fire. In the closed container of the Twin Flame chalice, all that’s held within will cook cook cook until the fine mass of your ‘personal issues’ are distilled into a massive ball of if not chaos, certainly confusion.

Why is this you ask? Why does the good have to hurt so bad? I tell you, it’s a wonderment. Perhaps to sum it all up – the brighter the Light the darker the Shadow. In the Divine design of Awakening, the way we most often progress is to get pushed by our pain. Ouch. Why else would we keep on going if not for the task master welding the riding crop, steady on our backsides, just so?

No S & M’er am I but I have to believe, it’s all built into the system where in the end, our pain eventually becomes our pleasure. Speaking of sexuality; have you ever wondered why men can’t have multiple orgasms? Simple. If we could, humanity would still be living in caves because men would be endlessly jacking off marveling at the mystery of our shadows on the wall, if we’d even bothered to invent fire. We'd be incapacitated, unable to leave the bed to go out to kill a Woolly Mammoth.

In his respect, if it all feels too good, you lose your edge. Ask any world class athlete or person in a competitive situation. If you coast along without the burning drive to succeed, you will get passed, left behind in the curve - as you watch them run away, leaving you eating their dust. It’s inevitable, if you get lazy. More often than not, only the strong survive and the best do win the race.

Not a casual affair is this Twin Flame thing. The most highly valued attainment short of pure enlightenment, it offers a wayward Soul final sanctuary to come Home in Itself. In this, it’s said when we’re all created from Source and sent out to experience existence, we’re split into two equal halves of a Whole. Each a perfect complement and reflection of the other, only to potentially find each other in the end. (Don’t you just Love a happy ending?)

Like the classic yin/yang symbol, we are in fact exact mirrors with the same seed core Essence within. Except we’re opposite polarities, just to make it really tricky and interesting … yes, opposites do attract – and they can also make you both utterly crazy, don’t you know. What started off amazingly well, with all circuits seemingly in synch, all too soon became a situation where we couldn’t much be around the other.

Yes yes, I know – but just between you and me, it really was all her fault and yet in the spirit of fair play, I too was in our private sandbox. It was just us. I just didn’t start with the pull back, go away, sudden sharp left turn business. However, and this is vitally important, whether she and I are actually TF’s, I can’t possibly escape the truth that she ‘out there’ is an intimate reflection of me right here.

Not in my ignorance or emotional naiveté can I claim that loophole out. I ain’t no victim caught with my drawers down wondering (Talking Heads soundtrack please) how did I get here? Nope.On whatever level, I created (or rather co-created) this relationship to give me yet more material to work on in my ongoing virtual Earth School classroom. Call it the curriculum that (does it?) never end …

In this regard, I couldn’t have picked a more worthy candidate to play my foil – I mean my friend - to walk this pathway right now. Not a guy that looks too much like Quasimodo, Mel was the first attractive and Spiritually resonate woman here who give me the eye direct since I arrived in NYC 4 mos prior. She in fact (so she said), instantly recognized me from afar as I entered the ballroom for some Spiritual event or another this past November. 

She later told me she felt that special ‘something’ charge the air when our eyes first met. I however, was quickly passing through the room on my way to another engagement across town and didn’t take the time to register or speak with her. I did however, notice her enticing, how should I say, statuesque figure although being the socially conscientious guy I am, didn’t gawk at all. Though I thought about it, sure enough …

When she texted a day later, having gotten my contact info from a mutual friend also attending the aforementioned event, I was touched and impressed that we spoke seamlessly, non-stop for over an hour, just saying hello. To shorten the story, our first impressions soon turned out to have more intimate consequences … and in so doing – guilty as charged officer – we were both ticketed with Love possession of nookie In the 1^st degree.

(Sorry ladies, this is how a guy tells the story …) For me, it was a Joy come true. She fit my picture on most every level imaginable, looking more and more like my Dream Babe incarnate. I tell you, my DNA was spinnin’ like never before and from her tell, it was the same with her. What could go wrong?

Like any young couple in fresh bloom, we made plans to do this and go there, planning a trip to Europe later this Summer, fantasizing all the while, resting and playing in the sweet and tight, as one, together. I could hear our Angels sing our praises because we sang so well with each other.

Watch out you blinded by Love types ... we, or at least I, was surely this, stricken to be sure, through and through. This is the ‘boy gets girl, boy loses girl’ phase of the plot ark, where just to add drama and suspense, we were hit blindside by … I’m still not too sure what. Yes, she has her version of this and perhaps when her tell-all memoir comes out, you’ll get her side of things. All I can say is, the script never developed to the point where boy gets girl back.

I heard how, (with all fairness to her, in this having happened to me), all of a sudden she, being in her own rendition of the Turning Of The Ages screw apart, was hitting some extremely challenging circumstances in her life that completely claimed her attention, 100%. In reaction, she became more and more unavailable, needing she said, time and space to totally focus on her own life right now. I got it.

In short, she said, I became a distraction to her and what became ironic, only when I didn't see her was she a distraction for me. What started off as ‘I can’t get enough of your Love’ devolved into a weekend fling. My part in this is, I don't respond well to my Lovers suddenly pulling away, physically and emotionally distancing themselves. My primary care giver growing up was many splendid things, though being an alcoholic wasn't one of them. My mother's mood swings were a bitch.

Early on, I sank into the well spring of our coupling, both physically and Spiritually. I’d been looking and waiting for one such as her for a very very long time, having filled my Heart and head with the notion of a Sacred Union, Soul and lifetime partnership. I began to believe this was It.

Although not complacent or limp rag uninspired, I felt I’d met my match (her words too) and didn’t feel so driven to go out and go get ‘em. Like a dying man in the desert finding an oasis, I just wanted to lap it all up for as long as I possibly could. To his end I had to ask, why leave the moist shade of Love to ambitiously conquer this town? We got out and about but alas, what went up, did come down and after play came work. Speaking of which, be both needed to make $$$ and get on with our lives.

Her sharing she really thought we were TF’s was exactly what I most wanted to hear, though was reticent to buy in will all my chips, just yet. Maybe it’s having been around the block enough times to wait for the 2^nd act before I believe in the outcome, assured. And for me, it sure felt like the Real Thing. To keep have ongoing experiences that kept getting better and better, on every level, was the real deal clincher. Consistency counts.

My true Tanric belief is, if done in a Heart centered Sacred way, making Love can help heal the deep, dark and nasty’s in anyone. When the Divine is consciously brought into the clinch, miracles will happen. Unless you bolt, that is. The cure to much of the sickness we all have suffered, ie. separation from Source symptom’s, can be healed by Loving in this way. I just know it. But like mending a broken anything, the time it takes to knit the tissues is the time necessary to come full circle and complete the healing. You just have to stay the course, is all.

Ever take a cast off a cracked bone too early? Not good, at least if you want it to function properly without pain. I've come to believe, sometimes the too good fucks with our sense of self. Personally speaking, having had my own bouts with self-worth issues, I’ve blown too many opportunities because I didn’t believe I really deserved them. Sound familiar, anyone? Yeah, I thought so. 

Maybe this in each of us played a part in our breaking up – although I have to say, any woman who has 2 or 3 O’s a day is bloody nuts to walk away from such Loving. And yet she did. Plus I'm a great cook, have a great sense of humor and clean up after myself. Truth be told, in her place with her disposition, I would have closed the door too. But I’m not her, so the same really doesn’t apply. I Love her with all I Am and have looked long and hard at what I would have done different. In this way, my cross examining has proven fruitless, knowing there are no accidents at all, it is all Grace and a Blessing besides.

In retrospect and in summation, I sincerely hope and trust if ever this opportunity presents itself again, I will stay the course and stick with it no matter what. I will not bail, as I believe she did, making excuses to divert the force just because it’s too difficult to keep finding ways to carry on together. No, perhaps the last act is not fully written for us and yet, hearing her tell it, it is.

But hey, that’s just me. She, as a radiant sovereign Being has her own agenda for her life. May she get all she wishes, wants, desires and deserves. I do have to say, I envy the guy who gets to clean up on her efforts and together enjoy their rewards. And this being said, I welcome a Beloved into my life who is ready to walk this way - the way of the open, empowered Heart. Of course, having the appreciation of the more Earthly appetites will be welcomed as well. Please don't take too long ...

... to be continued ... 

 PS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You.