Gratituding pt. 2

As I’ve received numerous emails and notes attesting to the sincere appreciation for yesterday’s blog, it has stirred up other insights regarding the power of Gratitude. I suppose for those of us who are invested in our individual and collective awakening, yes on a planetary level, it all comes down to this: how can I use every possible moment to Awaken more fully? 

In that to ‘Awaken’ is not a static event, rather an ever present ongoing experience of Presence; anything we do that furthers our sense of this is an immeasurably valuable opportunity to … Awaken. This being said, it sure makes sense to engender a focused attitude that keeps bringing me back to the numero uno magical elixir of conscious transformation - Gratitude.

Indeed, one needn’t look too far in life to see the open doorway inviting you to pass through to higher if not, more comforting ground. Hey, life is full of these pressing moments where to slide over to the other side of resolution, peace and ease you have to not only let go of your preferences but also, pivot to make the situation play to your advantage.

A fully conscious mind intuitively and instinctively does this. In time with practice it becomes an automatic, built in response to balance out your reality when shitty stuff happens in your life. Like it every so often does. It’s been said a true test to your level of clarity and awareness is when someone gives you the finger while in stop and go traffic or you lose your bags at the luggage carousel at the airport. Now what? 

You either grip tight in frustration, reacting in anger or a part of you lets go, surrendering and accepting the situation as it is. In the pinch of the moment, can you recognizes your predicament as an opportunity to not swerve the jerk off the road or pop the guy in the face who gives you attitude at lost and found? I suppose this I why they call it self-mastery.

Again, back to relationshipland … this being weekend time, I was hoping to connect up and in with my girlfriend. Alas, not to be. 

Although she asked earlier yesterday if I wanted to get together last night, when we finally spoke in the afternoon, she was already on her way out of town to Connecticut to volunteer at a group event. At this point, I’ve become used to the shifting sands of her and my relationship landscape … and although I was really looking forward to spending the weekend with her, save for giving a couple of sessions on my end, the let down for was tempered by knowing on whatever level I do, I created this scenario to provide me yet more opportunities to, you got it – Awaken.

My golly, it’s so much easier than falling into the waiting and clinging arms of expectation’s first born - disappointment. It so sucks to keep going into the regret pit where the walls are slick with the built up sediment of my oh so sad history of not getting my needs met. Oh woe is me! Not. Anyone else out there who has been there? Come on, be real now… you know who you are and I sense, many of us have spent time in this painful place.

Keep in mind, in Earth School, this is how we learn our lessons – by getting our asses kicked so many times that the only solution (although heaven knows, I’ve tried just about every imaginable way to kick back) is to embrace to transform the entire pattern in the first place. This is where Gratitude comes in to save the day …

However, lofty words, these. Not always so easy to live by, don’t you know. After hearing that I was squeezeless for the weekend, after already the week apart, oddly enough hearing this just before going for my pool swim in temple time, (I’ve developed Zen Laps ...), my mind started over mulling the situation and wouldn’t you know it, I started getting pissed. Of course, the arrogant dude sharing my lane who kept coming into my side sure didn’t help matters either.

Instead of dropping into my Heart and moving to higher ground, I bit the snake who – what a surprise! – bit me back. The fact that I was to spend this weekend with myself wasn’t the rub, it was again, having to accommodate the choices of the woman I’m dating that didn’t include me. This is becoming a pattern here and yes I know, doesn’t this sound like Co-Dependency 101 in action? It sure felt this way to me too. There were multiple late night texts exchanged, mostly from me with few I imagine especially warming to her touch.

And yet, I’ve always assumed my needs we’re secondary to my partner’s in this respect. Looking back, I see how I’ve tended to abdicate my power to appease the woman in my life, a very old reflection of always seeking approval, validation and Love from my female mates. Not good. Also, I was once taught that my role as a ‘Sacred Masculine’ consort is always to hold space for my Beloved. Always, in all ways. 

Yes, 15 yrs ago while in the Sedona community, I was a God/Goddess wanna be – an extension of the Soft New Age Male who thought by always serving The Goddess, I would become more whole as a man. To a degree, this is so, however, my motivation was still coming from off center to fit an external picture of how a ‘conscious man’ acts – largely, however, from the perspective of the strong Goddess type women living there.

Anger was believed to be the expression of all the bad qualities in men and had to be suppressed at all costs, if only to keep appearances up. At what point do we not make ourselves wrong for having our human feelings? As men, when will we stop blaming ourselves and allow our feelings to not only be important but learn to embrace them fully to hear their message to us? In this regard, there are hardly any books I’ve read that gives this info.

I’m over trying to fit the bill to win the favors of lady. My ability to honor my girlfriend’s feelings comes directly from first honoring my own. For all it’s worth, I do Love her and let it be said, I only want to play in the Love instead of having it kept at arm’s length by the woman I'm currently with. You remember the old Dave Mason song … ‘there ain’t do good guys, there ain’t no bad guys, it’s just you and me and we just disagree.’ There are no fall guys here, just an opportunity to keep movin’ into Presence. No matter what.

I'm still very much invested in Loving Mel, I just don't know how long I can keep stretching to accommodate her preference to stay away ... not much, I imagine.

… to be continued …

PS If you felt moved, inspired, touched, supported, annoyed, or anything else after reading this post, please let me know. I really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s easy and only takes a minute.  Click on 'comments' or 'no comments' below. Also, if you feel inspired to share this with another, please do so!

Thank You.