Emotional Enemas

It’s like going into a sweat lodge and getting your ass cooked for 3hrs plus, cloaked in the dark, huddled with a bunch of strange people, wondering when it’s ever going to end. This is not a casual steam bath or a weekly svitz to clean your pores or clear your head. You enter into this ancient womb-like healing ceremony to go through a form of death/rebirth, where whatever you were holding onto (and has been holding onto you) can be thoroughly released.

This work is such a strong form of deep prayer and surrender. How else could you sit through 4 rounds of hot purification unless you felt you had to? Not an easy way to worship, however, if you last through the duration and put your Heart, body and Soul into the fire pit, it can change your life.

Same thing with doing an enema. Although perhaps pleasurable for some, I’d much rather have things going out down there than coming in. And yet, to get to the depths of the benefits of this practice, you're gonna get flushed. And that’s the point – to purge and release. Like barfing when you’ve got food poisoning or coughing up a hair ball (for those who like to lick your fur), never an especially pleasurable experience is this.

But what else works as well? When it’s gotta go, it’s gonna let you know. To hold onto the waste within will kill you. A random line up or cross selection of most humans will surely display many who already look well on their way, age aside. That’s because most of us are holding onto our old stuff that’s really more like shit, regardless of the color or smell. 

Basic to this Awakening process is the necessary release of all that has kept you from doing just this. Some call it shedding the ‘not Self’ – eliminating the aspects and parts that either no longer or perhaps never did reflect the essential Essence of What you are. As it’s taken lifetimes to build up the funky energetic plaque that surrounds and fills your energy bodies, it often takes as long to dissolve and dispel the pain body schmutz that’s been accumulated.

It just takes time and sometimes lots of it. As we’ve all been through Heartbreak, tragedy and bouts of depression, mild to extreme, not even the best quick fix pills allow you to shift off and away, free and clear from these painful places overnight. To do this successfully really does take time, intention, stamina and a whole lot of effort, not to mention Grace. Only a combination of all of these will pull you out of these moments of ‘I just wanna die!' It so sucks but the option is much worse. We all know when we go, we take our shit with us as well as our Light. 

Whether you follow the Red Road of our Native American ancestry or go it another way, to move past your suffering and pain, however it plays out, you will have to go through some of it to get out the other side. After all, the only way out is through. Like the homeless ones coming in from the winter cold into an overnight shelter, it’s amazing how many layers have to be peeled off to get anywhere near fresh skin. And then you have to scrub to get clean. Often, really hard.

It’s the same for all of us less situationally distressed. Simply put: to make it all the way Home takes a whole lot of whatever it takes and not one iota less. That’s why there’re so few people walking upon this planet who are really really happy and fulfilled. It’s a bitch to evolve if only because as a rule, we always hold onto the very things we would do well not to. But hey, that’s how you learn in Earth School.

Having personally just come out of an intimate relationship has been a similar passage for me. During the last phases of this cut and release has given me many rich, ongoing opportunities to not only see the soft tender sides of my ego but also the hardened, angry and fierce parts as well. In the end, it’s really all the same, isn't it?.  I’ve woken from nights of disturbing dreams feeling hurt, lonely and sad. I’ve felt confused and disillusioned, wondering 'why oh why am I back in these feelings once again!?

And yes, all the while I’ve known I created this experience/challenge/opportunity to show me all I’ve yet to fully attend to with all My Heart. I’ve learned it’s like the Marine’s motto: we leave none of our own behind - especially the one's hurt the most. It is only up to us to do the right things for ourselves. Until we finally welcome and embrace all the disowned parts of our selves, some of us will always feel locked out alone in the cold.

What Blessing this recent relationship has shown me; among many other things, how I wanted Love so bad I really didn’t listen to my instincts and intuition early on. (No fault to me, not my bad.) I overlooked what didn’t resonate just to get into the cozy clinch and my Soul desire to co-create a Sacred Union partnership clouded my perception because the hot and heavy felt so good, on all levels. Oops, color me horny – although in this regard, I certainly gave at least more than I got. 

This isn’t to say there weren’t many aspects that weren't simply Lovely for us. There were many. Aside from the whole Twin Flame business (like a moth to a flame I was drawn …) early on when she made herself much more available, I could see us riding together into the Sunset for evermore. I Am such a hopeful romantic after all.

And yet, like the Dan Akroyd character in the movie Trading Places, if you knock a person around long and hard enough and where it counts the most, they will fall apart. Bet on it. Not only that, under enough stress a normally sane person will do all sorts of stupid stuff ... didn't you just Love the scene where he stuffs the smoked side of salmon into his Santa suit? I sure can get messy when your circuits are all blown.

No one can weather the ongoing storms of transformation without breaking down, thus their usefulness to this end. Maybe not like a one shot, Mike Tyson right hand lead, KO punch but a steady barrage of Ali’ s best in his immortal prime, will surely knock you down and out - saying to yourself while you're flat on your butt ... how did I get here?

Breakthrough comes after breakdown, don’t you know. It’s been the same for me. Again, this is not about anyone ‘cept moi. I didn’t choose this experience to blame or shame anyone else, certainly not myself. There are no victim’s here staring up at the lights, getting counted out all fucked up which way or another. I am not asking ‘why me?’ I know there is a priceless doorway inviting me to walk through for me to act with as much clarity, consciousness and care as I most possibly can. And I Am.

The only way to transform and positively change a painful behavior pattern is while in it, make a different decision. Philosophical renderings aside, to not keep stepping in your dog’s do is a sure way not to smell like shit. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Not really. If it was, we’d all be Ascended Masters by now. But this is the price we all have to pay. If you can’t put in the time, please don’t sign up for this journey – cuz it will kick your ego’s ass a million ways to Home coming. And yet, that's the point, isn't it?

The gift my ex has given me (and the Beloved through her) is to look yet again where I haven’t held my self and all parts therein, with as much Love and care as I asked of her. I’ve gotten to see how I abdicated my power just to be Loved on and just as important for us giving types, to Love back in return. I see how I kept bending over backwards to accommodate her requests, loosing my balance not honoring what felt good to me. I have witnessed the old ‘leading with need’ strategy, again not working out so well. 

I have felt turned in out and upside down, all to get the outer to fulfill the inner, forgetting to remember, the latter always has to come first. I’ve seen the results of my addictive personality rear it’s gnarly head, trying to fill it’s endless appetite, (though thank God, to a way lesser version in duration and quantity), all to indulge my hurt inner child’s victimhood. 

I’ve also seen how I no longer choose to keep taking the detour exit ramp into DramaTraumaland, just so I can lick my sorry wounds, all the while,sevretly hoping she would do this for me. To this I know, I have to own and hold my own pain – no matter what. This alone is my responsibility. The Sacred Masculine, always in all ways, shows up first for themselves to be the go-to, front line presence to do the dirty work. It really ain’t nobody’s business but my own.

The wrap up of this dance of ‘into me I see’ is like thankfully coming out of the sweat lodge tent after the long ceremony, crawling slowly on my knees. I have never ever wanted to go back in for another round or two, (yes, add another 10 stones please …). In this way, I acknowledge myself for having caught myself early in the midst of a free fall into what used to own me, relationship-wise.

And just like the last squirt on the colonic table, after the emotional dust has settled, I simply feel a tremendous sense of relief. Big time.

… to be continued …